Tori's fuzzy hair pops up from behind the clothing rack in front of me. A smile consumes her tanned face as she sticks her arm in the air. The coat hanger dangles from her fingertips as she shows off the floral printed shirt crop top she's just found.

    "How about this beaut?" She offers with a grin.

My head tilts to the side as I look over the cropped shirt. I try to imagine myself wearing it and how it might look on me. As the image comes to mind, I screw my face up and shake my head. I don't think cropped shirts are suitable for me. I'd prefer something that covers more skin.

"I think it would look better on you," I say.

Not insisting that she should dress this way, but she's been working out so her figure would rock a crop top. Me on the other hand, I have a belly baby fat I haven't been able to shift.

"That's what you've said about the whole shop," she explains.

"Because it's true!" I pout. "Nothing looks good one me."

I can't fathom how shopping can be this exciting for people. I walk into the shopping center with so many fantasies and unrealistic expectations of how it's going to go. Generally, a majority is about clothes fitting my super sexy body. I get to the store, I hate everything, I consider exercising for five minutes, and then I return to hating myself and wanting to leave. My day and mood is then ruined because the world obviously hates me.

"Why are we shopping then? And when are you going to tell me about this mystery man?" whines Tori. "It's been two days of agony waiting!"

"I'm sorry, it's just, weird?" I laugh.

"Who knew we'd actually be friends?" Tori agrees. "Now we're sort of in the same club? Blake's exes."

"Do I get swag for joining the club?"

"Matching shirts can be arranged," says Tori.

"Will they be in green too?" I chuckle. "And if they are, I'm not giving the shirt back if I leave the club."

"Damn his green eyes!" grumbles Tori. "They're such a nice colour, and you can keep the shirt."

Yes, damn you, Blake, why do you have these beautiful green eyes that magically look into my soul?

"What about Jude?" I ask.

"Well." Tori tilts her head to the side and laughs. She doesn't expand on her thoughts, instead, continues to look through the clothing racks. When we can't find anything, I grab Tori's hand and drag her from the shop. I think this is enough torture for one person to go through.

"So," she prompts. "What's the outfit for, a date?"

"Axel and I are going to a concert together, and we're just going as friends," I explain. "I want something nice to wear, but I can't find anything." Since the band appears to be on the alternative rock side, I want to find something that suits the scene. So far, all I've managed to find is girly floral print dresses and crop tops. I don't think that's going to cut it.

"Do you want me to help you find something?" she offers. "I might have something at mine?"

"It's okay," I dismiss. "There's probably something hiding in my wardrobe somewhere."

"I'm sure there is." Tori smiles.   

"Did you want to leave?" I ask.

"You can skedaddle if you like. I need to do some personal shopping." Tori bites her lip uneasily.

"Bedroom shopping or?" I chuckle. "I can stay, I did drive you here."

"Shoot, that's right. But um, no, I have other shopping." As Tori looks away, my mind clicks to what she's thinking about. I suppose people will never be normal about what happened. Even I'm running out of new things to say.

"It's fine, Tori, you can say it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"London needs some new clothes."

"Great, I hear there's a sale at Target." I grab her arm and then tug her towards the newly renovate Target. We grab a basket on the way in and then head towards the children's clothing.

We pass the little boy's section which tugs on my heart strings. I avert my gaze to the girls section and try to smile. Tori wraps her arm around my waist and rests her head against mine.

"I'm sorry, we can leave," she says.

"No." I shake my head.

    To prove I'm okay, I step forwards and grab a soft pink shirt with a baby yellow star smiling. Tori's fast softens as she gushes over how cute the shirt is. She finds the right size for London and then chucks the shirt in her basket.

"Wow, she's getting big," I comment.

"And she's talking!" says Tori. "Well, it's baby babble, but she's making a start."

"That's exciting." I sniffle.

    I glance at the baby boy clothing and shake my head. Maybe in another world, I'd have shopped with Tori for clothing for Ivan. We'd share crazy first moments and gone on coffee dates with our babies despite the odd circumstances. But in this world, I'm shopping for London and I do really miss her.

"What is she saying?" I inquire.

    "I'm teaching her how to say, Ava." Tori looks away before peeking over her shoulder. "It sounds like babble, but there's potential."

"Aw, that's cute." I smile.

Tori stops in front of a rack of pyjamas before looking at me. Her happy look has vanished for a serious, yet worried look. I hope this isn't another one of her pep talks, I've have enough of them for many life times.

"I know this is hard and everything is muddled. But if anything happened to Blake or myself, I'd want you to take London. I know it's selfish to ask considering the circumstances but is it odd that I still consider you as her second mother?"

"You know what?" I take a deep breath. "I'm okay with that." Despite the fact everything has been an adjustment, I'd always want to be there for London. It hurts to be away just as it hurts to be with her. One day, I know things will click into place and it'll be alright. Just waiting for that moment to happen.

After everything I've been through with Tori, it's nice to know that I can consider her a friend and that she values me as a mother to her own daughter. It's crazy to think we never got along.

"I can only imagine, but –" Tori says.

"It's okay, Tori." I smile. "Everything will be okay, and I'll be okay too!"

"Are you sure? I feel like the worst person in the world right now." She bites her lip.

    "I'll admit, it's not easy but I'm finding my way through it. It makes me happy that you consider my as London's second mother."

    "You're amazing, Ava. I just want you to know, I'll support whatever decision you make. You deserve to be happy." Whether that was a decision to not help with London or seek out a new found friend, it's comforting to know I have her on my side.

Tori picks a couple more things before she drags me to the checkout. We go through the self-serve machine and then leave the shopping center. We get into my car and I begin driving back to Tori's new place.

Since I've taken a step back, Tori's moved in with Jude to a house that is closer to Blake. She's committed herself to online studies so she can be around more. There's still a lot of back and forwards driving to do group assignments and mandatory assignments, but they've worked it out.

    I pull in front of her house and she jumps out and collects the bags. It's a small house with a good sized front yard, no white picket fence, though.

"If you ever want to see her, you could always come on a week that I have her," explains Tori.

"Thanks," I say.

"I'll see you soon! Have fun on your secret date." She winks.

"It's not a date, and I will." I laugh.

Tori closes the door and heads to the front door. I put the car in drive and shoot off. The drive back to mine isn't long but I'm happy when I swing into the driveway and turn the car off. Shopping is exhausting!

I walk inside the house and head straight upstairs without greeting anyone. The thought of jumping onto my squishy bed is the only thing on my mind. As I get to my bedroom, I flop onto the bed and pull my phone out. A new message from Tori buzzes onto the screen.

Opening the message, I find it's a video of London. Tori hands her the new clothing and she gets excited. Her little hands flap through the air as a bright smile consumes her cute face. I can't believe how much she's grown. As the video continues to play, I notice Blake sitting in the background.

Just seeing him makes me burst into tears. Why do I have to love you so much, Blake? I throw the phone away from me then roll onto my back and look at the ceiling.

Tears stream down my face so I brush them away with the back of my hand. I grab a pillow and snuggle into it. The material from the pillow cover soaks up my tears and eventually, I don't have any more left.

I pull myself off the bed and trudge towards the spot where my phone is lying. I unlock the screen and I see the thumbnail of London's smiling face.

"You bring me hope," I mumble.

I could never forget them, but this brings me hope that one day, my heart might be big enough to share once more.