Cressida stared at the positive pregnancy test, cold with dismay.

Dear lord.

The competition was only two days away. Graham was at the church until they locked the doors at night, working on the Rach 2 after spending four hours in the morning cleaning it. She didn't even want to tell him.

She sent Andrea a text.

"Can you come over? I need to talk to you."

"Gimme an hour, I'll be there."

Cressida sat down to wait, after first texting Graham and telling him she'd be late to the church today.

"Hey, girlie, what's up?" Andrea flopped down on Cressida's tiny couch. "I'd appreciate a hot beverage of some kind, if you're offering."

"I'm pregnant."

"Preferably coffee—what?"

"I'm pregnant," Cressida repeated as she rose to make Andrea a cup of coffee. It felt good to have a specific task, something to occupy her hands. She poured the coffee into the filter after first putting the kettle on to boil the water.

"Oh god, Cressy, are you sure?" Andrea rose and came to hug Cressida where she stood at the counter.

"I just had a positive pregnancy test, which I only got because I missed a period, so yeah, I'm sure."

"What are you going to do?"

The water boiled and Cressida poured it into the filter, then got the milk out of the fridge.

"I haven't told Graham yet, but I don't really have a choice, you know?" She pushed the milk and coffee toward Andrea and went to sit down, putting her face in her hands.

"Well, you kinda do, that's why it's called a choice."

"Please, Andrea! I have no money, he has no money, he's probably leaving the country for a year—we aren't even sleeping together right now. I don't know if I trust him a hundred percent; we might not even make it as a couple! How could we possibly bring a baby into that mess?"

Andrea took a sip of her coffee and leaned forward to put a hand on Cressida's back. "It sounds like you've made your choice, I think."

"My real question is, if I'm not going to keep it, do I need to tell Graham?" Cressida looked at Andrea inquiringly. "Do I? I mean, you hear all that stuff about 'my body, my choice,' but it's his baby, too, isn't it?"

Andrea took a deep breath. "I don't know. I mean, are you saying that if he wants you to have it, you will? He can't make you, you know."

"I don't know! It just seems like it's a decision we should make together. It's not like this pregnancy is the result of a one nighter with a stranger. I love Graham." She put her face in her hands again. "God, what a cluster fuck."

"How did it happen? I mean, I know how it happened, but—"

Cressida shrugged helplessly. "He pulled out a couple of times, and we didn't put the condom on right away sometimes. I guess we were sloppy."

"Oh, Cressy."

"I know." She sat up. "So? Do I tell him, or just do it?"

"I can't answer that for you, girlie. I mean, if you think he'll agree with you, then tell him? But what if he wants you to keep it? Then what?"

"He's not that stupid," Cressida said scornfully. "In what universe would a guy in his position want a fucking baby?"

"Have you ever discussed it? Do you even know if he's pro-choice?"

Cressida shook her head. "And for some people, even if they're pro-choice, it's just not something they'd choose for themselves, right?"

Andrea nodded. "Sounds like you're leaning toward not telling him."

Cressida looked at Andrea. "What would you think of me if I didn't? If I just did it on my own?"

"I'd ask when we were going to the clinic," Andrea said.

Cressida leaned forward to hug her friend. "I love you."

"Love you back, girlie."

*

Cressida sat in the pews, watching Graham practice. His hair was getting so long it was starting to curl over his collar, and the tendons were popping in his forearms as he thundered away. He wore a look of intense concentration, lips pursed, brows drawn, as he focused all of his considerable talent and strength on the notes written by Rachmaninov.

Wasn't not telling him lying? Which was essentially what he'd done to her. It was like theft, theft of trust, theft of knowledge, even theft of power, the power to make a decision.

But why tell him if her mind was made up? Why let him suffer that way? If he wanted her to keep it and she wouldn't, that would cause him pain. Even if he didn't want her to keep it, it certainly wasn't a pleasant thing to know, to have in one's head and heart, probably forever.

Cressida sat and worried, like a dog with a bone, until she felt a hand on her shoulder. She jumped.

It was Graham, looking at her with concern.

"What's wrong, Cress? You're a million miles away. You didn't even notice that I stopped playing."

"I'm pregnant." The words were out of her mouth before she even realized she was going to say them.

Graham swallowed. "What?"

"Why is that everyone's response to those words? It's like people suddenly become hard of hearing." She glared at Graham. "I'm pregnant. About six or seven weeks, give or take."

Graham sat down next to her with a thump. "Oh no. Oh my god."

"I'm sorry. I'd decided already not to tell you, I don't know what happened, the words just flew out of my mouth."

Graham nodded. If he could've protected Cressida from such knowledge somehow, he would've.

"Oh, Cress, I'm so sorry. Jesus." Graham ran his hand through his hair. "God, what a catastrophe."

Cressida nodded. "At least I should've waited until after the competition to tell you, this can't help your concentration at all."

"No. I mean no, you were right not to wait, you shouldn't have to deal with this on your own for even one minute." He put an arm around her, for which she was grateful.

She leaned her head on his shoulder, and took a deep, sobbing breath.

"Cress, do you want to keep it? Is that what you're saying?" Graham looked at her carefully.

Regretfully, Cressida shook her head. "I'm sorry, I don't. We, I, have nothing to offer a baby. You'll probably be gone next year, and we have no money—I'm not even finished with school yet!" She took his hand. "What about you? Do you—want it? Do you want this pregnancy?"

Graham sighed, a sorrowful sound. "No. I mean, I'd support you, whatever you decided, but if you're saying I get a say, I get a vote, I say no. For the reasons you said." He leaned in and kissed her, a soft one, full of regret. "Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of having a baby with you, but not right now. If we do this, our lives as we've planned them are pretty much over. All the love in the world doesn't cure poverty, and babies cost money, if you want to do it right. I mean, that's what I believe. Money doesn't make someone a good parent, but it doesn't hurt, does it? I grew up poor, I know what it's like. And I don't want to raise a baby that way, always behind the eight ball, always struggling. The way I figure it, if having an abortion turns out to be a mistake, two people will suffer, but if having the baby turns out to be a mistake, then three people will suffer."

Next to him, Cressida was nearly shaking with relief.

"Oh, Cress, I'm so, so sorry this happened."

"Me too, Graham."

Graham swallowed again, squeezing her shoulder. "I love you, so much, you know that, right?" His voice had thickened, and Cressida could tell he was trying not to cry.

"Graham, don't, don't do that, please."

"I'm sorry, you should be the one getting comfort from me, not the other way around. But this is so terrible, just the most awful thing that could've happened. And the coming of a baby should be such a joyous thing, you know?"

"I know, I know."

Graham sighed. "How much does it cost?"

"I think my school insurance will cover it, but I'm not sure, I never checked."

"Well, thank god for that." He wiped his face with his large hand. "How pitiful we are. I mean, if we're worried about affording the abortion, we sure can't afford the cost of a baby, can we?"

Cressida shook her head. "Oh Graham, I feel sick, I need the bathroom."

He walked with her and entered the bathroom with her, since no one else was inside. He put a warm hand on her back and kept it there until she was finished.

"My poor Cress." Graham stroked her hair off her forehead. "We'll get through this, we will." He rose from the floor, helping Cressida up. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"But you have to practice, you have hours ahead of you!"

Graham shook his head. "I'm through for today. It'll be fine, I still have tomorrow."

"I knew I shouldn't have told you until after."

"No, I told you, you shouldn't have to hold this knowledge in your head all alone. I'm glad you're letting me shoulder the burden, it shows you do trust me a little to do right by you."

They walked the few short blocks back to Cressida's apartment arm in arm, with Cressida leaning heavily on Graham. She was exhausted.

As soon as they were inside Cressida crawled into bed, grateful for its presence. Graham got in next to her, enfolding her in his arms.

"We'll get through this, darling Cress, I promise."