"stone cold, stone cold
you're dancing with her, while I'm staring at my phone
stone cold, stone cold
I was your amber, but now she's your shade of gold"

***

I honestly don't know why I attend any of Tony's parties anymore.

Maybe it was because I felt an obligation to, maybe it was because I thought I would finally be happy at one them.

Anyways, they always turned out the same way.

Me, sitting with my phone in a corner, while Bucky danced with Natasha and seemed incredibly happy.

I couldn't be jealous, I couldn't. He was happier with her than he had ever been with me.

The man had endured years of torture, the least I could do was let him be happy.

I felt the couch dip while I was engrossed in my game of "2048".

"Doll..."

I already knew who it was, I didn't have to pick up my head. Like I said, all these parties played out the same way.

Steve would always come and sit next to me and attempt to convince me to dance.

Or at least do something other than be an antisocial little shit.

"Look at me."

I rolled my eyes and paused my game before looking up at him, turning my head to the side.

"Please, do something," he pleaded with me.

"I was doing something, which you so rudely interrupted," I scoffed jokingly and Steve chuckled.

"Do something social," Steve suggested.

I leaned back into the comfy sofa, looking at the spot Bucky and Natasha were at again.

They moved.

"Doll!"

I turned my head to Steve again, humming in response.

"Please, dance with me? Get a drink with me?" Steve pouted and I opened my mouth to respectfully decline his offer but I closed it.

"Fine," I accepted and he beamed. "one drink."

"Fine by me," Steve got up and offered me his arm.

"You're a real 40s guy," I shook my head at him as I hooked my own arm with his.

We got our drinks, sitting at the bar in a comfortable silence.

"So tell me why you never talk to anyone or do anything at these things again?" Steve asked.

"Okay, first of all, playing with my phone is technically doing something," I corrected and Steve shook his head. "second, I just have no one to talk to."

"That's complete horse shit," Steve replied in disbelief.

"Language," I mocked him and he rolled his eyes.

"But seriously, any guy here would kill to have you bat an eye in their direction," Steve smiled warmly. "and you have a room full of people completely willing to talk to you."

I took a deep breath, taking another sip of my drink.

"Is it because of Bucky?"

I choked on my beverage, waving down the waiter to get me a water.

"So it is because of Bucky," Steve stated smugly.

"I'm not allowed to be mad at him, or jealous, or - you know," I wiped my mouth a little. "the man had to go through years of torture, he deserves to be happy."

"That doesn't mean you should suffer," Steve smiled a little at you. "how long has it been since you talked to him? Or Nat, for that matter."

"I don't know, a month? Maybe, I mean, I haven't had a conversation, but I've talked to them," I tried to justify myself.

"You know they started dating a month ago," Steve laughed at your exasperated look.

"Look, I could talk to them if I wanted," I told Steve.

"Do it now," Steve challenged me as he nodded his head in the direction behind me.

I turned, only to face Bucky and Nat, who were holding hands and talking happily.

I looked back to Steve who gave me an encouraging thumbs up.

I shook my head, turning back and clearing my throat.

Bucky looked down at me, smiling a little.

"Hey, haven't seen you here. Why didn't you come find me?"

I stalked you, does that count?

"I, uh, you know me," my heart was pounding. "I'm not the most extroverted person."

"That's not true, you used to be so outgoing! Until like two months ago, what happened?" Nat asked.

I couldn't really blame her, it wasn't her fault for not knowing. Years of practice made me an expert at hiding my feelings.

Bucky gave me a look, silently wondering what the answer to the question would be.

Maybe he felt guilty, made he knew how I felt inside.

"I, I don't know, maybe the missions are really getting to me," I laughed, and the happy couple in front of me did too.

I made small talk for a while before excusing myself and walking away from the party and into the hallway adjacent to the room.

I heard footsteps follow me and I covered my face.

"Doll, what's wrong?" Steve asked me. "everything seemed to go fine."

"That's the problem, Steve! He's happy without me! I can't feel anything! I'm not allowed to!"

"Of course you're allowed to," Steve furrowed his brows, prying my hands away from my face.

I faced him with teary eyes, "I'm not. You don't understand. He's happy, and I have to be happy that he's happy, okay? That's how it works."

Steve frowned at me.

"He deserves this, he deserves happiness, and if that has to come at the hands of my own, then I'm willing to give that up for him."

"Doll," Steve smiled. "I don't see how he couldn't love you."

"He loves me, Steve," I clarified. "he's just not in love with me."

There was a bit silence for a while as we both leaned against the wall, listening to the loud music coming from the room next to us.

"Unrequited love's a bitch, huh?" Steve chuckled and so did I.

"Definitely."