I hadn't realised I had fallen asleep when I felt Edward shift from his position to get out of bed. I was laying against his arm, which was protectively wrapped around me, while he caressed my hair with his fingers, along with his light breath fanning my neck. I felt him kiss my head before emerging from the bed, with the weighing down of the mattress. I heard the clearing of the scattered things in the area around me and the cleaning of the small cramped-up space.

With that, my sleep disappeared again, and my anxiety grew with every step he took away from me. Perhaps it was because I was addicted and completely besotted towards him and I couldn't believe it was all because he confessed to his mistakes. That didn't change anything about what I had gone through though and I wanted to acknowledge that. I knew Hayden would be super upset with me getting so impulsive in letting him back in -- which wasn't the case. I just didn't know how to stay away from him, without letting myself hurt. It was impossible.

But I inwardly knew hadn't forgiven Edward. I kept telling myself that.

It wasn't him that I was in love with. It was just the good time I got to spend and feeling validated was what I was in love with. And as long as it felt less heartbreaking and more comforting, I wasn't going to complain. And I'd be as apathetic as my behaviour could muster, just as soon as he pull up something unacceptable against me again.

I couldn't help but recheck my phone as soon as Edward had departed the room, but there was nothing out of the ordinary on it.

Sleeplessly, I rose from the bed, stretching my arms and looking around the ghastly surroundings. I wanted to speak to Hayden about the events that had taken place. But I didn't want to text or call him, considering Edward would know what I was up to. So I just secretly hoped to coincidentally cross paths with him again, outside of my house and in a safe environment, free of spying things.

I impatiently and restlessly waited all night long for that familiar window knocking, but it never came. 

The next day came just as fast as the night went, and I was woken up by the alarm. I shut it off and went back with the usuals. I couldn't quite place my finger on what I was feeling, but I strongly felt a sense of emotionlessness. Huffing under my breath, I dragged myself and got changed into my usual clothing and cleaned myself. I caught my phone ping again, and I picked up my phone, unlocking it.

There was no sign of Hayden, but Edward instead.

We should get breakfast together, and I'll drop you at the university later. What do you say?

I bit my tongue, keeping myself from smiling at my phone. I looked up, fiddling with the device nervously, not knowing how to react. I most certainly did unblock Edward for some vague reason -- and partly for my optimistic expectations for some closure, and I was partially relieved I did.

At the same instance, Hayden's message popped up, stealing my attention, as I looked back at my phone. He informed me that he was around my flat building, waiting for me to come and walk towards the bus stop.

I perched against my bed, pulling out a cigarette from my backpack. Lighting one, and inhaling the deep fragrance of smoke, I thought hard. I had no reason to forgive Edward just like that. Yes I admit, he was super generous on the front, and that my obsessive feelings couldn't be helped, but my blind optimism shouldn't blind me from my past experiences caused by him.

Whereas Hayden on the other hand, had been nothing but good to me, sticking with me in my worst of times. There was no way I was going to stand him up, so I finally landed on my final decision of tagging along with him.

I quickly texted him a small okay, well aware Edward may or may not know every action of mine, but I tried hard not to be bothered by it. I quickly packed my bag, and went out of the house in a hurry, without bothering to catch Mum or tell her goodbye.

Several steps later, I was met with the familiar warm dark eyes, nodding towards me, not really smiling. "Good morning,"

I smiled a little. "Good morning, thank you again for doing all this." I referred to his consistent efforts of helping me around.

He nodded, not replying. We silently walked, the quietness becoming more uncomfortable with each passing minute. I didn't dare to break it but he thankfully did. "So you're back with Edward again?"

"Not really. We just had a conversation last night," I explained timidly.

"Didn't seem like a conversation where you were sleeping by his side,"

"It wasn't what it seemed like." I looked at him, upset with his quick judgement. "How do you know about that?"

"Like every night to check up on you, I came last night as well. But I peeked through the window before knocking and saw you were occupied, so I then thought I was better off away," He simply stated, his voice void and calm. I internally groaned at the off-timing and couldn't form a coherent explanation.

"Edward confessed to everything wrong he did. He admitted whatever he had done, and didn't lie to me," I shifted the conversation a tad bit and Hayden glanced at me, most probably giving me a 'Are you serious?' stare.

"So that makes everything better? Or he gets to be forgiven now?" He questioned very smugly.

"No!" I shook my head, feeling at a loss at my expression, and upset at his impatient behaviour. "I didn't forgive him. He even asked me out right now, but I declined and came out with you instead,"

I didn't even know why I was explaining myself to him, but for some reason, I felt guilty about what I did.

Hayden nodded understandably, passing a small smile. I continued again. "I was also wondering if you both could meet,"

"Meet? Why?" He raised an eyebrow, quite annoyed at my suggestion.

"I don't know... Edward said he wanted to meet you because he couldn't remember you. You two were friends right?"

"I was. But not anymore." His voice came out stiffer. "We'll see about that," We finally reached the stop and went inside the bus a few minutes after its arrival.

I put on some light Taylor Swift music to keep me distracted from any nagging thoughts of what people were thinking about me in my surrounding. Sighing internally, I reached university after what felt like an eternity with my loud thoughts, despite the voluminous music in my ears. I fumbled with my headphones and kept them in my bag instead.

I hesitantly made my way towards the lift, feeling several glances, glares, stares and looks, piercing into my being while I walked. I didn't know what else rumours Hannah spread against me in university. I needed to talk to Edward about it if he had the knack to keep his vengeful ex's stubbornness at bay.

Before I could give up on waiting for the lift, surrounded by already so many students, I felt someone call my name in a rushed voice. "Michelle,"

I instantly turned back to find Edward panting heavily, from walking fast. He flashed me a generous grin, earning one from me as well, but in nervousness. "Edward," I breathed, feeling paranoid of glimpses from the swarm of people around us.

Edward though, didn't seem half as fazed by the attention, walking towards me instead. He slid his hand inside of mine as if reading my overthinking mind. Leading me towards the stairs and to the class, we sat down in the back corner, out of breath.

Edward silently tagged along, sitting right beside me. "I was wondering if we could've had breakfast together." He looked into my eyes while pulling the chair to sit.

"Oh... I'm sorry I didn't see your text," I lied and by the look on his face, I instantly knew he didn't believe me, but didn't question it back.

I mentally smacked myself for being stupid enough to not know that he knew who I was with.

Several classes later and after some boring lectures, Edward stuck with me. We decided to take a walk on the other side of the ground of the university which was usually secluded. And since the day was warm and sunny, it felt good to be sprinting around, hand in hand as the wind blew against us, which seemed to brush and unwind my cropped hair.

I was really in love with the good time and not him, I kept reminding myself.

We finally settled down on the warm grass, as we placed the bags down. I didn't even know why I was going along with wherever he was leading this on. It was hard to refute his sensibility and niceness and his way of keeping me engaged from my paranoia.

I sat timidly, folding my legs across the soft grass as the wind blew through my short black hair, that stroked my face. I caught Edward staring, as he sat quietly, never looking away, but instead smiling a little. He took a lock of the hair that stuck to my face and caressed it behind my ear, slightly shifting closer. I couldn't help myself anymore but lightly blush at the gesture.

Exhaling a deep breath, I continued. "I was with Hayden in the morning. He dropped me to university," I revealed, and a different emotion flashed in his blue eyes for a split second, before returning to normal.

"It's okay. I'm glad you told me about it," He rasped. "So do I get to see him anytime soon?" He asked again after a moment of silence.

I simply flashed an emotionless smile. "We'll see about that,"

I peeked back into his eyes, which seemed to have darkened a tad bit, never leaving mine. A sudden memory of my haunting dream flashed in front of my eyes, and I instantly looked away, hastily blinking to root myself to the present, while my heartbeat quickened instantly.

"Look at me," I heard the desire in his voice, but quickly shook my head, not wanting to meet his intimidating gaze.

I picked on to some grass before beginning after a deep breath. "I had a scary dream about you a few nights ago," I whispered, and Edward neared me more, snaking his arm around me as if trying to console me.

"What was it?" He asked in a low tone.

I pulled out of his grip, inching away from him a little bit, to compose myself. "That you wanted to kill me," I quickly blurted.

"Oh," Is all he spoke, and looked away into the distance. The wind ruffled his sunkissed hair, the straight strands peeking in every direction, mostly flopping onto his forehead. "Do you think I would do something like that?"

I was snapped out of my reverie of memorising his every little detail. "Do what?" I asked, confused before I realised.

"Kill you?" He asked, this time amused. It wasn't even funny as he seemed to have made it to be.

"I mean it could be possible," I spoke, surprising myself and him with my sudden answer.

"Michelle," Edward begun, shaking his head and looking at me tiredly. He waited for a moment, before continuing slowly. "I'm trying to be better now,"

"Do you even love me, Edward?" I asked, not knowing what to expect as an answer from him.

"I do." He sighed and I stared at him, his black pupils dilated. "I already cleared that last night," He answered in desperation, and I nodded back, hoping for him to change for the better. We spent the rest of the time in the raking wind that splashed our faces. It was a good feeling, away from all the population and judgemental auras.

I took out my phone from my pocket, as it choked out a notification. It was a text from Hayden but I chose to ignore it for the moment. I pressed the back button, as Edward side stared at the blaring screen.

"Who was it?" He asked, a mixture of curiosity and some foreign feeling in his tone.

"Hayden," I answered truthfully. He didn't respond though, his eyes never leaving my phone.

I shakily glanced back at the blaring screen to see the notes application still open, which displayed a small piece of poetry I had written, about my feelings for Edward last night, on this point of our something-ship.

"Future Memories? That sounds like a creative name," He murmured, slightly glancing at my screen to make out the words.

"I don't know but thank you." My cheeks reddened. 

"I actually think you write well," He complimented, sounding fascinated. "What's it about?"

"I kinda wrote it about us," I admitted, recalling the events that I had written in it. "It's about how temporary feelings and relationships can be,"

"So is that supposed to be a bad thing?" He arched an eyebrow questioningly and I simply shrugged.

"It scares me because when I even think about something long-term, it's still so temporary... Everything has an end," I replied. "Temporariness is the only permanent thing, you know?"

"We can only wish it was temporary as well... But something doesn't have to be permanent to be successful... Or good, I think," He casually added.

His words hit me hard. He always had the right things to say, making me speechless of my propositions. He was my definition of perfect, in terms of being a muse for my writings.

And God, I couldn't explain how much I  missed our deep conversations, I had fallen in love with so much.

"Can I read it?" His voice interrupted me.

"I don't know if it's even good enough but okay." I gave him a sheepish smile and handed him my phone.

The way his eyes raked through and between the lines I wrote on the phone, his subtle frown shifted to an impressed expression. It made me feel better about them all of a sudden, as Edward was the first and probably the only one to read those. "If the destiny to every moment was meant to be an end... Then this love was a future memory at every taken step." His lit-up eyes averted to mine, seemingly dazzled. "Wow... Even though it's so heartbreaking, I'm still... Flattered," He appreciated, looking surprised. "Never had anyone write anything, that deep about me," His genuineness made me smile automatically.

"Thank you, I didn't know you'd like it," I mumbled, fiddling with the grass beneath nervously. "I wrote quite a lot of them, but most of them are just disappointed and heartbroken rants." I revolved my gaze, back to the pale blue sky, that reminded me of Edward's eyes.

"You should send me all of them. I absolutely love and cherish well-written poetry," He applauded nonetheless, caressing my mood with his subtle expression and I smiled back.

Even though I knew he had read them all from my phone, I knew he was saying that to make me feel better about those poems. I nodded in agreement and Edward told me about how I could and should pursue my dreams in writing poetry or stories instead of programming applications and websites, that were quite contrastive to our interests, for him and me as well. But we loved both.

It was almost home time and he offered to drive me to my house -- an offer he made it hard to decline with his intriguing presence. I had no choice but to give in to his kind offer. We rushed out of university, me because I wanted to avoid seeing curious stares towards me, and Edward, because he wanted to be with me alone. He probably dismissed work today to spend time with me and I didn't know how I was supposed to feel about that.

I climbed into his car, which smelled of leather and his cologne. It had been a while since I'd been into it, the familiar scent giving off a homely vibe. But suddenly, the thought of Hannah being in the same passenger seat as I was, washed my pleasant thoughts, and disappointment and hurt filled my chest again.

Edward took a seat beside me, starting the engine and looking back towards the windshield, reversing the car, his one hand on the steering wheel. I stared at him, noting his every move. I stared at him a lot, I admitted to myself, and even he knew it. I mean Edward was a good-looking guy, considering how Hannah's group of 'main character' girls always had eyes on him wherever he went. I didn't even know why Edward even bothered with me. I wasn't even half as gorgeous as him, and quite way out of his league in that regard.

"Why are you with me, Edward?" My thoughts seemed to have voiced themselves on their own accord before I could stop myself.

He looked at me for a split second before speaking, his eyes back on the road. "Because I love you, and you're special to me,"

"But there are so many other pretty girls around you, then why me?" I choked, my voice coming off sad. I didn't know what I was expecting of him for an answer. Heck, I didn't even know what I'd say to that if someone ever asked me.

"You think you're not pretty?" He asked back, much to my surprise. "I think you're the best girl I've ever been with so far if we're talking about looks. And not just that, you're smart, you're talented. And you've made me feel like no one else ever did before," He remarked. "Although, I don't need a reason to love you. I just do,"

"But I'm not as pretty as those girls, like Hannah and the rest,"

"Trust me, you're better than them." His eyes lurked at me a little longer, before shifting back to the road. "Michelle, I don't even need a reason to love you,"

"That means I'm not that pretty,"

Edward let out an infuriated groan, sighing in return. "Why else would I be with you Michelle? You're too stubborn though,"

He said he didn't need a reason to love me. Whereas I seemed to. I was with him for my infatuation with the good times that came with him. As soon as Edward would go away, I'd instantly start to feel unlike myself. I had to give him that, for always making me feel good. But if that's what he said to other girls as well, then maybe I couldn't love him for that.

"You're also... good-looking," I forced out a compliment, looking out of the window beside me. I could feel him shift as if trying to get my attention but I didn't budge.

He stopped the car at a small restaurant, different from our usual one. Without a word he got himself and me, some chicken pizza, he knew I loved too much. He slid back into his seat, buckling his seatbelt as he placed the boxes on the dashboard.

"I don't have an appetite, Edward," I said truthfully. The anxiety and paranoia inside of me left no room for any food.

"You want me to make you?" He asked with an amused expression and my lips broke into a shy prudish smile. I hated how I reacted to him but it was what it was now.

"No, I'll be fine. Thank you for the food," I told him, and he grinned.

We finally reached my place, the car coming to a slow halt. Edward parked the car, keying the engine off, and swiping away the keys. Before I could turn towards the car door to unlock it, he grabbed my arm, stopping me in my position. I turned towards him and looked back stunned at the instant gesture. His face neared me, his soft lips grazing mine, for permission. My body reacted before my mind could, and I let him, by pressing mine against his, slowly climbing towards his seat. His teeth captured my lower lip, pulling me close and I sighed a small moan.

Before we could take this any far, my eyes averted behind Edward across the rear windshield while he continued trailing kisses across my neck.

"Edward," I breathed heavily, signalling for him to stop, but he doesn't. I called him again, stopping him from my hands. "Edward wait... Hayden's here,"

Edward instantly paused, breathless and confused, taking some time to compose himself.

I simply stared behind Edward's shoulder and quickly got out of the car off from straddling his lap. I hastily yet shakily fixed my appearance, my eyes finding Hayden's dark ones piercing, and some strong emotion simmering in them, which I couldn't make out. He just stood there, his face otherwise devoid of any expression.

The silence between them seemed to have thickened, while Edward got out of the car next, slamming the door shut behind. "Hayden that's Edward, you remember right?" I let out a small nervous chuckle, gesturing towards Edward who stared across the entrance of the building.

Hayden didn't respond but slowly walked towards us, each crunching step incrementing the frightfulness inside me.

"Edward, that's Hayden right there," I whispered to him nervously, to which Edward looked around the area with a deep frown, then back to me, apparently confused.