Chapter 20 ~ Hannah

“I’d love to have a gif of his face when you started asking him questions!” Harry states still laughing while Steven is upstairs printing the invoice of Harry’s purchase. He actually did buy the Lexus LS 460 and I had the chance to drive it to test it.

One thing less in my bucket list!

I avoid Harry’s eyes and focus on my knuckles whilst a small smile plays on my lips remembering the moment Harry is mentioning. It was clear from the beginning that Steven didn’t believe that I know about cars, so I had to brag just to make him swallow his words. I couldn’t help it; I guess that competitive side of me hasn’t died. I know the Lexus LS like I know the back of my hand, but I asked him about all the specific details hoping for quick answers, but every time he doubted, I said what he had to explain, giving even more information that what you can find on the website. I even asked him about the materials of the engine, the process of production and tests on the car. After five minutes he didn’t dare to say anything else and Harry was holding back his laughter the whole time. His eyes shone with pride.

“Because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I don’t know about cars. That’s a misconception and I hate it,” I tell him still avoiding his eyes.

It has been hard to look him in the eyes the whole day and not because I don’t feel well or something similar, just because every time I see him, I remember the dream I try to vanish from my mind all the time.

My heart races when my mind comes to all the memories of the dream I had of Harry last night, a dream that made me wake up with eyes wide open and my cheeks burning. The scene plays in my head like it is happening again and I shut my eyes tightly, trying to push away the images, but I can’t.

“Hannah,” he calls me in my dream and I turn around, my eyes on him all the time whilst he approaches me, his smile beautiful and breath-taking, his eyes sparkling with happiness, the same happiness I feel bubbling in my chest.

He finally reaches me and the first thing he does is take my hands and pull me closer to him, our bodies colliding in a tight embrace and I wrap my arms around him, gripping his shirt in my fists at his back, my nose buried in the crock of his shoulder. In his arms, I feel whole again.

“I’ve missed you,” I whisper with my face still buried against his shoulder and I feel his arms tightening around me.

“You can’t imagine how much I’ve missed you. I couldn’t find the moment to come back and have you like this again.” In my dream I’m not conscious that it’s not real, because it feels like it is. Like it’s really happening, like this is the most normal thing in my life. But I haven’t been this open to anyone since my mum died years ago. “But I’m here now,” he adds pulling away, his hands on my shoulders while mine slide to his waist. He looks into my eyes with so much intensity I feel he’s touching my soul.

I smile, happiness making me groggy that he’s with me and I do the most horrendous thing of all times. I lean in, standing on my tiptoes to reach his lips, my heart beating like a horse in a race, desperate to win and that’s how I wake up, with my hear hammering against my chest and my hands flying over my mouth, as if I could still feel Harry’s lips.

That’s why I can’t look at him now, because I remember how close we were in my dream, how happy I was to be with him and how much I wanted to kiss him. If I look at him, my eyes drop to his lips immediately and I’m afraid he will notice it.

This only proves how all this –whatever it is– has gone too far already. The fact that I missed him when he was abroad, the fact that I can’t get him out of my mind, the fact that I dreamt of him– all this means he’s growing on me already and I need to stop it before it’s too late. After this deal is over, I have to cut clear of Harry. It’s the best thing to do.

“Here. Everything is ready. Your plate should be here in two days top, so you can come back by then. With this you can go out without problem,” Steven tells when he’s back, his dashing smile bigger than before. He knows he made a great deal today and Harry is satisfied too.

He fell in love with the car, I saw that happening. But who couldn’t? I mean, it’s a Lexus LS 460.

“Great. So I can take it with me now?” Harry asks, I feel in his voice how excited he is to drive the Lexus.

“Of course you can, Mr Styles!” Steve replies handing Harry the folder with all the papers that recognise him as the owner of the car. “I hurried all the process so you could take it with you this very day.”

“That’s great,” Harry smiles taking the folder and looking over the content. Then he turns to look at me, his eyes shining with something I can’t put my finger on. “Would you help me out here?” He inquires and I furrow my brow, trying to keep my eyes on his and only his eyes. “I’ll drive the Audi and you can drive the Lexus. You just have to follow me.”

My eyes widen at his requests. He’s asking me to drive the Lexus? I mean, I tested it and everything, but it’s not the same. The car is his now and he should be the first to drive it.

“I can drive the R8,” I offer, my heart hammering again at the mere possibility, though I won’t accept it.

“No, please drive the Lexus. It’s my way to thank you for helping me today,” he insists, his smile is sweet and I know he’s being honest, he is not trying to buy me with this or anything. “Please. Don’t make me do the cupcake face,” he threats and I have to bite my lips to keep me from giggling.

“Okay, though even if you do the cupcake face, you know it has no effect on me.”

“I’m working on that,” is his answer, determination swirling in his emerald eyes.

* * *

Driving the Lexus to Harry’s place is the most amazing experience of my life. Or one of the most amazing. It’s just sublime, how soft the car is, the sweet and lulling sound of the engine, the comfortableness of the inside. I could live in this car forever and I can’t believe I’m driving it. How am I supposed to go back to my Mini after this? Life is so unfair.

I park the car where Harry points me to and I leave the Lexus with a deep sigh, caressing the bonnet as I walk over to where Harry is waiting for me, a content grin on his lips. “Did you like it?” He asks and I can’t help my dreamy look and tone.

“Loved it. You just bought an incredible car, Harry,” I tell him and his smile grows bigger.

“It’s all because of you. Thank you very much. I’d probably have never known about this car if it hadn’t been for you.” His smile is honest again, beautiful, like the one he gave me in my dream.

My stomach twists at the memory of the dream and I look away. We’re alone in the parking lot of the building where he lives and even though it’s a big place, I feel like the walls are closing around me.

“Wanna go up to my flat? We haven’t had lunch and I can cook something for you. I’ve been praised for my cooking skills,” he proposes, his smile never leaving his lips.

It sounds like a nice idea, a good opportunity to find another thing to tease him about. I can see myself joking about how his skills are not as great as he made me think. But I have to decline it; I can’t go up with him.

“I can’t. I have to go back and I already did my part. I helped you,” I state flatly, working for my voice to sound as dull as possible.

“Yeah, but you don’t have to put it that way. I’m asking you this as a friend,” he insists taking a step closer, but I step back.

“But that’s the thing, Harry: we’re not friends and we will never be,” I see hurt crossing his expression and I tell myself that the pain I feel in my chest has nothing to do with that. “I told you that before.”

“But– but I thought you changed your mind. I mean, yesterday and today you didn’t seem to mind having me around and we had a good time,” he’s confused and hurt, it’s clear in his voice and I look away.

I know this is the best thing, the right thing to do, but it doesn’t feel like that and that only means he has grown way too much on me already. This time pushing him away hurts.

“Call it a truce. Now that’s over and I’ll go back to my life where you don’t have a part in it.”

“And what if I want to have a part?” His voice is severe now, stubborn and I hear him taking another step forward. “What if I don’t let you push me away again?”

“You can’t do anything about it, Harry. It’s my decision,” I argue, still avoiding his gaze.

“But it’s a wrong decision!” He cries out this time and this surprises me, I look up to meet his eyes again, shock freezing my body. “And you know it, too. That’s why you can’t even look me in the eyes!”

“It’s not–”

“You bloody know it’s true!” He shouts again and I’m still too shocked to react and move away when he takes another step closer. “I’m tired, Hannah. I am patient but I have my limits, okay? I thought we were making progress but you decide to throw all that to the bin again and I won’t accept it. Not again. You just can’t push me away anymore and you know it, we’re not just acquaintances anymore!” I can only look at him with my eyes wide open. “And you know it too, so stop fighting this, stop trying to push me away because it won’t happen. I don’t know what happened in your past that made you like this, but it’s time to move on!”

His words are like knives thrown at my chest and hitting my heart with assassin precision. For a second I can’t breathe. He doesn’t know what happened and that’s why he’s so bold about it, but that doesn’t really matter because those are the same words that my father and Savannah have tried to make me understand all this time, but they never touched me the way Harry’s did.

He has always been kind to me, learning how to deal with me, apologising when he did wrong and insisting, coming back even when I was nothing but mean to him. I never understood why he did that, what moved him to do all this things and why he cared about me, but he does. For some odd reason, he cares about me and he wants to help me even when I don’t make things easy for him

Seeing him lose his temper, finally yelling at me after all I’ve done to him is what hits me the hardest and it breaks me. Right there, in front of him, I burst out crying like I did when my mum died. Like I haven’t done in so long. This time I can’t control it, this time I can’t stop it. I can just cry.

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Guys, yesterday I posted last chapter of Little Bird. if you didn't read that story, it's about Ed and Moni and it's very connected to this one. Just letting you know (:

Dedication goes to @pachy16 because today Wednesday is her birthday!

Bel, xx