Eva

.

"Thank you, anak. Kailan ka ba makakauwi rito? Namimiss na kita, anak. Limang taong pasko na. Sana naman sa taong ito ay rito ka magpapasko kasama namin."

Napabuntong hininga ako at napatingala sa langit.

"Soon, Ma... busy pa ako, Ma. Pero kung makakaluwag na sa schedule ay pipilitin ko na magpapasko d'yan."

"Okay... basta mag-iingat ka lagi ha? At saka si Samuel na ang mag update sa 'yo mamaya. Hindi pa nakauwi eh. May survey sila kanina sa Alegria."

"Alegria?"

"Oo. Siyanga pala. Nakita niya raw ang ex mo na si David. Tatlo na pala ang anak niya. Nangungumusta nga sa 'yo."

"Okay... I'm good." Ngumiwi ako at natawang bahagya sa sarili.

After I passed the BAR exam, I processed the case I filed against David. Ang bilis nga, dahil nakuha ko agad ang verdict ng korte. Napaunta sa akin ang kalahati ng lahat.

I'm not sure how David provided the funds, but I was compensated well for them. After that, I did not hear from him or his wife again.

Natahimik akong saglit at kasama na si Mama. Siguro iniisip niya na nagsisisi ako. Hindi ano!? Wala akong katiting na pagsisisi sa paghihiwalay namin ni David.

I'm happy with him now, and life must go on. I don't want to dwell on my past anymore. I just want to work and earn more money for my future.

"Tatawag na lang ako mamaya, Ma. Sabihin mo kay Samuel."

"Oo, anak. Sige. I love you!"

"I love you too, Ma!"

The call ended, and everything went quiet again.

Ibinalik ko lang ulit ang mga mata sa study table at napakamot ako sa ulo. Dalawang oras lang ang tulog ko dahil magdamag kong pinag aralan ang kaso para sa court hearing ngayong Lunes.

Linggo ngayon. May routine ako sa bawat umaga ng Linggo. I do my jog at four thirty, finishing at six o clock at the running playground. Marami ang gumagawa nito ka da umaga at isa na ako rito sa residence na ito.

"Eva!"

I paused when I heard his voice and looked behind me. It was Alex.

"Good damn morning, my sunshine." He licked his lips and ran his hand through his hair, further disheveling it.

"You did not respond last night. Was everything okay?"

Pinunasan ko ang pawis at nahinto saglit. Namaywang akong hinahabol ang pag hinga ko.

"I was studying my clients case. Dalawa iyon. Kaya huwag kang demanding!" Pinaikot ko na ang mga mata.

Bahagya siyang natawa.

"Hindi ako demanding, Eva. Alam ko naman na abala ka. Pero sana nag message ka man lang sa akin. Buong gabi akong naghintay."

"Tumawag ka na lang sana!" Napaluhod akong saglit para maayos ang sintas ng running shoes.

"I called you, but you didn't answer. Also, I'm not permitted to call after ten, right? I understand you are reviewing your clients' cases, so I waited," he smiled.

I chuckled and composed myself. Sadyang matigas si Alex. Ginagawa niya ang gusto ng walang pag alinlangan.

He is stubborn. He doesn't hesitate when it comes to his desires. He acts on impulse, ignoring the potential consequences.

"Bakit may sadya ka ba? Kailangan mo ba ako para sa tropa mo?" Nagtatatalon ako. Nagbibilang hanggang sampu.

"No, Eva. It's not like that. . ." He groaned, getting annoyed at my response.

I stopped, and we stared. "Then what is it?"

"Eva, naman... I just want us to go out and have dinner together. I miss you."

Talagang nahinto na ako at mukhang hindi na ako makakatalon sa harapan niya. 

I smirked at that.

"You miss? Or do you just miss having sex with me?" I countered.

Alex and I, we're sex buddies.

When I came here in Manila, I couldn't find myself still. Ang tagal kong naka-move on noon sa ex ko na si David. Kaya noong lumayas ako ng Cebu dahil sa scandalo sa university kasama na ang sakit sa lahat, ay mas nahirapan akong mag-move on.

It's true that the pain is inevitable and suffering is optional. And in my case, at that time, the only way for me to move on fast was to find someone who could heal me quickly. And I found Alex.

Varsity player siya ng Unibersidad. Sikat, gwapo, mas bata sa akin ng isang taon at energetic. Captain sa basketball at pinagkakaguluhan ng mga babae.

I wasn't interested in him, but somehow, him making a move at me caught my attention. We both desired just one thing: sexual intercourse without any attachments.

He was good. He helped me forget that one damn person! I became strong, full of hatred and regrets of my past.

I don't believe in love anymore. Love is just an excuse for people who want to become bound with it. Not me. I don't cherish love anymore. It's bullshit.

But sex doesn't last that long. Okay lang sa simula, pero habang nagtatagal ay wala na ito. Hindi ko na gusto.

It's been a year, and I cut him off already. I don't want to do it anymore with Alex and with anyone new. I'm over with it. I don't get the pleasure I want. I don't get the satisfaction anymore.

I feel deeply lost and empty as if I'm unloved. Despite my efforts to engage in various events and sports, I still can't find the missing piece of my heart.

That's why I hate myself now. I'm desperate, lonely, and angry.

"Alex..." Tinitigan ko siya ulit dahil hindi siya makasagot.

"I know. I know..." He looked at me longingly.

"I know the rules. We've been doing this for five years, Eva, and—"

"Four years, Alex," I corrected. "It's been a year since we stopped having sexual intercourse, Alex." Tumaas na ang kilay ko.

"Okay. A year. Fine! But can't you see it's not about sex anymore, Eva? I have grown my feelings towards you. Trust me."

I shook my head and started my jog. Nakasunod na siya at nasa tabi ko na. Sabay ang palakad-jogging namin. Mahina lang ito, at tyempo lang para hindi kami maubusan ng hangin.

"Eva, I miss you. . ."

"Miss your fucking ass. Just go and have sex with someone else, Alex, and forget about me!" I jog feet further away, but he was quick, and we were at the same pace again.

"And how will I do that? Shit."

I chuckled a little bit. Kamuntik na kasi siyang matapilok kaya napamura.

"Alex Monteverde Junior, stop following me! You are free now to date and flirt with anyone. Akala ko ba masaya ka na kay Sharon? Type mo siya 'di ba?" I twisted my lips a little. 

I read the article about them last month, and they look good together.

"I tried dating someone else for the past year because I thought that was right. But I can't. My heart longs for you, Eva."

Natawa na ako. Ito yata ang nakakatawa sa linggong ito.

"Stop it, Alex. Imahinasyon mo lang 'yan. Hindi na tayo babalik sa dati, okay? Iba ka na. You have a good career. I don't want to be dragged down and be hated by all your fans." I pouted and jogged faster this time.

Alex is a basketball player. He and his team are well-known. He gained fame recently after winning the MVP award last season.

Item na niya si Sharon at may na item na rin sa kanya noon. At noong panahon na kami pa, ay lihim ang bawat galaw namin at kilos.

It's only our friends who know what we are up to. I have served as his legal counsel until now, overseeing his contract and reviewing it prior to his signature. We share a strong friendship, offering mutual support. That sums it up—nothing more to add.

"Eva naman, please. . ." Nakaharang na siya sa harapan. "I have an up coming proposal. An endorsement. I need you."

"Anong klaseng endorsement ba? Sana hindi condom ah." Ikot nang mga mata ko. Natawa na siya.

Noong nakaraang buwan ay panibagong kontrata iyon ng brief. Mabenta siya sa mga seksi endorsement ng mga lalaking gamit. Kung hindi man sports trackers, ay sports brief para sa mga lalaki.

Kung noon ay na-iimagine ko ang sa kanya, ngayon ay hindi ko na kaya. Napagtanto ko na ibang anyo ang na-iimagine ko sa mga panahong iyon at niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko.

"It's not a condom. It's an energy drink. I'll be out on TV soon."

"Oh? Mas sisikat ka na. Congratulations!" Palakpak ko. Limpak-limpak na milyon na naman ito.

Nilampasan ko na siya at mabilis na ang takbo ko.

"I'm saving, Eva. . .I want to start a family soon, and I want it with you!"

Kamuntik na akong matapilok at huminto akong halos mapahalik na sa ground field. Mabuti na lang at medyo may damo rito.

Napaluhod agad siya at nakahawak na ngayon sa baywang ko para hindi lalong masubsob ang mukha ko sa lupa.

"Eva! Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He scans my body first and then fag the dust around me.

"I'm good." I stood perfectly and inhaled deeply.

My goodness. Baliw na yata si Alex. I need to talk to him.

"Let's have some coffee. I'm done running."

"Okay." Lumiwanag ang mukha niya at ramdam ko na magkakasakit ako mamaya sa ulo.

.

c.m. louden

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