"No, I had a great time," I adjusted the phone on my shoulder and reached for my cup, "Yeah, about that," I added and silence came from the other side, "I don't think I'm coming tonight. Thanks for the invitation tho, I appreciate it" I took a sip from my coffee and continued, "No, everything's fine, I just have plans with Susan. She's feeling better."

I almost choked at the response and laughed, "Sure, I know that but you know me..."

"Well, thanks for that, I'll let her know. Yeah, we should do that." I waited for the reply, "Sarah... thanks. For everything"

I closed the phone and smiled. I sure love her deeply, she's been there for me when no one else was and that's it, I would do anything for her and she knows it, I've told her so, many many times.

I knew she was in town the minute she got off the plane, she called me.

"Lady, I'm in New York, call me whenever you want. I'll be waiting"

"That's great. I'll call you."

Of course, I never did and she didn't bother me, she knows me well, until last night, she saw my interview this Monday and decided to take matters into her own hands as she said. If it was up to me we would never meet, she knew it and I know it. I got into the car and met her a few blocks away from Times Square. Down at a small cozy Italian place, I don't remember when it was the last time I ate that much.

Holland wasn't there with us, she told me she was here and, to be honest I'm glad she wasn't.

Don't get me wrong, I sure admire her, and I like her a lot I might add but I missed Sarah, I missed laughing with her, hanging out with her, just me and her, like we used to. For four years we were together. Four years. Day and night. In Los Angeles, in New Orleans, up in my cabin, here in New York. That girl knows me better than my own children.

I don't think Susan would have a problem with that, we're past this. I know that and it's not that I didn't want to tell her, I just... frankly, I just wanted to be alone with her. Now, that I most need her.

Do you know how hard it is to be up on the stage, day after day at this age and suddenly what you were most afraid of, happens? I know it doesn't seem so serious but I never forget my lines, when I'm playing a character, that's it. For an hour, I'm becoming the character, I forget everything about Jessica, I'm not her anymore. So, yeah. That's what I needed, I wanted to be with someone who knows how to make me feel good about myself, who's still my number one fan, even after all these years. I'm not selfish, I'm just doubting myself and my limits.

We talked for hours, we laughed and she did help me. I don't know how she does that but I'm so lucky to have her in my life.

She and Holland will go out tonight, she invited me to join them and of course, I didn't want to be rude so I said yes in the beginning. I never forgot my plans with Susan, how could I? Susan is all I'm thinking of but I do prefer staying home with her, spending quality time with her. Watch a movie with her or even just spend hours just listening to her.

Don't tell her but sometimes is hard paying attention especially when I come home from work and all I want to do is sleep but she keeps on talking and talking for hours. I just stand there, looking at her, her cute face, her expressions changing, how she moves her hands while talking, her eyes. Her big Disney eyes, God. You have to be there.

"Here"

She is always caughting me off guard with that move. I look at her as she hands me her cigarette to take a puff.

"I'm okay," I reply and make myself comfortable on the couch.

"You look like you need it more than I do. You sure?"

"I'm sure"

"So where was I?"

And here we go again. Although she never remembers what exactly she was saying, I'm glad she doesn't want me to remind her. She just changes the topic, like nothing happened.

Everyone's high in New York, you can smell it, you can see it and I don't blame them.

Most of the nights I end up sleeping on that couch and when I open my eyes there's no sign of her, as if she was never in that room with me, the only evidence is that she always throws a blanket on top of me. I look around and everything is clean, she even takes the ashtray in the kitchen.

Her apartment is just a few blocks away from mine but still, I hate knowing that she walks to her house at this late hour.

"How on earth am I gonna last till June" This is what keeps playing in my head every day, right before I get on stage but then... then I remember why I became an actress in the first place. I love it. I love it up here.

Around 9:20 I walk out of the theater, the front door is less crowded so my driver waits for me there, with the engine running. It's not that I don't want to meet anyone, well, truth is, I don't, I just prefer not talking. And what to say when I've got 30 phones right in my face? No, I hate that.

Times Square is always busy this time and guess what? I've got to pass through it. Traffic is murder in New York but at least while I'm getting closer to home and her I feel energized all of a sudden.

I looked at my reflection in the elevator, wishing I had more time to fix my hair. Thank God I'm a funny person. I never considered myself as beautiful. I mean, with make-up and my hair all fixed I'm okay but not breathtakingly beautiful but her. Oh, her... you've seen her all dressed up but have you seen her with just a T-shirt, her hair high and messy, wearing her knee socks and her glasses? She is breathtaking.

I unlocked the door to my apartment and saw her, she smiled at me and straightened her glasses.

"Well, hello there"

She stood up and walked to my side, unconsciously I closed my eyes and felt her lips on mine. Just a quick peck but I wanted more than that. It wasn't enough, I needed her. I needed to fully taste her.

"How did it go? You didn't forget your lines today, did ya?"

I slowly opened my eyes, her arms were still around my waist, softly moving my hips, she was matching my rhythm.

"I didn't. Everything went great"

"I'm proud of you"

I smiled, she smiled too, our bodies still moving. I can't explain it but she makes me feel like a child or could this be happening from such love?

"Are you?"

"Bet your ass I am"

I laughed and leaned closer. Maybe this time she'll let me take a good taste of her.

And she did. I don't know how long that kiss lasted but I couldn't stop. My bag fell on the floor, her hands were now roaming freely on my back and I could feel her breath changing, she became hungry. I let her push me back on the door and immediately I shifted positions. I never desired anyone as I did with her. I wanted her to know that.

My knees were getting weaker with every minute passed and I felt her teeth on my neck, she didn't care, my knees and thighs are already bruised because of her, and now my neck. I could live with that.

"Let's go inside"

She said and looked at me as she took her glasses off and placed them on her head.

"Let's" I replied and unbuttoned her jeans. She realized that I had no intentions of moving this inside so she played along. I watched her as she bit her lip and pushed me to go down on her.

And I did. God, I did. I kneeled before her and pushed her jeans on the floor. I was still wearing my jacket, thank God my bag fell off my shoulder or I would be still carrying it.

Susan leaned back on the door while I was now taking off her panties, she was there, standing half-naked in front of me and I glanced up to see her.

I smirked and started kissing her thighs, I heard her head falling back on the door and smiled to myself.

"Jess"

I heard her voice. I knew what she wanted. I wanted it too so I gave it to her.

It was fast, it didn't take long for her to reach her climax and give me what I wanted. I missed her taste, the way her whole body tensed.

Susan helped me get back on my feet and we both walked to the bathroom. We took a shower together and then returned to the couch.

It felt nice, snuggling with her. I shoved my face on her neck and sighed. That's what I wanted.

"I'll go to Italy next week"

That suddenly woke me up, I froze, looking at her, "Why?"

"Just for a couple of days, you won't even miss me"

"Please don't go"

She looked at me, dead in the eyes. I honestly felt like a child. I know we're not together all the time but even knowing that she's not far away from me makes me feel safe.

"What?" she asked laughing

I stood up and sat next to her feet, "I'm sorry but I don't want you to go"

"But why? I'm not staying that long just for a couple of days"

"Yeah, I know that but..."

I thought about it. What the hell am I doing? Of course, she had to go, I mean, who am I to stop her? But then again, I didn't want her to go. I wanted her here with me.

"I'm sorry"

"It's okay," she said and laughed again, "Come here," she added and I returned to my position, next to her. Where I belong.

"I went out with Sarah last night"

I whispered. No reply came from her. We stood there in complete silence for several minutes until I looked at her, "Susan?"

"And?"

Oh boy, what have I done?