Chapter 5: My Conflict
Jinsol had been feeling weird after that day at Azalea's with Taewoon, Nari, and Kunhang.
The girl wanted to be strong and sure with herself, that she will finally get over the crush of a taken man. However, it only lead to near sleepless nights of jumbled thoughts of what ifs. It was frustrating, Jinsol knew it was wrong to like Taewoon as he was with someone else. Even if Nari was basically her rival, she would never try to come in between a relationship. That would be the most pathetic thing, but why did it have to be the hardest thing to get over a crush.
She hated it.
She hates the conflicted emotions that were washing over her and controlling her life.
She hates that she never took initiative towards her feelings before.
She hates the regrets she made that lead her up to this point.
Jinsol wished over and over that she could be more independent in these crucial moments. If she confessed her feelings to Taewoon, would she be in Nari's place? Would the two of them have their own inside jokes and chat with each other over mundane things? Day and night, sweet messages of I Miss Yous, and what not. Jinsol wanted to tear her hair out sometimes, pondering why she likes Taewoon so much.
It had been rough.
It didn't help that she shared the same classes as her two sunbaes. Every day at school, Jinsol have to see them together. That itself should've been motivation to stop her crazy feelings, but it only made her more upset. The more she suppressed her crush, the more hurt she was. It was an exhausting, endless cycle.
The upside to her erratic emotions was that it gave her this wicked energy to do her project. Full focus into her camera work and editing. That was the best she could do in the predicament. Although, it didn't stop her emotions from being difficult.
"Jinsol..."
The very girl flinched at the call of her name. She peered up and spotted Kunhang standing before her with a concerned expression.
They had just finished another day of filming. This consisted of the important break- up scene for her project, in which she thought Han River would be the best place to take it at. Kunhang offered to get some ice cream while she went to rest at a bench under a shady tree. The boy disappeared before she could even say anything, so she had to obey.
However, what Kunhang returned with wasn't ice cream. In his hands were two electric scooters that were possibly rented at the shop they passed by on the way to here. Jinsol stared at him curiously. "We're at Han River and we should enjoy the nice weather."
Jinsol rubbed her arms sheepishly as she glanced over at the scooter."I don't know, Kunhang."
All of a sudden, Kunhang snatched her bulky bags of filming equipment and slung the bags over his shoulder. Jinsol opened her mouth to say something, worried about how heavy it must be on him, but he interjected again, "I'll carry this, okay? I think this would be nice to do to clear your mind. You got a lot to think about, right? It was obvious the moment I saw you today."
An uncomfortable sensation bubbled in her stomach. Jinsol felt bad for him. Sure, she was able to do her task just fine, but she probably held a sour expression most of her time with Kunhang. It wasn't the most professional thing to do to have her personal feelings affect her like that.
"Besides, as someone not from Korea, I think it's the best time as any to continue showing me around. When would I ever be back at Han River on such a nice day?"
There it was. Kunhang was flexing those puppy-dog eyes again. Jinsol bit down on her lips, trying to contain her frustration over the adorable expression. How dare he keep doing that look at her? He must know damn well that she couldn't decline such a face, which was far too manipulative of him.
Besides, he already paid for the rental scooters. It would be a waste if Jinsol said no.
The brunette girl huffily stood up and took one of the scooters from his grasp. This earned a very pleased Kunhang, knowing damn well he had succeeded on his plan. Excitement obvious on his face, he hopped onto his own scooter, his gaze glued on her. "So, have you been to Han River a lot, Jinsol?"
"Yeah, I've been here a good chunk of times. Whether it be on school trips or outings with my family, I feel like I did everything there is to do here." Jinsol kickstarted her scooter; the two-wheeled machine already charging her forward. Kunhang had to hurriedly start his up and follow her after a couple stumbles. She was in a fit of giggles, having caught the split second of panic on his face as she zoomed off. She shouted back at him, "But, yeah, catch up if you want me to tour you around, okay?"
Jinsol had to admit, she was happy to have met Kunhang when she did. He was like a breath of fresh air that she desperately needed. Whenever she was around him, her mood always lighten.
The ride by Han River had been relaxing, just as Kunhang would hope for Jinsol. He was right about the weather being perfect for this kind of thing. It was sunny, but a nice breeze was there to keep them cool. Jinsol did her best to show the Chinese boy a lot of the river's well-known sites and some shops she frequently went to whenever she visited.
At one point, beat-heavy music caught both of the 99-liner's attention; they both decided to go check out where it was coming from. Jinsol and Kunhang rode over to an open cemented area where a small crowd had formed. In the middle of that crowd were a smaller group of boys dancing. Jinsol perked up at the sight, it has been a while since she last saw people busking. She ushered Kunhang to join her closer into the growing audience. They parked the scooters by the railing of nearby stairs and rushed over to watch the performance.
Jinsol thought the group were good. They hit every move to the song and looked cool going in sync with one another. Her hands clapped along to the beat.
The song then ended, another one instantly playing after. This time around, the boys had dispersed.
Oh!
They were b-boying now. Each member danced individually or in duos. Their movements were swift and sharp, and Jinsol gaped when one of them did back flips as it was nothing.
She turned to comment about the dancing to Kunhang... but then realized that he disappeared. Her heart leapt in worry as she looked around her surroundings for a hint of the boy. However, her concerns instantly vanished when she spotted him ahead of her, towards the buskers. Kunhang had gone up to them and had asked something that Jinsol couldn't hear. From the way the boys enthusiastically began hyping him up, it could only mean that he asked if he could join in on the fun.
Jinsol wasn't sure how to react at that moment, but more so when Kunhang began dancing.
He was good.
No, fantastic.
He was just as good as the dancers busking... maybe more so! Jinsol watched in awe as Kunhang were able to pull off cool moves to the beat of the high-paced song. His movements were sharp and detailed. Jinsol wasn't sure how many times she gasped just by Kunhang alone.
Jinsol knew he must be good, since he was a trainee. But at this level, he was ready to be an idol and show himself off to bigger audiences. Luck must've struck her to be able to witness such a performance from her friend. She should have asked him to show off his skills sooner.
And the way his fringe covered his eyes, his expression serious, as he danced... Kunhang was undeniably cool.
As the song finished off with Kunhang getting the ending pose, a round of applause filled the area from both the crowd and the buskers themselves. If he had impressed those guys, then he was definitely deemed a great dancer, that Jinsol knew. She shot Kunhang a thumbs up as he returned back to her side. He gained a lot of compliments from the people around them. It made Jinsol proud to know someone so talented.
Kunhang peeked over at her, a smirk to his lips."You look like you fell in love with me, Jinsol."
What?
What was he saying?
Jinsol wanted to deny and spit out how utterly false he was, but the words were caught in her throat. She just looked like a fish out of water, gaping at the air. She could feel her face get hotter and hotter by the second of her stunned silence.
"I'll just have to dance again if you didn't the first time," Kunhang beamed. He reached over, his fingers pinching her cheeks, a laugh leaving his lips."But maybe I succeeded, look how red you are!"
Jinsol finally snapped out of it. "Yah, Kunhang, you got quite bold lately!" she hissed out, smacking his hand away. She was embarrassed as hell. Why did she let herself get this flustered in front of him? With a turn of her heel, she shuffled over to their awaiting scooters. She needed to escape.
"Jinsol, wait for me~ Let's actually go get ice cream now."
The brunette lass bared a glance back at him."Last one to get to the ice cream vendor pays for both!" Shamelessly, she turned on her scooter and zoomed off. Kunhang's laughter could be heard behind her.
Jinsol smiled brightly as she tried to keep her distance away from him. She won't let him beat her.
When was the last she was able to smile this widely?
It was obvious that Jinsol would win the sudden race. Kunhang didn't complain about his loss as he bought ice cream cones for the two of them, but he had a prominent pout as he returned.
At that time, the sun was beginning to set and the skies burst with rays of orange and pink. It made the river much prettier than before. Jinsol leaned against the metal railing to get the best view before her. She bared an appreciative, yet cocky grin when she was handed the ice cream.
"You know, you're quite sneaky when you want to be," Kunhang huffed before licking the ice cream in his hands.
Jinsol scoffed, "That's what you get for being unnecessarily flirty earlier."
"What's so unnecessary about it?" Just as Jinsol turned to glare at the boy, he held up his hands in defeat to not further irritate her. She returned to looking at the pretty scenery, nibbling into her ice cream. The cold treat was exactly what she needed after their scooter ride. It was then Kunhang piped up again. "You look much better."
Jinsol simply nodded. "I do feel a bit better. This is honestly the best I've been for the past two days."
"That's good, I'm glad... If you want to say what has been bothering you, you can tell me. I'll listen to you."
The Chinese lad gazed back at her with a sympathetic eyes, patiently waiting for her reply. She might as well let it out, it could lift the weight that was on her shoulders. "Well, I don't know. It seems silly the more I think about it."
"For some reason, I feel it's about this Taewoon-sunbae." Kunhang was spot on, and that startled Jinsol. Hesitation crossed his face before he asked, "It about your feelings for him, right?"
Jinsol's eyes widened. "How could you know?"
"You have this face you make whenever you're with him, any stranger would figure it," Kunhang mumbled out, laying his arms onto the railing. "And what about it? Is it because you feel conflicted because he's dating that mean girl?" Jinsol was speechless again. Kunhang should be a detective if he could figure out things with mere context clues. She'll admit, she hadn't been the best in concealing her admiration for Taewoon either. Maybe she was just too easy to figure out. "That face tells me I'm right again. So, what's the deal here?"
"I just want to move on from him," Jinsol meekly responded, her gaze fallen. She could feel the sadness creep back inside her again, with images of her two seniors being lovey in the brain. But, now that she was telling Kunhang, it didn't hurt as much as before. It was like a small prick of the finger compared to earlier. "I don't want to continue on this one-sided love. What's the point of being in love with a guy that's clearly in love with someone else? It sucks. It makes me regret all the opportunities I had before they started dating."
Kunhang let out a sigh."Well, feelings suck sometimes. It's frustrating because you can't force yourself to change feelings so easily. I just hope you know that those regrets could just become experiences that teaches you on what you could or couldn't do in the future. It's a lesson to be learnt. The pain... it'll eventually go away, whether you notice it or not. You'll find a new happiness."
His words surprised Jinsol. She never thought he would be so deep with his advice, but it brought peace to her mind. He was right, of course he was. She should surround herself with just happy things and her crush on Taewoon would become a distant memory. As much as she wanted to speed up the process, she knew it could take a while to get over it. From here on, she will become more courageous. She'll have to.
"Thanks, Kunhang."
"It's no problem, Jinsol."
She dared a glance over at him, just as his focus were on the fluffy, orange-tinted clouds and his ice cream. As childish Kunhang sometimes acts whenever they're together, he does have a mature side to him that she appreciates. He knew whenever she needs someone to be there, even when she doesn't know herself. A week and a half since their first meeting, and Jinsol gained such a precious person in her life. How did she function without him beside her before?
She never would have thought spontaneous moments like this would work out, but Kunhang changed her mind.
Jinsol's thought shifted back to when they first met, when they first introduced each other in Azalea's. Kunhang had walked up to her like they known each other, and saved her from the predicament she was in with Nari. As a stranger, he could've been just a bystander, watching from a distance. But, he intervened. That ended up with her having a willing actor for her major project... and a new friend.
She couldn't stop the question from leaving her lips, "Why did you decide to work with me?"
This question caught Kunhang by surprise. He met her curious eyes again. "What do you mean?"
"You never could have known how this project would go and I can't even give you much in return for your hard work. I could have asked you to do something crazy. And this is time-consuming," Jinsol explained. "Honestly, if I were you, I would have walked away because it seemed so ridiculous."
"Well not to me," he simply answered.
"So, what? What compelled you to say okay?"
He exhaled, seemingly letting go of the nervousness that built up inside him. The girl quirked a brow."I've said it before, it looked like you needed the help and I thought... it would be a nice opportunity to get close to the girl I thought was cute."
Jinsol clicked her tongue at him. She clearly didn't believe him. "Yah, stop playing."
"I'm not. That is my honest to god reason I was that willing to help you."
The two turned their heads away from each other. Jinsol could feel her cheeks burning again. Ah, what is this? Her stomach was twisting and turning.
Was this what it was like to have someone like you?
Her poor brain was short circuiting. This kind of thing never happened to her in her life. How was she supposed to act in this moment?
Jinsol dared to speak, she softly uttered, "So, what is this? A confession?"
"Interpret it however you like, but I feel like I've been quite obvious with my flirting, but maybe you were too occupied with other things."
Ah... He was, hasn't he?
"I don't need you to answer me right away, Jinsol. But, like, if you wanted... I can, perhaps, help you move on."
The girl blinked at him."You really are more bold than I thought."
"Only around you."
Silence fell between them as Jinsol thought about what he said. Now that it's just up in the air, Kunhang was going all in. How was she supposed to react? Weirded out? Disgusted? Did this mean he had an ulterior motive since their first meeting? But, as she stared at him longer and longer, she couldn't bring herself to ever be mad at him. Something within her told her that he never meant any harm. He actually helped her in more ways than once.
Was she willing to take a risk because of him too?
Reluctantly, she asked, "How would you help me move on?"
Kunhang didn't expect her to continue on with the conversation. After calming down from his shock, he murmured out, "Well, much like your videos, we can go on dates. But this time, it can be without the camera in my face. Or like... the past two hours we spent."
"So is this a confession or not. I'm confused."
"Fine, this kinda is." The way Kunhang looked into her eyes, it told her everything she needed to know. And he was every bit serious about it. "You don't have to answer me about it just yet. Think about it first and then you can decide if... you want to or not."
Before either of them realized, the night had creeped up at them while they were talking. Jinsol scanned the area and saw that the post lights was the only source of light they had now, the sun now long gone. "Oh, it gotten dark. We should go home, hmm? Let's go return the scooters and grab a bus?" Kunhang suggested.
Jinsol only nodded over at him. She was afraid if she opened her mouth, she would say something stupid because she couldn't stop thinking about the confession.
The way back to Jinsol's dormitory had been mostly a quiet ride. The girl couldn't bring herself to look over at Kunhang besides her, his confession leaving her jittery. However, the bus ride gave her more than enough time for her to ponder about his offer. Was it too mean of her to use him to move on from Taewoon? How immoral would it be to do that?
But, there was something deep inside her that made her curious.
And something that made her believe that this might not be as one-sided as Kunhang might think.
Love really is a mysterious thing.
The bus was mere minutes away from the dormitory.
Just as Jinsol stood up to be ready to hop, she finally broke the silence they shared between them. With a shy glance, she asked Kunhang who had been staring out the window to avoid her eyes, "What are you doing tomorrow?"
Kunhang whipped his head towards her, confusion etched on his face. He replied, "I'm busy until 3. But I should be free afterwards. Did you still want to shoot some scenes for your project?"
Jinsol pressed her lips together. Her heart was starting to race. "Uh, well, I meant not for the project. Just to... hangout?"
His eyebrow quirked. "Hangout?"
"Mhm, hangout." The girl stared at him, waiting for an answer. He must know what she was trying to get at. She was far too shy to actually say what she meant.
His face showed bewilderment, and was that some subtle joy there too?
"Yeah, we can hangout. I can message you when I'm free."
The bus screeched to a stop.
Jinsol bared a small smile. "Okay, then I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"Tomorrow," he beamed at her.
With one last goodbye, Jinsol hurried out the bus. She spotted Kunhang through the window and she waved at him, which he happily returned. She waved until the bus drove off, going farther and farther down the street, leaving her alone at the stop.
Did she really just?...
She just had to take her own risk too. She was curious herself how this would go.
Jinsol was nervous, but she couldn't deny the bubbling excitement within her as she thought about seeing Kunhang tomorrow.
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