MENDES' POV:

It's sunday morning and I'm heading to my parents house to spend the day with them and with my younger sister Aaliyah who just arrived from her exchange scholarship travel, she's now cursing the sophomore year in a private school nearby the centre of the town.

Yesterday was a busy day, I started to unpack all the boxes in my apartment, placing my belongings the way I always liked but somehow it still does not feel like my own house, the place that I'm planning to live for many years, why not forever?

My mom's delicious food, watching sports on TV with my father and making jokes with Aaliyah aren't all the plans for today; I have decided to pick up some of my stuff from my old room and take them to my apartment.

"Can you give me your shepherd's pie recipe?" I ask to my mom Karen who is placing some dishes in the sink, my dad Manuel is already watching a football game and Aaliyah is on her IPad watching something on Netflix while I'm finishing my second round on the table.

"Of course my darling, I'll prepare a couple of my recipes books for you today" she says cleaning the kitchen island. "How was your 1st week Mr Mendes?" She smiles at my new aka in school. "It went well mom, pretty funny to be honest since in my very first day I was received by a sleeping student in my class" I smile reminding Cameron and I's first meet. "He must be one of those troublemakers students, right?" She asks giving me a glass of organic orange juice. "Not really, I checked his expedient and he is a good student and the captain of the team also, I went to their 1st home game last friday and he played good" She raises her eyebrows suddenly. "You went to a basketball game?" She asks with a worrying grin on her face. "Yeah mom, it was fun and I'm okay" I say and I wasn't lying; I really felt good at a basketball game again. "I just don't want you to suffer anymore honey" her cold hands reaches mines. "I promise" I smile and she smiles in response.

"I guess it's time to go upstairs" I encourage myself. "Are you sure you want to do this alone?" I know my mom and she's pretty worried right now. "Yes mom, but I'll call you if I need something" I comfort her in a hug. "There are some boxes for you on your bed and the key is over your bedside table" she kisses me on my forehead "I'm here if you need me, just call me, okay?" she adds "Thank you mom" I smile and she leaves the kitchen.

I walk upstairs not sure how I'm going to face all those memories, I did spend few days at my parents' when I came back to here but I slept at the guess room, I thought at that moment that I was so soon to confront my past.

I reached the hallway of the second floor, continuing my way till the last door of the hall, once I stand in front of my old room I take a deep breathe and twist the door knob, opening slightly I let the hall lights fill the entrance of the room, my room.

I spot a very well made bed, mom really took care of it, my books shift ordered as I used to do, my desk with a very old computer on it, posters of the Black Mamba on my walls, he still the king after all these years.

And then, the closet... that's where my mom kept all the things that would remember me the biggest lost that I ever had in my entire life.

I placed some books and a prism lamp that I used to have over my bedside table, just because it looks cool, you know :) I also pack some jerseys of my favourites teams that may look good on my apartment.

I pick the key to open my closet door, once I open it I find a big box, I pick it and walked closer my bed placing the box over it.
"It's time" I mumbled to myself opening it.

My 1st sight is a framed picture of us, the one that used to be on my bedside table, a small collage of our photos that he made for my birthday in our senior year, sounds cheesy but that's how Nick was, a brave man for the others but romantic in our privacy.

Nick and I were best friends since we were in 4th grade at school, we grew up together in a unbreakable friendship, but one night he came over to work in our project for our last year in elementary school, we were discussing the theme and he stood up and kissed me, in shock I asked him to leave my house immediately

We were only thirteen years old at that moment and I wasn't sure about my sexuality in that age. I was so mad at him and we didn't talk for two weeks, time enough for me to realize that I developed feelings for him as well.

One day at school I tried to talk with Nick but he was hurt and decided to ignored me; that night I went to his house and he let me in, I confessed my love and we kissed.

Two days later we came out in front of our families and they accepted us, since that day we spent all days together, doing everything side by side.

He was there on every basketball game, I was there on every show that he performed, his voice was my weakness since the 1st time I heard him singing.

Years of joy, happiness and love we experienced together; in our senior year at the night that we won the championship I proposed him in marriage after a long sex-celebration and he said yes.

We got accepted at the Toronto University together, or that was what I thought.

One week before we were supposed to moved, Nick acted strange with me, he was distant, nervous and busy all day. I asked him what was going on but he just said that he was stressed about the moving and my mistake was believed in those words.

My teammates and friends helped me to organize a party for our families before we moved to college, we rent a restaurant in the centre of the city for everyone, at that night everyone was at the party but not Nick.

I started to call him worried but all the calls ended in his voicemail, I excused myself from the party to look up for him, it was 15 minutes from the restaurant to his house, in the middle of the road I noticed a car crash accident, few meters closer I recognized the car, It was Nick's.

I ran out of my car in desperation to rescue him but it was too late, the paramedics told me that he died in the moment of the crash.

Not amount of words would be enough to express what I felt in that moment, I lost my everything.

Days later of investigation resulted that he was driving drunk, not a thing that Nick used to do. A conversation with his parents revealed the reasons of his misbehave.

Turned out that he never got the acceptance for the university and he was hiding it from me because he knew that I'd give up everything to be with him, he lied to me so I'd follow my dreams.

Everything was my fault, he died because of me.

One year later of his death I sent my request to the Vancouver University and got accepted, I moved because I couldn't stay in my house anymore, all the memories of moments that we lived together haunted me everyday, I gave up of my dreams and basketball was one of them.

The 1st two years at college were horrible, it probably sounds too much but I was blaming myself the death of my lifetime best friend, my boyfriend and fiancee; I killed my beautiful love.

As the years passed the pain lingers but I got used to it, with my closest friends helping me I could finished my career, and now I'm back, at my hometown; at my house, in my room with the box that all my memories with him were hidden.

"Is everything okay?" I hear Aaliyah from the other side of the door. "Yes, it is. You can come in if you want" I dry my tears placing somethings to my box to keep for me and the rest I'll send to Nick's parents, they moved to Montreal after his death.

"What are you feeling right now?" She asks. "Empty" I reply. She hugs tightly. "I'd do anything to see you happy again Shawn" tears are forming in her eyes. "I'm happy, there are many ways to be happy" ... "I'm finally back with you, mom and dad; I'm teaching and looking up for a future here" I say but she shakes her head.

"You'll find someone new, someone that will make you happier than you were before" she says. "I don't want that, I don't want to forget him" I mumble looking at our old photos. "You'll never forget him, he's going to be in your heart forever" she's right. "But that does not mean that you don't deserve to be loved again" she adds.
"He died because of me" I reply.
"Stop blaming yourself, everything that happened was because he wanted to see you happy doing what you love, he still want your happiness from wherever he is right now" She's so mature for her age.
"I don't think I could ever love someone again" I confess. "Yes! You will love again, it's not going to be the same type of love because every love is different as every person is." ... "You'll find someone that will make you feel new sensations and you're going to be happy" I hug her.
"I'm so sorry for leaving you alone when I went to college" I tried to avoid almost any interaction with my family, only Nash and Nath were my support. "You don't have to apologize weirdo, you are my big brother and I'll always love you" and I'll always love her.

~

I'm at my apartment, I reorganize all the things that I bring with me on their places. It's 7pm so I order Chinese food for dinner, it was an emotional and exhaustive day but It hasn't finished yet.

I look at the pile of report that I have to correct for tomorrow, I sit on the chair of my desk waiting for my dinner drinking a cold beer, just one to relax ;).
I pick the 1st report of the pile and I smile right after reading the name of the student.

Cameron Alexander Dallas.

A/N: Somehow I got emotional
writing this chapter,
I'm so dumb sometimes.