Marahang ibinaba ni Dax ang baso ng alak sa bar counter. The bitter taste of brandy in his throat didn't have much effect on him or on his memories. Naaalala pa rin niya lahat. 

A year and half.

His world has shifted it's course since a year and half ago. Ever since the day he met Andrea. 

Andrea was different from any other girls he had come across with. She's confident, witty and can throw some damn punches. She made sure he knows that during their first meeting. 

She's one tough girl. But tough was not not all Andrea is. She's still a woman, soft and mushy on the inside. He had learned that first-hand when she gave him a mouthful of lashing during their first day in AP Program. She talked about her goals and questioned him about his intentions in entering the agency. 

No one had ever done that to him. Not even his father. 

And with that, she intrigued him more. 

Besides, that first day was really an honest mistake. No one told him that they should always be together as roomies. Kung alam lang niya e 'di sana binuntutan niya ito kahit saan ito magpunta. That would be easy for him. Attracted siya kay Andie e. 

Yes. That very first day, he admitted to himself that he's attracted to the feisty AP Andrea Cortez. Kaya naman ginawa niya ang lahat ng paraan to make his mistake right. Kumausap siya ng tao sa mess hall. He pawned his mother's necklace to Calvin-- the mess hall guy, in exchange of a protein bar and some food for him too. He knew he saved their first day as partners. Sleep was well too. Well, at least for Andie. Dahil sa kanya, the first night was horrible!

He's a grown man sleeping inside the same room with a very beautiful and feisty woman he had a huge crush with.  Tangina, ang tinding pahirap! Dalawang beses siyang naligo para magpakalma. Sleep came just three hours before the alarm blared for their first physical training. 

The days passed and he learned that like all of them in the AP Program, she still needed to learn other skills. Andie sucks with guns. So he had to confront her with it. Na mukhang nasobrahan. Dahil noong ginapang siya ni Gail, tinutukan siya nito ng baril. They were both punished because it. 

Ayos lang naman sa kanya ang parusa, dahil sa huli makukuha na niya ang kuwintas niya. Ang hindi maayos ay 'yong nakarating ang pagpaparusa sa kanya sa Daddy niya. 

He got a beating from his Dad because of the incident. And Andie saw it with her own eyes. 

He's quite ashamed of it, sa totoo lang.  Ang akala nga niya pagtatawanan siya nito e. But Andie tended to his wounds that night-- carefully, lovingly. It was also that night that changed how he felt for her. That night he realized, he was slowly and surely falling for his beautiful and feisty partner. 

The realization washed his sanity. He almost kissed her that night. Buti na lang umiwas ito. Ang akala nga niya susuntukin din siya nito e but she  gave him a kiss. Sa pisngi nga lang. But still a kiss. Kung bakit? Ewan niya. Naawa siguro sa kanya. Sa laki niyang 'yon nabubugbog pa siya. But whatever was her reason for kissing him, one thing is sure, the kiss made his hope rise. That maybe, in the future, they'd have a life together outside the agency. 

It was that kiss though that made everything awkward between them after. Naramdaman niya agad ang pag-iwas ni Andie sa kanya and he needed to do something about it.  Tinuruan niya ito ng technique kung paano bumaril. And when she hit the target, he gave her a reward, a kiss on the cheeks. 

Hindi niya napigilan. He was too overwhelmed with his feelings for her and he thought he'd die if he won't get close to her once again. It was just supposed to be a hug but it turned to be a kiss. He preferred kissing her though. 

But it was that kiss that exposed him. 

Bago sila magtungo sa underwater training nila noong araw na iyon, pinatawag siya ni Chief. They both watched the CCTV footage of him kissing Andie at the shooting range. 

"You know the rule, Lavigne. Dating is prohibited inside The Organization. Even New Protectors know this rule. They cannot have a romantic relationships with anyone until they had served the ultimate client. That would only make them vulnerable and distracted.  What part of that rule is vague to you?"

Napayuko siya sa puntong iyon,. Nag-eecho sa isip niya ang sinabi ng Daddy niya sa kanya. "It's all clear to me, Sir," sagot niya. 

"All clear? You kissing my ward doesn't look like the rule is clear to you."

He balled his fist and lifted his head. "I love Andrea, Sir," he confessed. "And if you'll allow me, I am willing to wait until you give her to me."

Hindi agad sumagot si Chief. He just looked at him with challenging eyes. 

"You will never be good enough for Andrea." 

He felt his gut tightened. "I'm willing to prove myself, Sir." 

Chief eyed him once more."Ten years. I will give her to you after ten years. But, you should never pursue her. You should not tell her how you feel.  If she loves you, she must realize it by herself."

He felt his throat dry, he balled his fist tighter. "I agree with your terms Chief."

"I will expect you then to be true to your word, Lavigne."

His life as an AP became harder since. But he just can't give up Andrea. He must prove to Chief that he is a worthy man for his ward to have. 

So he made a promised to himself, kung bawal niyang sabihin ang nararamdaman niya, he'd make Andie feel. That's why he kissed her that night  when she visited him at the hospital when he almost drown during their first underwater training. 

Noong una, hindi niya sana gagawin. His mind and heart battled. But surviving the horror of the underwater training made him surrender to what his heart wanted. Natakot siya kasi. Natakot siya na baka mawala siya sa mundo na hindi man lang nalalaman ni Andie ang tunay na nararamdaman niya. And seeing how Andie melted in his arms that night, gave him hope that maybe, they feel the same for each other.

After that kiss, gusto na niyang umamin. But the promise he gave to Chief prevented him for doing so. He saw confusion in her eyes that night. He wanted all the confusion in her head go away, but his hands are tied. 

He had to honor his agreement with Chief. 

Dahil 'yon lang ang mayroon siya, isang salita. Kung wala ang Daddy niya at hindi siya isang Lavigne, he'd be nothing. In fact, he really cannot offer Andie anything. He's just a struggling man  who had not yet proven anything in any field.

He was nothing but he promised himself that he'd be something to deserve Andrea.

Noon niya naintindihan na hindi magiging madali ang pagtupad niya sa pinag-usapan nila ni Chief. Having Andie close, sleeping almost next to her, breathing the same air as her yet not telling her how he truly feels almost drove him mad. 

The urge to speak to her, hug her and kiss her once again was so great, he had to sleep in the gym a couple of times just to prevent him from doing so.  Kung gago lang siya at walang isang salita, baka matagal na niyang kinausap si Andie at itinakas sa agency. They would've  survived. Parehas naman silang nakapagtapos. They could've worked as ordinary citizens. But he also knows that that would beak Andrea's heart. 

He didn't want her to be at odds with Chief. Andie loves Chief so much like her own father. And taking her away from the people she loves and preventing her to achieve her dreams is selfish. 

He loves her too much, he wanted her succeed. Heck, he'd be willing to give her the world if that's what she wanted.  Gagawin niya talaga, magkasanlaan man ng kaluluwa. Gano'n niya kamahal si Andie. 

And because of that, he had to remind himself everyday that he's proving himself worthy to have her. He was willing to wait until he can love Andrea freely. Until Chief accepts him as the best man for Andrea. 

But Chief had to make everything hard for him. He  knew he would. But what he didn't expect was that he'd ask them to switch partners on their second month on the AP Program. The switch angered him. He wanted to confront Chief about it but he refrained himself. He knew the switch was a challenge to prove his patience. And so he endured. If the switch had done any good, that would be they made out for the first time... in the bathroom. 

From that day on he knew, Andie feels the same way for him. Her kisses told him so.

He planned to stay close to her kahit na hindi sila partners. But Kevin, her bestfriend made it all harder for him.

"Sige na, saglit lang," pakiusap niya kay Kevin, ilang araw matapos silang mag-switch ng partners. That was a few hours before lights off. He was waiting outside their quarters. Hoping he could talk to Andrea just for a few minutes. 

"Tulog na si Andie e. Bukas na lang," sabi ni Kevin. 

Lie. He knew that was a lie. His trained ear can hear the shower inside the bathroom even if Kevin had already closed the door of the quarters. 

But because he knew, they'd just end up arguing, he just balled his fist and walked away. 

 Ilang beses din nangyari 'yon. There were many times he wanted to punch Kevin but he knew, it wouldn't make the situation easier for him. 

One time he had to confront Kevin about it. Hindi na niya natiis. 

"Sinabi ba sa 'yo ni Chief kung ano ang naging usapan namin?" aniya sa pigil na tinig. They were in the common bath at that time. Katatapos lang ng underwater training at silang dalawa ang naiwan sa common bath at locker room.

"Wala akong alam sa sinasabi mo," ani Kevin habang nagpupunas ito ng basang buhok nito. 

His answer irritated him. He wanted to punch Kevin right there and then. Pero muli, nagpigil siya. "Why do I have this feeling that you're preventing me from talking to Andrea?"

Kevin scoffed. "What are you saying?" anito bago tuluyang sinuot ang tshirt nito. "Si Andie ang ayaw kumausap sa 'yo. Sinabi niya sa 'kin." That confused him but he kept his mouth shut. "Kaya kung ako sa 'yo Dax, tigilan mo na si Andie. Kung ayaw makipag-usap  ng babae, h'wag pilitin. I know it would be hard for you but why don't you learn to be a gentleman," dugtong pa nito bago ito isinara ang locker nito. 

"You're crossing the line, Kevin," he warned in gritted teeth. Kung hindi lang ito bestfriend ni Andrea matagal na niyang pinadugo ang bibig nito. 

Natawa lang si Kevin, maya-maya pa ay sumeryoso. " I'm not crossing the line. You are, Lavigne. You know the rules and yet here you are dragging Andie to your downfall. Stay away from her. She doesn't need you."

He scoffed. "And I thought you said you didn't know anything about Chief and I's agreement." Kevin blinked. "Andrea is important to me. I love her. I have given Chief my word. I will wait for her."

Kevin looked at him, his eyes full of dangerous warning. "You love Andie? You really don't have too. I am here," anito bago tuluyang umalis. 

Since then he was restless. Why wouldn't he? Kevin just admitted na may gusto rin ito kay Andie.  Bestfriend ni Andie si Kevin. They're partners too. Kevin has access to Andie-- something he doesn't. If Andie would pick between him and Kevin, sigurado, dehado siya. 

Idagdag pa na hindi na niya nakausap pa ulit si Andrea nang sila lang. Kung kausapin niya ito, matipid. Laging yes or no lang ang sagot nito. Minsan naman tango lang habang nasa malayo. 

How did he survive those weeks, ewan niya. Patibayan na lang siguro nang loob talaga. 

Mahal niya e. Kahit na nakakagago na. 

 Idagdag pa na nahirapan siyang mag-isip nang dahilan kung paano niya ito makakausap nang masinsinan. But when their first outside deployment came, naglakas loob na siya. He cannot go away for two months na hindi man lang ito nakakausap.Kaya gumawa siya ng paraan.  He asked her to meet him near the training hall. And when she came, his hope rose. She wouldn't have come kung totoo ang sinabi ni Kevin na ayaw siya talaga nitong makausap. He would've said something more to her that night, but again, he can't.  A necklace and a kiss, that's what he has given her. 

A necklace to remind her that a piece of his heart is always with her. And a kiss, for the days they'd spent away from each other. He was deployed that same night in the field. But he was hopeful. Hopeful for the day that they'd be together again. 

Ang akala niya matatagalan pa ulit ang pagkikita nilang dalawa. But for some twist of fate, they were both tapped by the CIA to intercept an illegal transaction in Paris. He was ecstatic to see her and so was she. It was the first time they were together outside of the agency. Walang Chief. Walang Kevin. Pero may rules pa rin. 

Chief called him the night before Andrea arrived. Pinaaala nito sa kanya ang kasunduan nila. Chief made him swear... again. Lalaki sa lalaki. And so he did. He knew if he'd have Andrea, he better make it right. He better make his actions right and not be swayed. But it was a feat. Andrea makes him weak. She drives him crazy... easily. Kung hindi lang siguro matatag ang huwisyo niya at hindi mahalaga sa kanya ang binitiwan niyang mga salita, he would have taken her right under that old bridge when she straddled him, kissed him and drove him to the edge of  madness... of wild abandon.

He could do that, without exerting an effort. But then again, he had given his word. And so, he endured. 

Idagdag pa na dumating ang reinforcement team bago pa man siya makalimot. Si Chief mismo ang sumundo kay Andrea nang gabing iyon. Bumalik agad ang mga ito sa headquarters nang hindi man lang siya nagpapa-alam kay Andrea. 

That hurt him. Pero sino siya para magreklamo? Again, he has to endure. 

By the time Andrea came back to the headquarters after her field deployment, dumating ang Daddy niya at pinatawag siya ni Chief. Sabi ni Chief, someone from the CIA had asked personally asked  for his services kaya maaga siyang patatapusin sa AP Program. 

His Dad was enraged by the idea. Nakipagsagutan ito kay Chief. It was the first time he'd seen his father stood up for him. But in the end, Chief had his way. 

Ang usapan, aalis siya sa AP Program after a week. Kaya naman hindi na siya nag-aksaya ng panahon. After dinner, he asked Andie again to met him at the same place where they had met before they were deployed in the field. 

Kaya lang, si Chief, mas masahol pa sa babaeng nireregla kung magbago ng isip. Pinatawag siya ulit nito at sinabing aalis na siya nang gabing iyon dahil utos ng CIA. He wanted to protest, plead to give him time to get ready. Pero hindi ito nakinig. Pinapili siya nito, leave that night or be expelled from the program. 

Ipit na ipit siya. Gusto niyang magreklamo. Gusto niyang magwala! 

But he had no other choice. Kevin and Chief watched him fix his things. Hindi siya nilubayan ng mga ito hanggang hindi niya nailalagay ang huling gamit niya sa duffle bag niya. Pakiramdam niya tuloy nae-evict siya headquarters. 

Naisip niya si Andie. How will he see her again? Or will he ever see her again?

Kaya naman kahit na mahirap, nilunok niya ang pride niya. Nakiusap siya kay Kevin na sabihin kay Andie ang nangyari sa kanya. Umoo ito pero mukhang labas sa ilong. 

Alam niya, Andie will hate him. For not showing up. For not saying  goodbye. For leading her on. 

But he had no choice, he had to leave. Nagbabaka-sakali siya na kapag sumunod siya sa lahat ng gusto ni Chief, matatanggap na siya nito para kay Andie. 

The months passed and turned into year and he never thought he could live that long without even seeing Andrea. Ilang beses siyang naki-usap kay Chief at sa mga kakilala niya sa loob ng control room, kung puwedeng malaman kung saan naka-deploy si Andie kahit na alam niyang classified info 'yon. Pero hindi siya pinagbigyan. 

But he did not protest. He had given his word. Again, he has to endure. 

But Spain gave him the biggest surprise of his life. Paanong  hindi? When he accepted the offer from Farah, his boss' daughter, to pose as  Lucia's boyfriend, akala niya it would be just one boring night. But to his shock, he saw Andie there. Anak pala ng amo nito ang nag-host ng party. 

Gusto niya itong kausapin. Paliwanagan. Kaso natatakot siya. Dahil kung hindi ito iiyak, malamang sa malamang, mabubugbog siya nito. 

So he had to wait to make his move. After the party, he followed her. But she ended up in a pub drinking. It took him a while bago siya nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob para lapitan ito. Kaya lang nang makalapit siya, lasing na ito. Mukhang hindi nga siya nakilala pero tinawag pa rin siyang gago. 

He deserved that kaya hindi siya umimik. 

Binuhat niya ito hanggang maisakay niya ito sa sasakyan na nirentahan niya. Gusto sana niya itong pagalitan dahil naglasing ito nang walang kasama. Kaya lang, nagbanta ito ng pambubugbog kahit na wala sa sariling huwisyo. 

She's still feisty even drunk. And he finds it cute. 

Tatawagan niya sana si Carlo para alamin kung saan ito nakatira para maihatid niya. Kaya lang, nagsimula itong umiyak. Napilitan tuloy siyang yakapin ito. 

"Si Nanay wala na raw. Si Karl,wala na rin. Tapos ikaw Dax...gago," anito, panay ang ang hikbi. "Manghahalik ka tapos wala lang. Mag-aaya kang makipagkita, tapos hindi ka sisipot. Gago ka talaga no? At ako, anong tingin mo sa feelings ko? Swing? Kapag ayaw mo na, ayaw ko na rin, gano'n?... guwapo ka sana e. Tarantado ka lang. Babaero ka pang hayop ka! Matapos mo kong paasahin. Matapos kong itago ang kuwintas mo nang mahipit isang taon, ipaparada mo sa harap ko ang girlfriend mong artista? How dare you, Lavigne! How dare you!"

She cried and sobbed uncontrollably after. Humigpit din ang yakap nito sa kanya. 

 Mukhang wala talagang sinabi si Kevin tungkol sa biglaan niyang pag-alis sa training noon. 

 His heart clenched seeing Andie cry in pain like that. Lalo din siyang nakunsensiya dahil sadya niya man o hindi, kasalanan niya kung bakit ito nasaktan nang gano'n. Kasalanan din ng pagkakataon. 

He stayed with her, soothe her till she fell asleep. Kaya naman napilitan siyang tawagan si Carlo to ask for help. Ayaw niya sana kaya lang, kailangan niya talaga ng tulong. 

They psycho came to his aid after 15 minutes with a crumpled face. 

"Hoy, ano 'yan Dax?" anito nang makita ang hitsura nila ni Andrea sa backseat ng kotse. Andrea was now sleeping and they were cuddling. Andie's face was buried on his chest while her arms was wrapped in his waist. Hindi niya maalis kahit na gusto niya, ilang beses niyang ginawa. Ayaw siya nitong bitiwan. 

"Hindi ko alam," sagot niya, pabulong. 

"Gago ka ba? Kapit-tuko sa 'yo tapos hindi mo alam?" 

"She doesn't want to let me go."

The psycho grinned, mukhang may naisip. Nagmadali itong sumakay sa driver's seat bago siya nilingon. "Patay tayo niyan kay Chief, Dax," anito, lalong lumawak ang ngisi.

Niyuko niya si Andrea, hinigpitan ang yakap sa babaeng pinakamamahal niya. 

"Hoy, pali-paliwanag din, Lavigne," untag sa kanya ni Carlo, pumalatak  pa subalit nakangisi pa rin. 

Napilitan siyang sabihin kay Carlo ang lahat kahit na sana ayaw niya. But he left out his and Chief's agreement.  

When the psycho was satisfied with his explanation, ito mismo ang tumunton sa tinitirhan ni Andrea kaya niya ito naihatid doon. He would've left her there. Alam naman niyang ligtas na ito. Kaya lang hindi niya ito maiwan. 

He was still hoping that he could talk to her when she's sober. That's why she stayed the whole night. He would've enjoyed watching asleep the whole night, but a visitor came at five in the morning. 

It was Kevin. ###

3462words/04:59pm/10062021