A/N Written for Misha's birthday (which was over a week ago, I'm aware and I am sorry). This is the first work in my musical series, I do already have another few songs. 

Based on the song Trying Not To Love You by Nickelback (yes I listen to & like them), which is added above.

It was early in the morning when Misha's alarm went off. As he slowly woke up, he realized today was his birthday. He was officially 41 years old now, and somehow he felt old. That feeling got away once he went downstairs and saw his wife, with an apologetic look on her face and his two kids, covered in butter, chocolate sprinkles and some orange juice.

"Daddy! Happy birthday!" West immediately ran into Misha's arms, making him happy he hadn't dressed yet. Maison came running too, and a few minutes later, Misha too, was covered in butter.

"We made breakfast for you," Vicki told him, congratulating him with a kiss. "Too bad I was alone here because otherwise I'd have asked you to film it as a new episode of Cooking Fast & Fresh with West."

Misha laughed, feeling his heart warm by the sight of his family doing this for him. By the time they were done with breakfast and he shot a look at twitter, his heart almost exploded with all the lovely birthday wishes he was getting from the fandom.

***

When he came on set, he immediately got crushed into a big moose hug. "Happy birthday, old man!" Jared joked, and clapped Misha on the back once more before finally letting go. As soon as Jared left to go get his make-up done, Mark congratulated him too.

"don't worry, the signs aren't showing yet," he grinned. Being 51 himself, he had heard all the jokes and now it was his time to make fun of Misha. Misha just thanked him and went on, wondering where Jensen was. He didn't get much time to worry though, because soon the entire cast and crew was congratulating Misha.

After politely brushing them all off, he too went to the make-up trailer, texting Jensen if he was coming in today. Just as he sent his text, Jensen rushed in, and apologized for being late. He quickly sat in his chair, and closed his eyes while the make-up people complained about the bags under his eyes.

"Only got two hours of sleep last night," Jensen explained, but that was all he said. "By the way, happy birthday, Mish," he added.

Misha thanked him, but something was not right. Usually, Jensen talked a lot more, even after nights like this (he's had more of them). It was like Jensen was nervous for something... but what? As far as Misha knew, they weren't shooting anything they hadn't done before. Before he could think more of it, the woman told him to stop frowning, otherwise the make-up wouldn't go well.

Back on set, he didn't even have time to think about it. Birthday or not, it was a day as all the others: busy. And somehow, this day seemed to be one of the busiest in weeks. And of course, the gag reels weren't there for nothing. Sometimes, Misha wondered how they ever got anything done on time. Once someone started, there was no use in trying to get the shot right.

And now that Jensen had only slept two hours, it was even worse. He was one of those people that just laughs at everything, whether it's funny or not. At one point, the director just told Jensen to catch a few hours so they could at least do something productive when he got back.

Once Jensen had gone to his trailer, Misha came up to Jared. "You noticed something's off about him, or is it just me?" he asked while looking in the direction Jensen had gone to.

"I think it's just you, as far as I know he's just had too little sleep. Don't worry, he'll be fine," Jared reassured him. Jared knew Misha and Jensen better than they knew themselves sometimes, and once again, he knew Misha was worrying too much. What Misha didn't know, is that Jared knew what had kept Jensen up all night, and he certainly wasn't planning on telling him.

***

They did a few good takes without Jensen and when he came back after three hours, he looked a bit more rested, but somehow still nervous.

With the rest of the day full of shooting scenes, Misha almost forgot it was his birthday. He got remembered when Jensen asked him to maybe share a dinner somewhere, to which he eagerly said yes. He had already called Vicki, telling her he wouldn't make it home for dinner earlier that day, knowing they'd go on till late.

It was odd, having dinner with his co-star in a fancy place. Usually, they'd just go to either Jensen or Jared's trailer or go to Misha's and order take-out. It didn't exactly help either that Misha was still trying to figure out how he really felt about Jensen. Jared and Mark were great guys, and so was Jensen, but it was... different. They had, ironically enough, a more profound bond, as Castiel had ever said.

While Misha was cracking his head over how he should interpreted the dinner, it seemed like Jensen was deep into his own thoughts too. So deep, he didn't hear it the first two times Misha called his name.

"Jensen? Hey, Jen? Jensen, someone there?" touching his arm, Jensen shot up like he was caught cheating. "Is something wrong? You've been acting different all day, you need to get somewhere else and talk about what's bothering you?" Misha asked.

"No, no, I'm fine," Jensen replied. He punched himself mentally for worrying so much. "It's really nothing, let's enjoy dinner for now, shall we?"

***

"So, where do ya wanna go? My place?" It was Thursday, which meant the only places to spend time were the places close to set, Misha's house and Jensen's trailer. Since Jensen's trailer wasn't that big, they usually opted for Misha's house or a bar, so Misha was surprised when Jensen announced he wanted to go to his trailer.

With every step closer to it, Jensen seemed to get more nervous. He was fidgeting, something he usually didn't do, and tried to not clear his voice every five seconds. Once they arrived, he almost let his key fall and that's where Misha stopped him.

"Jen," he said. "I know you're nervous, you're not exactly well at hiding it. You didn't want to talk about it during dinner, and I tried to let it go, but now I can't stand it anymore. Tell me what it is, please, I can help you."

Jensen just swallowed. "Just... wait till we are inside. I need to say something to you but.. I can't just tell you like that. Just, can we-" he mentioned to the door he had finally managed to open. Misha nodded and they went inside.

Candles

"Jen, what... how..." Misha couldn't even finish.

"I know we've gone to dinner already, but I wanted to do something special for your birthday, so I asked Jared to put these up while we were away."

So that's why he refused to go with us

"Sit down," Jensen mentioned to the couch while walking the other way. When he came back, he had his guitar in his hands, and immediately, Misha's heart rate went higher. He loved it when Jensen played guitar.

"So, last night I have been practicing a song for your birthday, and.." swallowing once more, Jensen finally spit out the words. "I think I might like you, like, a lot, but I couldn't find a way to say it so here it goes."

Wait, what?

Misha didn't even have time to reply, because Jensen was already pulling strings on his guitar, and soon Misha recognized the song from the radio.

"You call, to me and I fall at your feet

How could anyone ask for more?"

God, his voice was perfect when he sang.

"And our times apart, like knives in my heart

How could anyone ask for more?"

Jensen looked at the strings while pulling them, his soft voice fitting with the song.

"But if there's a pill to help me forget

God knows I haven't found it yet

But I'm dying to, God I'm trying to,"

He still hadn't dared to look at Misha, so for the chorus, he just closed his eyes.

"'Cause trying not to love you, only goes so far

And trying not to need you, is tearing me apart

Can't see the silver lining, from down here on the floor

And I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for

'Cause trying not to love you

Only makes me love you more

Only makes me love you more"

He sang the entire song not looking anywhere near Misha. It didn't matter, he didn't have to anyways, because Misha was stunned. He sat there, not realizing his mouth had fell open. The only thing he could do was stare, which he did till Jensen ended with the last couplet.

"So I sit here divided, just talking to myself

Was it something that I did?

Was there somebody else?

When a voice from behind me, that was fighting back tears

Sat right down beside me, whispered right in my ear

Said, I've been dying to tell you

That trying not to love you, only went so far

Trying not to need you, was tearing me apart

Now I see the silver lining, from what we're fighting for

We just keep on trying, we could be much more

'Cause trying not to love you

Oh, yeah, trying not to love you

Only makes me love you more

Only makes me love you more"

He didn't say anything when he ended the song, and for a few minutes, they just sat in silence, Misha still staring, and Jensen looking at his hands.

"Jen..." Misha tried. "Jen, that was- that was perfect"

That's when Jensen looked up. "You think... you mean..?" He was confused. He had heard the song on the radio, and immediately thought of his best friend. It took him a while before he dared to even think of singing it to him, letting him know how he felt. When he had practiced the song last night, he was so afraid Misha would be angry with him, would walk away, away from him, but none of that had happened.

Misha's blue eyes were full of emotion, he looked like Jensen had felt while singing. "Jensen I thought.."

In his head, Jensen formed all kinds of sentences, going from I thought we were just friends to only worse. But when Misha finished, it wasn't anything Jensen had ever thought he would hear.

"I thought I was the only one who felt that way."

***

They ended up sleeping in Jensen's bed together, nothing fancy, just sleeping. But when Misha kissed Jensen for the last time that night and whispered "good night", he decided that it wasn't all that bad, turning 41.