Later on that night, Carolina was still in her room and playing a bit of the piano.

Marcus peaked in through the window before crawling up.

Carolina turned her head to look at the window, smirking a slight smile when she saw Marcus having been more careful about crawling up this time, looking amused as he climbed through. "So, uh, the Spider Man's gotta be careful before being caught by the Black Widow again, huh?"

Marcus tilted his head, sheepish but amused too. "Sorry about last night. Did you get in trouble?"

"A little," Carolina answered. "There was a fight, but it turned more into a fight with Ginny versus me and Mom again. Mom and I made up, and she's a lot more understanding now. Thanks to my dad, but..."

Marcus nodded, chuckling. "Glad I didn't get you in too much trouble then."

"How much trouble would you get in with your family?" Carolina asked.

Marcus shook his head. "No clue. Don't care." They chuckled. "Max wouldn't shut up about your essay in class. And your sister's, but obviously I don't care about that one."

Carolina chuckled. "Right. Yeah, um... it was hard to write and even harder to recite in front of the class, but, uh... it was the only one I could actually write, so..."

Marcus nodded in understanding, sitting nearby. "But you are actually realizing that moving on isn't a bad thing and doesn't make you bad. That's a huge plus."

Carolina tilted her head at him. "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

They both chuckled with small smiles.

"I think it's fucked that you didn't win though, from what Max's saying," Marcus told her.

"Yeah, don't get me started," Carolina told him. "That's been the talk of the day. But it's whatever. I might be way behind in everything I would need for actual college, or at least the 'right one' as Ginny says, but I could be like my dad. Take a bunch of classes in a bunch of places and do a bunch of things."

Marcus nodded in agreement. "Already got painting, music and other things down."

"Yep," Carolina agreed. "What about you?"

"I have no clue what I would do," Marcus admitted. "Where would you go after all that though?"

"Somewhere I've never lived before and there isn't many of those left," Carolina answered. "I want to travel around the US bit like my dad did. Maybe if I save enough, I could even travel the world, also like he did, but there's no way that's going to happen without a job. Even with a job, it'd take years to earn that type of money on minimum wage, and I don't want my dad paying my way. I wanna earn it. Which is even why I continued working at Blue Farm."

Marcus smiled a bit. "Sounds cool."

Carolina looked up at him with slight smirk/smile. "Well, I'm glad you think so." Marcus looked down at Carolina, their eyes locking as they smiled slightly. Carolina bit her lip, looking away, chuckling. "Um... I know that we still have to talk about what I said when I was drunk."

Marcus shook his head. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

Carolina looked up at him. "I just wanted to say... it was true. It wasn't just some drunken hazy thought."

Marcus chuckled. "Carolina, I know it was true. You know what they say. Drunken words are sober thoughts. Or something like that." Carolina pursed her lips, looking up, biting her lip. "And you already know I feel the same."

Carolina's smile this time was real, genuine, and not held back to be small or subtle. Marcus smiled in return. Carolina stood, and the two shared an embrace, once again relishing the feeling of being in each other's arms. When they pulled away, they didn't pull away that far, and looked each other in the eyes. Caro's guilt was no longer holding her back once she was able to let it go and do everything she could for acceptance, helped by her parents, Marcus, even writing how she felt and expressing herself in that way. It was clear that what they felt for each other transcended 'like', but they didn't know if they should have said that so soon, given everything beforehand. No longer pushing this away, Carolina didn't turn away when they drew nearer each other like magnets. Their lips met, and they began to kiss, slow and tentative at first, then more deep and passionate. Carolina lowered her arms around his neck and Marcus rested his hands on her waist, pulling her closer. It felt nearly heavenly to no longer push this away and be held back by guilt or restraint or anything that had been causing more suffering than what she had already been going through.

However sweet and long overdue the moment, and the kiss, was, it was interrupted by Georgia calling from the hallway. "Caro, I'm leaving! Keep an eye on Austin!"

Marcus and Carolina pulled away, looking at each other in amusement.

Carolina called out to Georgia. "All right, Mom! Good luck!"

Marcus and Carolina looked at each other, chuckling lightly to themselves.

"Ah, you go ahead," Marcus told her. "I'll be back later. We can talk, drink or smoke if you want."

Carolina nodded in agreement. "Yeah, okay. Mom's heading out to that mayor rally, and Dad was gonna head out I think, so I gotta watch Austin until he falls asleep."

Marcus nodded in understanding. "All right. I'll be back soon."

"All right," Carolina agreed. Marcus turned toward the window. "Marcus?" Marcus turned to Carolina. "Was that just me, or was that long overdue?"

Marcus smiled, shaking his head. "It's not just you. It was long overdue."

They smiled. Marcus climbed out of the window, and Carolina took a deep breath, still feeling a twinge of guilt, but it wasn't holding her back anymore, and she felt relieved at finally admitting and giving in, no longer torn up by two very conflicting feelings, though she knew that she still had a long way to go before things were truly better.

✯

When Carolina walked into the hallway to make sure that Austin was heading to bed, she did hear the sounds of Georgia and Zion together... intimately, even though they tried to be as quiet as they could.

Carolina closed her eyes, knowing that soon after this, their cycle would repeat. Georgia would turn hostile and defensive toward Zion and push him away and things would escalate and escalate until Zion had to leave again and not return for who knew how long. She was upset because she did want Zion to stay and she had said as much, even given her hesitations on speaking them given she knew how much he loved to do the things he did with his careers, his travels, and so much more. She didn't want to get in the way of that. But she knew that she needed him too, but knowing that soon, he would be gone.

Which made her more upset than she had been in days, given how things had been looking up, until the fighting with Ginny started again.

Once Austin was asleep, Carolina walked out of his room and started to go to her room.

Ginny walked upstairs. "So, Abby slapped me across the face tonight."

"Sounds thrilling," Carolina told her sarcastically, but half serious. Ginny walked toward Georgia's room to go in. "Gin, wait."

Ginny, of course, didn't listen, and opened the door, freezing when she saw Georgia and Zion asleep after they had hooked up. She wasn't even shocked, but she was angry and upset, closing the door, turning toward Carolina. "How in the hell could you let this happen?"

Carolina looked at her incredulously. "Excuse me? How the hell am I supposed to stop them? I was with Austin."

"So you couldn't stop them and make sure that Dad couldn't go anywhere?" Ginny asked. "Congrats, Caro, you just ensured that he's gonna leave in record time."

Carolina was not surprised that Ginny was blaming her for this, shaking her head, turning around, walking toward her room so that they didn't wake up their parents or brother. "Sorry that I can't control the fact that Mom and Dad can't resist each other and keep going back to each other no matter how many times the cycle continues." Ginny followed Carolina into her room because she was not done fighting. Carolina turned to look at Ginny. "That's not my fault. By the way, how about you stop worrying about their relationship and blaming me for not being able to stop them from going at it, and worry about your own? I heard Oppression Olympics isn't going well for either of you."

"You heard us?" Ginny asked.

"Loud voices arguing plus thin ass walls do not mix well," Carolina told her. "So keep your voice the hell down so you don't wake up Mom, Dad or Austin."

"How much did you hear?" Ginny asked.

"Just the part when you started to compare each other and said fucked up things about each other," Carolina answered. "Damn. I wouldn't even go that far about someone else's race, or half-race, since I actually know how it feels, and you shouldn't have said anything either."

"Oh, I'm sorry, should I take a page out of your and mom's book and not say anything when I need to?" Ginny asked sarcastically. Carolina rolled her eyes, trying to tune her out. "It started out as arguing because of Gitten and the essay contest. And how I clearly should've won. I wrote--"

Carolina opened her eyes, looking up. "The assignment was to write an essay. And you didn't do that."

"You're siding with Gitten right now?" Ginny asked. "Are you serious? You hate him. You make that clear every time you get the chance. Of all people, I thought you would be on my side on this."

"I do hate Gitten, but I still did the assignment, and I stuck to the rules so I could even attempt to win," Carolina replied. "I didn't go out and do a slam poetry piece to try and win, which immediately disqualified you. It was a good piece. A damn good piece. And I loved it, and obviously I related to it since we're both mixed, and so are a lot of other people, including your boyfriend, which you clearly didn't take into account. If your essay got submitted to the actual competition, it wouldn't have even been considered an option by the people behind the national competition because it wasn't following the rules or guidelines, Gin."

"But you can't deny that Gitten has been racist to you and to me since we got here," Ginny told her.

"I don't deny that, and I've called him out on it," Carolina pointed out. "And I even called him out on it today, since any sane teacher would've chosen an essay that was deep and personal and meaningful over something so basic and boring and simple as his. But that has nothing to do with the fight that you just had with Hunter, and the way you were being downright half-racist and stereotypical with each other."

"Oh, we're going there?" Ginny asked. "How about the fact that your essay doesn't mean shit because you are still as closed up as you ever have been since that night a year ago. You didn't talk to me then, and you're not talking to me now, and--"

Carolina scoffed, standing. "Are you seriously bringing this up right now? Calling my essay meaningless over what?"

"You're not out of the darkness, Caro, and you're never gonna be if you keep closed up and not talking and stuck wallowing in your guilt about Noah and your feelings over Marcus," Ginny told her. "You don't even want to get out of the darkness, do you?"

Carolina was trying very hard not to get angry, though she was very upset that she was talking to her like this, about this. "I am trying. Like I said, I don't know how to. And as for talking to, why the hell would I talk to you about these things with the way you've been acting, talking to and treating not just me, but mom too? I was beaten and nearly sexually assaulted and had to watch my boyfriend get shot in the chest and bleed out in front of me. His dog died attacking the muggers so I could get away. And I completely broke down after that. Is that what you want to talk about, Ginny? What else do you want to talk about, huh? The fact that I'm conflicted on moving on from Noah's memory and actually liking a guy that I could be with, but knowing how scared I am of letting someone, anyone else in like that, because of what happened a year ago? In case it happens again? Are you really gonna make me talk about that?"

"Not just that," Ginny told her. "I heard you and Mom talking last night, Caro. I know you slept with Marcus."

Carolina raised her eyebrows, knowing that she would have had to be purposely eavesdropping to hear that since they had been speaking so quietly. "You were listening to us?"

"Yeah, I was," Ginny answered. "Why didn't you tell me? We're sisters. Twins. I thought we told each other everything. You had no right to keep this from me."

"No right?" Carolina repeated. "You do realize I'm not obligated to tell you anything, right?"

'I never said you are," Ginny told her. "I'm just saying I tell you everything, so I expected the same."

"You sure as hell act like me and mom have to tell you every little thing about our lives when we sure as hell don't have to," Carolina told her. "This had nothing to do with you. Just like Mom's secrets? They have nothing to do with you either. So we do have the right to keep the things about our pasts, our lives, to ourselves, because they don't have anything to do with you. It does not affect you like you keep saying it does. None of it ever effects you. So stay the fuck out of our business. And you wonder why the hell Mom doesn't tell you anything. She doesn't tell me more than she has to because I don't want to know because it doesn't affect me anymore. You wonder why I don't talk to you? Because of this. The way you're talking, the way you're acting right now. Don't you ever fucking bring up Noah or that night again. Do you hear me?"

Ginny glared at her, nodding. "Yeah. Yeah, I hear you. You know, maybe you were right before. How you thought you could never move on and never get out of the darkness. You said that I blame you and Mom for everything, so how about one thing that is both your faults? When Dad leaves this time, it's on both of you because of Mom plowing him and you not stopping it. And you never know, maybe you and Marcus really are history repeating and it'll be the same way with you two, and you'll ruin each other's lives and your family's if you ever even have one, and you might turn out just like Mom with the rate you're going, and you'll end up being just as bad of a person that you think you are by moving on from what happened to you."

Carolina, unable to take what Ginny was saying to her anymore, lashed out and slapped her face. Ginny held her face, looking at Caro, not shocked after what she said, but still angry.

Carolina took a deep, shaky breath through her nose as she grit her teeth in raging anger and devastating sadness that Ginny would bring this all up to hurt her and blame her so much for things she couldn't control. "Get... the hell... out of my room. Now."

Ginny glared at Carolina, turning around, walking out of the room. Carolina hurriedly closed the door and locked it in rush.

TRIGGER WARNING: Attempted Self-harm

Anger, rage, devastation and sadness, grief and guilt all raged through Carolina's head from what Ginny had been saying, prying at her fear that she could never leave the darkness and the fact that she tried to frame it all in the worst light out of anger. She started crying from anger and sadness, unable to breathe, and unable to focus and unable to stop thinking and feeling the emotions running high and chaotically dangerous. She knew that she had to do something to focus the pain elsewhere to ease the pain in her mind again. She needed to do something so she could scream without being heard and focus her emotions so she didn't explode, so she could get it to calm down before she lost it. She slid down to the floor, holding her hands over her mouth to keep from sobbing aloud, and grabbed her lighter from the desk, taking off her leather vest.

Not only did she love leather jackets and vests because of her father, but they hid the previous marks of self-harm from before, ones she kept on her shoulders and chest that would be hidden by the thick straps of vests when she wore them. She had other marks hid with clothing on her legs like her upper thighs, etc. 

Carolina pushed the strap of her gray tank top down her shoulder to expose her skin, where she knew it would be hidden, moving her hair to the other side of her head where it wouldn't be burned, and flicked the lighter open to strike a flame gazing off with a glassy, destroyed look, tilting her head to the side, her face away from the flame, bringing it to her skin on her shoulder where it could be hidden, ready to burn, when she was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Carolina?" Marcus asked.

Carolina jumped at the sound of his voice, gasping. "Jesus Christ." She closed the lighter which extinguished the flame, standing, putting the lighter down on her desk, fixing her shirt, turning to see Marcus by the window. She was startled, but she just remembered that they said he could come back earlier when they had been talking. "How long have you been standing there?"

Marcus was very worried, stepping closer. "What are you doing?"

Carolina was even more overwhelmed that he had seen what she was doing because that was the one thing she had been able to keep secret from everyone, placing a hand over her mouth. "Did--did you hear the fight climbing up?" It was clear that Marcus had since the fight had been decently loud, but not loud enough to wake their parents after they had drank plenty. "What did--"

Marcus was just worried and tried to calm her down. "Caro... what were you doing just now?"

Carolina shook her head, wiping her tears from her eyes. "I--I can't breathe." Marcus slowly stepped closer to not overwhelm her more. "Did--did you hear..." Marcus nodded. "I hate her. I hate her so much. She hates me. Everything is..."

Carolina tried her hardest to stop crying, but she couldn't control it, placing her head in her hands, crying. Marcus looked truly worried like he understood the feeling, seeing someone he loved in so much pain, pain that he could relate to, not saying a word because he knew not a word could really help, and was genuinely terrified for her, tears visible in his eyes. He pulled Carolina closer, allowing her to cry into his chest. Carolina shook her head at first instinct to pull away like she always did, trying to be angry at the situation and at Ginny instead of feeling so weak and broken, but she couldn't find the energy to be angry anymore, breaking down, hardly able to stand. Marcus knelt with her on the floor, holding her, rocking her gently back and forth, and Carolina held onto him tightly, breathing heavily. His presence was comforting and able to keep her from lashing out completely at herself or something else, and eventually, she was able to slowly calm down.

When she was finally calm, and exhausted, Carolina laid in her bed. Marcus laid with her, and stayed with her, neither speaking, but him being there with her was enough, though Caro felt emotionally drained. It was getting really late, far later than he normally stayed.

"You can go," Carolina told him softly.

Marcus shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want you to get in trouble with your family," Carolina told him. "They're gonna be wondering about where you are." Marcus didn't change his mind, shaking his head, not wanting to leave her alone after what he saw. Carolina sighed. "If I fall asleep soon, will you go home and make sure you don't get in trouble? We'll talk later. I'll be okay. I can't do anything if I'm asleep. I promise."

Marcus sighed, knowing that it was the best choice for both of them, nodding. Carolina nodded, sighing. Marcus traced a finger along her forehead and cheek to try and help her fall asleep with the gentle touch. Carolina relaxed even more at the touch, her eyes drooping closed. She was soon falling asleep.

Keeping their deal, once Marcus knew that she was asleep, and that she was okay, he left, and climbed out of the window, and jumped to the ground.

Ginny was standing outside the house to get air in the chilly air, and saw Marcus climbing out of the window, scoffing softly. "Of course."

Marcus was not happy to see her in the least given the state that she had put Caro in, but he wouldn't tell her that because it would just make things worse and get Caro mad. "What do you want?"

"You're the one sneaking out of the house like a creep," Ginny replied. "But I guess Caro's into creeps. You know, our mom was right. You and her, it's not healthy. Your bullshit friendship between you two with all the sexual tension and secrets. It's bullshit because you guys were something more, but it's not gonna be anything real."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Marcus told her.

"Prove me wrong," Ginny replied. "How do you actually feel about her?"

Marcus spoke the truth without hesitation. "I think I love her."

Marcus realized what he just said, stunned.

Ginny didn't buy it, scoffing, shaking her head. "No, you don't. I can't believe she's into you. Always lurking around like a loser. But she's never gonna love you. How could anyone love you when your own twin sister hates you? You're just gonna mess Caro up like you did Padma. How long did it take you to break up with her again? Friends with benefits or not. Carolina's already screwed up to hell, and so are you. How can any of you think that you're good for her when you're just as screwed up? You're not good for each other. You know what your problem is, Marcus? Your problem is that you're incapable of anything real. You're a joke! Caro's gonna end up every bit of the sneaking, lying, manipulative bitch our mother is, and you, you're so much like our dad. And history is gonna repeat for you two like it did for our parents. She'd be lucky if she makes it out of teenage years before she ends up knocked up, if she can even have kids after she was beaten so badly by those thugs. And one or both of you could feel caged or in a prison and part ways but be unable to resist each other, never truly happy unless you're together, but every time you came together, you would ruin each other, and ruin whatever family could've been made. If Caro's not already broken for good, you could be the thing that breaks her, even if you're trying to help fix her." Marcus looked away, trying not to let her get to him but the things she said struck a lot of cords and he was worried that some part of her might have been right. "Now get off my property! Are you slow? I said, go away. What part of that don't you understand?" Marcus stalked off toward his house across the street. "And stay away!"

Ginny walked into her house, slamming the door behind her.

Marcus was pretty affected by what she said and the state that he saw Carolina in earlier, worried that on some level, his issues could have been bad for her no matter how hard that he tried to help her. How hard Caro tried to help him too. Not thinking straight out of anger and defensiveness and so many other things, Marcus mounted his bike, helmet on, and started to drive. It had been raining that night, and the roads were slick. When he turned the corner too fast, there was the sound of the bike crashing and then silence in the night.