"even though I tell you, "no"
i don't wanna fight and when you pull me close
baby, I'll play hard to get
but your body's so hard to forget"

***

bettytrash

You sat near the campfire, sharpening a piece of wood with your knife angrily.

It was your thing, you had no idea why you did it, but it calmed you down in a weird sense.

You weren't mad at just anyone, no, you were mad at yourself.

How could I let this happen?

You dropped the wood and your knife and took both your hands and placed them on your face.

You refused to cry.

Crying was a sign of vulnerability and weakness, and you couldn't survive here with vulnerability and weakness.

You started to sing an old song, one your father used to sing to you at night before you were sent to the Sky Box.

Much to your dismay, the singing only made you feel worse.

Your father had been floated the same time you were sent to the Sky Box, and the lyrics were slowly slipping away from you.

He was slowly slipping away from you.

"Hey..."

You wanted to slip away from her touch, move away from her, but you didn't fight her when her arms wrapped around your body.

You know that you shouldn't.

This was not good for either one of you.

Clarke Griffin was your kryptonite.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

You looked into her eyes, her pupils laced with concern and pity.

"Please don't," you shook your head and willed your body to keep in sync with your mind.

You nuzzled closer to her and you damned yourself.

"I just want to help-"

"Well you can't me Clarke!" you lashed out at her, causing her to jump back a little.

"Don't you think you've done enough?"

You glanced around you to see a few people now watching you with confusion.

You weren't mad at her, you had no reason to be mad at her.

But you needed a distraction, a way to vent-

And this was your way, lashing out at the people you love the most.

Clarke was hurt, "Can we talk about this somewhere else?"

"How about you leave me the hell alone?"

You secretly hoped that she'd stay.

Clarke took your hand.

"You know that I could never do that."

"Clarke..."

"Stop running away. Please. Just let me help you, that's all I want to do..." she pleaded with you.

You tried singing the song again, but you remembered fewer words.

You shook your head and covered your face.

The tears came seeping out through the cracks in between your fingers.

She pulled you closer, and you didn't object, nor did you move.

You sat there for a while, motionless and speechless.

"I don't cry anymore, at night..." you said spontaneously.

"That's good."

"It's still crying."

"You deserve to feel."

"Do I?"

Clarke pulled away, "Of course you do. You deserve the world. You deserve happiness, you deserve your dad."

You stared into each other's eyes, and you knew you shouldn't me making big decisions with your mind like this.

But you did anyway.

You leaned forward and kissed Clarke to your heart's content.

You knew this was bad.

You knew that you were doing something that you couldn't possibly take back.

Clarke knew that too, but she placed her hand's on your face anyways.

It was hard to forget Clarke Griffin, that you knew.

You knew that she would always be there for you, but you also knew that your love for her would hold you back.

"This has to be the last time, Clarke. This time I'm serious."