Chapter 33 ~ Harry

Louis has moved in with me again and since that day when he told us Eleanor broke up with him, I haven’t left his side. I’ve tried to make him talk, but he only gets angry and starts cursing all women on the planet, so it’s better to leave the topic. He doesn’t even want to see Alex, Phebs, Belle, Mila or Moni. He doesn’t even let Lou to fix his hair and makeup! Only Lux can touch him and we are all worried. We wonder for how long he is going to be like this. He can’t go for too long hating on the female population, can he?

I’ve tried to cheer him up, keep his mind off of all that happened. According to Phebs –the closest to Eleanor out of all the girls–, the girl didn’t want this to happen, she tried to fix things but nothing was the same again. She is worried for Louis and has tried to call him, but it’s pointless. He doesn’t pick up.

We’ve gone out quite a lot as well. Every night, to be specific and Louis ends up wasted almost every night. I’m really worried for my best friend, it’s so weird to see him like this, so bitter and hateful. The easy-going and playful lad is gone. He’s pure sassiness now, he doesn’t even want to meet fans, knowing that most of them are girls.

We need to fix this.

The only good thing that has come out of this is that I’ve barely thought of Hannah. Only when I’m alone, about to fall asleep or when I see someone ginger, like Ed. I haven’t tried to call her again nor even texted her. I guess I’m letting her be and that’s what she wants but I– I miss her. I want to see her, I want to call her, but Louis needs me and Hannah doesn’t want to see my face, so it’s not as hard to do the right thing as it seems or feels. It’s just logic.

Nevertheless, I still check my phone constantly, as if, thanks to some miracle, she decided to text me or something, but nothing. She never tries to contact me and I shouldn’t be disappointed, she was very clear when she told me to never kiss her again. But it’s just so hard to believe she can just ignore what happened in that auditorium.

Today we’re in the studio, almost a week since I kissed Hannah and I’m giving up on the thought that she will regret what she told me, that she will tell me she didn’t meant that. I just have to accept that I fucked it up. Every time Louis sees me staring at my phone, about to call her, he snatches it from my hands.

“I’m only helping you. Saving you from disappointment, mate,” he says every time and I sigh.

That’s why he has my phone now whilst I’m recording my part of the new song for the third album. We’re about to finish, by March we are releasing it and after that comes promo and tours. Again. It’s like an endless cycle.

Through the glass I still can see the lads whilst I sing and my eyes stay on Louis that frowns as he takes off of his pocket a mobile and I recognise my case. That’s my phone! He stares at the screen confused and then his eyes meet mine, surprise now written in all his features.

I don’t think, I drop the headphones in the middle of the bridge and I sprint out of the room, running over to Louis, trying to get a hold of my mobile as it keeps ringing. I trip and fall down, but I rise to my feet and keep my running to my mobile. I recognise the melody, it’s the ringtone I set for Hannah and as I run, my heart is beating like crazy in my chest.

But I’m too late. By when I finally get to Louis’ side, the screen is black again and the melody of Set Fire to the Third Bar –the song she sings in that video– has stopped. Man, if I had been just a wee bit faster, or if I hadn’t tripped over.

“It was Hannah,” Louis breathes in still looking confused. He clearly didn’t expect her to call me, and honestly I had lost hope she would.

“Harry! Go back to that booth right now and finish the bridge!” John snarls at me but I ignore him. He’s one of the producers working with us on the third album. “Harry!”

“I have to call her back!” I say instead of answering him and take my mobile from Louis’ hands.

Before someone else can say something, I run out of the room, leaving all the lads and John there, confused and annoyed. Well, I only think John is annoyed.

Quickly, I unlock the screen and call Hannah back, my heart hammering in my ribcage as I hear the dial tone, hoping this time she will pick up. Maybe she didn’t mean to call me. Maybe it was just a mistake. Maybe she––

“H-h-hello?” I hear her voice and my heart stops for two seconds.

It feels like I haven’t heard her voice in weeks, months, years! When it has hardly been a week. “Hannah,” I whisper, breathing in deeply. “I’m so sorry. I was recording, I didn’t make it on time to pick up,” I apologise immediately and I hear her sigh at the other end of the call.

“It’s okay, I know you’re busy. I– I can call you later if you–”

“No! Now is okay. The lads can record their parts in the meantime. I– I need to talk to you now.” There’s silence after that and I wonder if she’s still there. I wish I could see her, I wish I could take her hand to make sure she’s there.

“I–I guess we do need to talk.”

I sigh so deeply that I feel even my soul leaves me in that moment. “I’m sorry, Hannah. For what I did the other day. I went too far, I didn’t meant to make you feel uncomfortable, I was so jealous and I–I’m so sorry,” I blurt out, hoping she won’t hang up before I tell her all that I need to tell her.

“I’m sorry, too.” I catch my breath when I hear her. Did she just say that? “I mean, I shouldn’t have slapped you. That’s was going too far.”

“I deserved it,” I tell her stopping in the middle of the hall, pressing my back against the nearest wall and sliding slowly to the floor, suddenly exhausted. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. That was pretty selfish from me.”

“Selfish,” she mutters, agreeing I guess, though that thought doesn’t feel right. Then I hear her laughing humourlessly. “I’m the one who’s been selfish all this time, Harry. I haven’t been exactly easy to deal with, have I?” I don’t know what to say to that so I remain quiet. “Anyways, I called you to say I’m sorry and hoping maybe we can talk. In person,” she adds next and my head snaps upwards, I blink up a couple times incredulously.

Then I remember I have to answer her. “Of course. I– I can go right now if you want.”

“But you’re working!” She protests and I snort.

“I’ll take care of that. Don’t worry about that. Can we meet now?” I ask her, rising to my feet again, suddenly feeling revitalised.

“Uh, yeah, but–”

“Where are you right now?” I ask, cutting her off.

“M–my house,” she says and I nod, even though she can’t see me.

“Good. I’ll be there in five.” I don’t give her time to say anything else and I hang up as I run back to the room where I left the lads. I start grabbing my stuff –jacket, scarf, beanie, keys, wallet– ignoring all the confused stares. “I have to go. I’ll make it up to you all later, but right now I have to go.”

“Harry, you can’t just go!” John states angrily and I look up at him for two seconds.

“I have to. This is really important, John. You can have me tomorrow the whole day if you want, no breaks! But right now I have to go.”

“But Harry!” Liam protests and I just shake my head. I can’t stay. I have to be there before she regrets it and runs away again.

I run to my car and I drive like crazy, but I make it safe and sound. In five minutes I’m in front of her door –honestly, I don’t know how I did it. The studio is not close to her house. The bell rings a couple of times and I fidget with my fingers, suddenly too nervous to stay still. Plus, it’s bloody cold. If I don’t move, I’ll freeze to death.

Finally, the door opens and I see her. Again, it feels like I haven’t seen her in a so much longer time instead of just five days, and I feel so conflicted. A part of me wants to grab her in my arms and never let her go, while the other part doesn’t know what to do. I’m afraid that if I touch her, she’ll slap me again and everything will be ruined.

It’s like we’re walking over a fine line, hanging from a cliff, holding on to it with nothing but my nails.

I don’t know how long we stay like that, just staring into each other’s eyes, but it feels like an eternity has passed, yet at the same time, like time has frozen. “Hannah,” I whisper slowly and she blinks up at me a couple of times.

“You really did it in five. I’m impressed,” she mutters next and I can’t help the grin from coming to my lips. “I– I was hoping we could go somewhere else? I haven’t left the house the whole day and I need a coffee.”

“Sure, wherever you want to go,” I agree and she smiles shyly.

“Just give me a few minutes to change. Come in,” she adds with her cheeks burning when she realises I’m still standing at the doorframe.

I walk in, following her closely. I swear my hands itch to touch her, to reach for her but I’m afraid of doing something wrong again. I still can’t believe she actually called me.

“Hannah,” I call her when we’re finally in her living room and she’s about to spin around and leave. She stops and looks at me. “Why did you call me? Don’t take me the wrong way, I’m glad you did, it’s just that… after what happened I thought– I– Uh.” I choke on my own words, not sure how to express what I really meant.

She smiles. “’Cos I realised I did something wrong and there’re a few more things I need to figure out, and for that, I kind of… need you.”

She can’t imagine the effect of her words. She can’t even begin to understand what those simple words have caused in me. Breathing becomes a difficult task, as I can’t tear my gaze away from her, my own heart beating as if it wants to be set free from my chest.

She needs me.

For whatever the reason, she needs me.

She spins around and leaves the room but I can’t stop repeating those words in my mind, my smile growing wider and wider.

She needs me.

-:-:-:-

Dedication to @Ccamiibordi because I love her and she cried too much last night due to Jonas feelings. I feel you, my friend! I cried too!

Bel, xx