(((Please no judge!! Also possible trigger warning))))

Isn't it fun how the world affects us? I think so. Changing our minds by using technology and social media and celebrities.

I wanted no part of it. I told myself I'd never get into something the world was tempting me.

But....................slowly and slowly... I got dragged in. Dragged into the pool of worldly things.

I thought I wanted something that I knew I shouldn't force. A relationship of the sexual nature.

I still don't know what I was thinking at the time. I don't even know now. The world had put a filter over my mind.

Just like you use on Snapchat or Instagram now

But whatever it was to make me think like that......to do that at age 14.........was awful. I felt unclean and ashamed. I've been ashamed to look at him every time I see him.

But I also feel confusion and hatred.

Me, being a person who can't hold something who can't hold something in when you feel bad, told someone. We talked to him about it. The stupidest thing to do. The stupidest thing I've ever done.

Anger was towards me. I didn't know why.

Slut, they called me.

Accused me of saying untrue things about him.

'How could he do that with you?'

The world and people in it hated me. So I hated them. I hated him. I hated myself. With a burning passion.

I turned to leaving the world. Since it hated me so much.

'Just slit your wrists. It won't hurt.' I told myself.

It didn't work.

The world called me unstable. Sent me away. To supposedly get help. Not all places help. That wasn't enough. Sent to hell. Residential girls are mean. I felt worse about me even more than I already did. Worse than what I felt when I did that with him.

The burning desire to desire to did rose more and more in me. It still does. And always will. 

That's why I have issues. Because he lied and made me feel like a fool.

I wish he would've felt all the things I have because of him. All the places I've been take to. All the scars I have now. But I hate the world more than I hate him. For getting me sucked into that. 

Changing my mind. Oh I hate the world.

Buy I suppose we all have to deal with it. Since we all live in it.