I stared back at Edward, trying to make the most out of his expression. He seemed to look oblivious to any of my illicit confidentiality, and I contemplated whether to finally break it to him about Hayden or not.

"I mean is he some guy who's bothering you in university?" Edward rephrased, acknowledging my anxiousness, although he look seemingly puzzled. Not retrieving a response from me, he then muttered to himself, looking away and tugging hard at his hair. "I can't possibly miss out on this..."

"How do you know about him?" I questioned back, and Edward turned towards me again, his eyes gathering every inch of expression I was ciphering. I somehow managed to stand my ground, looking as monotonous as my teachers in university.

He paused, in deep thought and after some time, he replied. "That shouldn't matter. I just want to know who he is,"

Knowing full well, he was capable of hurting someone, I nervously redirected the subject, wanting to finally voice out my concern. "I could ask you the same about Hannah," I already knew it was most probably Drake, who told him about my concerns over this certain Hayden, and it only worsened my trust issues.

He watched me in pure shock, the curtness of my tone not slipping away from his observant notice. Then, he inhaled a deep breath, took my hand, and led me to a secluded corner of the house, making sure no one witnessed our crazy banter. "What is this all about Michelle?" He questioned in a warning tone, and I scoffed.

"I should be the one asking you that," I spoke, my voice unintendedly cracking at ends. "Hayden was the one who told me all about your secretive affairs. Tell me Edward, who's Hannah?"

"Who's Hayden?" He calmly asked again. "And why are you speaking to him? Wasn't he your ex from your college?"

"No," I half-whispered, half-shouted. "He's from this university and he used to be your friend,"

If Edward didn't already look furious under his subtly calm expression, then now those emotions transformed from utter bewilderment. "No, this can't be. If this Hayden from your college was here... I definitely would've known," He answered, his face thoughtful. I simply gawked at him in astonishment. I knew he was lying, straight to my face. But the way he pretended, seemed like a pretty well-acted gesture of confusion.

Fury took over me before I could stop myself. "So you're going to pretend you don't know him, just like you don't know Hannah?"

"Hannah's my sister, for God's sake. Why in the world would you suspect her?" He answered coldly and I gaped at him.

"A sister, who you're having an affair with? Wow, that sounds so believable," I croaked, already feeling my eyes gathering thick tears in them. I didn't know what was it that made it so hard for me to act sturdy -- even when it was clearly my place to be upset -- yet I just couldn't help my overemotional stature. Turning away from him, I cupped my eyes with my palms again, pressing my tears back, and sliding my hand through and back in my hair as I sniffed loudly. I didn't even bother glancing back at Edward, who I was sure was only putting up a guise of fake shock and disappointment.

"Michelle, why would you make such an assumption about me?" I heard him whisper so lowly behind me, I almost heard the hauntedness in every decibel of it, exorcising all of my feelings inside of me. "Didn't I just clear that I'm not cheating?"

It wasn't my suspicions against him that he was cheating, but rather his thoughts of me being capable of being unfaithful, and probably accusing me of so. And the haunting thoughts of him wanting to hurt anyone, let alone someone trying to help me out like Hayden was, wasn't something that settled with me right. And that was my cue to leave. Edward knew too well how to push the right buttons and get on those specific nerves through manipulation, making me feel less differently about him. Whereas all he was doing was hiding and lying every single word and action, right to my face, and without any hesitance. I was now surer than anything that Edward was playing tricks and wondering if I'd probably play along with him because I was too naïve for my own sake. I needed to speak to someone about it, to clear my head and there was no one I thought was eligible enough, except for Hayden. I needed a clearer reason or a green signal on why I needed to ditch Edward right at the spot.

With that I just secretly crept out of the house and out in the chilly night sky, the breeze caressing my body. So much for my twenty-first birthday, I mentally grumbled to myself. Treading around the area alone, I walked and walked til my feet ached, without glancing back once, and until I reached a bus stop.

Finally approaching an almost empty bus, I somehow managed to get inside. I kept looking back and memorising my surroundings to make sure no one was following me. Sighing loudly, I laid back in my seat, breathing heavily. Along the way I checked my phone, going through and reading Hayden's texts.

I'm sorry I even interfered in your matter.

Without a word, I called him.

After a few rings, he picked up. "Hey?" He replied, his voice sounding tired and confused.

"Can you meet me at university tomorrow? I want to ask a few more things," I directly got to the point.

"Erm... Sure? Is everything okay?" He asked again, his voice sounding muffled from the speaker.

"Not really." I sighed, rubbing my temples, feeling the old familiar ache inside my chest again.

"I'm sorry," He simply apologised and I sniffed back my tears. "I could come over to your house right now if you're there?"

"No," I said, my voice sounding small. "No, it's too late now. I'll talk to you later,"

I didn't even know why I even called Hayden, not having a coherent question in mind to speak to him about. Maybe I just wanted to feel a little less lonely and by myself -- something I'd been feeling a lot, ever since I became fully dependent on Edward -- mainly because I lost myself. I needed someone comforting me that it'll all work out in the end, considering how my paranoia and heartache were eating me from the inside when I was all by myself. It was a terrible feeling.

This whole romantic story thing probably seemed to have switched genres midway and looked more like a psychotic thriller, with only bad chapters. And I knew one thing for sure, no amount of ignoring Edward -- or metaphorically skipping, even tearing these bad chapters of my story -- would change the ending anymore. And that scared me.

Finally reaching my flat, and thinking of the most random analogies of stories relevant to my turbulent life, I sighed in relief to be able to make it home, intact. Edward had texted me quite a lot of times, and even called, but I chose to ignore him for now.

A part of me -- the love and affectionate part -- just wanted to pull Edward into a hug and tell him to just stop and change, and so that everything can go back to how it used to be. But another part of me -- the more reasonable yet traumatised part -- wanted me to just let him be, mostly afraid of the consequences that may tag along if I didn't learn the moral of my past story already.

I spent the rest of the night hurdled uncomfortably in bed, despairing and feeling the pain creep inside of me again which I was trying so hard to avoid. So far, my twenty-one wasn't the best of my new beginnings and it was devastating.

Struggling in my bedsheets, pushing and pulling the comforter for support, but the sleeplessness inside of me didn't budge. My body ached with tiredness, as I was up since seven in the morning, but even at two, I couldn't sleep. My mind kept drifting back to Edward and his haunting thoughts, and the many mysteries of him that unfolded just in the span of a single night.

Feeling extremely frustrated, I inched my body upwards, against the bed. Rubbing my eyes harshly, I snatched my handbag and tucked my hand in it to get ahold of my trusty cigarettes, but later realisation dawned upon me that I didn't have my lighter with me anymore.

The mere thought of the absence of the lighter reminded me of Edward again. If there was something I couldn't forget remembering, it was him now. He consumed every part of my thought, taking over all of my memories and replacing them with himself and him only. But the worst part of it all was that he only seemed to haunt my mind after his love for me was dead. Either he'd fallen out of love with me, or his perfect-person facade had fallen, I just couldn't interpret. It was just that this feeling of constant reminiscing of the past seemed to have paralysed the present for me.

Maybe Hayden back in college was right about me. I wasn't worthy of love. Why would anyone want to waste their time on such an average -- or ridiculous to be precise -- girl like me? Girls like me were always tossed away once the thrill was over. I wasn't good enough to be compromised for, and I guess I had finally learned that now. A lesson that now scarred the walls of my heart like graffiti.

Snatching my phone from the nightstand, I checked to find several missed calls from Edward, some from Marilyn, and some texts checking up on me, asking if I was alright.

It all sounded fake to me now.

I chose to ignore them, opening my note-taking app, and writing my mind. I named one of the pieces as Favourite Mistake, which stemmed from my feelings of happiness-while-it-lasted, and regrets retrospectively, with Edward. Skimming my fingers across the keyboard, I came up with another one, titling it a cliché title, Just Another Breakup Song. That was what he was for me now, a sad elegy. It wasn't as dramatic as it sounded but it resonated with my feelings well.

Friday finally arrived, and I had never longed to look forward to university than I had now, at the moment. The warm rays of the sun hit my uncurtained window, reminding me of a new day, and a new beginning, clearing any un-closure leftover feelings inside of me.

Dressing up as usual, and not bothering to take a shower, I just decided to head out. Packing my bag with nothing but my phone, I exited the house. Finally making it to the bus stop and then to the university premises, I kept listening to Red Taylor's version on shuffle.

I checked my phone midst only to find no response from Hayden, for mine and his' scheduled meeting I had planned for. Maybe even he wanted to steer clear from my creepy life and depressed state and my damsel-in-distress-like despairings.

Before I could make any more assumptions, a happy-looking Marilyn approached me as the lift doors slid open. She outheld me a shiny present, wrapped in glittery pink paper with a red ribbon securing it. I blinked in surprise at her, and then the gift, quite taken aback by her generous consideration, and my mood lifted a tad bit.

"Surprise," She muttered, not so eccentrically. "You just disappeared last night so suddenly, and Edward was worried about you," She explained, handing me the small box. "And you left this behind."

Looking at the shiny box, I timidly took it from her and returned her a small wary smile. "I'm sorry, I had to leave early."

Smiling back brightly, she shook her head. "It's fine, really. I hope you're okay though."

"I'm okay. But thank you so much for this." I flashed her a smile, which couldn't be more foreign. I was never much of a gift-exchanging person, because I never had anyone to do that for and with, so my gestures came off unkind despite my constantly trying to thank her for it. We walked together to class, making small talk about her new project on learning programming languages for website making which I had no interest nor understanding in. I was a failure anyways, I didn't need to be bothered with such things.

"I'm already onto HTML, but I think JavaScript is more effective for the logic side," She spoke animatedly, and I caught Edward in sight, already seated in class by himself, nervously tapping his foot onto the floor, and smoking a joint.

I entered the class, trying hard not to look his way, which would only intensify my at-the-brim emotions. Eyeing around, I could tell there were several people already snickering and talking about something relevant to me, and most probably, regarding what wrong was going on between me and Edward. It might be worse, as my jabbing conclusions ended with everyone expecting me to be cheating on Edward because I accidentally happened to ask my wonderful trusting friend Drake, about Hayden. My lack of friends, henceforth lack of communication, wasn't what it looked like, and already seemed like it was going to worsen my reputation.

My worst fears seemed to be getting true.

I didn't bother glancing anywhere, nervously biting on my lower lip, and fixing my gaze on the present I was holding. "Thank you so much for this again," I told Marilyn as I seated down in the front row chairs. I could already feel Edward's piercing gaze upon me, but I chose to shake off the paranoid feeling.

"Oh don't be, you should open it up and tell me if you like it," She half-squealed, half-whispered despite annoying the already annoyed teacher who was checking some assignments.

"Oh okay." I smiled genuinely at her. Unwrapping the ribbon and the gift paper, I felt a solid black and white coloured book fall into my hands. My mouth fell agape, as I ran my fingers through the hardcover of the novel, partially sniffing the scent of it. The big bold title on the book read, the Him series, by Scarlett Black.

"Oh, my God." I gasped at the novel, twisting it in my hands, trying to take in every part of it. "It's a novel... A romantic one, I love romance novels so much."

"I know. Who doesn't," She said, suppressing her full-on grin. I returned her smile, feeling better about how much she cared. I pulled her into a small hug -- despite my anxious state -- to which she reciprocated back.

"That's so considerate of you," I said, really meaning it.

"Oh don't worry. I just hope you love it," She said, with hopeful eyes, as I pulled away and I nodded back relieved.

"Of course, I would. Books are my best friends."

The teacher started his class, late as usual, teaching us about basic programming language concepts, and giving us an entire project of building a whole website the same day, which was due by the end of the semester. I could already tell Marilyn groaning in annoyance at the teacher's lack of guidance, and I puffed out a tired breath.

The class finally came to an end, and all the students rushed out of the room right after the teacher exited. I hastily got up, as Marilyn chattered about ideas of what website we should be making and all the attributes it would have. I half-listened to her, simply nodding and adding hums during responses to ensure I was hearing her. As we filed out of class, my eyes landed at Edward, who stood in a corner alone, as if waiting for someone. He was smoking again as usual, and his fair hair was messily ruffled.

Before Marilyn could escort me away, he walked towards us. "Hey, can I have a moment with you?" He interrupted, and as if on instinct, Marilyn nodded, giving us the space and backing up, waving goodbye to us and then leaving. All of it happened so fast, not leaving room for me to execute my plans of ignoring Edward.

"Michelle," He spoke, his tongue caressing every syllable of my name, his voice silkily embracing me towards him. I disregarded his presence, turning away to leave.

"Michelle just listen to me for once," I heard him growl behind, halting me in my tracks. Half expecting him to apologise, I do as he say, but didn't say anything.

"Why are you acting like this?" He husked out a deep sigh, exhaling the smoke of his almost-over cigarette.

"Oh, so I'm the one acting here?" I managed to speak, looking anywhere but his devouring eyes.

"Why do you keep leaving me?"

"I don't know. You tell me why," I said, not wavering in my former annoyed expression. Shifting my weight on the other leg, I brought my eyes to look at him and was pained to see the now foreign familiarity in them. "You lied to me about Hayden."

"What?" He choked on the smoke, nearly coughing, his voice raw.

"Yes, Edward. Why everything I say is so unbelievable?" I said in a beseeching manner.

"I didn't know your old college companion is in our university now, which you didn't seem to tell me, and expected me to know all by myself," He muttered, matching the frustration of my tone.

"I'm not talking about him," I half whispered, half shouted.

"I don't know anything about anyone named Hayden." He frowned, looking at me like I'm crazy, or probably have lost my mind. "And what about him anyways? Like what's happening with him? Who is he? Do you like him now instead of me?"

I didn't even know why I bothered him again with the same topic, knowing full well it wasn't leading us anywhere.

I stared at him in shock at the choice of his words. Stepping back a little, I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't believe you're accusing me of cheating now."

Edward scoffed dryly, looking away, trying to calm his furiousness, as he closed his eyes, and looked back at me again. "I don't see why else would you put this act just to cause more problems, so you can blame me and get out of this relationship, the guilt-less way."

I blinked, distraught by his words and assumptions. Tears emerged in my eyes, and I turned away from him. My face crumpled in disappointment, and I leaned against the balcony, struggling to catch my breath. My short black hair curtained my face and my vulnerable expression. Sniffing loudly, I muffled my mouth with the back of my hand, blinking hard to keep myself steady.

"Hey..." Edward reached out to me, taking my arm in his. "I'm so sorry... I shouldn't have said that..." He apologised trying to hold my body inside his, and I didn't -- and probably couldn't -- resist. I silently wept, muffling any escaping sobs.

After several minutes, I struggled to pull away from his clinging grip. Rubbing the palm of my hands harshly against my wet eyes, I didn't look at Edward. I couldn't bring myself to see the same blue eyes I had loved so dearly, now that they felt like I couldn't recognise them. "I'm okay," I silently said.

"I'm really sorry... I can't see you like this," I heard him speak, but I didn't pay much mind to it. I felt his arms wrap around me again, as he whispered in my ear. "I got you something,"

Breathing heavily, he pulled away and grabbed his backpack that was sprawled on one of the empty chairs. He pulled out a red cardboard bag, which was filled with shiny red paper, and reached for my bag, unzipping and tucking it inside it.

"Edward..." I sighed, not knowing how to respond to anything. My head slightly hurt, regret, sadness, and pain fogging my emotions one after another.

"You forgot it last night," He stated, not listening to me.

'I don't know Edward. I just need a break, to think everything through,' was what I wanted to say, but instead, all I could manage was, "You really didn't have to do this..." I responded honestly, not knowing how to simply tell him no and run away.

But I knew I needed to, I just needed to find that exit.

There was just one thing I was admittedly fearful of. I couldn't run from something that was nothing. Because that was how this seemed to be lasting forever.

"Michelle, I don't need anything from you," Edward broke in again between my trailing thoughts. He stared intently into my eyes, as if trying to emphasise his words, and took my cold hand in his. "You're everything that I need."