The following day, Carolina was wearing the dark jacket that Georgia had gotten for her at the store the day before, not leather like usual, but still dark. She was at school, ignoring Ginny and all her so called friends out of annoyance, closing her locker, walking down the hallway.

Bracia was with her friends. "Oh, hey, Carolina. You going to leadership?"

Carolina looked like she had forgotten about that, just now remembering. "Uh, I don't think so. Sorry. Family stuff."

Carolina walked away.

✯

Georgia had gathered her kids to play a game on a field with other families and other people. The game was lawn bowling.

Georgia held up the bigger black ball, rolling it across the field toward the small white ball.

"Why do I have to be here?" Carolina asked.

"Well, Ginny's grounded for her near misdemeanor, I'm trying to get you out of your little shell and repellant to society," Georgia answered. "Because we're bonding as a family." She tickled Austin, making him laugh. "Because I wanna cheer up Austin. Pick your favorite." She looked around behind her toward where she saw Paul, smirking. "Hey, guys, I'll be right back."

Georgia walked away to go talk with Paul, which her kids noticed.

"'Cause my mom's a lying skank," Ginny muttered.

Carolina rolled her eyes. "Shut up. He's her boss. Get over it."

✯

Later, Georgia and Paul were playing the game with Austin.

Ginny and Carolina were a little distance away from them, talking alone, not into the game.

Carolina looked at Ginny. "So Abby and Norah didn't even come to apologize to you. Still don't want me to say anything?"

"Nope," Ginny answered. "It's whatever."

"Fine," Carolina replied. "How's Hunter?"

Ginny clearly wanted to get back at Carolina for her attitude against her friends. "He's great. How's Marcus?" Carolina raised her eyebrows. "I'm always catching you two smoking or something, or he's staring at you in the hallways, especially when Press was talking to you before you went all bitch on him to get him to hate you and leave you alone." Carolina shrugged. "And you're doing that thing when you're avoiding someone that you like. So looks like something is going on between you and Marcus."

"There's nothing going on," Carolina denied. "Though maybe you should go tampon shopping with Hunter. It's not like he's a stranger to one."

"Only if you and Marcus kick the stoner habit," Ginny retorted. "Oh, and tell him to keep it down if he's gonna sneak in in the middle of the night. I really don't need to hear all that."

"Nothing's going on to hear," Carolina told her.

"But he is sneaking in?" Ginny asked.

Carolina realized she hadn't said anything about that part, biting her lip. "No."

Ginny smirked. "Mm-hmm. He's basically your supplier, and you expect me to believe that he's not sneaking in?"

Carolina rolled her eyes, getting more and more annoyed. "How about you worry about your fake ass friends and boring boyfriend instead of me, okay?"

✯

Later that night, Carolina was sitting on her bed, thinking, trying not get too far into her thoughts because that could be pretty bad when she was alone.

Marcus climbed in through the window.

Carolina turned her head, seeing Marcus climb in, rolling her eyes, looking down. "I didn't invite you in this time. What if I was naked?"

Marcus had a cheeky smile. "Nothing I haven't seen before." He leaned back on her dresser. "I wanted to make sure we were cool."

"Cool?" Carolina repeated. "Sure."

"Really?" Marcus asked. "'Cause you look a little upset."

"Has nothing to do with you," Carolina replied.

Marcus frowned. "Okay. But still. I wanted to apologize. I know I was a bit of a jerk lately, Carolina."

Carolina nodded sarcastically. "A bit?"

"More than a bit," Marcus admitted. "And I didn't mean to take it out on you."

Carolina shrugged, looking down. "We all go through some shit. One day or another."

"So, forgiven?" Marcus asked.

"Oh, I never said I forgive you," Carolina told him. "I said we all go through shit." She smirked. "I'm messing with you. You haven't said much to me, but that's mostly because I was avoiding you too, so... whatever.  The last thing on my mind and definitely not something that is gonna leave a mark after all the shit I've had to deal with. You can go now."

"What's with you?" Marcus asked.

"What's with me?" Carolina repeated, unable to help the rant she was giving, going off like she had a habit of doing, but this time, it wasn't defensive or angry or to be a bitch, but it was with hidden emotion of frustration and emotion she tried to hide because she didn't want to feel weak, especially in front of someone else. "I have hormones literally coursing through my veins because of that damn pill. By the way, apparently the guy usually buys it. I didn't even have a coupon. I have no idea what I'm doing since that was my first time, and..." Marcus looked surprised. "So yeah, maybe you were right. Maybe I am upset. But upset might be an understatement, Marcus. I move from town to town, city to city, and I'm supposed to just take it. And usually I can. I can deal with not having friends or a boyfriend because of what happened before. I can deal with being alone. I am good with being alone. Plus this town is something else. Nothing in this town makes sense. Everyone just kisses everyone and that's apparently the normal for here. And now, I learn I'm only one of eight black kids in the whole school. And you know the other problem? We're screwed. That's the problem. We can't win. I kept saying what I thought was true. That I wasn't ready to move on or move past what happened with my last boyfriend, or--" Carolina cut herself off because she didn't want to go into that, shaking her head. "And why the hell is everyone so curious about me and Ginny? I told that group I didn't want to be apart of it, I told Max I didn't want to be set up, I told Press I wasn't interested, but they keep on. Why the hell is everyone so surprised I'm pissed at them for ignoring me and doing what they want to do? But, no, it's, 'Carolina, why are you so angry?' 'Caro, why did you lash out like that?' 'Caro, you should lighten up. You should smile'." She had tears in her eyes from frustration, overwhelmed, trying not to be upset. "If any of you even knew a fraction of the shit I've gone through, they'd all back the hell off... and I don't even know about you."

Carolina put her head in her hands, holding her head, trying very hard to calm down and not break down or have a panic attack, very much dreading what could happen if she had a panic attack or an episode in front of him. Marcus looked a little awkward but mostly concerned and sympathetic, slowly stepping closer, putting his arms around Carolina. Carolina started to pull away but gave in and let him pull her to his chest to hold her. After a few moments, she started to calm down. 

✯

A little while later, Carolina and Marcus sat on the floor.

"God," Carolina said. "Uh, can't believe I almost had a full meltdown like that in front of you."

Marcus raised his eyebrows. "Almost?"

"Yeah," Carolina answered. "Believe me when I say it can get a lot worse." Marcus frowned. Carolina sighed, not wanting to say too much, but saying just enough for understanding and not for him to think anything bad or weird, not knowing that he wouldn't either way. "Uh, panic and anxiety attacks. Very bad ones. That's, um..."

Marcus nodded in understanding. "It's why you smoke and drink so much."

"Part of the reason, yeah," Carolina answered. "Can we, uh... can we just not talk about this, please?"

"Sure," Marcus answered, looking curious as he helpfully changed the subject. "You said a lot of this, Carolina. But one that might not be upsetting is this one. I was your first time?"

Carolina looked away, chagrined but somewhat amused. "I wish I could control what I say in those little episodes." Marcus smiled, and Carolina couldn't help a subtle smile. "But yeah. I just... I can't get involved right now. More than we already have."

Marcus frowned. "Can I ask why?"

"It's a long story," Carolina told him.

"Bad?" Marcus asked. "What you said about... what happened to your last boyfriend. Sounded bad."

"Very," Carolina answered. "Also something I don't want to talk about."

Marcus nodded, looking away. "Okay."

Carolina leaned her head back against the wall, arms around her knees, closing her eyes. "Do you mind leaving? I just really wanna crash."

Marcus stood. "Sure." He held out a hand to Carolina. Carolina took it, letting him help her up. Carolina backed away slightly. "I'll see you around, Carolina."

"Definitely seems like it," Carolina replied.

Marcus gave Carolina a salute, after a look that said he was still concerned but not wanting to overstep his bounds, turning to the window, climbing out. Carolina sighed, laying back on her bed.

Georgia knocked on the door. "Buttercup? Haven't seen you since this afternoon. You okay?"

Georgia walked in.

"What's okay even mean anymore?" Carolina asked. Georgia walked closer in concern. "I'm mad. I'm tired of being angry and upset and depressed all the time. And I'm tired of having episodes and anxiety and panic attacks. It's just... ugh. I can't even deal with it anymore. And now you want to force me into more public situations and even getting a job, and I..."

Georgia sat next to Carolina to comfort her, placing her hands on her shoulders. "Hey. We can test it out, okay? And if you don't feel like you're up for it, you can quit."

"Bet you won't be letting Ginny quit," Carolina remarked.

"Hell no," Georgia answered. "She needs to learn a lesson." Carolina barely smiled, which was not real or genuine. Georgia got an idea. "I know what you need. Mm-hmm. Come on." She took Carolina by the hand, pulling her up from the bed, calling out for her other two kids. "Ginny! Austin!"

✯

In the living room, the song America's Sweetheart by Elle King was playing.

Georgia led her kids in, dancing around already.

Austin was very excited and happy with this. "LDP! Living room dance party!" She started to dance around. Ginny watched from the couch, looking annoyed. Carolina leaned against the doorway, not feeling up to dancing, still looking drained and depressed. Austin danced while turning to face Carolina. "Carolina, you love this song! You always sing it. Come on, Caro, please."

Carolina smiled, looking like she was already fighting the urge to mouth the words. 'No, there ain't nothin' that I gotta prove / You think your words will make me black and blue / But I... I think I'm pretty with these old boots on / I think it's funny when I drink too much / You try and change me, you can got to hell / 'Cause I don't wanna be nobody else.'

Carolina stopped mouthing the words.

Georgia smiled, having picked this song knowing that it would get Carolina to give in slowly, knowing it would cheer her up.

"So kick out the jams, kick up the soul, pour another glass of that rock and roll / Turn up the band, fire in the hole, gonna lose control tonight / What do you want from me? / I'm not America's sweetheart / So beat the drum with me / I'm not America's sweetheart." Georgia took Ginny's hands to pull her into the dance, and Ginny gave in. "Well, they say I'm too loud for this town / So I lit a match and burned it down / What do you want from me? / I'm not America's sweetheart / But you love me anyway."

Austin danced over to Carolina to take her hands.

Carolina spun Austin around in the dance, making him laugh, also giving in and starting to dance, and knowing she was losing the fight on not singing this song, she gave in and started to sing. "My hands are dirty and my heart is cold." Austin and Georgia cheered at mission success. Ginny smiled. "Them boys I've been with say I got no soul when I / I meet another honey at the bar / I'll think it's funny when I break his heart / My kind of medicine is whiskey straight / I got a mouth to put you in your place."

"And you're not afraid to use it," Ginny replied.

The four Millers laughed, still dancing.

Carolina continued to dance. "They said I'll never be the poster type / But they don't make posters of my kind of life / So kick out the jams, kick up the soul / Pour another glass of that rock and roll / Turn up the band, fire in the hole / Gonna lose control tonight." Georgia took Carolina and Ginny's hands, spinning them around. "What do you want from me? / I'm not America's sweetheart / So beat the drum with me / I'm not America's sweetheart / Well, they say I'm too loud for this town / So I lit a match and burned it down / What do you want from me? / I'm not America's sweetheart / But you love me anyway."

The entire time, the Millers were jumping, bouncing and dancing around, smiling, and finally having a moment where all of them were happy and carefree.

✯

Carolina was leaving the bathroom the next morning, overhearing Abby and Norah finally coming to apologize to Ginny, and she saw them taking pictures to send to Max to make her jealous since she was grounded. She was annoyed when she saw that Abby was wearing a "Mood" shirt, the same shirt that was on display at the store they shoplifted from. She rolled her eyes, not surprised in the least, and headed back to her room, listening to a song through her headphones. Problems by DeathbyRomy.

"I like Coke, but only if you're mixing it with Jack / Then it's dope / But it in my cup then hand me the smoke / I ain't tryna think about the world / I got too many problems / You know, you and I have something no one can deny / You know it's true, oh / Oh, so how about you don't go / We've been here before / I see the lies within your words / And how you're trying to keep me blinded / Wonder why, when we both got problems / Why won't you help me solve them? / I love you, but you don't and this is how I cope / I'm like, nope / You can keep the posts faking smiles with the quotes / I could walk around talking cheap, but I don't / I ain't tryna think about the world / I got too many problems for all the world's problems / All my life, I've been on my own waiting for the one to call my home / But the front door was stuck shut / And now I pitter patter back and forth / Think my mind thinks it's run its course / It's tired, now it needs to settle down."

Georgia had always been blending, hiding, changing, disguising. She loved Vivien Leigh because her whole life had been making a dress out of curtains. A true chameleon. If beauty was a weapon, then Georgia had always been locked and loaded.

Carolina knew that beauty could be used as both a defense and a weapon. She never knew how to use it as a weapon, but when someone tried to get close to her because of that beauty, she was always on the defensive. She liked to hide herself away from the outside world, and even hiding from her family by telling them she was fine, so they wouldn't worry, and then her recent secret, she was hiding. And she didn't know if she would ever stop hiding.

Ginny never felt beautiful, but she understood hiding. Makeup worked best if no one knew you were wearing it.

Like Georgia said, "It's a face, not a mask."

Ginny knew that she was doing the same thing that her mother and Carolina were doing. The hiding, changing, disguising. For her it was to appease the crowd that she wanted to fit in with.

For Georgia it was to protect her family and run from her past.

For Carolina it was leave her own past behind, even if she couldn't fully move on from it. And only time could tell if she ever could.