By the time we'd gotten off the bus, the sun was beginning to set. I had to speed walk to keep up with Jesse thanks to his long legs, and he laughed, lending me his arm for me to walk alongside him. I could feel myself heating up as I held onto his muscular forearm, and we kind of walked quietly down the street and towards my neighbourhood.

When we finally did reach the turning that turned into my road, I felt Jesse slip my hand from his arm, and interlace his fingers with mine. I could almost hear my hammering heartbeat in my ears, as I stopped walking and looked down at her hands. Jesse stopped walking too.

"Is this okay?" He asked, his voice lowered. I nod, not being able to form words. "Jem. Before you get home, can I take you to one more place?"

I looked up at him, curiously. "Where?"

"The park. There's something I want you to see." He replied, his deep brown eyes boring into mine.

I gulped, unsure of what exactly to think at this point in time. Was he going to ask me out? Was this really happening?"Sure..." I replied, in almost a whisper.

I followed him to the park at the end of the street, and we settled down on one of the benches. There were a few moments of silence, before I finally grew impatient and spoke."What is it that you wanted to show me?"

He pointed ahead of us, at the pink, orange sky, as the bright ball of light began to lower down.

"The sunset?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

He looked at me with a teasing smile. "I decided to end this date on a cliche note. Sitting in front of the sunset."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "I really doubt you brought me here just to look at the sun."

Jesse snorted. "There's no getting past you is there?" I shrugged in response. He ran his hand down his face, and I could tell he was flustered. I wanted him to hurry up, already. What was it he wanted to tell me?

He then pulled out his phone from his pocket, and started scrolling through it. "There was a poem that I wrote a long time ago. You said you wanted to read some of my stuff, right?"

"Right." I nodded, trying to hide my disappointment. So it was just his poem he wanted to show me. I shook the thought away. I could finally get to see his talents. This was a great way to get to know him better. Perhaps I really needed to accept that things shouldn't go too far so quickly with us yet...

"I have to admit something. This was the first poem I'd ever written myself. I read so many of them, but trying my hand on one was different. This is the first and last complete poem I've created. I tried to make others, but I never managed to finish them." Jesse smiled, nervously, his eyes still glued to his phone, and not on me. "By the way I was eleven when I wrote this, and hella dramatic so cringe alert." He let out a shaky laugh.

"That's fine. I'm sure whatever you want to show me is great." I replied, attempting to comfort him.

He nodded gratefully, before handing me his phone. When I took it from him, I noticed his hands were slightly trembling. He quickly drew them back, and looked away. "Are you alright?" I asked him, worriedly.

Jesse nodded, but stayed silent. I turned back to the phone to read what he had written.

There are too many colours. But when there are too many colours, it gets lonely.

But sometimes there is one. Yellow. And when it's yellow, it's warm.

When it's yellow

Things feel like they can be normal.

Then I step forward,

And the colours mix again

I take another step forward

They contort together

Which direction can I go?

What decision will I be allowed to make?

If I can find that one colour again

I can be safe

I looked up at Jesse, my eyebrows furrowed with concern. "You wrote this when you were eleven?"

"Yeah, sorry. It was the only way I could think of to describe to you how I feel," He paused for a moment, "how I feel about you."

My breath hitched, but confusion still flooded my brain. This poem...it seemed so deep and personal. I could only guess that he went through a lot of confusion in his childhood. I didn't know what questions to ask. I didn't even know what he was trying to tell me. I rested my hand on top of his, and met his eyes again, trying to tell him silently that it was alright to talk to me.

Jesse sighed, and turned his hand to hold onto mine, rubbing his thumb against my palm. I felt tingles run up my arm and all the way to my chest. "Jem..." he whispered, still holding my gaze. "That poem is pretty much my life, you know? Things just seem messed up and confusing...and just so overwhelming every single day. It's nerve wracking. And I'm not telling you this because I want sympathy. I'm telling you this because I want you to know what I come with." He squeezed my hand gently, and I squeezed his back. "I like you, Jemimah. I like you a lot. And I want to be with you...and I think you want the same thing, right?"

I felt my cheeks setting on fire, unable to hide my embarrassment. I couldn't help but laugh at myself. I really am pretty transparent. Jesse gave me a confused look, and I chuckled lightly, before reaching up to cup his face in my hands. I felt like I was dreaming. I didn't feel like this was real. But even if it wasn't, I didn't care. This was not a dream I wanted to wake up from.

Jesse opened his mouth slightly, as if to say something, but no words came out, and so I spoke instead. "Of course I want you, Jesse. Did you literally know all this time?"

His worried expression breaks into a grin, and the sadness in his eyes is replaced with a kind of brightness. The kind of brightness that made me fall for him in the first place. "Of course I knew. Well, it was mostly wishful thinking." His hands dropped slowly to my waist, and a glimmer of hesitance flickers in his eyes.

"Given what you've been through, I know you're going to come with a couple of complications," I said to him, my voice low, "I'll accept them. You're perfect, anyway. You're perfect for me."

Hesitancy didn't leave his eyes. "Jemimah. I have a panic disorder."

Now I started to frown. "You're father?"

He nodded. "Everything that happened to us back home. It was a lot...I just...I think it just developed over time, and now it's part of my everyday life."

"You have panic attacks every day?"

"Yeah. serious ones. The type that always ruins everything. They could ruin us. I can't control them."

"How have they ruined things?" I asked him softly.

"Because sometimes they come out of nowhere. It's happened in front of people before. I panicked when I first met Lana's friends, maybe it was the nerves, I don't know. But I just went off on them. I shouted at them, while having a panic attack. I don't know if Lana realised it was because of that, so we got into a big fight because of it...I just don't want things like that to keep happening. That's why I was just so afraid of asking you out. You're kind of like that one colour, Jemimah. The one thing in my life that just doesn't seem confusing or overwhelming. You're just simply you. You're gorgeous, you're friendly, you're down to earth. You're someone I want to see myself with, Jem. I don't know if you will ever realise how much I mean that."

I could see Jesse's eyes watering, and I felt my own stinging from his words. This boy was so broken. Everyone was so broken. People were being put through so much pain, and so many of them still get up every day and act like nothing bad is happening. How were we supposed to continue to grow like this?

I rested my head against Jesse's, and I could feel the warmth of his skin against my own. He was nervous. Very nervous. Which made me all the more grateful to him for opening up to me. "I really like you..." I whispered. "And I'll take every part of you just the way you are. Your disorder...we can work through it together. I don't mind. We all have some kind of messed up thing about us. I'm not going to let you slip away just because you have flaws."

Jesse's hands moved to my hair, and I realised now that he was exploring me, hesitantly, silently seeing if it was alright if he could touch me. I felt like I would faint from all of this intimacy, but I had no problem with this guy doing whatever the hell he wanted. In that moment, he was all that mattered. I didn't care about anything else. I just wanted him so much.

"Do you know how to kiss?" Jesse asked me, and I shook my head.

"Maybe you could teach me." I whispered back to him.

There was yet another moment of hesitance from him, before I felt the warm, uncertain lips press against mine, and I inhaled, not sure how to react. It was quicker than I'd hoped, and he quickly pulled away from me, worry etched all over his face. "Is everything okay? Did I do it too quickly?"

"No! No, I was just... I'm just not used to it." I insisted, already craving more of what had just happened. I hadn't even gotten the chance to process the feeling, the emotion that came with kissing someone you were in love with, but it had finished too soon.

Jesse leaned back, shaking his head. "I'm sorry...I should've waited til you were ready."

"Jesse." I said. "It's fine. Please don't worry about it."

"No, I could feel you hesitate. I could feel it..." He was shaking his head again. "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have put so much on you at once."

I placed my hand on his arm, feeling his muscles tense. Was he panicking already? Was that what was happening? I rubbed both his arms, gently, looking up at him worriedly. "Jesse?" I said.

"I'm not having a panic attack. I'm just...I realise we're moving through this too fast, and I didn't even let you think about it first."

"I've thought about it. I've thought about it for a long time. You don't have to worry."

Jesse stood up, pulling away from me again. "Let's wait. We aren't sure about this yet."

"You aren't sure about it. I definitely am."

Jesse shook his head. "It's too fast. I'll ruin it..."

"Stop saying that." I plead, placing an arm on his shoulder. My lips still tingled from his touch, and I wanted nothing more than to finish what we started. "You won't ruin anything. Give us a chance. At least."

He looked up at me, and I cupped his face in my hands. "Kiss me again. Hold me. Love me freely. And I'll do the same. Please give us a chance, Jesse. Please."

His eyes were beginning to water, and I thought for sure he was going to give up on us before we even started anything. But then he closes his eyes for a second, and pulls me back in, kissing me again, this time without hesitancy. His tongue parted my lips, and I felt fire flaming up inside my mouth, and down my throat,into my fluttering stomach. I wasn't sure what to do with my mouth, but as he continued to hold tightly onto me, pressing his lips more firmly into mine, I just let myself relax into him, letting his lips do whatever they wanted. And I felt weak. The good kind of weak. The weak that comes from being kissed and held tenderly so much you feel like you want to melt. I never knew that kind of weakness existed until now.

When he pulls away, my mouth already longs for more, and I feel the coldness of a breeze brush against my lips, making me want even more for them to be warmed again. Jesse is breathing heavily, and the butterflies in my stomach have travelled throughout my entire body including my head. I pressed my fingers against my lips, and he watched closely, the ghost of a smile on his face.

"You look so flustered." He grinned.

"Well... I've never been kissed before. Especially not like that." I breathe out a laugh. "That was..."

"Amazing. Yeah." he stood up, giving me his hand. "We should go now. Your friends will be waiting."

I stood up gingerly. I wanted to stay with him. I didn't want to go. But I know Beatrice, Katie and Aki are going to want to know all about this.

As he walked me home, I couldn't stop replaying the moment over and over in my head. I was still trying to register how it happened. I was still trying to comprehend how amazing it felt. The guy of my dreams had kissed me with such passion. That doesn't happen to everyone.

When we arrive outside of Beatrice's house, I turn to him, almost silently asking for more. But when our eyes meet, he is unsmiling, and quickly avoids my gaze. "I'll see you... whenever, I suppose?" He said.

Whenever? When the hell was whenever? "What's next for us?" I asked him, not knowing how to respond to what he just said. Jesse looked to the ground, and placed his hands nervously in his pockets. "Whatever you want, I guess. I'll text you. See you later." He started down the street, leaving me speechless.

The mood was ruined. What was wrong?

"Jemmy!" I heard Beatrice before I saw her, as she threw open the front door and came bounding over to me. She gave me a huge hug, as the others came up behind her. I wasn't sure what to say to them. Jesse had left in such an... uncertain manner. After such an amazing moment. He already looked like he was second-guessing everything.

Once Beatrice realised that I hadn't said anything, she held me at arms length, eyebrows creasing.

"What happened?" Aki asked from behind her.

"I don't... I don't really know." I told them, honestly, as I looked back at the place Jesse had been standing a few moments ago. "I really don't know."