Requested by: OJuiceless

Angst - 19 "If you step out the door, we're through"

⚠Warning: Themes that include purging, self harm, depression, self deprecation, and suicide⚠

Lafayette's P.O.V.

There were two things that ruined my life:

Trust and bulimia.

I've had bulimia since I was a preteen, diagnosed at thirteen. They tried getting me help but I couldn't.

I couldn't waste anyone's time on a lost cause. It's been four years and nothings helping. The only thing had to show for my life is my wonderful boyfriend, Hercules.

I sighed, eating the food that sat on the plate in front of me. Hercules watched me from across the table, already finished with his plate.

"What?" I asked, but Hercules only shook his head.

"Nothing, babe." I nodded, finishing up my third plate of food. Hercules chewed his lip.

I grabbed both plates before walking into the kitchen, rinsing the dishes and setting them in the dishwasher. I noticed Hercules get up and walk to the bathroom as I did so, before walking up behind me and wrapping his muscular arms around my waist.

"I love you, Laf." I beamed.

"I love you too, baby." After a moment of silence, I moved away from him.

"I have to go to the bathroom." I walked to the bathroom before I noticed Hercules was following me. I furrowed my brow but didn't say anything about it.

I began to close the door when Hercules set his hand on the door so I couldn't.

"Problem, baby?" My voice was soft, barely audible. I didn't enjoy conflict, and I tried to stay away from arguments.

"No. Go ahead and do your thing. Just leave the door open." I furrowed my brow.

"Herc, you know I prefer privacy..." He only nodded.

"I know, baby, but..." He trailed off, and I crossed my arms.

"...But, what?" He averted his eyes, watching the light fixture on the wall.

"But, what, Hercules?" I knew what he was thinking, and it made me angrier by the second. He let out a long sigh.

"But... You were binging earlier." I held back the urge to slap him.

"I was not!" My face heated up in my fury, but he kept calm and collected.

"Lafayette. You had three plates of food!"

"So? Do you not trust me?" He rolled his eyes.

"Baby, of course I do..." His voice was soft, although slightly irritated.

"So, what? You can go to the bathroom but I can't?!" He set his hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off.

"Don't touch me." A look of hurt spread across his face at my words.

"Laf..." He held his hand out but I flinched away from it.

"I can't believe you don't trust me. I thought you did." He shook his head.

"I do, Laf. Really..."

"Then why won't you let me go? Why can't I just have a little privacy?" I could tell he was losing his cool, but at that point, I didn't care. I thought he trusted me...

"Well, maybe I should just leave. Then you won't have to worry about me and you can have all the privacy you want!" He then left, storming up to his room.

I let out a gasp before walking out to the common room, raking a hand through my hair.

Hercules walked out of his room with a bag full of his stuff.

"I'm going to John's place." My face got red as he opened the door.

"If you step out that door, we're through." Hercules looked back at me, hesitating before walking out the door, slamming it behind him.

I watched the door in shock before letting out a sob, running to the bathroom and locking myself in. I leaned against the door, sliding down and sobbing. My head hurt. My heart ached.

I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have made him mad.

Oh god.

I just lost the one person in life who actually loves me.

Oh god...

I stood up, looking the mirror.

"You're so fat and god, are you ugly."

My consciousness spoke to me as if it were a different person.

"I bet he couldn't wait to get out the door and away from you."

I let out a sob, wishing Hercules would come back.

"You know he won't. He didn't even wanna be here to begin with."

I stared at myself in the mirror again.

"He never even loved you to begin with."

I fell against the wall, sitting on my knees next to the toilet.

"How could anyone love someone like you?"

I leaned over the toilet, forcing myself to throw up.

"Purge all you want. You'll still be the fat, ugly, bitchy asshole you are now."

I continued this process until I couldn't anymore.

"Hercules still isn't coming back. He left for good, remember?"

I leaned back against the tub, sobbing as I dug my nails into my arms.

"Maybe you should just die. Then everyone will be happier."

I continued weeping as my own mind degraded me.

"Why do you keep trying? It's obvious. No one loves you and no one will ever love you. Just give up now."

I stood up, walking to the kitchen.

"The only thing you're doing is wasting space. You're wasting everyone's time and energy. You make them care for you and then you get mad at them and send them out. You're such a needy bastard."

I grabbed the one knife that would do the most damage.

"Good. You cause others so much pain. You deserve the same."

I choked out a sob as I held the blade against my wrist.

"Do it. Do it. Everyone else will be so happy when they find out you died so slowly and so painfully."

I pressed the knife down on my wrist, slitting my skin in a deep, clean cut. Blood gushed from the wound, but it didn't hurt at all.

"Keep going. Make the Earth a better place and get rid of yourself."

I continued slicing my arms until both were covered in fresh blood, the red substance all over my shirt and jeans.

"Good.

"Now get a drink." 

 I grabbed out a rather large bottle of whiskey, removing the lid before my consciousness spoke again. 

"Don't forget to take your pills." 

I moved to the bathroom, grabbing out a bottle of my anti-depressants that I never take from behind the mirror before moving back to the kitchen. 

"All of them." 

I lifted the bottle to my lips, but when it tilted upwards to cause all the pills to fall into my mouth, it felt like someone else was helping it along. 

I raised the bottle of whiskey to my mouth to help the drugs get through, nearly drinking half the bottle.

I picked up the knife again, making a few more clean cuts on my skin as my vision became blurry. My head spun and I stumbled back, the knife accidentally cutting into my hand. 

I soon ended up falling back as everything around me distorted, hitting my head on the counter. 

Even through my distortion, however, I continued to mark up my body, anywhere possible. 

I soon ended up in a pool of my own blood, unable to move anymore. I struggled to keep my eyes open. 

"Quit fighting it." 

My mind had slipped it's own noose and I had to hang. 

I soon gave into the darkness, becoming at peace with myself for the first time in years.

"Good riddance."

Word Count: 1246

Yo, yo, yo! Look who's back! With ANGST!

I swear I'll get the Reaper!AU up soon. I'm just in a bad mood and felt like writing angst. 

Song: Suicide Note by Kyle Spratt

This is probably very poorly written and stuff but oh well. Sorry. No excuse, just... Sorry. If you want, I'll try to re-write it. 

So, yeah! That's it folks! Hope you enjoyed this one and I'll see you guys later! Stay cool my little chicklets. Peace out!