37: can't go home
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"I make it easier for people to leave by making them hate me a little."
~Cecelia Ahern
The next morning I woke up with the mission in mind, playing my part until two p.m. then leaving for the railroad so I can be on time for the final switch. I took my bath and put on a purple gown so I can join Joey and Eli for breakfast one last time.
After the talk I had with Eli last night, I couldn't sleep, not like I have been having good sleep in the last three week either and I'm sure the guilt of what I've done is going to hunt me many months from now.
I wish I could judge Anna and expose her for what she really was, but I couldn't do that, no matter what, she still had the upper hand and telling Eli the truth would only risk Luke getting harmed and most likely killed and me getting thrown into prison by Eli and his family.
A place exists in my heart for Eli, but all I can do in a moment like this is pray that he realises the truth before it's too late.
"You're extremely cold," Eli's voice pulls me out of my thought and I see his eyes on me worriedly and looking down, I see his hands in mine and it is a surprise to me how I didn't feel his hand until now.
Joey gives me eyes of concern and I try to block out their concern and focus on my last breakfast. Every moment I spend with them now becomes a heartache.
"Are you okay?" Eli asks, his eyes like always trying to search mine out but I look away.
"Yes, Eli, I am fine. I guess I shouldn't have worn this dress." I say with a nervous laugh which eases the tension in the room a little.
His hand squeezes down on mine, "You're sure about that?"
I bring his hand which is holding mine up and I lean in to place tender kisses on it and I feel him shiver in response. "I am sure, thanks for your concern, though."
His eyes warm up and he nods, "Let's eat then."
After breakfast, Eli got ready for work. It is Saturday but he works from morning till five p.m. before closing. I told him I would be going out later today to get the sketches over to Francis even though it the weekend are we are usually closed and he told me to be safe. He said he will also be dropping Joey with Elizabeth because they talked and decided on it yesterday, I didn't have much to say in response, I will definitely miss him and the trouble he brings. Eli kisses me and Joey waves goodbye before they both take their leave.
I retired to my room and I picked out the journal which I have kept for the past three weeks and I flip it open, writing down everything that is left and yet to be written. Once Anna takes her rightful place as Ms Wilson, this journal will guide her through the last three weeks which she missed and help her know all that she needs to just like she wanted and orchestrated.
At exactly one fifty p.m., I got into a pair of black trousers and a red shirt I bought for myself, a black boot and a grey coat which was contrary to what Anna would normally wear. I sorted all the documents into the folder and slid them into the drawer before locking it and sliding the key into the purse. Today has been perfectly marked out and I don't want anything keeping me here than it needs to. I pick up the phone and throw it into the purse before walking out of the room at exactly two p.m. I am supposed to go wait at the old railway station and we are supposed to make the switch there. Hassan would take me to the bus stop and then, I would get a small car which will then take me to the railway just to make sure no one follows me.
I arrive at the old railway feeling edgy and a bit uncertain, but excited and giddy because I know from here on, my life is going to be mine and no one else will get to control it and the last three weeks would have been the best if I wasn't living in someone else's world. And as beautiful as it was, it wasn't my reality.
The railway is an abandoned train route that has little to no people around and this is the reason why Anna chose this place. Although lonely and sometimes dangerous, Anna believed it was a safe side of the city to make the switch because of the absence of surveillance cameras.
I walk towards the second vacant space not so far from me which has a bench I can sit on while waiting for Anna arrival and I sit down and begin to countdown until Anna's arrival.
I have been at the old railway for an hour with no sign or call from Anna who said she was going to meet me here three weeks ago as well as the last night when we spoke and she said she would not be later than thirty minutes, but that is what's happening.
Another hour passes while I try not to panic or think about what dubious thing Anna is planning. She couldn't have forgotten about the switch, she couldn't have forgotten because this type of day isn't one you forget, that's how important it is.
I can no longer seat because of agitation and fear of what exactly is happening and why Anna isn't showing up as she promised. I pick out the phone finally getting fed up with waiting and dial her number and it rings for a while before going to voicemail and I end the call and dial again and just like the last, it goes straight to voicemail and I dial again and after the third time and having the call go straight to voice mail, I become fed up.
I have no idea why Anna isn't answering and my heart is hammering against my chest Anna is supposed to answer, she always answers. Today is not the day to not answer.
I can't go home because this isn't how the plan was planned out last week. "I will come there to meet you not later than four-thirty p.m., so once you get to the old railway by the south of the mainland, wait for me there."
Those were the words I've clung to in the last three week, but here I am, three hours after the supposed given time and Anna is nowhere to be found.
I can't do back home to Eli; my mind told me to, but my heart could not stand to be with Eli anymore, especially with everything I now know, everything I now feel. I can't stand to treat him like a fool anymore and I admit that I am not innocent, but this isn't fair in any way.
Today was supposed to be the day I get freedom today was supposed to be mine, yet here I am crying at an old abandoned railway. I am angry, upset and filled with so much hate and resentment for Anna and it sucks that people like her will never get what they truly deserve.
Another thirty minutes pass and the light of the day begins to reduce as night comes in and it will be dark before I know it and still no sign of Anna. The railway is dangerous in the day but a terror at night and fear begins to set in and I dial the number of Anna, for the hundredth time and just like before, there is no answer and I have to fight the urge to smash the damn thing on the ground.
I kick off my shoes, getting tired of them and I take my seat on the bench, trying to keep my teeth from chewing at my fingernails and it easier said than done. The only thing on my mind the whole day was the switch but here I am, almost three hours later, waiting for Anna. I am angry, tired, overthinking, anxious, and terrified as hell.
"Anna, for the love of God, please show up."
I mumble to myself with my chin resting on my knuckles and staring at the old abandoned railway that leads far ahead to where I don't know and noticing the way the few people that passed by stared at me. I try to pay no mind to them, but it seems easier to take notice of them than to listen to the voices in my head.
Maybe this was Anna's plan all along. Change the whole plan and drag me into it, knowing that I will not have a choice because of the leverage she has. I don't even want to think about the twisted plan she has now because my brain would automatically shut down and stop functioning.
Maybe you're just overthinking, maybe her flight was delayed or they encountered some kind of difficulty on the road. She will be here soon.
But when exactly is this soon?
I glance at the wristwatch on my wrist and it says six forty p.m., I have successfully spent many hours trapped in a position without knowing what to do or what actions to take.
One thing is for certain though and that is the fact that I'm not going back to face Eli, I may not be in control but I have a will and it is going to stay here and wait and I don't care how long that takes.
I notice a man with a black hood from afar off on the railway track which leads to where I currently am and at first I cannot see his face, but as he gets closer, I notice that his hands which are tucked in his hood are trembling. This might be the harmattan season, but it's still barely seven p.m. and there isn't that much cold until later in the night, so I wonder why his hands have to be so cold. Unlike the other people that made their way past me earlier, this light-skinned man seem to be making his way towards me and the closer he gets the more afraid I become and I get up.
I am not trying to judge but the man heading towards me makes me feel terrified and I am already terrified that I am in this place at night, I cannot take any more funny act and I don't need a feeling in my gut to know that something bad is going to happen.
Unfortunately for me, there is no one else around but the two of us and I finally realized why it's such a bad idea to even be here.
I should have left, I should have left a long time ago, but though my mind scream, my body doesn't do anything, I just stand there leaning against the light pole not so far from him, holding onto my purse which has my phone in it.
As he gets a few feet closer, he pulls his hands out of his hood pocket menace in his eyes as he tried to get even closer.
I am shivering and my heart is hammering in my chest and my hands are beginning to get cold but still unable to move as though having a death wish for myself.
The strange man stops walking when he gets to me, "Give me your purse!" He demands with a deep threatening voice.
I don't have much, just a few hundred bills in my purse but I open my mouth to say, "Wait, I can give you the money, I have. It isn't much, I begin to open my purse to look through it and get the money out, but he grabbed my purse and tried to pull it out of my grasp. I hold on to it and give him an anxious look. I am beyond terrified, but I cannot allow him to take the purse, the phone and the key to the drawer at home is inside it are important that I cannot bear to lose.
"I will give you money, don't take my purse."
He pulls out a penknife and fear cripples me, freezing every part of my body and goosebumps breaks out on my skin and I become cold. I immediately let go of the purse and raise my hand in surrender, but he doesn't take the purse and run like he's supposed to, instead he stretched forth his hand, trying to take a swing at me.
At this point, I am lost with what to do because even though I have the voice to scream, there's no one within a mile from us that would hear and come to the rescue.
I have given him the bag but he wanted to hurt me even more. My back hit the light pole and I know there is no way to get away, this is what I deserve for everything I've done.
He smirks realising I can no longer back away and he raises the knife and my eyes shut and I anticipate the worse, but unlike a painful sensation as a result of the stab of the knife, I hear a hard punch and when I open my eyes, I see Eli ducking as the stranger swings his knife forward towards his midsection and then taking hold of his hand holding onto the knife and then punching the stranger in the face.
I am too afraid of what almost happened to me to even question what Eli is doing here and how he found me or even where he learnt how to fight from.
The stranger knife falls to the ground and Eli kick it towards where I still am, unmoved.
The stranger stares at me and then at Eli and turning to his heels, he runs away with my purse still with him. Eli is about to chase after him but he stops himself and turns to me instead.
"Are you okay?" He asks, walking over to where I am frozen in the same spot.
I don't think I'll ever be okay.
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