Six Months Later
Outside St Blossom Girls School

Ishita parked her car carefully under a shady tree at the far end of the parking lot, and then glanced at her watch.

It was only 3.45pm. There were 15 more minutes left before Pihu and Ruhi's school day ended. She had not intended to arrive quite so early, but she had been feeling restless all day, and had left the surgery early. She wound down the car windows, wondering why she was feeling so hot, so out of sorts. This restlessness had been building up all week - these hot flushes, fatigue, lethargy. She had missed her period too - surely she couldn't be menopausal? No, she chided herself with a laugh. She was only 37, far too young for menopause. Maybe it was just her body's reaction to everything that had been happening in her life for these past 6 months. She had certainly been busier than she had ever been in her life. But she had loved every moment of it, would not change a thing of her life or her world.

She turned the car ac on full blast and then sat back and reminisced.

* Flashback Starts*

There had been many adjustments to make in these past 6 months.

With Ruhi at home, and Shagun out of the house, if not yet out of Pihu's life, both she and Raman had agreed that she needed to dedicate most of her time to their two daughters. Raman himself had been busy with his Chandigarh project, often having to spend two or three nights a week away from Delhi, but whenever he was at home, he assisted her with the girls in every way he could. For most of the time though , the bulk of the work to heal their two girls fell on her.

Ruhi had agreed to attend counseling and Ishita had accompanied her daughter to every counseling session, sitting outside anxiously, never leaving until Ruhi was ready to leave with her. Ruhi was beginning to thaw towards her parents, was beginning to share things with Ishita, although she still would not call her mother Ishima, or her father papa. Her anger at what she saw as her abandonment by her parents was beginning to abate though. She appeared to know now, appeared to realize, that her parents had never meant to exchange her for Pihu, had never intended to give her away.

But even though she knew she was loved, had always been loved, the scars of the abuse administered by Nidhi would take much longer to heal. Ishita knew, through the counselor, that her daughter had been regularly beaten by Nidhi, had had sedatives injected into her body, had been broken and cowed to do Nidhi's bidding. She never betrayed her horror in front of Ruhi, but at night, in Raman's arms, she would fill him in on what she had learnt, and they would both shed tears for what had been done to their darling little girl. Thankfully, Nidhi had been sentenced to life imprisonment and Ruhi knew that the horrors of the past seven years would never be able to touch her life again.

If there was one person, one thing, that gave Ruhi the most joy since she had come home, it was Pihu. Ishita remembered back to when Ruhi had been demanding a baby from her, a baby she wanted to play with, to dress up, to look after. She had met her little sister seven years late, but now that Ruhi had found Pihu, she was certainly going all out to make all her childhood dreams come true.

Ishita loved witnessing the blossoming bond between the two sisters - Pihu too had coped much better with the changes in her life, with the separation from Shagun, because of Ruhi. She followed her Ruhi didi around, insisted in sharing her bedroom with her, and made her the focus of her love and attention when her papa was not around.

Shagun had been coming to the Bhalla residence less and less as the weeks went by. She did not seem to share in the family's ecstatic joy at Ruhi's return - Ishita knew that Shagun had always had a troubled relationship with Ruhi, but she had been expecting Shagun to try harder to get back into their lives now that Ruhi was back too. Shagun did not do that however, spending most of her time with her NGO work, missing visits with Pihu. Ishita had seen her photo in the papers recently with Mani as well, and she wondered just what was happening between them. Shagun was not the woman she would have chosen for her old friend, but both Shagun and Mani were adults and if they made each other happy, then who was she to interfere? She had little time for anything but her family these days, although she tried to keep up with Alia, calling her regularly and trying to meet her every week. Adi always offered to accompany her on her visits to Alia - Ishita knew that he was attracted to Alia, but thankfully, he had agreed to go to the UK to do his masters, would be leaving next month for a year, and she hoped that he would forget about relationships as he got busy with his studies. He was after all only 21, and Alia was only 20 , both too young to settle down.

Adi, Alia - there was so much she had to worry about, so many responsibilities. Mostly though, she had her hands full with her two girls - arranging their meals, sorting their uniforms, cheering them on with their sports, helping with their homework. Ruhi had been accepted in her age group class at St Blossoms, Pihu's school, and Ishita was thankful that her lack of formal education these past few years had not held back her clever daughter. Ruhi did need a lot of help with her homework though, and Ishita was with her every step of the way, just as she was with Pihu.

Neither of her daughters may have accepted her yet as their mother, but she knew that she had become a valued friend to both, and she was content with that at the moment.

Two months ago, she had re-started part time work, at the urging of her husband, who was adamant in his belief that she would be happiest if she was using her skills at work as well as at home. She had joined the Smile Clinic, and went to surgery during week days after dropping her daughters at school, leaving in time to pick them up every day.

She loved her work, both at the surgery and at home, where she thought of the choicest tidbits to make for her children, lovingly set out their clothes, and used her spare time, when she found any, to make sure her parents and her parents in law were well looked after and happy.

And then at night, when all her work was done, she had to attend to her smallest and most demanding baby, her husband.

Ever since that first night of their reunion six months ago, he had been insatiable - sometimes it seemed to her that the only sleep she got was when he was away in Chandigarh. Whenever he was at home, she knew that the moment she entered the bedroom at night, she would be at his mercy.

He could not get enough of her, and truth be told, she could not get enough of him either.

It was as though their rediscovery of each other had sparked a fire that just would not go out, no matter how many times they made love. They explored each other's bodies whenever they could, hands and mouths hot and insistent, bodies demanding and fevered, giving and taking pleasure from each other until they would sink exhausted into each other's arms. There were no longer any inhibitions between them, nothing was off limits- she felt like a new bride who had just discovered sex, but unlike a new bride, she already had three children to look after. No wonder she was so tired.

* Flashback Ends *

She heard the incoming message sound of her phone and looked around for her handbag. It was on the backseat and she tried to reach for it, but couldn't. Her hands and feet felt like lead,and she sighed as she got out of the drivers seat, getting into the backseat instead. This lethargy, this feeling of weight pressing down on her, was growing so much heavier - she would need to get a check up if it persisted. She closed the door and grabbed her handbag, fishing out her phone.

The message was from her husband, and as always, just the sight of his name brought a smile to her face. Raavan Kumar.

She switched to the message, blushing as she read through it. He had been away in Chandigarh for the past there days, but he had been due to arrive back in Delhi at noon, and would be in his office now.

"Kya kar rahi ho jaan? You have three nights worth of loving to make up to me baby, so try to get some rest now because once won't be enough tonight. Be ready Jhansi ki Rani. Tumhaara sher bahut bhooka hai, tumhe kha jaayega puri tarha"
(Your Tiger is very hungry - he intends to eat you up completely today)

She colored deeply, her hands shaking as she typed her response to him.

They had got into the habit of sending these little missives to each other, describing what they wanted to do to each other, whettting the others appetite. At first she had been shy with his bedroom talk, the graphic way in which he would describe just what he wanted to do with her, do to her. But slowly she had started to enjoy the innuendos, had started to respond to him in the same way. She knew he found her dirty talk to be an absolute turn on.

Sometimes, after sending him a message, she would avoid him when he returned home, making him more and more desperate, so that by the time she would finally enter their bedroom, he would pounce on her at the door, not even making it to their bed in his desperation to have her. She loved those desperate rough couplings on the floor, the animalistic fervour with which he would devour her. Sometimes though, she would hide from him in their room, giggling as he searched for her, watching as his desperation built, before she would emerge and let him overpower her in the way that he loved. At other times, she would tell him exactly where to find her, would give him a time and then watch all evening as he stared at the wall clock, wishing time away.

But today she didn't feel like playing games. Maybe it was this strange malaise she was feeling, but she just wanted her husband home, wanted to be held by him. She didn't feel up to any acrobatics tonight, she just wanted to feel loved.

"I love you Raman. Kabhi mat bhoolna. I love you so much."

Her hands shook as she typed on her phone, and a wave of nausea swept over her, perspiration breaking out on her skin as she felt heat welling up inside her. She managed to get the door open as her head started to spin. And then, phone in hand, she blacked out.

****************************
Raman Bhalla looked impatiently at his phone instead of the files he should have been perusing. Maybe she was driving, it was time to pick the girls up after all. Maybe she would reply to his message once she got home.

God, how he missed her when he was away from her. One night away from her was torture, three was his definition of hell. He had called her every night, had made her giggle softly as he had described the antics of his project manager to her, had listened intently as she had told him about something Ruhi and Pihu had done. And all the time he had been desperately wishing he was back home, that these stories were being exchanged in each other's arms, after he had satisfied the hunger for her that just never seemed to end for him.

He groaned and put down the phone, picking up the files instead. And then the message tone on his phone sounded and he grabbed it again, his brow clouding over as he read her reply. It wasn't like his Jhansi ki rani to send a message like this in reply. What did she mean, not to forget that she loved him? Why would he forget? Where was she going? File forgotten, he hit one on the speed dial.

****************************
Pihu waved goodbye to her friends as she skipped over to the car parked in the corner, under the shade of a spreading banyan tree. Ruhi didi was not far behind but she had waved Pihu on, as she was talking to her friends.

That's strange, Pihu thought, as she approached the car. The back door was open, and she could hear the phone ringing. Where was Ishita?

Pihu scrunched her brow as she did every time she thought of her mother. She was only seven and a half, but life was already so complicated. Six months ago she had thought Shagun mumma was her mother. That papa, Shagun mumma and Adi bhaiya and her were a family. But it turned out that while Shagun mumma was Adi bhaiya's mumma, she was only Pihu's Suffo... sunno... surro.. surrogate, that's right. Shagun mumma was just her surrogate mother. And now, Shagun mumma had gone. She didn't even come over to see Pihu some weeks. At first Pihu had called her every day, but then she realised Shagun mumma wasn't really interested in hearing about what her teacher had said and what Pihu had done in school. She just wanted to talk about her NGO events and her friends. And so Pihu had stopped calling Shagun mumma so much. And now Pihu didn't really miss her that much. And that was mostly because she was so happy and busy at home that she didn't have time to miss Shagun mumma. And the reason she was happy, Pihu realised, was because papa, and Ruhi didi and bhaiya and dadi, daddu, everyone loved her sooo much. And so did her new mumma. Her real mumma. Except that Pihu had never called her mumma. She had started off by calling her Ishita aunty but that upset papa, so she had stopped calling her anything. Adi bhaiya called her Ishima. Short for Ishita mumma. She guessed she could say that, but it sounded funny to her. Ruhi didi didn't call her anything either, although she kept telling Pihu how wonderful Ishita was, and how lucky Pihu was that Ishita was her real mother. And Ruhi didi was right. Ishita did so much for her. She listened to all of Pihu's stories, she helped with her projects, made her yummy food to eat. And she seemed to love her so much. Sometimes when she thought Pihu was asleep, she would sit by Pihu's side, touching her face softly, and sometimes Pihu felt tears drop on her face. And Pihu would hear her say "I love you baby. I'm so sorry that I left you." Pihu wished she could tell Ishita that she loved her too. And that she had forgiven her for leaving. One day soon, she would. She would tell Ishita mumma.

These thoughts had been going through Pihu's little head as she had been walking to the car. She had reached it now, and she went to the open back door. Ishita was lying on the seat, slouched over, her phone by her feet. The phone was ringing and Ishita was breathing loudly, unnaturally. Pihu's mouth fell open as she stared at her mother.  She knew that something was wrong, horribly wrong. Why was Ishita breathing like that, and why wasn't she answering the phone? She needed to wake her up, she needed to call Ruhi didi.

Pihu stared at her mother, tears welling in her eyes. What if...was she dead? No, she was breathing. She had just found her, she couldn't lose her. "Mumma" she cried out, scrambling into the car, patting Ishita on her head. "Ishita mumma, wake up. Wake up please"

****************************
"Pick up the phone , dammit" Raman looked down in frustration at his phone, willing his wife to answer. He had been calling for the last five minutes but it just kept ringing out. Where was she? She had hands free in her car. She could have answered even if she was driving. Besides, he had called immediately on getting her message. She must have had her phone out then. So why wasn't she picking it up.

Something was wrong. He knew it. He just knew it. He grabbed his car keys from his desk and strode out of his office, even as he kept the phone to his ear, still willing her to pick up.

"Adi" he called out to his son as he passed his office. "Come with me. Now."

****************************
Ruhi Bhalla waved goodbye to her friends as she walked slowly to her mothers parked car.

She had made some good friends now, although it had taken her a long time to get over the mistrust of people that Nidhi had bred into her, to get rid of her Ruhaan persona, and to learn to be a normal fifteen year old girl again. She loved being back in school, loved learning new things everyday, and she loved being back home with her family, knowing that she was safe, that she was loved.

She hadn't wanted to be discovered at first, but the relief when she had been found had been profound. The absolute joy on her parents faces had been genuine, she had known that as she looked at them - she hadn't been unwanted and unloved as Nidhi had insisted all these years. She was truly loved. But she had been too hurt by what had been done to her to forgive her Ishima and her papa. She had come back home to them because they had been relentless in pursuing her, but she had been determined not to forgive them. She had wanted everyone to suffer as she had done for seven long years.

But slowly, her anger had melted. Her parents had asked her to see a counselor and although reluctant at first, she had agreed just to get them off her back. But she had found to her surprise that the counselor did help her. She had been able to finally talk about her experiences without making anyone cry, or without anyone judging her. She had told her counselor everything, and had given her permission to share some things with her parents. And the things her counselor had told her in return had allowed her to forgive herself, had allowed her to heal.

Apart from the counselor, being with Pihu had given her so much joy. Her little sister was around the age she had been when she lost her childhood. With Pihu, she could experience her innocence again. And dadi, dadu, bua - it was so good to be with everyone again.

But the one thing that still troubled her was her still strained relationship with her parents. And it was strained on her part, for papa and Ishima had tried so hard to get close to her again, to show her how much they loved her. She knew now that papa and Ishima hadn't exchanged her for Pihu, that they loved her, despite everything Nidhi had told her. But they had failed her when she was a little girl, when she had needed them the most. And so she had held on to her anger. But lately, her anger didn't seem quite so important anymore. Not as important as being loved. She longed now to be held by her papa and Ishima, to be told that she was loved. Longed to be their little Ruhi again. She knew she had to take a step back towards them, that they were waiting for her. But it was so difficult to do.....

"Ruhi didi, jaldi aao" (Ruhi didi, come quickly)

Her little sisters frantic voice cut through her thoughts and she looked up in surprise.

Pihu was standing by the open door of their mothers parked car, some meters away, calling out frantically to her. Ruhi took one look at her sisters face and began to run. She stopped, aghast, at the open door, seeing her mother unconscious and her little sister patting her face, tears streaming down her face.

"Ishima" she cried out, heart in mouth. "Pihu, pani lekar aao" (Pihu, bring some water) she ordered her little sister. Pihu started to scramble with her bag, handing her water bottle to her sister.

"Ishima, wake up, please" Ruhi's voice was frantic as she touched her mothers clammy hands and face. She had been so angry with her Ishima, hadn't told her how much she loved her, how much she had missed her all those years with Nidhi. What if something happened to her mother. She couldn't bear it.

"Didi, paani " Ruhi shook the water Pihu was offering to her over Ishita's face. And then, to her utmost relief, Ishita started to stir.

Meanwhile, the phone kept ringing

****************************
"Lekin papa, hum jaa kahan rahe hai?" (But papa, where are we going?) Adi backed his father's Lexus SUV out of its parking space and accelerated towards the gate.

Raman gave his son a distracted look, his attention fixed on his phone. " She should be at the girls school. Drive towards the school. Come on Ishita, pick up"

Adi nodded, skillfully easing the car into the streaming afternoon Delhi traffic, while Raman kept on trying to raise Ishita on her phone. He did not know why he was so frantic, so consumed with fear. But that text, and then her silence - something was wrong. He could feel it. Something was very wrong.

"Papa" Adi's voice interrupted his worried thoughts. " Maybe Ishima is just busy. Why are you so worried?"

"I don't know Adi" Raman snapped back. "I don't know. Just drive fast."

****************************

Ishita woke to the cacophony of three disparate sounds.

The first was the incessant ringing of her mobile. The second was the sobs of her little daughter. And the third was the voice of her older daughter .

"Ishima" Ruhi was repeating over and over. "Ishima, wake up please. What's the matter Ishima. Wake up, please. Ishima. Ishima"

"Ruhi" Ishita opened her eyes to find her head in Ruhi's lap, her daughter bending over her, a sheen of tears in her eyes as she called out desperately to her mother.

"Ishima, are you okay" Ruhi cried out in relief, her tears finally escaping.

Ishima. Her Ruhi had called her Ishima. She had been longing to hear that from her daughter for seven and a half years now. Ishima.

She looked in wonderment at her daughter, taking Ruhi into her arms even as she struggled to sit up.

"I'm fine beta. I just fainted, I think.I'm fine beta."

"Ishima, I'm sorry" Ruhi cried as she hugged her mother, snuggling into her arms for the first time in so many years. "Mein aap se kitni rude thi, mein ne aap se aur papa se kitni badtameezi ki. I'm sorry Ishima, lekin aap please theek ho na. Mein phir se aap ko khona nahi chahti."
(I was so rude to you. I misbehaved so much with you and papa. I'm sorry Ishima, please be okay. I don't want yo lose you again)

"Shhh beta, it's okay. Kuch nahi hua hai mujhe. Ru...meri Ru...mein kahin nahi ja rahi tumhe chod ke beta...kabhi nahi."
(Shhh beta, it's okay. There is nothing wrong with me. Ru...my Ru.... I'll never leave you again...never)

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she finally got to hold her lost child in her arms again. She had been longing for this day ever since they had found Ruhi - she had not realised it would take this long. But everything was okay now. Everything was okay. She tightened her arms around her daughter, her heart full of joy. And then she realised that there was another voice sobbing in the car. Another little girl who was lost from her.

"Pihu?" She looked over Ruhi's shoulder at her younger daughter, who was sitting in the corner next to her, huddled against the car door, fat tears pouring down her eyes. "Pihu, what's wrong, come here baby" She extended a hand to Pihu, her heart melting at her daughters tears.

Pihu looked up at her mother, wiping furiously at her tears.

"Aap theek ho Ishita mumma?" (Are you okay, Ishita mumma?)

Fresh tears coursed down Ishita's face as she finally heard her daughter call her mumma.

The baby she had never wanted, who her well meaning but misguided husband had forced into their lives. The baby she had left for seven long years, blinded by her grief. The little daughter she had let down so badly. The little piece of her that she had neglected. She had waited a lifetime for this moment, a lifetime.

"Haan" she whispered through her tears. "Come here please baby"

Pihu looked at her mother for another long second, then she flung herself into her arms, holding on tight to one side as Ruhi snuggled close on her other side.

Ishita held onto both her daughters tightly, wondering just how this miracle had happened, how she had just found everything she had been missing in her life. She did not bother to check her tears, letting them flow from eyes as overfull as her arms.

Long seconds passed before Ruhi stirred.

"Ishima" she said, picking up her mother's phone from the floor. "Kab se phone baj raha hai. It's papa Ishima. And look, papa ke 20 missed calls hai."
(Ishima, the phones been ringing for so long. It's papa Ishima. And look, there's 20 missed calls from papa)

Raman. What excuse could she give him for not taking his calls. If she told him the truth, he would worry unnecessarily....

But the decision had been taken out of her hands as Ruhi accepted the call.

"Nahi, mein hoon, Ruhi" she heard her daughter say. "Ishima ki tabeeyat theek nahi hai...I don't know what's wrong...hum car mein hai....nahi, drive nahi kar rahe, school ki carpark mein hai....okay papa."
(No, it's me Ruhi. Ishima isn't well..... I don't know what's wrong.... we are in the car....no, we aren't driving.... we're in the carpark at school.....okay papa)

Ruhi switched the phone off and handed the phone to her mother. "Papa said don't move, woh raaste mein hai, do minute mein yahan aa jayenge."
(Papa said don't move, he is on the way, he'll be here in two minutes)

"But beta, I'm fine now. We can go home" Ishita protested, trying to get up, as both her daughters held her down.

"No" they said in unison. "Wait for papa."

And just then Raman's car drew up next to them.

Apne apne nasibo ki baate hai ye
Jo mila uska hamko bahut shukriya

Aa zara mere hum nasheen
Tham le mujhe tham le
Zindagi se bhag kar aaya hu mai
Mujhe tham le

Aaa zara.