Sitting upright, I opened my eyes, only to get some pig shit into my eyes. "Oh, fuck!" I cursed, trying to clean my eyes with my muddy hand, which obviously, didn't work out too good.

I threw a handful of mud across the lawn and tried getting up. Sighing, I sensed an odd smell. And then it hit me that I was covered in literal pig shit.

Stomping furiously to the gate, I checked if the monster was gone. This odd creature, who appeared to sense my smell had been smelling my front lawn for the past five minutes, then had gone to the back of my house. Being all curious and dumb, I had walked out of my house, only to see that the monster was about to turn around.

I had cursed out loudly, which I appear to do way too often, and had thrown myself into the mud. Realizing what I had done, I sighted, not seeing any other way past this. Shivering, I had covered myself in pig poop and had layn there until the awful grunting sound of the monster had gone.

Now I was crossing the thick road with a small bag, which I took when I quickly went home to get the heck out of my house, of snacks, water and a couple of butchering knives to protect myself.

I started to hate the constant smell of shit on me and it had grossly started to stick onto my skin. Oh well, I thought. People bath in mud to get smooth skin, so why should this be any different?

After half an hour of wandering in the woods, lost and hungry, with all my food gone and only half a bottle of water left and accidentally tripping and falling multiple times, groaning in disbelief and contemplating the meaning of life, I stumbled upon a small sign. Camp Half Blood, it read. Text to it, stood a mighty oak tree. Thinking I could get some more food and water supplies, I stepped trough the gates.

The sight before me made my blood run cold but before I could turn away and run, a boy with donkey legs saw me.

"Hey! Who are you?" He asked, walking towards me.

"I think I'm going crazy." My eyes opened wide from shock. "You have donkey legs. Donkey. D. O. N. K. E. Y."

The boy rolled his eyes, annoyed. "It's goat legs."

"Well that doesn't make it any better!" I shouted, receiving a small group of an audience. Some of them had arrows, draggers and knives in their hands like they were ready to fight. "Who the hell are you people?" I turned around to get a good look at them, taking out my butchering knives.

"I see you have something to defend yourself with, but those things won't work on monsters." GoatBoy poked my knives.

I turned around, dramatically. "You know the monsters too?"

"Yes. The monsters are real. They are after you and your kind." He shrugged.

"Wait, what do you mean, my kind. I wouldn't talk if I were you, GoatBoy." I replied, folding my arms on my chest.

GoatBoy rolled his eyes, obviously annoyed. "It's satyr. I'm a satyr. And you're a demigod. Half God, half human. Now let me show you around." He turned around.

"Ho-old up, know-it-goat. What do you mean I'm a demigod?" I grabbed him by his arm.

Know-It-Goat turned around, once again. It was obvious that he didn't want to deal with me. "Can you just shut up for one tiny little second?" He replied, holding up two of his fingers, which were really close by each other.

I made a zipping motion with my hands and followed him to the big, big house.

---

So this happens when I get bored.

Go ahead, judge me I'll just sit in the corner, sipping tea while watching you bc you're probably right.