Sometime during the night, Jake woke uncomfortably. As typical, his petite bed partner had rolled away from him, taking all the covers with her, leaving his nakedness exposed and chilled. He used the toilet then chucked a couple logs on a nearly extinguished fire. He snuck back into the bedroom, found boxer briefs and a flannel, then went to the kitchen. After taking a long drink of water, he felt completely wide awake. He decided to pour himself some whiskey on ice then took up a vigil on the couch in front of the fire.

Adjusting logs with the poker, he contemplated his feelings. He was overwhelmed with the intensity of them, and tonight's experience had blown his mind- not that he hadn't had mind-blowing sex before, but it had been years of practice before he and Liv had attained simultaneous orgasm. Riley continued to take him by surprise and it was humbling.

He heard a small noise and turned to see her approaching, wrapping a satiny light pink robe around herself. He caught a quick view of nothing but a pair of lacy white underwear underneath and nearly had to physically pry his eyeballs up to her face.

"Did I wake ya?", he guessed.

She shook her head no. "I just woke up", she commented, sounding drowsy, her auburn curls squashed and tousled, hanging in her face. "Bathroom".

Once she exited the bathroom, she sat next to him on the couch, immediately laying on her side, placing her head into his lap.

"Are you all right?", she asked.

"Yeah. Couldn't sleep no more. Probably drank too much coffee over the last couple'a days is all".

"Is it all right if I stay by you?", she asked from his leg.

He snorted. "Ya ain't gotta ask, baby. I ain't never not gonna want ya near me".

He reached for the afghan laying across the back of the couch and pulled it over her toned bare legs.

"You're awfully good to me", she commented quietly.

Jake trailed his fingers through her soft curls and was reminded of the night she had alcohol poisoning when she had lain with her head in his lap.

"When you was drunk, you said somethin' to me", he began. "Been meanin' to ask ya 'bout it".

"Uh-oh. I'm scared to ask what it was", she said, rolling onto her back to gaze up at him.

He laid one of his hands against the top of her head. "Ya told me ya got this big ol'empty hole inside'a ya, and ya ain't never been able to fill it up so ya feel right. You said...you said I do that for ya. That I fill it up".

Her eyes widened and her eyebrows raised. "I said that?", she whispered.

"Didya mean it?", he asked.

There was a pause that was long enough for him to worry maybe he shouldn't have brought it up.

"I had no idea I could be so philosophical while intoxicated, and I'm embarrassed I overshared...but...it is true", she confessed.

Even in only firelight, he could see her cheeks were flaming red with embarrassment.

His heart was pounding pretty fast, and he was scared to ask what he felt like he already knew, but he had to.

"What's that mean to ya?", he asked quietly.

Her peridot eyes stared into his. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he could tell she was going to hold back.

"I guess...that's why I cling to you, why I never want to be without you. I feel safe, calm, protected in your presence. You respect me like no one ever has before".

He held his breath, waiting. That's it. That's all she was going to say. Jake could swear he had seen it in her eyes many times before, but he wasn't going to put words into her mouth. She was a soft-hearted little thing so it would be reasonable to bet she was already in love with him, but if she didn't want to tell him when he had given her an in, he certainly wouldn't push.

Jake was worried enough about what would happen to him if things didn't work out, but she was so fragile and had been through so much. He couldn't bear the thought of breaking her heart and shattering the trust she had in him. Maybe she was holding back for that same reason. Maybe she was worried about being hurt again, or maybe she wasn't even sure that she loved him. He couldn't blame her after what she'd been through with her ex.

He trailed his fingers through her soft curls.

"All right, baby. I'm here for ya no matter what. Ya know that, right?"

"Yes", she answered quietly.

"Go to sleep then".

She rolled back onto her side, facing away from him, tucking one small hand under his thigh, her head resting above his knee.

Jake soberly drank his whiskey, watching the fire, his hand on the pretty little head in his lap until her side rose and fell with the slow regularity of sleep. Jake stayed awake long after he had drained his glass, worrying about her, questioning their future, wondering what was going on in her head and her heart. Eventually he set his glass aside, slipped his arms underneath the sleeping beauty in his lap, and carefully carried her back to bed.

...........................................................................

I had the next two days off of work, which I suspected was because Deb knew how badly I was missing Jake while he had been gone. While I was thankful for the time, I felt myself suddenly feeling awkward and uncomfortable in his presence, which I hadn't felt for quite some time. I almost wished I could go to work to escape his watchful blue-gray eyes. I knew my feelings were coming from a combination of Jake's change in appearance and the conversation we had.

I hadn't remembered saying it, and I was completely horrified that I had told him about the emptiness inside of me. Like I admitted, it was true, but this isn't something I had ever shared with anyone, nor had I really verbalized it to myself. I simply felt it. It was always there.  I tried to ignore it because it made me anxious and sad. I figured it meant I was broken, different from normal people. No one else ever talked about having an emptiness. I also suspected that's why people never liked me- they could sense it.

Mid-morning, I decided to do pilates in my bedroom. Jake walked in while I was doing it and watched me, leaning against the doorway, muscular arms folded across his chest, an amused smile turning up the corners of his red lips.

"You should try", I encouraged him.

He chuckled.

"Well, come on, tough guy", I said, breaking from bird dog pose, resting on my knees. "With all those muscles, this should be really easy for you".

He chuckled some more.

"She's teasing me!", he said in mock astonishment, moving from the doorway, kneeling next to me.

I walked him through what I was doing, critiquing his alignment.

"It's about finding the right position and holding there", I explained, "not about moving quickly".

I walked him through several more poses then had him plank with me.

He started laughing after a couple minutes and dropped his chest to the ground. I maintained my position for another full minute before releasing myself down to the ground and turning to him.

"That ain't no joke, little lady", he said admiringly. "No wonder you're so ripped".

I laughed lightly.

He suddenly became serious. "Ya want me to grow my beard back?", he suddenly asked.

I considered the options, studying his face. He hadn't shaved since he had returned, and it was already covered in dark blond stubble.

I ran my fingers across his cheek. It was rough, poky. He closed his eyes and leaned his cheek against my hand.

Gosh, he was incredible. My heart thudded hard.

"Yes, I want the beard back", I decided, "but I think I prefer your hair shorter. It's up to you, though", I added.

He opened his eyes, grabbed my wrist, pulled my hand from his face, and kissed my palm.

"Done", he said with a smile. "Get bundled up. We're goin' shootin'".

...........................................................................

Jake had been studying Riley all day. She was definitely off, and he had a feeling it was due to one of two conversations, possibly both- her telling him about her cosmetic surgeries and him asking about her saying he was the only thing that filled the hole inside of her.

She didn't 'member tellin' me that.

She had seemed shocked that she had told him, so clearly it wasn't something she would have willingly disclosed. Luckily she had been a chatty drunk or he would have never been privy to that information. That told him it went deep, as he suspected her feelings for him did. While Jake knew he was incapable of walking away from her, he felt like he was standing on a sidewalk watching an impending car crash, helpless to stop it. He felt sure they were both going to get hurt eventually, and he would do anything to prevent causing her pain, but he simply didn't know how.

After some rounds of shooting, he ventured to broach the topic.

"Baby, I think we all got a hole insid'a us", he said, as he was adding bullets to a magazine. "Just, sometimes we're aware of it and sometimes we ain't. I think it gets bigger or smaller dependin' how life's goin'".

She flushed and glanced at him skeptically.

"Why doesn't anyone else talk about it then?", she asked suspiciously, wrapping her arms around herself and shivering slightly.

"Because yer more honest than most. I think yer more aware of it because ya spent so much time focusin' on what other people want instead of what you want. So, ya don't know yerself or what fills ya up like others do. I think for some people, it's spiritual, others it's work, or a hobby, or a relationship. Travelin' maybe, or music, stuff like that".

She stared at him contemplatively with her beautiful peridot eyes. He could see her biting the inside of her cheek.

"Do you feel it, too?", she asked quietly.

His heart started beating harder but he chose to be direct with her. She deserved that. "Yeah, babe, I do", he answered honestly. "I didn't realize how big that fuckin' hole had gotten till ya came 'round, neither. It was so big I didn't even realize it was a hole. It had swallowed me up completely. Ya pulled me right up outta the fuckin' thing and I'm so damn grateful".

She smiled slightly but it didn't hit her eyes. She seemed sad, subdued.

"Do you know what fills your hole?", she asked.

"I think so".

She waited.

"Bein' in nature, fixin' stuff, accomplishin' a project, winnin' a fight, catchin' a bad guy, music, dancin'...you".

She bit the inside of her lip again, her eyes sparkling.

"Really?", she asked.

"Really", he answered, slipping the magazine into the gun then setting it down.

He reached for her and she stepped eagerly into his arms. He kissed her temple and squeezed her tightly, tearing up, then blinking those tears away before they could fully form.

...........................................................................

Later that night, as we were eating supper, I brought up Christmas, which was on Monday. I would be working tomorrow, which was Christmas Eve, mostly because people would be coming for last minute baked goods. Deb had tons of sugar cookies on standby to be decorated as current supplies dwindled.

"I'm assuming you aren't going to visit any relatives for Christmas since you haven't brought it up", I started, "but what do you normally do? How do you want to celebrate?"

Jake simply stared at me...for so long that I started assuming I had done wrong to mention it.

As I opened my mouth to apologize, he spoke, "I don't do nothin'. When's Christmas?"

"Oh". I was slightly bewildered by that. "It's in two days".

He continued to stare at me. "Shit, sweetheart. Didn't realize. What'dya wanna do?"

"Are...do you want to celebrate with me?"

"'Course I do!", he scoffed, scowling. "Who the hell else I'm gonna spend it with?"

"I would like to make a meal", I continued. "Any requests?"

"It ain't holiday food but I'd really like a nice hunk of steak".

I smiled at him. "You are so cute", I said affectionately. "I will find you a steak. Anything else?"

He snorted. "I ain't cute", he scowled.

"Any specific dessert?", I pressed.

His grumpy face broke into a mischievous grin. "Yeah- you".

I felt my cheeks flame to life as he chuckled.

...........................................................................

After Riley left for work on Christmas Eve, Jake set to work with the plans he had been kicking around all night while she was sleepin'. He didn't pay attention to holidays, didn't give a shit about celebrating anything...but he did give a shit about her, and she clearly cared.

On one of his brief trips upstairs, he thought he recalled seeing boxes labeled 'Xmas', so as soon as her gold SUV disappeared out of sight, that's where he went.

Sure enough- four boxes of Christmas decorations, including a tree stand and three stockings which appeared to be hand sewn. They were labeled with 'Gregory', 'Beverly', and 'Rillian'. Jake knew she wasn't keen on that name anymore (which he took pride in) but he also knew she didn't seem to have any issues with these grandparents. He decided to hang her stocking on the fireplace mantle with a heavy silver hook he found in the same box.

After he bundled himself up, he sharpened his axe, then proceeded to tromp through both his land and hers until he found the most triangular, conical, fraser fir he could find. It was about his height so he knew it would fit in her living room. He quickly chopped it down then drug it back home.

He moved the reclining chair away from the side of the fireplace, placed the stand there, got the tree set in the stand, and tightened the screws so it was perfectly upright. He added sugar water to the stand and began decorating. He knew how- he had helped Liv, of course, but it was never something he took pleasure in before.

However, he found himself enjoying this process as he anticipated the surprise he had in store for Riley. The ornaments were interesting- probably antique by now...and some struck him in the feels. The one he was currently smiling down on was a little handprint in plaster, painted a sloppy fading yellow. It had to be Riley's little hand. He turned it over. In black marker, someone had written in flowing script- 'Rillian Age 5'. Jake carefully hung that in a prominent position at the front of the tree.

When the boxes were mostly empty (except for the garland which appeared to have been rodent chewed), he carried them back upstairs, then locked up and drove down the mountain to find a special gift for his girl.

He had no idea what that might be.

...........................................................................

We were very busy at Deb's Cafe all day. I hardly had time to speak with her at all. At five, as we were cleaning up, she approached me with a favor.

"Darlin', I been meaning to ask you...would you be able to watch Eddie for me until Tuesday morning? You could bring him back to work with you that morning. I'm heading to my brother's now and I'll be back late tomorrow night. Eddie loves seeing all the kids, but he's been limping, and I'm afraid it's going to be too much for him".

"I had noticed that", I agreed. "What's wrong with him?"

"Pretty sure it's the weather. He's old for a pup so he's probably got arthritis".

"Oh, how awful!"

I felt myself tearing up thinking about poor Eddie being in pain. He was only nine. I considered that young, but I really didn't know how long dogs lived.

"Yes, I would love to take him!", I agreed eagerly. "Will he be all right staying somewhere new?"

"As long as he's with people he knows, he will be fine", she assured me.

Eddie pushed through the swinging door into the kitchen then, as though he knew we were discussing him. He stared up at me with his sweet brown eyes and wagged his tail.

"You get to come stay at my house!", I told him. He cocked his head to the side, perking up his ears, his smooth black forehead wrinkling like he was thinking. Then he doggy smiled and wagged his tail.

My heart absolutely melted into a pile of goo. He was the cutest, smartest animal that had ever existed- of that I was completely sure.

...........................................................................

Jake struggled to find something that would be right to give Riley for Christmas, and he simply couldn't figure it out. He was getting stressed and panicked. He liked the idea of a bracelet or necklace, but she already owned quite a bit of expensive jewelry that he couldn't compete with. He would have liked to purchase her a brand new handgun of her own but there was a waiting period. A puppy also crossed his mind but he sure wasn't gonna find that at the mall.

Finally, he remembered that she basically only owned fancy clothes. He settled on a light green, sky blue, gray, and white flannel shirt in a size small for her, and had them wrap it for him. The green reminded him of her eyes. It wasn't the best present, but it was better than nothing.

If only I'da had more time to consider...

He kicked himself time and time again for not thinking about this holiday sooner. It was four weeks after Thanksgiving, and he had celebrated that, so he should have known, but he was out of practice from how normal people lived.

...........................................................................

When Deb and I left the cafe, I carried out Eddie's work bed and dog food container. She directed Eddie to my vehicle instead of hers. He obliged willingly, tail wagging. I opened up the back driver's side door and he simply put his front paws on the seat then peered back over his shoulder while wagging his tail.

"His back right leg is what's hurting, dear", Deb said. "Can you help him up?"

I grabbed his hindquarters and gave him a boost up into the back seat. By the time I got into my seat, he was sitting in the passenger seat like a human, doggy grin in place.

I laughed out loud which made him thump his tail. He was soooooooo cute!

I talked to him the whole way home, explaining about where I lived and that Jake stayed there. He seemed to be listening and I firmly believed he understood.

I pulled into my driveway in the early dark of winter, helped Eddie from the vehicle, then grabbed his dog bed, food, and half of a Dutch apple pie. As we burst through the front door, I called out, "Surprise!", to Jake, and was met with quite a surprise myself.

As Eddie rushed to greet the man I loved next to the fireplace, I barely noticed. Right beside him was the most perfect Christmas tree I had ever seen, decorated tip to bottom with lights and ornaments.

I felt my mouth drop open and heard myself gasp. It was beautiful! I took a couple steps closer and realized those were my grandparents' ornaments! I dropped Eddie's bed and food, and clasped my hand to my heart as I teared up.

Jake did this...for ME!?!?

My astonishment was only overshadowed by how touched I was.

I blinked and searched for Jake. He was crouched down giving Eddie brisk scratches all over, watching me with a soft, pleased smile and sparkling blue-gray eyes.

"Thank you", I breathed, tearing up again.

He simply winked and continued petting our friend.

...........................................................................

Jake was incredibly pleased at Riley's reaction to the Christmas tree. He could tell she was extremely surprised and very touched.

She set the pie tin on the table and started walking toward him with her eyes sparkling in the Christmas lights, full of unshed tears. He stopped petting Eddie and stood as she dropped her purse on the coffee table. He could feel himself grinning like a dumbass and couldn't help it.

"Jake", she said, her voice breaking as she stepped close.

She took fistfuls of the front of his shirt into her hands and peered up at him.

"You wonderful, wonderful man", she breathed. "Thank you".

"My pleasure, baby", he said, wrapping his arms around her. She dropped her forehead to his chest between her hands. He heard a delicate sniff.

"Ain't s'posed to make ya cry", he teased.

"Sorry", she whispered. "I'm not. I'm happy...only...so very overwhelmed. No one has ever done something so thoughtful for me before. Not ever. God, I l-".

There was a pause. She had started to say a word that started with 'l' and Jake held his breath.

"Appreciate you so much", she finished awkwardly.

He rubbed her back lightly.

"That's sick and wrong that no one's ever done anythin' like this for ya before. I'm sorry I didn't meet ya sooner".

"Me, too", she sniffed.

"So, Eddie's here", he ventured to change the subject.

She laughed lightly, releasing his shirt, backing away slightly.

"It's been so busy, Deb forgot to ask until tonight. He's been limping due to arthritis, so she thinks all the children will be too much for him to handle. Do you mind?"

"It's yer cabin!", he snapped.

"Yes, but you basically live here".

"I'm fine, darlin'. Eddie and me is pals. Does make eatin' whipped cream off yer naked body on the table kinda awkward with a dog watchin', though".

He watched with delight as she gasped and her entire face and neck turned burgundy as her mouth hung open.

He chuckled and winked. She simply clutched her heart and sat down on the couch, speechless.

Jake started chuckling softly and walked around his stunned girlfriend to go get some whiskey. Eddie followed happily, toenails clicking on the hardwood floor.

...........................................................................

Later on, Jake was sitting at the end of the couch admiring his handiwork on the tree with a whiskey in hand, Riley asleep on his chest under an afghan, and Eddie asleep on his dog bed next to the tree, curled into a smaller ball than Jake would have thought possible with his nose tucked underneath his tail. When Riley saw that, she softly squealed and gushed about it so much, Jake was afraid she would die from cuteness overload.

Jake was perfectly content, perfectly at peace. He was happy- deeply and profoundly happy, despite the horrors in his history and despite the uncertainty of the future.

He considered what Riley had said earlier about his basically living with her. It was completely true. He hadn't spent one night at his house since Thanksgiving. Half of his clothes had migrated into her room, and he hadn't even made a fuss when she cleared a dresser drawer for him to use. He had only known her for four months and he was basically living with her.

When he thought about it that way, he started questioning his sanity, given the differences between them and the likelihood things wouldn't work out. They were in the honeymoon phase now.

It's always good in the beginning.

Not this good, he countered his own thought. It's never been this good with anyone else.

No, not even Liv. Living with Liv hadn't been easy. Liv was feisty and shit. She didn't like compromising and she wouldn't tolerate his bossy crap attitude. Therefore, they fought, even in the beginning. Of course they loved each other fiercely, but that didn't mean they didn't push each other's buttons- sometimes on purpose.

It wasn't like that with Riley. The differences in their personalities meant that they compromised. She didn't want to make him angry and he didn't want to intimidate her, so they were gentle and respectful to each other, even during conflict.

He took in his surroundings and inhaled deeply. This did feel like home. She felt like home.

...........................................................................

When Jake awoke next, it was to the smell of coffee and toast. He sat upright and massaged the back of his neck. That hadn't been the greatest position to sleep in but he had preferred that to moving and risk disturbing her. She seemed to get worn down a helluva lot easier than he did.

As he was rubbing his neck, he was absentmindedly staring at the Christmas tree and Eddie's empty dog bed. Suddenly he focused in on something different- a package was underneath! He felt his stomach flutter a little.

She got me something?

Of course she would have. He got her something, after all, and he wasn't nearly so planful.

He looked around for her in the kitchen behind him.

She was setting two coffee mugs on the table, one with light colored liquid, one with dark. That about explained the two of them right there. He was black and she was nearly completely white- opposites in personalities, temperament, behaviors, lifestyles, upbringings, likes and dislikes...

How can it ever work between us?

It does, though. It is working.

...but for how long?

He mentally kicked himself for continuing to take off down that road. Today was Christmas. He vowed to enjoy the day, enjoy her, and not worry about the future.

He went to the bathroom then went to find her again. She was all smiles at the kitchen table with Eddie sitting next to her chair, both hands wrapped around the coffee mug, her hair wrapped up in a bun. Jake leaned down and kissed her on the mouth.

"Mornin', beautiful", he murmured, then deftly grabbed the band that was confining her beautiful hair and pulled it out. He tossed the band on the table and slowly ran both of his hands through it as she protested softly.

"Jaaaake".

"What? Can't I have what I want on Christmas?", he teased.

"Oh, you naughty thing!", she scolded gently. "You know very well you get it down more often than not! I do want it up when I'm cooking because it's easier with it not hanging in my face".

He still had his hands in her hair. He held her head in his hands and peered into her clear light green eyes gazing up at him contemplatively. Her tone was teasing but he knew full well she was asking permission. She had been beaten into submission since birth, trained to ask first rather than suffer the wrath of those around her when she acted against their wishes.

"It's yer hair, darlin'. I can't control whatcha do with it. I wouldn't try. Ya know that. I just prefer it down. Do whatcha want".

"I'll leave it down except when I'm cooking", she decided, her face relaxing with another smile.

"Thank you, baby", he said, leaning down to kiss her again.

"Eddie go out already?", he asked, taking a seat.

"Yes! He is such a good boy!", she gushed, reaching down to pet his soft black head. "I was worried he might run off and get lost forever but he came right back! I didn't even need to call for him!"

Eddie's tail thumped against the floor in agreement.

Jake chuckled. She sure was smitten with that pup. He thought about it as they ate. A puppy for her had crossed his mind as a Christmas gift. She adored Eddie, and Jake would feel better about leavin' her alone out here...for any length of time...if she had a trained dog. A puppy maybe wasn't the answer, but a young adult dog, trained to protect her might be. And if he had a hunting companion, all the better.

He paused mid-chew as he realized what he was thinking.

Yer NOT SURE how this can work, yet yer ready to get a dog with her? Share a livin' thing? Because you're clearly LIVING WITH HER.

God, Bowe, you are daft.

He finished breakfast slowly, chewing soberly, lost in his thoughts.

He realized she was watching him patiently with a little smile. As soon as he set down his napkin, she popped right up, deposited their dishes in the sink, then enthusiastically grabbed his arm and tugged away.

Jake resisted and chuckled at her.

"Jake, come on! I have a present for you to open!", she exclaimed, glowing with enthusiasm.

"Hold yer horses, lil' lady. I got one for ya, too, but I gotta nab it first".

She stopped tugging and her mouth dropped open.

"You did? I thought the Christmas tree was my present?", she questioned.

"Nah. That was only a surprise".

Jake quickly collected it from under the bed then met her and Eddie in the living room.

She handed him her present. "You first", she insisted, eyes sparkling and cheeks glowing.

He opened the package to find a very warm durable quality flannel. As he lifted it from the box he discovered another underneath. It was much smaller...too small.

"Oh, darlin', this is-", he had started to tell her it was too small then it hit him.

He met her eyes. Her hands were clasped together underneath her chin in barely suppressed excitement as she was grinning from ear to ear.

He threw his head back and roared with laughter.

It was hers, yet she stuck it in his present because it was something that was going to make him much happier than it would her.

Still chuckling, he placed her present in her lap. As she opened it and saw it was another flannel, she dissolved into giggles as he chuckled again. Both flannels had shades of green in them.

"Can you try them on for me so I can see which looks better with yer eyes?", he asked.

"Sure". She stood and started to leave the room with the flannels but he stopped her with a hand on her stomach.

"Uh-uh", he said. "Don't deprive me seein' ya get into 'em. That's half the fun".

She flushed pink as she smiled and untied her robe.

...........................................................................

* Isn't Eddie the cutest?!?!! Squeal! Please give him a vote and keep reading! Thank you! *