I've really needed to just talk about something that some of you may already know about but I think that it's time for me to explain what's really going on.

The user pyrofox_firedash3 or Amber IRL, is moving and going to a residential for 4-5 years. This really took a toll on me because I've known Amber since we were in third grade. We met because we were paired up together for studying the states and capitals of the US. We mostly just talked to each other and got to know each other. We realized that we both were racing each other while doing out cursive worksheets and neither of us knew that the other person was doing the exact same thing.

Me and Amber loved hanging out with each other and we grew close. We became best friends in no time. We never really got in huge fights, up until later but I'll tell you guys that in a bit, and got along well with each other. We started making this giant ball of finger knitting and we named it Bob. We had a lot of fun making Bob and protected him like he was our child.

We kept going on in life, supporting each other while we were going through hard times and keeping each other happy. But our friendship's strength was tested during a heart breaking fight toward the beginning of 7th grade. I was being extremely stupid because of the new medication that I was on and I started yelling at her for eating sunflower seeds too loud. She has an eating problem and those sunflower seeds were probably going to be the only thing she ate all day. We then started arguing about whose diagnoses were worse. I ended up calling my mom to take me home. I got home and I cried my eyes out. I felt horrible for doing that. We tried to ignore each other at school but accidentally sometimes made eye contact in the hallways.

One day Amber came up to me in the hallway and asked me if what I said about her was true. To this day I still have no idea what I said about her but I thing that I remember that I said something that wasn't bad. It went around and made it morph into something horrible. Amber heard it and confronted me. We were alone in the hallway and I was heading to class. I tried to explain that I didn't say what she thought that said but I ended up crying and so did Amber. I told my teacher that I needed to go to the school councilor with Amber so we did and I apologized so many times. We kept meeting up there every week and soon enough we were best friends again. That event proves how strong our friendship is. We couldn't even spend a week not being friends.

Then everything changed. In February I suddenly became extremely depressed and anxious. Amber tried to help me through it but became depressed too. Things kept going down hill as we both tried to keep the other one up.

We failed.

We got depressed to the point of cutting and Amber even trying to kill herself once. It just got worse from there. I became more depressed and so did Amber.

But then I started to get better. I had hope for the future and was no longer suicidal. For the first time in a long time I was happy. But, I had no idea what was going on with Amber.

Amber has an abusive mom (she's never met her dad) and that hurt her even more. Amber got so bad that she eventually was told that she was moving to Chicago and going to residential (a place for mentally hurt people, worse than in-patient but not as bad as a mental institution) until 2022. Amber decided to tell me first because I was like a part of her family to her.

I started to cry. But I cried harder then I've ever cried. For the next two days I was screaming and crying so hard that I lost my voice 6 times. I tried to keep it together but I needed Amber to support me and she needed me to support her. Now she was going to be leaving me for probably the rest of our lives. I might not even be able to give her a proper goodbye before she leaves.

This all hurts so much and it's so hard to stay strong for her. People keep telling me to stay strong for her and think about what she's going through but I'm like family to her. Think about how I feel. I'm being torn away from my best friend to a place where who-knows-what happens to them. I'm terrified for her. The worst part is that I know that there's nothing that I can do to stop this.

I just want this all to be a dream. Let me have my best friend with me and have both of us not have any mental problems. Is that too much to ask?

I WAS JUST GETTING BETTER AND WAS HAPPY BUT NOW IM EXTREMELY DEPRESSED, EVEN MORE THAN BEFORE. IM SO FUCKING SCARED THAT IM GOING TO BECOME SUICIDAL AGAIN. PLEASE, I DONT WANT TO KILL MYSELF BUT I HAVE NO CONTROL OF ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

But hey!

IM FINE.

Some pictures of me and Amber.

Our very first picture of the worst year of our lives.

Two very funny outcomes of face swap.

And my new wallpaper.

You'll never leave my mind Amber. Never.