It started with the phrase, "let's talk about our feelings'. Kelsey was sure she hadn't seen a bigger group of babies. Loki threw his scepter on the floor and pouted. Gaea raised an eyebrow with her arms folded across her chest like a bratty teenager. The Master stopped firing laser holes in the wall, but continued pouting and cracking his neck. Voldemort stopped trying to stand on Loki to declare himself ruler of all and sat down cross-legged in front of his chair. Moriarty put his switchblade down and just ate the apple he had stolen off the snack cart on the way in.

Why did they even have a snack cart?! It's not like they let Kelsey or any of the other interns have snacks. These... Children she was 'helping' through their tantrums and failures got more treatment then those who had to listen to their whining.

Flash foward. Kelsey was now covered in custard, her hair gone, and walking home in the freezing cold rain.

Flash backward again. She was perfectly clean and immaculate coming into her job at work.

"AND SO YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT LEO VALDEZ DID THEN, LIKE, OH MY GODS IT WAS SUCH A-" Gaea stopped her story when Kelsey walked into the room to start off circle time.

"The theme for today is dismemberment," Kelsey said, and all the villains cheered, "let's go around and say someone we'd like to dismember and why. Let's talk about our feelings."

Moriarty raised his hand in the air, jumping up and down, "CAN I START!"

"Sure," Kelsey said patiently, suppressing the urge to gag him.

"I'd like to dismember Sherlock. But not just dismember. I'd like to take him, and BURN him. Burn the heart out of him. Then-"

Gaea snorted.

"Is something funny?" Moriarty asked, crossing his arms.

"You're such a drama queen." The room went deadly silent and Kelsey feared she was going to have to run for her life.

"OOOO!" The Master finally yelled, snapping his fingers in a z-formation.

"Excuse me?" Moriarty asked, his fingers edging toward the switchblade he had earlier put down.

"You heard me. You're a pyromaniac and over-dramatic and can't even properly kill your hero. He faked his own death and he didn't even have to do anything because you went and killed yourself!"

"Oh you're one to talk."

"Uh huh. At least I can hold my own in a fight," Gaea replied. Moriarty looked at the other villains for back-up but they all either looked down at their feet, started playing with their cape or decided that was a really nice wall to look at over there.

"Oh yeah! Well you wanna know what I was doing over the weekend while you all were moping about your pathetic little lives?" he asked.

"Being lonely and sleeping in your boxes?" Gaea guessed.

"NO!" Moriarty screamed before calming down. "I was hacking into the entire screen system of London, telling them I was back. Because I am back..." His voice trailed off and he mumbled something under his breath.

"I'm sorry," Gaea grinned sickly, "what was that?"

"I said Ijusthavetowaitayearandahalf."

"Didn't quite catch that?"

"I SAID I JUST HAVE TO WAIT A YEAR AND A HALF OKAY?!"

Gaea grinned and sat back in her chair like a content cat that just ate a canary. Kelsey cleared her throat and used her toe to kick the switchblade out of Moriarty's reach. "Master, you're next."

"Hmm..." The Master stared long and hard at his laser screwdriver. "There is only one person I'd like to dismember who isn't the Doctor... or Clara... Or Martha (I never did like Martha)..."

Voldemort patted him on the shoulder. "It's okay, none of us did." Everyone nodded in agreement, even Kelsey.

"...Is Amelia Pond. She got him into that nonsense fish fingers and custard thing." The Master pulled a roughly monstrous bowl out from under his seat. "I nicked this from him the other day." He took the plastic top off and showed it's contents to the villain support group. Inside was two-day-old non-refrigerated custard. "Does this even LOOK appatizing?"

"Uh..." Kelsey replied, unsure of how to respond. The Master held the reeking bowl dangerously close to her face. As she was about to respond, he dumped it on her. She shrieked and the villains around him cheered. God I hate this job, Kelsey thought.

"Everyone who I'd like to dismember is either dead or I've made amends," Voldemort said simply. Despite the fact that Kelsey was drenched in custard, she smiled. If this villain went straight, she'd get a pay bonus.

"Really?"

"Yes, in fact I'm thinking of inviting Potter to my great-nephew's Bah Mitzvah."

"You disgust me," Moriarty said, shaking his head at Voldemort. Then the whole villain support group started booing him.

"Villains! We are here to encourage, not destroy!" Kelsey said, attempting to calm them down. They booed her while others yelled 'DESTROY'.

"This is it, I'm out," Loki decided, picking up his scepter and starting out of the room. Kelsey stepped on his cape, causing him to trip and fall flat on his face. She was surprised the scepter didn't poke his eye out. She and Gaea dragged him back to his chair.

"It's your turn," Kelsey said placidly, not knowing if she could take much more of this.

"I'd like to dismember everyone in this room, then the Avengers, then anyone who is not loyal to me for I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL LOKI AND I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!" He stood up on his chair as his voice rose. Kelsey and the other villains were silent. "APPLAUD NOW!" He held his scepter up for intimidation. Everyone slowly applauded. Loki sat back down, pleased with himself.

"Now Gaea-" Kelsey started. She was interrupted by someone opening the door, walking through, then dramatically slamming it shut. Shorter guy, with clipped black hair and hints of facial hair. He acted like he owned the place.

"Hello, love," he said with a smile and unnerving British accent.

"Who are you?" Kelsey asked. All the villains waited quietly, waiting for a showdown.

"Name's Sterling. Jim Sterling." Moriarty raised his hand wildly in the air.

"I'm a Jim too!" He said cheerfully. Sterling gave a crisp smile and when he spoke next his voice was layered with the utmost sarcasm.

"Cool! Maybe we can be BESTIES and get matching UNICORNS!" Moriarty frowned at the sarcasm.

"This is a support group. I will not have you talking to my clients-!" Kelsey began.

"Can it," Sterling replied, "I'm a villain."

"Sterling, I've heard about you," Voldemort said, "you were an adversary." Sterling looked massively ticked.

"I was a villain and an adversary. Much like The Master." Sterling looked pointed to said villain. "Who names there self "The Master"."

"THE MASTER THATS WHO!"

"Anyway, I've come to crash the party. You're all so pathetic. Sitting there in the grey molded plastic chairs like elementary school children. What happened to taking over the world. Making the good guys life a living hell, I mean come on? Rotting custard and support group counselors with anger issues?"

The villains looked vacant but slowly started nodding and coming to realization. They slapped each other's backs like good pals and for once, Kelsey saw a smile. An actual smile. Then her boss burst through the door.

"I've seen enough," she decided. "Kelsey, you're fired. Sterling, you're our next counselor."

Kelsey was flabbergasted. "Wha- how- YOU JUST THINK HES HOT BECAUSE YOUR CAT LEFT YOU!"

Her boss glared. "Mr. Fuzzynutt is just on a vacation. And I know everything. This is about building good villains. You are horrible at your job. You can't even make coffee correctly!"

"You wanted coffee! You didn't say what kind!" Kelsey protected.

"I said I wanted it black like my soul!"

"That's open for interpretation, Clary!"

"Get out," Clary said, dangerously close to snapping her neck.

"How did you know?" Kelsey asked. Sterling continued to stare smugly as she lost her job, and she was so close to clocking him one.

Moriarty jumped up, plucking something off his jacket button. "I HAD A CAMERA! I was spying the entire time!"

"I always hated you the most," Kelsey replied, an eye twitch developing in her left eye. Two security guards, one covered in sparkles and the other a blonde. They dragged Kelsey out, who was screaming and kicking. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! YOU CANT FIRE ME!!!" She pointed to Sterling. "I BET HES NOT EVEN LICENSED!!"

"Good job Magnus, Jace," Clary said. She patted Moriarty and Sterling on the shoulder. "I'm assuming you've got this covered. Now I'm going to go and take a chocolate break."

With that, Clary walked out, leaving a stunned Loki, confused Master, pleasantly surprised Voldemort, sleeping Gaea (she slept through the whole thing, and a smirking Moriarty/Sterling.

If you're wondering, Sterling is from Leverage. Watch it. He is played by the same actor that plays Crowley if you're into Supernatural.