Kasal ko na...

Sa wakas, makalipas ang mahabang-mahabang panahon ng pagiging in love ko sa 'yo... nakalaya na rin ako. It's a bittersweet feeling really. Halos buong buhay ko, minahal kita. Ikaw ang una kong nakilala, unang minahal, unang inalagaan at unang iniyakan.

Akala ko habambuhay na tayo.

Hindi pala...

"It's settled then. Magkita tayo after 9 years. Kapag wala pa tayong asawa by then, tayo na lang... okay?"

Yan ang huling salitang binitawan mo bago mo ako tuluyang iwan. Sana pala pinigilan kitang umalis noon. Who knows, right? Baka maging tayo ulit.

Pero syempre pa hindi ko ginawa. Halata namang gusto mo ng makawala sa 'kin eh. Gusto mo ng maging malaya. Will you be happy kung itatali kita sa 'kin?

Hindi naman di ba?

Kaya hinayaan na lang kitang umalis. Kase alam mo ba? Hindi na rin kaya ng mata ko. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore.

But I held on to that deal.

Only to be shattered once more after nine years. Hinintay kita ng siyam na taon. Umasa akong may babalikan pa ako. Umasa akong magiging tayong muli. Alam mo ba kung gaano kasakit na makita kang masaya knowing that it's not me who made you happy?

Kasabay ng paglilibing sa papa ni Kuya Atom, inilibing ko na rin ang pagmamahal ko sa 'yo.

Hindi ko ikasasaya ang paghihintay sa taong hindi naman talaga nakalaan para sa akin. I should move on. Wala na akong ibang pupuntahan. Hindi na ako pwedeng mag-retrace ng steps dahil hindi ka na babalik sa 'kin.

Wala na akong relasyong babalikan.

So I moved on. I tried to. And thank God... because finally, he showed me the way to him.

I must admit that he's not my greatest love. Kase ikaw yun eh. Kung meron mang best... ikaw yun. Ikaw ang pinaka. Wala ng makakapantay sa pagmamahal na meron tayo dati. Sure, he was my lesser love. Kase compared to you... mas mahal kita kesa sa kanya.

Pero... hindi ibig sabihin nun na hindi ko sya mahal.

He helped me move on. He was there when I badly needed a new air to breathe. He was there to nurse my broken heart.

And thank God that he was there... kase kung wala sya, hindi ko alam kung paano pa ako makakatagal.

And now here we are... already getting married. Matapos ang tatlong taon nyang paghihintay sa 'kin... sa wakas ay natutunan ko na rin syang mahalin ng buong-buo.

Sa wakas... nakalaya na rin ako sa 'yo.

From across the room during the reception, nginitian mo 'ko. Gumanti ako ng ngiti sa 'yo. Kung masaya ka... mas masaya naman ako.

Matapos ang panahong ginugol ko kaiiyak sa 'yo... ngayon ay may iba na akong dahilan para umiyak.

Iiyak ako sa sobrang saya. Sobrang saya na kahit nandito ka, hindi ko na nararamdaman yung mga emosyon na nararamdaman ko dati.

Bumalik na tayo sa simula. Mag-best friend.

Hindi mo nga akalain di ba? Ikaw pa ang ginawa kong best man. Ako rin eh... hindi ko akalain na at the age of 41 eh ikakasal pa ako. Akala ko tatanda na akong dalaga at miserable.

Hindi pala.

Salamat sa 'yo, natutunan kong pakawalan yung bagay na hindi naman talaga para sa 'kin. What we had was nostalgic, magical and pure... but it was not meant to last.

I clinked on my glass with the silver spoon. Lahat kayo ay napatingin sa akin. I don't know if it's right for the bride to make the first toast... but I've been wanting to say this to everyone. And to you.

Tumikhim ako. Nang nasa akin na ang atensiyon ninyo ay saka ako nagsalita.

"For the longest time, I have dreamed of this... my own wedding... to the man that I have loved almost all my life, Cedric." Itinuro kita and then I smiled at the guests. "Pero akalain mo nga naman ano? Nandito kami pareho... pero hindi para sa isa't isa."

You gave me a knowing smile.

"My husband..." I looked at the guy on my left. "He's not my greatest love. 'Cause compared to what we've had, masasabi kong lesser yung pagmamahalan naming dalawa. It's not that I love him less than I loved my best friend pero kung titingnan kase yung dami nang pinagsamahan namin ni Ced, tingin ko ay wala ng makakapantay doon."

Tumango ang asawa ko as if saying that he understood.

"I guess being the second choice is not that bad. And I don't mean it in a demeaning way... masasabi ko lang na pangalawa ang asawa ko dahil nauna si Ced. If he was there during my youth, he'd be my first choice. And me and Ced probably just became best friends. Pero magulo ang buhay di ba? Not all plans are met. Not all promises are kept.

"And I am thankful for all the eventful turns of my life... dahil dito ay natuto ako. Natuto akong magmahal. Natuto akong indahin ang sakit. Natuto akong mag-let go. At natuto akong magmahal muli.

"To my husband, you are the most wonderful man in my life. No offense Ced." You laughed along with some of the guests.

I grinned at you. And then I looked at him once more. "Sabi nga nila, huli man daw at magaling, naihahabol din. Pasalamat naman ako at ang bilis mong tumakbo. Nagpapasalamat din ako dahil hindi ka napagod sa paghihintay. You may not be the first and greatest love that I've had... but I assure you, you will be my last love. I love you."

I kissed him and I heard you hoot. Tapos ay nagsimula nang magpalakpakan ang mga bisita.

My husband led me to the center of the hall for our first dance as man and wife.

Sometimes the snow comes down in June

Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon

I see the passion in your eyes

Sometimes it's all a big surprise

'Cause there was a time when all I did was wish

You'd tell me this was love

It's not the way I hoped or how I planned

But somehow it's enough

"That was some speech," he said to me.

"O baka nagselos ka na naman ha?"

Ngumiti sya sa 'kin. "Konti."

I kissed his cheek. "Sira. Wala na akong kawala sa 'yo no. Saka as if naman gugustuhin ko pang makawala."

And now we're standing face to face

Isn't this world a crazy place

Just when I thought our chance had passed

You go and save the best for last

Then you cut in.

"Pwede bang makisingit?" you asked.

"Sure," he said.

He gave you my hand and you twirled me once. Saka mo ako hinapit sa bewang. I laughed as we awkwardly sway to the music. We were never the best dancers in town. Fred and Ginger fail pa nga daw tayo di ba?

Mga trying hard magsayaw pero wala talaga...

All of the nights you came to me

When some silly girl had set you free

You wondered how you'd make it through

I wondered what was wrong with you

"Mabuti naman naisipan mo pang mag-asawa no? Ang tanda mo na Ry!"

Hinampas kita sa balikat dahil sa sinabi mo. "Aba syempre naman! Unfair naman kung ikaw lang ang masaya!"

You laughed. And then you looked straight at me.

"I'm so happy for you. And I'm happy for us... we became best friends again."

"Yeah," I answered. "I guess this is why we didn't work out."

"Mmm. Siguro nga we're better off as friends."

'Cause how could you give your love to someone else

And share your dreams with me

Sometimes the very thing you're looking for

Is the one thing you can't see

"Why is your husband staring? Para namang maaagaw pa kita." Sabi mo.

"Kase ang ganda ko."

You looked at me and laughed. "Yeah... I see the connection."

I simply smiled in answer.

"Ang bilis naman. Binabawi ka na agad?" you muttered. I saw him come and tap you on the shoulder.

"Time up pre," he said firmly.

And now we're standing face to face

Isn't this world a crazy place

Just when I thought our chance had passed

You go and save the best for last

You smiled at him and then you kissed me on the forehead.

"Congratulations. You deserve to be happy," you said to me.

Sometimes the very thing you're looking for

Is the one thing you can't see

"Thank you."

Sometimes the snow comes down in June

Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon

Just when I thought our chance had passed

You go and save the best for last

You chose to walk away. I chose to let you go... at first I thought it was a mistake... but things do happen for a reason.

My husband reclaimed my hand from you. And then he stooped down to kiss me, as if showing that I am his and his alone... and that you should back off.

I wanted to laugh at him for being so jealous... but then again... I am loving the feeling.

You went and saved the best for last

-----fin-----

AN: Characters are from 10, 000 Steps. :)