As I suffocate, the possibilities of a life beyond this moment are what I dread. I took a deep breath and felt my lungs expand, pushing a spark into my heart, pushing away the possibility of death.

Buh bump, buh bump, buh bump ,buh bump. Exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

I can't do what I once had done without much thought I can't breathe in without the dread. I was left thinking about the reality of breathing in my last breaths. I breathed in regardless of how much I fought, and breathed in regardless of what I was taught:

Inhale.....ex...hale....in....hale.....ex..........

Mother did not want this life for me to be anything other than possibility, but it wasn't up to mother today, it was up to me. I suffocate as she attempts to break free from that which binds her, entangles her, immobilizes her....her ability to continue to give life, and I don't want to believe that it is me.

Even though she gave me life, I take hers. She fights to save me, but as I suffocate, I tighten the loose ends, and I smother her with my bare hands.

"Please child, let me save you. Let me break you free." she whispers to me, as I push her knotted hands away from the bag I've placed over my head.

Death looms in every corner, but I just focus on what I have done: what I've become.

"It's too late, mother. I cannot save you, so I will take you with me" I whisper unto her, as I wrap a plastic noose around my head and place the bag on hers.

I breathe in one last time, and I look over at mother, at what I've done.

"I did this. I do not deserve you, mother. You gave me life, and today, I take yours."

The last sound I hear is not my mother's beautiful voice: the one that echoed the sounds of birds, of wind, of waves in the sea. It was not her beautiful voice I heard, but the crinkling sounds of the noose around me.

Mother smiles at me.

"Please don't give up" a child's muffled voice says to me "Please, you deserve a chance,

a chance to be the hero in this story.

He loosens the noose and rips the bag off mother's head.

One bag less, one less string to unthread, let's not focus on why we are here, let's focus like a

mother's love, let's focus on a life with you in it instead.