Christmas at home was very different from Christmas at Beatrice's house, and was a lot more quiet without Dad. Susanne tried to keep the spirit up, as we all sat in the living room opening gifts. But I guess the tension between me and Katie overpowered this.

Every year, we'd basically have an unsaid competition of who would give the other the most plainest presents. This year I'd bought Katie a pair of beige socks and she had bought me a packet of hair pins. This wasn't the worst of it. Last year she'd given me a towel, so I suppose that's progress.

"Wow, you guys got each other interesting gifts". Susanne said to us, before handing us a present each. "These are from me".

Susanne had bought us both a makeup set, which wasn't something that was unexpected from her. I was actually excited to use it, but Katie had a different opinion. "Trust you to get us something that you'd enjoy too," She complained, "You do this every year".

"You don't like it?" Susanne's eyebrows knitted together and Katie let out a groan.

"Anyone who actually spends the time of day with me would know I don't use this brand of concealer, it looks disgusting on my face". She looked up at her Mum, "Every year, you end up getting me stuff I don't even want. Why? Because you don't know what I want or like. And I do wonder why that is". Katie stood up, "I'm sick of this,"  She strode out the living room, and I heard her go upstairs and slam her bedroom door.

I looked over at Susanne, who was now peering down at her phone, and tapping away at it. "I really like the gift," I said to her, "I can't wait to try all these".

Susanne gave me a small smile. "That's good dear. Should we take a picture?" I mentally groaned, already tired of Susanne wanting to post everything on Instagram, but after seeing how Katie was to her, I agreed to take pictures.

That was how my Christmas morning went. After that, Susanne offered to take me with her as she was going to see some friends, but I politely refused and went up to my room. I wasn't in the mood for doing much today. After all, I was still rather shaken by the events last night.

I threw myself onto my bed, burying my face in the soft fur of my cat plushie. Yesterday, I thought I was going to lose another person that I loved. This thought was followed by images of Auntie Gifty, and the hazy images of Ma and they swam about in my head freely, as I was unable to stop them. I remembered the way I felt like my world was crumbling down around me, after Auntie Gifty had died. When my own comfortable world crumbled, I was exposed to the real, harsh one-a world where my Uncle, the one person I feared the most, was all I had.

But I wanted to stop being stuck in the past. I shut my eyes tight. It wasn't the same anymore. Beatrice didn't disappear in the end. Nobody had since I'd been here. I needed to remember that.

I thought about Mr Nakamura's words. Something about us finding our individual selves without the influence of others and coming out of our comfort zones. It was true. I did need to come out of my comfort zone. I needed to speak to Miss Brielle about this. Maybe she would know what I should do, and after the Christmas period, I needed to book another session with her.

But for now, I decided, maybe I should try not to stress out too much for the holidays. Beatrice also needed a stress free week, and I needed to make sure she had that. Which reminded me; she had wanted me to invite Jesse to the sledging thing. I sat up, and reached for my phone on my bedside table, and texted a message.

ME: Hey, Jesse. How's your Christmas going?

He replied within a millisecond.

JESSE: It's great! HYD🙃

ME: I'm good. I was wondering if you were busy during the first week after New year's?

JESSE: Well besides going to work I also have to get ready to go back to college the week after. But I can have a day off if u wanted to hang out?😉

ME: Well, me and my friends are going to this really famous sledging place that week, and wondered if you wanted to come. But if u can't make it that's fine

I stared at that text for a few moments. I hoped it wasn't like asking him on a date.

ME: My friends' ideas lol

The fact that a full minute had passed and Jesse hadn't replied instantly made my nerves kick in. Did that sound weird? Or awkward? Did it sound too intimate for people who had just met a few days ago? Oh...Did I sound desperate?

JESSE: Ofc. I'd love to come. Which day?

I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding, and felt a smile tug at my lips.

ME: We're still figuring it out, but I'll let u know. Glad you can come! Maybe Alana can tag along?

JESSE: Doubt it, she's got plans with her friends for the whole holiday. Thanks for inviting me tho. I'll see u then

I wasn't sure why I was so excited about Jesse coming along with us. Maybe it was because I'd never hung out with anyone else beside Beatrice and Aki. New friends were never really a thing for me. But maybe getting to know someone new for once could be a big step into coming out of my comfort zone.

"A comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there"-John Assaraf