Chapter 35 ~ Harry

 “If I go away, I’ll come back,” I promise looking her in the eyes, meaning those words with all my heart. I can’t just leave her, even if I have to, I’ll find a way to come back for her, not only because I know she needs that, but because I can’t see myself anymore without her around. 

She is shaking in my arms as she looks at me, with her eyes filled with fear and hope, and I can see the inner battle in her irises. I know she’s trying to figure out whether to believe me or not and I really want her to, to believe in my promise, to trust that I won’t leave her. Not willingly, at least.

I know I scared her and I know it’s because she really cares about me and what can happen to me. This probably reminded her of her Mum’s accident and it was probably idiotic of me to drive like that, but I just wanted to protect her. I’ve been so careful all this time so the paparazzi won’t know about her yet and start speculating about her, making stupid rumours. I don’t want her to go through that yet. Not yet. I know I can’t run away from this forever, but I have to try.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Harry. Everyone leaves at some point, you’re no exception,” she whispers and her voice is so shaky I’m impressed she hasn’t cried yet.

“But even if I leave, I’ll be back for you, Hannah. Of that you can be sure,” I insist and she bites her lower lip. “I won’t leave you willingly if you promise you won’t leave me either.”

We’re so close, I still have my forehead against hers and I can feel her breath brushing my lips and the way she is holding on to me for dear life. I want to kiss her, show her that I really mean these words I’m saying, but I promised I wouldn’t do something she is not ready for. I wouldn’t kiss her without her consent, even if it takes all my willpower to refrain me. I won’t kiss her even if I’m dying to.

But then the unexpected happens because before I can plead my case any further, I feel her lips against mine in a soft peck, almost like the touch of a feather. But too soon, she pulls back and looks me in the eyes with so many emotions crossing her eyes. Surprise, incredulity, fear and determination, while I just feel like she has ignited a flame in my body.

“Hannah,” I mumble still shocked but then she giggles incredulously and kisses me again, and this time is not a peck on the lips; this time is a real kiss.

I get rid of the shock of her actions and kiss her back immediately, closing my eyes and holding her tighter, cocking my head just to deepen the kiss. This time she took the first step, this is all on her and that makes this even more special.

I feel like this flame that lit up in my body seconds before now is a whole fire in my body that only her lips on mine can extinguish. Her kiss is like water and that’s all I need. I part my lips and bite gently her lower lip just to ask for access, access that she grants as her hands sneak up to my hair, tangling her fingers in my curls under my beanie as I kiss her even deeper, with more necessity than I thought could be possible. I just can’t get enough.

What is breathing? I don’t care. I just need her right now, that’s all I need. She holds on to me and I feel the same burning desire in the way she kisses me, in how her lips move in sync with mine in this addictive game.

I just leave her lips long enough to get a short breath and kiss her again, feeling as my heart pounds in my chest, wanting to be set free and run away; as I feel my skin tingling out of this burning desire to keep her like this forever. I don’t even feel the snow falling over us or the cold wind around, I can only feel her in my arms, the taste of her lips, the feeling that she finally let all her walls down and I’m in, with her.

I’m not sure when we break the kiss, but I’m sure that I’m not ready to let her go yet. I still keep her tightly in my arms as I try to catch my breath. I don’t know what to say, I’m afraid I may ruin the moment, so all I do is stare at her with the biggest and stupidest smile on my face.

One of her hands slides back to my face, cupping my cheek as her green eyes don’t leave mine, a beautiful and shy smile on her lips that are redder than before, tempting me to kiss them again. The top of her nose is as red as her cheeks and she looks completely adorable, with the snowflakes sticking in her hat and hair.

“I care about you too much,” she whispers as her lips curl in a wider smile. I just lean in and kiss her again, softly and tenderly. And she kisses me back, without a second of hesitation.

“That’s perfect,” I whisper still brushing my lips against hers. “God, I don’t even know what to say,” I confess and she giggles.

“What if we go back to the car so we won’t freeze to death? Perhaps your brain already froze and that’s why you can’t think of anything to say,” she proposes and it’s my turn to laugh.

“You think it’s the cold, how adorable,” I see her cheeks burning even brighter and this time it’s not due to the cold. “It’s all because of you, Hannah. You just drive me crazy,” I clarify rubbing my hands on her back as I pull her even closer, kissing her lips again. Man, I could do this the rest of my life.

“Don’t blame me for your craziness,” she says trying to look away and acting nonchalant, but I know she is just joking.

I just laugh as I step back and take her hand, because I just can’t fully let her go yet. I need to keep in touch, even if it is by just holding out hands together as we walk towards the car.

“You want me to drive you home? Or we can go to my flat if you don’t mind meeting Louis. I’m not sure he is there, but he may be,” I ask once we’re inside my car again, still holding her hand and looking her in the eyes.

She seems to ponder her options before answering, “better drive me home. Dad probably is back already. I don’t think it would be good to meet Louis yet, after what you told me happened to him.”

“He will be nice,” I tell her, I don’t want her to be afraid that my friends won’t accept her.

“I know, I mean it won’t be nice for him if I go with you right now. I don’t think he will feel comfortable with us being together there,” she explains and I open my mouth forming a perfect O. I didn’t think it like that and she is right. It would be like rubbing in his face that I have a relationship and he doesn’t.

Wow, I have a relationship. It doesn’t have labels or anything, but even Hannah said it: ‘with us being together there.’ We are together now, she accepted that, Hannah accepted me, she let me in and even if she pushes me away, I won’t step back.

After all this time, I’ve gotten what I wanted the most: someone that cares about me, someone that fears something may happen to me, someone who needs me. I have someone for me, someone I care about, someone I can’t bear to lose, and someone I need. I have Hannah.

“You’re right. Maybe next time,” I suggest and she nods with an honest smile. “For now, I’ll drive you home and I’ll go really, really slowly so we’ll have more time together.”

She giggles and shakes her head as I start the ignition and without losing my smile, I drive carefully through the streets, stealing glimpses of her all the time as we make small chat. How’s it possible that I feel this happy? How’s it that I feel like everything is perfect in this world? I’ve never felt like this before, no one has made my heart flutter with a simple and shy smile. And I’ve met plenty of women, but no one has made me feel like Hannah does. I don’t even know if this is healthy anymore.

“What if I try another route to bring you home?” I ask when I’m parked in front of her house. “I don’t like this one anymore. We should try a longer one, don’t you think?”

She laughs at my lousy excuse to make more time to spend with her. “You can always come with me and meet my dad,” She offers and I furrow my eyebrows.

“Will he kill me for stealing his little girl’s heart?” I inquire and she raises her eyebrows.

“Who said you stole my heart?” at her words, a cocky smile plays on my lips as I lean closer to her.

“Oh, you know I did. And you know what? I won’t give it back,” I state leaning even closer, brushing my nose against her.

“Arrogant,” Hannah said holding back her smile.

“But you like me like this.”

She doesn’t say anything, she only closes the distance between us and kisses me again. Why is that when she kisses me it feels different?

“I insist: we need to try another route.” She laughs and shakes her head, pulling back and opening her door. I rush to open mine and get to her side to walk together to the entrance to her house. I pass my arm over her shoulder to bring her closer and make sure to walk slowly.

I could go inside with her and meet her dad but I have to be honest, it’s kind of scary and too soon. Plus, I don’t want to put her under that awkward situation of introducing me. I don’t know if she will say I’m her friend or boyfriend. I think she needs more time to get used to us being together before taking that step.

When we reach her door, I know this is it and I won’t go inside with her, so here is where we say goodbye. So we stop and face each other, my hands on her waist, keeping her close, and hers are on my chest, playing with the zip of my jacket.

“Do you have a bit of free time tomorrow?” I ask her, not sure if I have free time, but if I don’t, I’ll make it.

“I was planning on finishing a song I’m working on,” I raise my eyebrows in interest. “You can come if you want and help me. I may even teach you piano, remember I promised I would teach you.”

My smile grows wider as I hear her. “Brilliant. I’ll be here tomorrow afternoon. I’ll confirm the time in the morning.”

She nods with her own smile on her lips.

I don’t want to say goodbye, but it’s getting colder and it’s not enough with only holding her in my arms, so I know we have to part ways now. At least I know I’ll see her tomorrow and that thought only makes me excited.

Damn it, I feel like a teenage girl. The lads can’t ever know about this or I’ll never hear the end of it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Harry,” she whispers standing on her tiptoes so our eyes are at the same height. “Good night.”

I close the distance between our mouths and I kiss her deeply, enjoying the moment to the fullest until the need to breathe wins and we have to break the kiss. “Good night,” I whisper stepping back still feeling my pulse in my ears, demanding me to kiss her again. And again, and again…

She turns back to open her door but I don’t move, I look at her and when she is about to unlock the door, I call her name and when she turns, I grab her face in my hands and kiss her again, roughly as if this is the last moment we have and this is all I can get of her.

When I pull back her surprise is priceless and she blinks a couple of times, but doesn’t say anything. “Bye,” I whisper and only then I turn around and walk back to my car, proud of myself for the effect I’ve just caused on her.

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Dedication to @ gaby1dlover, @gabi_xoxo and @runawaydreammachine for their birthdays!!

Bel, xx