"I was always holding onto people,
and they were always leaving."
~Lili St. Crow

A lot has changed between Anna and me in the last couple of days she was able to come out of the shell she was in and back to her old self.

On Saturday, we stayed in bed almost all day, getting off to bathe and take a walk in the garden and on Sunday she agreed to come with me and grandma to church and then back to Grandma's place after the service was over, she also helped grandma out with gardening and the two women talked and laughed about God knows what. We returned home and she finally allowed me to see some of the sketches she'd made for gowns she would want to someday design. They all looked amazing and the more she let me in the more amazed I got at who she was.

With my suggestion, she took the week off from work so she could stay home and Rosalina seemed to be getting along with her as well, to the point she offered to show her some of her amazing recipes. Anna seemed excited and accepted Rosalina's offer. I couldn't be happier and I only wish Mom could get along with her too.

Although I went to work yesterday being Monday, I could not stop thinking about her and I felt complete and happy when the day ended because I knew I was getting home to meet her, the woman I loved.

I asked Rosalina and Nneka to keep an eye on Anna and report to me if anything happened or if she was leaving the house. I will not deny that I am scared that she would try to run away again and I do not want to lose her and if keeping an extra eye on her would help me do that, then I'll do it.

Today is still the same at work and Amade wouldn't stop teasing me about it because according to him, I was glowing with love like never before. I wanted to hit him, but I know he would definitely hit back and it would be harder. I am no coward, I just choose my battles wisely.

"Yogi said she got a boyfriend." Amade suddenly begins to speak, breaking me out of the thoughts running through my head and I see him toying with the globe on my shelf.

I pick up the document on the desk and open it, "Yes, I heard his name his Rooney or something." I reply absentmindedly, reading the name of the documents.

I see him quickly turn to look at me, "How long have you known."

"It's is not the 50s, she told me at the fundraiser."

"She never told me a thing, I thought we were friends?" She asks with a somewhat sad tone.

"She's our friend, besides why do you care?" I ask then slowly recollect what we are talking about and I slowly drop the document in my hand, "You like her, you like Yogi, don't you?"

"Don't be absurd, like you said we are friends." He tries to cover up and look away from me.

I get up from my seat and approach him, my eyes not breaking from him, "All these years I couldn't see it. You were always weird around her, I had no idea why, it makes sense now."

"You're being ridiculous, Eli, Yogi is my friend and if I was weird around her, it was because I liked teasing her."

"So you wouldn't be jealous if she walked in here, hand in hand with Rooney or if you see her kissing him and being held by him."

"Stop, Eli, you're not helping! Fine! I do like her, I always have." He rubs his hand over his face. "I just thought the time will be right one day and I would get to ask her to be mine."

"The time was right for years, you just loved the life of the party, fucking around with girls and not committing to them and hoping Yogi would be waiting for you to come around. You're my best friend and I love you but if I had a daughter, I wouldn't want her anywhere near a guy like you."

His eyes flicker in sadness, "I was scared about being trapped with her, look at how it turned out for my parents."

Amade father fell in love with his mother and did everything he could to keep her, but whatever he did wasn't enough and in the end, she left them. Amade vowed never to be like his father and he has lived by that promise every since.

"I know that's no excuse for how I was or the choices I made I was a coward. But when I saw you and Anna at the company's dinner, all-loving and into each other, I knew I wanted something like that, hell I needed something like that in my life." He confesses.

My relationship with Anna isn't rosy or perfect it just takes commitment. "That doesn't come overnight Amade, it comes from months of mess-ups and fights and pain."

"What gave you courage with her?"

"I didn't have anything much to lose I guess and until you approach things that way, you may never get them." I gently slap his shoulder, "that said, do not go ruining Yogi's relationship with Rooney, I know how your brain works." I pointed out and guilt flash in his eyes before nodding.

"How's Anna after everything?"

"She's fine," I told Amade about Anna's attack but it wasn't into details of where she was or why she was there, I wanted that to stay between Anna and me. "Better than four days ago."

I remember her words "Shower with me" which she said with a weak plea in her voice and how it took the word 'no' from me. I remember how I foolishly nodded and helped her up to her feet and she made her way into the bathroom to take off her clothes and I follow her in. I remember taking off my clothes in the corner of the bedroom and joining her up in the bathroom.

"I'm happy to hear that and I hope they catch that son of a bitch soon."

"Me too."

I filed a report about the strange man That attacked Anna a few days ago and aided the police with the facial recognition of the man since we didn't have much information about it. The sketch based on my description was shown to me and although it didn't completely look like the man, it was close enough. Detective Mayowa who was in charge of the case promised to get to me as soon as he could.

I return home and just like yesterday, I first make my way towards Anna's bedroom door once up the stairs and I softly knock on the door.

"The door isn't locked." The response comes swiftly from inside and I turn the doorknob and push open the door and step inside.

"Hey, Anna," I call to her with happy eyes and she looks from the papers up with a smile on the corner of her lips.

"Eli, you're back early." she points out and drops the pencil on the pieces of papers scattered on the table.

I step forward towards her study table, stuffing my hands into my pocket and stretching my legs a little, "There wasn't so much work and I wanted to come home to you."

"Don't worry, Eli, I will not run away again, you can tell Rosalina to stop following me everywhere I go," she informs, she's smart and I knew it was only a matter of time before she figures out I have been keeping an eye on her.

When I asked Rosalina to keep an eye on her, she did not want to and asked why and I had no choice but to tell her everything that had happened and also about Anna's attack and she agreed to without hesitation.

"We are just being worried."

An emotion flicker in her dark brown eyes and I'm taken back by it because for the longest time I remember, Anna has had a lighter shade of brown not dark. This is one of the many different changes Anna has most times and work did cause me to not notice some of these change, but her eye wouldn't change colours even if we were four years apart would it?

"What's on your mind now?"

"Your eyes, I could have sworn they were a shade lighter before." I point out to her and her mouth forms an 'o' shape.

"Contact lens," she replies and I almost slap myself into the face. Of course, contact lens does that and there I was thinking it was a change, "which do you prefer this or the lighter shade?"

I shrug, "I don't know, I like them either way, I was just curious is all." I move to stand beside her and she looks up at me in an adorable way. "I love you, just the way you are."

She nods and turns to the sketches on the table, and push them forward "What do you think about them?"

"They are very good," I squat a little just to come down to her level and I take her hand in mine and I feel her tense up to that before easing up in my hand. " I was thinking on the way home about the wedding and everything."

"Okay..."

"Do you still want to marry me?" it has been a thought I tried not to give myself to and shoved it off as often as it came these past few days and it is that Anna may have changed her mind about marrying me. After seeing her at the old railway I've been having different thoughts and worries and one of the leading cause for worry is the fear that Anna might no longer want to marry me.

Does it scare me that she feels that way especially at this point in our lives? It does but what would be worse for me would be to marry her, knowing she no doesn't want to be married to me.

Yes, a lot has gone into the preparation of our wedding and I may have been busy then but I released enough funds just to make sure that nothing will be lacking on that day, but I do not plan on dragging anyone to the altar, that would be a horrible thing to do and I do not I want to be left on the altar and the bride running away either; I will not recover from that. So even though the wedding is just a few days away, it can still be stopped and everything cancelled and start healing broken hearts from this moments.

She keeps her eyes locked on my hand holding onto hers and she doesn't say anything in the next few seconds and the longer she stays silent the more my heart breaks.

Finally, she looks up at me, her eyes filled with an apology and my heart squeeze in my chest already thinking of the worse, "I'm sorry, Eli."

At this point, my heart is almost about to stop beating and though I asked for her reply, I didn't expect this. I shake my head, I bring her hand to my lips and lather kisses on it before dropping it. "Don't be sorry, Anna, I guess it's for the best. I told myself maybe we were rushing this and that was why you ran away." my eyes blur up and I cuss under my breath at how hurt I already am. I guess though I asked the question, a part of me wanted a positive answer.

I get up to my feet. I do not know how our relationship goes from here, but I guess we will find a way around it all. I walk towards the door to exit when she begins to speak.

"I ran away because I was done, I ran because I was scared and I wasn't thinking straight and for that I am sorry. I wasn't considerate of your feeling or emotions. I am sorry." I feel her get up from behind me. "I am not changing my mind about the wedding. I want to be your wife and that's going to happen because you want it, but because we both do." She begins to walk towards me, "I'd be a fool to keep you waiting." by the time she finishes speaking, she was beside me.

She knows just how to get into my head and stay there and after the night we showered together I haven't really been able to get her out of my head. She knows she owns me and I will not have it another way.

She tiptoes and kisses my lips, slowly, softly and carefully and I don't know if I will be able to reciprocate in such a manner, not with the way I crave her.