I know I'm late. Sorry. I had to handle some things over here due to medical emergency, making me unable to spend time on Wattpad. THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU GUYS WHO HAD WRITTEN TO ME, AFTER MY RANT, IT MEANS A LOT! I think you guys can expect another update this week. Amen! And yes, THERE'S AN AUTHOR'S NOTE BELOW, AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER, PLEASE DO READ IT! Stay safe, take care and don't forget your face mask. Also keep your social distance!

"Why do you keep breaking my heart, Shivaay?"

"Annika, I..."

"I thought you wanted us! Like us as in you and I for our family! Then why? Why Shivaay?"

"Annika, I do want us!" Shivaay retorted, being unable to take her blaming on him anymore.

"What's wrong with you, huh? Everyone keeps blaming me for everything that's happening and you guys expect me to do what? I'm also just a human and it is inevitable for a human to err. Then? Stop blaming me! Stop asking for answers from me! I'm so done with all these! I literally feel like running away from all these!" Shivaay vented out all his suppressed frustrations.

"Then, run away! Who's stopping you? Don't let me and Ansh to stop you from doing so!"

Shivaay chuckled humourlessly at her sarcastic remark as he cleared his throat and calmly glared her, "just the way you did? You ran away without letting me nor Ansh to stop you, right? Then what happened?"

"You take that back, Shivaay!"

"Why? When it's me pointing out your fault, it hurts badly, is that what it is? Didn't you think before you could just blast on me? And what's that you asked me earlier? Why do I keep breaking your heart? Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me when you walked away from our lives? Yet, when you came back and wanted to be together, I had accepted you gladly! I was willing to let go of the past! When you said, you need time to explain your end of the story, I was being understanding. I kept mum! Yet, all that everyone thinks is that I'm at fault. Even my own family thinks I'm wrong and that you're a Mahanta! Like why? Just because you're a woman and I'm a man? That stereotype?"

"Shivaay, what are you talking? Where did the stereotypes come from? Listen...," Annika took in a deep breath and walked closer towards him, carefully taking his face between her palms, "Shivaay, I made a mistake by walking away the first time. I wanted to come back much earlier, but I was stuck. I was so lost Shivaay and it was scary because I was lonely. Aditya was there, but it wasn't like how it was when I was with you. I had my issues, gantha, scratch that, I still have my issues! I can't brace myself to tell you everything even now, but do you see me giving up?"

"Even if you gave up, you still have Aditya, right?" Shivaay commented sarcastically as he pulled himself away from her hold while pushing her hands away.

"Aditya is not you. Even if I have him, it's not like having you with me! How can I ever feel complete without you?" Annika retorted.

"Is that why you're chasing the boy..., what's his name? The one in your med school? Siddhant? To feel complete?"

Annika couldn't believe her ears upon hearing that from Shivaay. She was well aware that Shivaay had his issues with Aditya but now it sounded as if he was doubting her.

"Do you really think that lowly of me?"

Her hurtful voice made him to take a proper look at her. She was broken, almost entirely and he felt his own heart wrenching at that very sight. Almost immediately, like a reflex, he felt his hand raising up to wipe away her tears. He stopped midway, nevertheless, "This is why I asked you to go away, Annika. All that I'm giving you is pain and I don't want to see you hurt like this! Please..."

"Shivaay, Siddhant is like a kid to me! He's the only friend I have in med school. I can't believe we are actually having this conversation!" Annika sighed. She had always known that between the two of them, Shivaay is more insecure about their relationship. She had always ignored the red flags, but are they worth ignoring anymore or is it the time for her to boss up more than ever now?

"I'm messed up, Annika. I'm fucked up! I fuck things up! Just walk away, okay? Bring Ansh with you... I'll... I just don't know anymore..." Shivaay slumped down on the nearest couch. His shoulders had fallen as he buried his face into his palms.

Annika slowly crept and kneeled in front of him, quietly observing his exhausted features. Annika kept mum. She knew that Shivaay was wrong, but at the same time, no one was there to hear him out, not even she herself. He had managed everything, from the Oberoi construction business which was still new in The States and their newborn child, Ansh and not to mention his family back there in India. He would most certainly have his breaking point too! No matter how much they argue or fight, deep down, she knows that they need this conversation. He deserves it. They deserve it. They owe it to their relationship which is hanging on the edge of a cliff. She's been keeping away all her troubles, perfectly swept under the rug and pretend that it isn't there. He has been doing the same too. They do it together at times. From the top, everything appeared to be clean and tidy, but from within, they both know how messy and unsound they are, both as an individual and as a couple. It was easier to keep it locked away rather than addressing the issue that lay beneath.

"I'm sorry Shivaay, but I can't walk away this time. It's always what others want for me. The first time I took my own decision was when we got married, and now the second time is when I came back for us to be a family again. I'll... I'll... tell you everything. Then, you tell me everything. We'll take one step at a time. Okay?"

Shivaay looked up at her only to find her emotionless face. He wanted to know what she's been keeping away from him, but at the same time, he knows that if she talks about, she might end up being broken. The causes of her nightmares and traumas might just bring her down, but she was willing to take the risk for him. For them, actually.

"I don't know, Annika. I don't want you to be hurt."

"Well, there's no other way around this. So, here goes nothing." She paused to take a deep breath and sat cross-legged in front of him, taking his right hand in between both her palms. Her grasp wasn't tight, but at the same time, it was firm.

"As you know, my Mom was a single mother and I know nothing about my father, except that he was a martyr in the army back there in India. Well, turns out, Mom had lied. She had always made sure that I wouldn't find it out regardless of what come may. It had been the two of us at home and I was very close to her. Then, you happened. I was... am still so deeply and madly in love with you. So, when you asked me to marry you, after being in a relationship for two years, I agreed right away and for the very first time, I revealed about you to my Mom. She denied right away. I mean, I was just 19 and had just began med school. I understand it better now, but back then, it just felt as if she was controlling  me like always. She had always decided everything for me, super controlling... you know that, right?"

Shivaay merely nodded.

"So when I got the first opportunity to defy her, I just jumped right into it. I didn't even think of anything else and I trusted you so much. I suggested that we elope and get married, you agreed right away. That was when I got the confidence in you that you will be willing to do anything for me. You were so supportive and helpful! I fell for you harder and harder as the day passed by. Everything was going good until we got pregnant. I was really scared. I doubted myself. I didn't want my child to have the mother that I had, so I panicked and I really don't know what to do. You had literally forced me to have the child..."

"Annika, I'm sorry about it, but you were adamant on getting an abortion..." Shivaay quickly interjected, trying to explain himself.

"Shivaay, let me finish first, please. I don't know if I can ever build my courage to talk to you about this ever again. Let me finish, okay? I'm not blaming you nor anyone. I'm just explaining where I am coming from to you. I think it is vital. You deserve to know all these."

Shivaay nodded and kept mum.

"When you had decided that you want to have the child, I was so lost and confused. Then, I turned to the one person whom I thought might give me the solution, my mother. When I told her what had happened, she just laughed and said this was exactly what she had warned me about. About me letting my life slip away because of love. Apparently she did the same mistake with my father and when she couldn't take it, she left my brother, Aditya and ran to New York. She didn't realize that she was pregnant at the time and when she had me, she promised herself that I wouldn't grow into her. But, when we eloped and married, she knew for sure that i had became her. This drove me mad and I felt lonelier than ever which ultimately pushed me towards the abortion, but I never proceeded with the procedure. I couldn't bring myself to kill our child. I was leaving when you found out about it and right from there everything went downhill! I lost you completely. You began ignoring me and focused entirely on your business."

"Then, when Ansh was born, you had asked me to leave. I thought you meant it and left to meet my mother. I didn't know who else to turn to. But, to my surprise, my father had found us and brought me and mom back to India. That was why when you came back for me, I wasn't there. Besides, I really hated you at that time, so I when he came, I thought it was good to move on and forget everything. He wanted the family together again but he literally forced it on us. Once back in India, he began his chauvinistic behaviour which Mom had warned us about. That was when I had realised that you're nothing like my father. Eventually, I was no longer angry with you and in the pretext of continuing my studies, I tried to come here, but mom... mom got sick and she passed away. It was a total blow on me and despite having Aditya with me, I really craved for your warmth. I needed you, Shivaay. I needed Ansh!" She couldn't continue further as she broke into tears, burying her face into his lap.

"I'm so sorry that I wasn't there and for being such an asshole in the past! I'm really very sorry, Annika!" Shivaay cried along with her as he raked his fingers through her long raven hair. How wrong he was to behave the way he did. If only he could turn back the time, he would never have behaved the way he did.

"After mom's funeral, I came here and Aditya also followed me, joining a firm here. Our father somewhat was broken after the death of our mother. They were always arguing and fighting when they were together, but to look at his devastated state after her death taught me a lesson; if you love someone dearly, you make sacrifices, be their better half in sense of understanding their troubles and be more emphatically attached. All of the things that we were before and things my parents weren't. So, I came back. Now, I have one question for you, I just want to know if I'm fighting alone or you're in this with me. Nothing else matters and haven't you heard that you can only hurt people that you love? We both made mistakes, we are making mistakes now, and we will keep making mistakes in the future as well. I'm very sure of it but isn't that how we are supposed to mend things between us?"

Shivaay nodeed in tears as he kissed her hairline.

"I'm with you Annika!" He swallowed hard as he made the promise and took both her hand in his while making her look at him.

"We will not end up like your parents, i assure you that. I'll fight all my insecurity and mend my ways, not for you, but for us. I promise to be better. I love you, Annika!" He confessed as he leaned his forehead against hers. Overwhelmed with her feelings, Annika could only nod to affirm his confession. Shortly after, they pulled each other into a tight, engulfing hug. A much needed hug.

* * *

Alright, so this was one hell of an emotional train, even for me. Congratulations if you made it this far! Initially, I had wanted to make them in a tiny flashback scenes, but this seemed way more raw and emotional. So now, that you guys know where Annika came from, what do you guys expect in the upcoming updates?

Please don't forget to vote and comment. Will be looking forward to read your comments!!!

Also, I had taken up the NaNoWriMo challenge this year and published a book especially for this challenge. It is a lockdown lovestory, and its not based on Shivika. I couldn't give that story to Shivika since they essentially came to me with different background and story. The title of the story is "Echoes of Love" But yes, if you guys would check it out and give some feedback, it would mean a lot to me!

Thanks again!

With love,
NIVAA.