I had a date night with Amaka. She'd picked a weekend when she knew she could drop her kids with her mother. I wasn't exactly sure what she wanted us to do, but I knew she was coming to my house first. I heard a knock at my door at exactly six p.m. and when I went to check who it was, it was Amaka and she was holding a woven basket. I noticed she wasn't dressed for an outing, she had on a short, jeans skirt and a white crop top. I hugged her and helped with the basket.

"What's in here?" I asked when we got to the kitchen.

"Food, babe."

"I thought we were going out. You guys were hell bent on finding me a man."

"With the others then. I don't have the strength to dress up for an outing, the kids have sucked up all my energy."

I smiled and took the napkin off the basket. She'd packed hard boiled eggs, apples, bags of chips, peanut butter, wine and salad. I took them out of the basket and arranged the food in small bowls.

"We should go to the pool," Amaka said.

"That's perfect. I can't remember the last time I relaxed by the poolside."

"Go change into a bathing suit and meet me outside."

"Let me help with the snacks first."

I carried the tray full of food to the back of the house and Amaka walked behind me holding the wine and wine glasses. We settled in the lounge chair with our wine glasses half-filled on a table beside us. I munched on some chips and stretched my legs.

"You really want to start without me?" I asked when Amaka removed her skirt. "I've not changed yet," I said in case she forgot.

"Hurry then." She took her wine glass and sipped. "The party has started."

I took a bag of chips with me as I went back to the house. I got a pair of yellow bikini from my closet and changed into it. Amaka was back lounging in the chair when I joined her outside. She opened her eyes as I sat on the other chair.

"Ready?" she asked, standing from her seat.

I stood from mine and took her hand as we walked to the edge of pool.

"Why are your boobs so huge? Aren't you a b-cup?"

I looked down at my boobs, and they were truly bigger than usual. "Period boobs," I said.

"Or you're pregnant," Amaka said and laughed.

I didn't know exactly what happened, but it was like a switch went off in my brain as I was about to laugh off the comment.

"Are you okay?" Amaka asked when I walked back to the chair.

I didn't answer her. I was thinking about the last time I had my period, I couldn't remember when. That was a sign of trouble. I knew something was wrong all this while, but I never thought it was because I hadn't seen my period in months.

"Are you pregnant?"

"I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"Stop talking, I have to think."

Amaka remained silent by my side as I thought about all the times I had sex with Chike. He always used condoms, always. I relaxed and smiled. I learnt my lesson right there, I was going to resume taking birth control pills. I'd stopped after Kola left, not for any sentimental reason but because I wasn't having sex.

"I'm not pregnant, I'm probably about to see my period. I've not had it in a while and that should be because of all the stress I've been going through recently."

Amaka hugged me. "You lucky bitch. I thought you were about to join the club."

I relaxed into her hug. "Why did you have four kids then if you know it's this stressful? You're always complaining."

Amaka leaned backwards. "I love them to pieces but that doesn't mean I can't complain, and you guys are the only ones I complain to. I wish you understood, kids are cute and all but they can be terrible and mine are terrifying at this stage."

"I know you love them. I was just worried about you."

"Every mother complains, maybe not audibly to people's earing but they do. I envy you sometimes, the freedom you have."

"It's not a choice. I thought I was going to be with Kola forever and have babies with him whenever he changed his mind about having children."

"The asshole."

We laughed and I ate more chips.

"I went with my husband to a concert in Eko Hotels and when Kola came on stage, I walked out. I couldn't bear the sight of him, he's such a vile human being."

My hand stilled as I was about to eat my chips. "Oh my God, oh no!"

"What's the problem?"

Hotel, hotel, hotel. That fucking word. Oh no. The last time I was in a hotel, I was with Chike and we had sex. Oh Lord, the bathtub. I put my head in my hands. We didn't use a condom in the bathtub. My mind had been tired and I'd initiated it without thinking about using protection.

"What's the problem?" Amaka asked again and knelt beside me.

I raised my head and said, "I'm not sure but I think I might be pregnant."

"Holy smokes. How did it happen? Gosh, I meant with whom?"

"This can't be happening. It was just once, and we were both tired. I can't be pregnant."

"We can get those test strips from a pharmaceutical store. Do you want to know?"

"I do. I know I can't be pregnant. I just need to have it confirmed."

"Let's just do the test first before you conclude."

I nodded. "Alright."

Amaka sat by my side and I tried not to cry. "Have you been having morning sickness recently?"

"No."

"Mood swings?"

"Not really." Except the time I yelled at Dave and he was at fault so that couldn't count. "It could be cold also because I was exposed to my assistance when he got sick."

"Cold doesn't make your boobs huge. You sniff, sneeze, that's it."

"This is the worst thing that could ever happen right now. I can't be a mom right now. I don't want to be a single parent."

"Let's get the strips, it could be a scare."

"Yes, a scare."

I held on to that as we went back inside the house. I wore leggings and tank top over my bikini and went with Amaka who was back in her clothes to the car. There was a pharmaceutical store close to my house so that was where I drove to.

"Will you get it for me?" I asked Amaka when we got to the front of the store.

"Sure."

She left the car and I tried not to over think the situation as I bit on my nails. It was a scare, I couldn't be pregnant. Amaka came back into the car and I drove home. I took the test strips from her and hurried into the bathroom, she'd gotten about ten different strips. I ripped one from its wrapper and ripped another when the first one fell from my trembling hands. I breathed in and out to steady myself.

When the anxiety subdued, I peed in a cup and dunked in two strips. I needed to be very sure. I flushed the toilet after emptying the cup and waited for the strips to show the result. I begged the universe and God, I only needed one to listen to me and make this ordeal a scare. My hands trembled as I checked both strips after waiting for several minutes. I opened the bathroom door and Amaka was waiting for me.

"What is it?" she asked.

I went into her arms and broke into a loud sob, my body racked as I cried. Amaka hugged me back and patted my back. We went into the living room and I laid down on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

"Is it for the guy in the news?" Amaka asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said.

"I respect that. You need to go to the hospital to confirm it though."

I sat upright on the sofa and faced Amaka.

"Can you keep this between us? I don't need anyone to know about it right now."

"Including the girls?"

"Especially them. I'll tell everyone when we're all together."

"It's your decision. I'll keep my lips zipped."

"Thanks."

"I'll get the wine and the tray from outside."

I nodded and she went outside. I took a tissue from the table and wiped the tears streaming down uncontrollably. This was my worse fear come to life. I couldn't be a single mother, the thought alone scared me. I touched my belly and it was still flat, I hoped there was no little human in there.

I didn't want to think about Chike's reaction. He could think I wanted to trap him with pregnancy. What if he didn't want kids? I had to call him to tell him, that was the only way to find out his reaction. It was my fault, it was all my fault. That night at the hotel, if only I'd remembered to ask him to use protection and I should never have stopped taking the pills.

I heard Amaka coming in and I wiped my face clean. I smiled when she gave me my half eaten bag of chips. She poured my wine into her glass and downed the whole content.

"For you," she said when she dropped the empty glass on the table. Amaka joined me on the couch and took my hands. "I'll be here for you throughout this journey, you can count on my support."

"Thank you."

"Motherhood is a beautiful thing and I know that you'll enjoy it. Try not to be sad so it doesn't affect the baby." She squeezed my hands before letting go.

I linked my hands and placed them under my chin. It wasn't even an hour since I found out about the pregnancy and I already had to start thinking of the baby, a whole new human. I was so stupid, how could I have made such a huge mistake?

Amaka tried to take my mind off the situation by talking about funny things and I smiled occasionally to make her feel good. Immediately she left, I went to the bedroom and wept into my pillow.