Chapter 17 ~ Harry

She said yes. One step closer! I just have to take like a bazillion more steps, but I’m working on it. At least I got her to accept the tickets, which means we’ll go together to the gig, even if Savannah is with us as well. It’s time I’ll spend with Hannah.

I’ve made a decision and I’m going to stick to it. I know she doesn’t want us to be friends, but I’ll change that. Somehow, even if I have to drag Savannah along all the time, I’ll get Hannah to spend more time with me. I know I can’t break down her walls from one day to the next one, it’s a slow process, but I’ll get there. I’ll get her to trust me, I’ll get her to open up and I’ll get her to grow fond of me. That way, there will be a day when she’ll realise that we are already close and that pushing me always is useless because I’ll always come back.

I just want her. I want her to tell me all those things she keeps inside. I want her to laugh and be happy with me. I want her to need me. I want to be there for her because I feel she needs me. Even when she’s so hard to get, I want her. I can’t get her out of my mind, she’s always there.

I’m tired of being lonely, of never having someone who could be my home and I know that I don’t have problems meeting new people, but Hannah is the one who keeps me coming back even when she pushes me away. She’s the only one who’s stick in my head and doesn’t leave my thoughts alone. She is the one I want to be with, to end this loneliness even though so many people always surround me. I don’t know why it’s her, but it is and I can’t deny it, I can’t fool myself. No matter how hard she is, she is what my heart and mind wants.

I look at her, at those confused green eyes, the little freckles on the bridge of her nose, at the shy little smile, at the ginger hair framing her lovely face. She’s so beautiful, simple and natural, but beautiful. She’s not like many of the other women I meet when I go out who wear tons of make up until they turn into something else, something artificial. Hannah is what she is, even though she hides from the world. But it’s not only her beauty that drags me towards her like gravity, it’s the look in her eyes. I see her broken soul; every time we meet it’s more evident, I see the pain in her green orbs and all I can wonder is what happened and how I can help her. Because I want to help her, I want to heal her wounds and help her to move on. And for that I need her to trust me and accept me.

“So, are you busy?” I ask her after a few moments. “I haven’t seen you in a long time and I’d like to know how your life’s been. Oh, by the way, how did you do in your finals?” I remember and question really intrigued.

She seems taken aback from my curiosity and I see the moment she raises the walls again. There, I notice I can break her walls down a tad bit. Every time I surprise her, I can see a bit more of her soul before she protects herself again. I can do it; I just have to keep insisting. If she pushes me away, I’ll push forward.

“Harry, we’re not friends. I told you that, I don’t want more friends,” she tells me. Her words still hurt, but I don’t get discouraged.

“I know, but I do want more friends and you’re my first option. Plus, I’m really persistent, in case you didn’t notice,” I reply winking at her and she can’t hold back a little smile, but she hurries to hide it. “C’mon, you know we can have fun together, I’m not asking that much. What’s the matter? Are you afraid that if we spend a wee bit of time together you’re gonna fall for me?” I tease her though I secretly hope she does.

“Of course not! That won’t happen,” she snaps defensively and I chuckle. She has quite the temper, I’ve noticed that already. She probably doesn’t lose control that easily as she does with me and that’s must be one of the reasons why Savannah likes me so much for Hannah.

“Then what? It’s winter break and I’m asking you for just a few hours of your time. Come with me?” I ask holding out my hand for her. “Just a little chat. We can go to the same café as the other day if you want. It’s not a date, I promise,” I insist and I can see in her eyes the inner struggle, trying to decide whether to go or not. “Please? With cherry on top?” I try one more time with a childish voice and she bites her lips together to keep the smile from showing.

As a last resource, I do what I know always grant me what I want. This never fails and if she refuses to this, she’s not human. I entwined my fingers together and put them under my chin, cocking my head to one side while I smile and try to look as innocent as possible.

“Please?” I say in the sweetest tone I can.

She looks at me confused, holding back laughter. “What are you doing?” She asks and I lose my smile.

How is this possible?! “It didn’t work… what kind of human are you?” I question out loud, frozen out of sheer disbelief. “This always works, with everyone. No exception! Mila and Moni even throw themselves on the floor when I do this.”

In that moment Hannah starts laughing out loud again, like when I gave her the aim with my picture as a joke. She’s really laughing, a musical and adorable laughter that rings like bells around us. I keep looking at her, though my surprise doesn’t fade away. This is my most powerful weapon and she’s immune!

“You’re crazy! I don’t see why everyone seems so affected by that, it’s not that big of a deal,” she says between fits of laughter.

I gasp utterly offended. I clench my hands over my chest as if she has wounded me. “You don’t give my ego a break, do you?” She only laughs. Okay, I don’t really mind that she always finds a way to destroy my ego as long as I hear her laughing like this.

“I think that crushing your ego is my new favourite hobbie,” she states with a lovely smile still playing on her lips. “And I’m accepting a coffee with you just to find a new opportunity to do so,” adds Hannah and I can only smile like a fool.

I don’t care anymore if she leaves me without any ego whatsoever, she accepted to go out with me right now.

“Be kind, please,” I tell her just to get another fit of giggles from her.

It’s incredible how great it makes me feel to make her laugh or even just to smile. I feel like I’m achieving something great and really important and it probably is, and the fact that it’s me who’s making her laugh like this… it just makes me feel incredible.

“Shall we?” I ask her and this time I dare to offer her my arm to loop hers around. She looks at it for a few seconds, debating whether to take it or not until she finally gives in, her arm wraps loosely around mine and I feel like screaming.

I’m achieving so much today!

* * *

We talk a lot and laugh even more. With every minute that we spend together, Hannah seems to loosen up a tad bit more, which is great. She jokes along and seems to forget about everything, even that she says we can’t be friends. While we’re in the café, it feels like we’ve been like this for a long time.

To make her feel comfortable and knowing I can’t push too far, I keep telling her the things that happened during our last visit to America. I tell her every stupid thing the lads and I did or the things we saw. She laughs, she gets surprised and sometimes even scared when I tell her how many girls are always outside the studios or hotels and how intimidating the view is.

“Your friends sound really nice,” she tells me in a moment of our conversation and I smile proud.

The lads are my best mates and the girls are great too. Of course I’ve told her about all of them, as well: Alex, Belle, Phebs, Eleanor, Mila and Moni. I’ve even told her some of the pranks the last one has played on us and I showed her my lock screen with Zayn and the pink hair. She even cried when she saw the picture after I told her what Moni and Mila had done with the ex-pink-haired boy.

“They are. I can introduce you to them. Well, you already know Niall but you barely talked to him that day,” I say and for a second she loses her smile, probably remembering how that encounter ended.

“Uh… I don’t know, I don’t think is a good idea,” she answers and I smile to put her at ease.

“It’s okay. If you change your mind, just let me know. I’m sure they’d love to meet you.” She just smiles shyly. “So, tell me. How did you do on your finals? I hope you passed everything.”

“I did, thank you very much. I’m a good student,” she says pleased with herself and I feel proud of herself as well though I have nothing to do with her success. It just makes me happy that she does well in Uni.

“Then you’ll be a great teacher,” I say with a smile and I remember our argument at the music shop and the last time we were here, when she told me she wanted to be just a teacher. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but why only a teacher?” She looks at me without a smile and I know she’s ready to jump and make me shut up, so I hurry and add, “I get you don’t want a record deal, don’t worry. I won’t push on that though I honestly believe you’re ridiculously talented. It’s your decision and I respect it, plus, I’ve learnt from my friend’s mistakes, as well.”

I remember the reason why Zayn and Mila broke up long time ago already, because he couldn’t understand she didn’t want his help and didn’t respect her decision. I won’t make that mistake with Hannah.

“But I would like to understand why you rejected such a big opportunity, considering that so many people would kill to have the chance to get a record deal,” I explain and I see how she relaxes.

For a few seconds we stay in silence, she is thinking, I know that. She’s trying to decide what to tell me and how to explain it to me.

“I’ve always wanted to be a teacher,” she starts and I smile. She’s opening up! “Yes, sharing my music with the whole world is tempting, but it’s lonelier. You can’t see all the faces you touch; you can’t know all their names. It seems to me like it’s staying behind a wall whereas if I’m a teacher I can see them, I can know them. It’s closer and therefore more special, even if the number of people you get with your music is lower. I care more about the relationship you establish with that other person. I really wanna see their faces when I get to them with my music. For me, it’s more rewarding to teach a little kid to play the guitar or to control their breathing than to sing for thousands on a stage.”

I look at her with my eyes wide open, finally understanding her and apprehending her words until they are part of me. I never ever saw it that way and how she puts it makes that hole in my chest get bigger and darker. She’s right. I don’t know the name of all my fans, I don’t know all their faces, and I will never meet nor listen to them all. There is a wall between us, a wall that no one can tear down because it’s bigger than all of us. But Hannah will, as a teacher she will have a bond with every one of her students, she will see, meet and know every single face of the ones she touches. And all of those kids will be very lucky, because I can see it, she really loves music and she will give that away as well, her love and passion.

She looks at me with her cheeks of a bright crimson, as if she were ashamed of what she’s told me but I’m so happy that she trusted me with that part of herself. “That’s so noble of you and so true. I understand now,” I tell her in a whisper, still impressed and touched by her words. “You’ll be the best teacher, I’m sure.”

Hannah’s eyes widen in surprise and after a few seconds she smiles at me again, and I can see why: she’s happy I understood her. I’m happy, as well.

-:-:-:-

I hope you all liked this chapter, I did enjoyed it writing it. Little by little they are getting along. 

Bel, xx