(LONG CHAPTER INCOMING, JAY'S CHAPTER)

I step off the train with my luggage, hoping that the pair who had traveled to Suwon together would take me with them. Low hopes, though, considering that one almost committed suicide and the other was dead drunk as well when he almost died.

However, when I'm just about to text a curious Ni-Ki that I'm in Suwon, a hand grabs my wrist, causing me to instantly gaze up. The boy isn't too much taller than me, and seeing his small smile mix with mine relieved me. "Hey?"

"Hello, Iseul," He whispers, tilting his head. "What are you doing in Suwon?"

"More like how'd you know I was coming to Suwon," I chuckle, shaking my head. "I didn't expect to see you greet me at the train station."

"Jake had texted me about your arrival—and a few other things," He shrugged, yawning. "I don't know why you had to come so early, though—Sunoo wasn't even awake by the time I left."

"Sorry, Jay," I apologize, patting his back. "Now to answer your question—I'm here to convince you about a few things."

"About what?" He plays dumb, grabbing my luggage from my hands and crossing his arms. "Is it what I think it is?"

"Yeah, about the fight," I nod, causing him to groan. "Hey, as much as you hate it, you all are still friends!"

"To be honest, there's not much to convince me. If everyone else agrees then I'll move with the flow," He shrugs as we walk out of the train station, the boy holding my pointer finger as if I was a lost kid. "I just wish things were that easy. Sunoo hasn't been that talkative lately, and it worries me. He's been off and on with people and with me—so I haven't seen him lately. He comes home late at night and leaves early in the morning, doing his things."

"When do you think I'll be able to catch him, then?" I question, following him. "What does he do, too?"

"I'm unsure about both of those questions, so you'll have to catch him one day—" He pauses, stopping as he presses the button for the crosswalk. "But first, let's get you settled since I know you won't be staying long. Are you going to stay at a hotel?"

"Probably," I shrug, nudging him. "But for today, I wanted to not talk about anyone else's feelings, Jay. Just yours."

"What makes you think I have an input on this?" He chuckles, shrugging off his feelings. "Even if I had an opinion, what so? It would make no difference. I'd still be in the band, everyone would get along before, and..."

"And?"

"...I'm just an extra for a reason," He whispers, looking down. "In every story, there will always be a secondary character—but that is not me. I will always hide in the background, no matter what."

He tries to pull me along but I grab his hand, halting him from strolling away. "What?"

"Let's go get breakfast," I say instantly, pressing my lips together. My heart started to hurt hearing his words. "I want to occupy you for the rest of the day. Can that happen?"

"You sound quite determined—and you coming here was quite the strike from where our university is," His eyes smile and he nods, intertwining his fingers with mine. "The only thing I can do for all the traveling you did this morning gives you this opportunity—so, where shall we eat?"

We eat breakfast at a coffee shop not far from the train station—looking at the art and shops as we pass by. After that, we both look for things we want to do—and set our eyes on simply walking and talking. I don't know why he was so interested in these types of things, but maybe it was because the pressure had made its way into his mind. He's always very careful of his reputation and looks—so I can see why he was putting himself down like this.

However, he shrugs it off so easily—not only these negative feelings but his own as well. It was paining to see him like this, considering he was the second oldest. He bore the weight whenever Heeseung was not around and is quite quiet. He's so expressive some days—and on others, I never see him speak.

But I must agree, on the days he wants to talk, he's super, super, talkative.

"Should I start from the beginning, then?" He suddenly says as we take a seat on a bench near a few flowers. I look at him with confusion, the boy sitting back and pointing at me. "I mean, aren't you here to hear the story?"

"I'm here to evaluate and listen to your feelings, but if you'd like to start from there, you're wholeheartedly welcome to," I reply, sighing. "And if you're tired, you can just—"

He already gets the memo, laying his head on my lap as I shield his eyes from the light. He mumbles a quiet thanks before putting down my hands, knowing I'll get tired. "Alright, well, it was... the third year of high school. Ni-Ki had just come to high school, and we were so happy for him. He was growing up and stuff—and Heeseung hyung wanted to throw a mini-party for him."

I continue to listen, playing with his hair as time passes by. "Sunghoon couldn't come because he had guitar lessons. Jake couldn't come because he was busy for whatever reason he should be—and Sunoo had piano lessons. Jungwon was driving Sunoo there, so he couldn't come either. It was Heeseung hyung, Ni-Ki, and me. We had some of hyung's college friends buy us some beer—which I understand now was such a bad idea."

He chuckles, rubbing his temples. "I had always tried to fit in, so I drank with Heeseung hyung. That day, Heeseung hyung was quiet. He didn't say anything when we tried to converse with him—which I then realized talking to him that day in the office, was because of Ji-Hun. He was completely heartbroken and everything, so I don't know why he continued with the party. Maybe just for the drinking part of it."

He sighs, continuing. "Ni-Ki didn't drink any—and he made sure we'd be able to get in the car safely. Ni-Ki wasn't quite aware of what 'drunk driving' was at the time, so he settled hyung in the driver's seat while I sat with him at the back. Dead drunk and whatnot, Heeseung hyung started the car—and at first, he was steady."

He gulps, closing his eyes. "But after a while, he had started to swerve. I don't know how I remember it all—considering that I was drunk. I thought I had forgotten about it because nobody ever mentioned it to me, but the day Sunghoon did, it all came back. Proceeding on, we got into a car crash. Not with anyone else—we just hit a tree going down a hill. Heeseung hyung wasn't hurt the slightest, but with my dull memory, Ni-Ki had gotten knocked out and I almost did, too."

"Some people found us and took us to the hospital—where we found out Ni-Ki had a few broken bones and a concussion. I had a fractured arm and leg while hyung only had a broken leg. He was sober by the time we went to the hospital, and before I had passed out from looking at blood, I could see how numb he was." Jay whispers, clearing his throat. "I got discharged after getting wrapped up. We had waited to hear news about Ni-Ki, but it took a while. Heeseung hyung blamed himself for days and days—and after a while, I never saw him at practice anymore."

"It was like he completely disappeared—until the day Ni-Ki came back to practice. Heeseung hyung and Ni-Ki talked—but Ni-Ki had completely forgiven him. Ni-Ki had always loved hyung like his brother—everyone did. I had forgiven him too because that day was a complete blur for me. It's only now that I realized things went wrong, but I can't simply blame it on him, Ni-Ki, or myself. Hell, I don't even know what he was thinking when he drove us into a tree."

"All I know is that mistakes were made, and it's not his fault," He sighs, shaking his head. "That's the story. About my feelings though, they've always been a mess. I'm not the type to openly talk about my talents, shine in the spotlight. I've always left it up to the other members, and I'm so proud of them. Sometimes though, I wonder what it's like to be popular. While I'm so grateful for your sister being my only fan, I'm jealous of hyung."

"Why's that?"

"I don't know, maybe it's his fans or something," He sighs, chuckling soon after. "There's not a lot to be jealous of now, but back then, I wondered what it was like to bask in his glory. Ever since then, I've just... kept it all to myself, you know?"

"That's what I don't understand, Jay," I sigh frustratingly, covering the sun from his eyes. "Why do you keep invalidating your feelings like this?"

"It's better I do, to be honest," He shrugs, looking up at me. "There's not much to it. There's no reason to be hating on myself, but I do. People hate me too for the stupidest things I do, which I shrug off—but at the end of the day, it still hurts so, so bad. Maybe that could be the reason."

"Is that why—"

"Yeah, that was my internal reason why I wanted to leave the group," He interrupts, nodding. "I knew that if I escaped it, maybe the band could be better without me. I thought about it several times, but never could get myself to do it. Then, there was a day Heeseung hyung had come to me—I think it was the first or second year of university."

He starts to tell a new story as I continue to listen, hearing out his thoughts. "He had come to me to tell me he was proud of me. At that moment, I cried. He asked me why I was crying so much—and all I could tell him was that I was sorry. He told me lots of things that day, but all I could remember was him telling me he was proud. That was the time I stopped doubting my significance in the band, and since then, after every gig, hyung would come to treasure me and say he was proud."

How sweet.

"I wish there were a few more words I could tell him—that I'm proud of him too," He sighs, frowning. "But I don't know if he'd want to hear it from me right now. I don't even know where he is, how he's feeling... will you ever go to comfort him?"

"Eventually, I will—" I smile, chuckling. "We are both quite independent, so I think he needs time. I'm visiting him last—because he will be hard to convince. He's dealt with the mistakes, and he's feeling insecure.  He deserves the guilt at this moment, but hearing all of you forgive him will be relieving for him."

"Are you proud of him, Iseul?"

"For what?"

"Everything, Iseul," He whispers, pressing his lips together. "For him being him."

"There is always something to be proud of—even if the person has made a mistake," I whisper, smiling. "Some severe mistakes are something not to be proud of, like murder, but for him, he's human. He hasn't killed anyone—"

"Sunoo."

"Hey," I warn, causing him to laugh. "He didn't mean to and didn't know. Didn't he stop him?"

"Yeah, he did—" Jay chuckles, shaking his head. "Heeseung had stopped him from going up to the roof and killing himself. At that moment, I couldn't tell what was going through their minds when hyung hugged Sunoo as he sobbed. We were all there—but we couldn't understand."

Jay sighs, getting up. I turn his way, seeing his soft smirk. "But don't worry, aside from my boring stories, you're a great person to vent to and talk to. It feels like I've sorted out a few feelings."

"I haven't done anything—but it's good that you feel different now," I hit his shoulder slightly, crossing my arms. "Do you still want to be a part of the band? Jungwon's trying to bring you all back together—and I am simply doing a favor by playing my part and convincing everyone."

"You've convinced me quite easily," He eases, sighing. "My part in this game of mistakes was never that severe anyways. I am simply supplying you information—which I know damn well you will be using."

"Correct," I agree, chuckling. "Shall we go now? I'll walk you home."

"Shouldn't it be the other way?"

"Well, there's someone I have to visit, don't I?" I smirk, chuckling. "I already have a good idea of where he'll be."

"Interesting," He sighs, shaking his head. "Alright, let's go—"

We both spin our heads to a little girl pulling on his pants, holding a flower in her hands. Jay gives me a glance before squatting down, placing strands of her hair behind her ears. "Hi, there~ What do you need?"

"Well... my mommy and I overheard your talk, and we just wanted to give you this," With her broken words, she gives Jay a sweet rose, one that's fully bloomed. It looks quite pretty—but the girl giving it to him was so much prettier. "Thank you for staying strong! I love you, sir, ~"

"How adorable—thank you, I will make sure this rose is taken care of," He swoons over her, patting her head. "I love you too, and grow up well!"

She giggles before running back to her mom, who smiles at both of us. Jay mouths a quick thank you to her before the pair walks away, leaving Jay to stare at the sweet flower.

"How do you feel?" I laugh, seeing him stare at the flower.

"Great," He exhales, smiling at the flower before beaming at me. "Let's go, I know you have someone to speak with next." Winking at me, he swoons over the flower before grabbing my pointer finger again, favoring a flower that reminds me well of him.