How to make friends?

The black letters shone on my phone screen, screaming my friendship failure past on my face, as I blankly scrolled articles and blogs on why people -- me to be precise -- failed to have these simple relationships, and why wasn't I good enough for people. It sounded such a familiar word when I skimmed through pages on pages of why I was not good at it. But the concept of friendship itself felt merely distant.

It was something in university that I finally realised how bad I was with friendships in general. Either guys or girls, no one seemed to want to hang out with such a creep like me for as long as elementary school.

In elementary school was when I realised chasing after people was the key to friendships. In middle school I used to despise those groups of chattering girls, talking about all the girl talk and showing how together their lives were. Whereas I sat there with a few girls who had nothing better to talk about.

And I failed at it in university as well. And no amount of 'time will change everything' and adulthood changed my friendship life.

I exhaled loudly, exhausted, as I clicked my phone off, sliding it on the table of the now sorted books. Dragging my consciousness back to reality, I resumed my work of fixing the other shelves whilst diving deep into the kinds of stories that surrounded me.

Work was one thing I was super grateful to have. It helped in keeping my mind occupied, and also to get enough money to buy things, I couldn't otherwise. Hence, I spent the remaining day working extra hours there. Edward, on the other hand, would accompany me sometimes, checking up on me and telling me everything about the books. He would sneak in between times, filling me up with kisses and hugs. It was super nice of him whenever he showed up but for some reason, his touch had started giving me anxiety. I didn't want to sound rude by backing off from him every time he showed his affectionate gestures so instead I just started to let him be. More particularly, I knew it was that post that kept nagging midst my thoughts but I resorted to not telling Edward about it for the time being. Instead, I concluded I was better off handling it on my own, or just grieving about it alone since I knew there was nothing I could do about it.

It was over late evening now as I tiredly and forcedly, collected the books from the counter to place them back. I was almost over with the last batch of the books when I felt a steady push on my shoulder and some of the novels I was holding fell on the wooden floor, with a thud.

"I'm sorry, I'll help," Was abruptly followed by a tall figure bending over the lying books. My eyes fell on the intruder and instantly recognised him from the same guy on the bus just yesterday.

"No, I'll handle." I sternly bent, picking up the pieces, feeling slightly annoyed at his presence.

"Didn't know you worked here. That's cute." He grinned at me, gazing at the hem of my skirt.

"Yeah, that's why you're here?" I questioned, without even looking up at him and fixing up the mess quickly. I slightly peeked behind my shoulder to find any sign of Edward but I was sure he was at the other side of the store, completely oblivious.

"Chill. I just wanted to check around the place and probably find a good book, if you have any recommendations," He spoke coolly, leaning his arm over the shelf, scanning the place all around.

Now if I was a bold confident girl, I would've suggested to him the book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. But I knew it would cost me my work, and also my already simmering anxiety, so I remained quiet instead. "You can look around if you want," I dismissed extra formally. I kept my concentration fixated on anything in the room but him, feeling my heart increasing its pace.

I had half a mind to call Edward but I couldn't find him anywhere from my vision alone.

"Hmm." He hummed slowly walking across the shelves, his boots slightly thudding over the wooden floor. I instantly got up from my perched position, fixing myself and pretending to be unaffected. "Is this book any good?" He picked out a black thick spined cover book from the shelf in the far corner and handed it out to me. It read Fifty Shades of Gray. I mentally scoffed.

"I don't know," I kept my voice blank of any interest or attentiveness, only for it to perk his focus on me more.

"I've never read it, but it sounds intriguing. What do you think?" He prompted a reaction from me and I simply ignored it, making my way to the counter to get out of the enclosed space.

"You can read the blurb," I answered.

Without a word, he smiled and gave me the book and I quickly scanned it with shaky hands, feeling jittery under his keen supervision. I re-contemplated texting Edward for some help but it would be too over-dramatic of me to be calling for some company over a random customer. I carefully bagged the book and slid it on the counter waiting for him to pay.

"So is that simp around here right now?" He muttered under his breath, instead of handing me the money.

"What is your problem?" My voice ended up cracking and weak and his smile only grew.

"Of course, I don't have any problem. I just wanted you to be safe, especially from him. Didn't you just see what he did?" He countered.

"Did what?" I asked frustratedly.

"He literally created this whole post on Facebook, to frame you into a bad girl. You are too naïve for him," He answered, and his very words felt like a sharp pain in my chest.

Edward wouldn't do it, would he?

"He's a cheater himself anyways," He continued.

"Why do you think I would believe you?" I scoffed loudly, the panic in my voice, still evident. "I don't even know you but you seem to know everything about me," I just wanted to be proved wrong, I didn't want to jump to conclusions just yet about Edward doing this to me. I just wanted to be sure that it was all going to be okay, but it never came.

"Okay, at least you're willing to know me. I'm Hayden by the way." He extended his dark hand towards me to shake it, but I simply stared at him, awestruck. My heart begun to pound faster, as I was unable to cope with the dilemma. I knew the resemblance, the aura, the intimidation that screamed familiarity, but I couldn't really put a finger on how he had traced me. Maybe it wasn't him, maybe it was. There could be so many Haydens in London for all I could think of. This couldn't be him.

I studied him in bewilderment and confusion, not being able to comprehend any words.

"You know me." I hesitated, meaning to question but, it only turned out to sound like a statement.

"I just want to know you, that's all." He smiled, a gleeful smile, and I felt the adrenaline course through my body, my blood furiously rushing through my veins.

The only defence I knew and could implement at this point was to run. So I simply walked out and past him to find Edward, my pace fast yet unsteady. I knew how much of a scared traumatised person I was, and I seemed, but now it was the least of my concerns.

"Michelle?" My eyes flickered from the doorway to the voice that called me out. I turned towards him watching the comforting blue eyes following me around.

"Edward-" I breathed heavily, his name feeling like a fresh breath of air on my tongue.

He marched towards me, eyes frowning and full of concern at my vulnerable posture. Coming straight towards me, he held my frame in his arms. "Are you alright?"

"I... I don't know..." I stammered in confusion. My eyes scanned the room for the mysterious boy, but he seemed like he wasn't there anymore, or simply just ran away.

"What happened?" He questioned again, looking unblinking, around the parameters of the store.

I followed his gaze as well, not seeing any sign of his. "Nothing happened... I just... I don't know, I was looking for you,"

"Really?" He asked me, not giving into my otherwise state of presence.

"I don't know... I'm okay now." I flashed a quick smile instead because honestly, I didn't know how would I explain everything and the illicit interactions I have had. I didn't think anyone would ever believe me, just like no one did in college.

"Why were you looking for me?" He broke in through my train of thought, looking around at the area.

"Oh, I just..." I trailed off, unsure of what to say. Mine and his eyes landed on the book on the counter and I internally groaned. "I'm sorry,"

He walked me back towards the counter, as he looked around the place in alertness and his eyes landed upon the fallen book. I could sense the hint of glimmer in his eyes but I tried hard to act oblivious. I unwinded myself from his arms and went behind the counter again.

"Really? You wanted to tell me you were reading that?" He added with a very amused smile and it only made me reddened.

"It's not what you think. I was just... I've never read it before," I lied and Edward simply laughed, a contagious laugh, that evaporated all my worries in a second.

"I'd rather you should." He smirked and I huffed, putting the book away.

"No, I'm good," I turned away, trying to hide the blush on my face. But the thought of this new Hayden and the revelations he seemed to have made regarding Edward, had begun seeping its way into my mind, as I fiddled with the book in my hands, and looked around the place in deep thought.

I felt Edward approach me, wrapping his arms around me from the back and placing a small kiss on my hair. I flinched a bit but didn't detract from his inflammable touch. "Everything's going to be okay, okay?" His words were full of promise. "Here you can have this just in case..."

He reached for his pocket and smoothly pulled out a blue lighter and a half-empty distorted pack of cigarettes. He pulled one out and lent it to me, and I smiled lightly at his offer.

"Really?" I looked at him amused, my mood shifting a whole quarter different. He had a way of making me feel so comfortable, but for some reason, I wasn't entirely convinced.

"If you don't want to, that's fine. It helps with stress." He shrugged, smiling nonetheless.

I took the cigarette stick and placed it in my mouth carefully. He flicked the lighter, lighting the joint for me, til it turned a bright orange. I took a long drag of the smoke, puffing on it, feeling the smoke fog away my thoughts.

"I love you for this," I croaked, my voice slightly hoarse.

Hayden looked up from the counter towards me, smirking a little bit. "Oh, that's a first. I love you more  but you'll have to pay me for it."

"What?" I laughed lightly at his flirty attempt. "And how will I do that?"

"That's for me to know, and you to decide," He whispered, staring into my eyes closely.

"Yeah yeah, I'll see." I stifled a smile, turning away from him to smoke the last bits of it. I could already feel my heartbeat slowing down, and the nervous jitters in my stomach, vanishing.

The day faded to an end as Hayden spent the rest of the time with me, making sure I was alright. We exchanged kisses and he treated me to some pizza which I couldn't refuse. My mind remained distracted between who the guy was and what he wanted. Maybe it was some random guy, who coincidentally happened to cross paths with me more than once. Perhaps he was a guy who had nothing better to do in life but stalking a girl, thinking she'll be flattered by it.
Or maybe, I was just overthinking him and-

"Can I drive you home?" Edward interrupted my thoughts again, the blue flecks on eyes glowing in the dark, as we walked out. His hand was firmly but softly, curled around mine as I flickered my eyes away.

"Well... If you're okay with it..." I sighed heavily, feeling vulnerable again.

"I am fine with anything if it's for you."

The night air was chilly as I smiled uncomfortably back at Edward in return. Just as we were about to reach his car, he stopped to fish out his phone from his pocket.

"Hold on a second," Edward excused, looking at the brightly lit device. He unlocked the car for me, and I silently got inside the passenger side. He walked a bit further away from the car, growing my suspicions. He texted abruptly to whoever the person was on the phone, without looking up.

I just sat there in the quietness of the night, trying to distract myself with my phone, my anxiety creeping inside me again.

Was he cheating on me?

I took a moment to compose myself. That was quite a big assumption about him to be just texting someone late at night out of his car. But what if? I knew Edward has been nothing but nice to me all this time... But what if whatever he did was just pretend all this time? Confusion and slight rage erupted my heartbeat again, as I looked around in his car for any signs.

I turned the light on inside the car and started flipping the floor mats away, rummaging through the dashboards. I turned towards the backside in utter hastiness and grabbed his university bag.

"Michelle?" Edward called me out, looking at me with curious eyes through the driver seat window and I instantly jumped at his sight. He unlocked the door and quickly got inside, his eyes never leaving me.

I inhaled a deep breath, trying to contain my emotions. "What's going on?" I tried to ask him as politely as I could but ended up sounding pretty upset.

"I don't know... You tell me?" He asked back, the phone in his hand still lightened. "Why were you searching through my stuff?"

"Oh, so you're saying I can't? I wonder why are you so worried about it?" I snapped, unable to look at him, as I fiddled with the zipper of his bag still in my hands.

"I'm not saying you can't but I don't understand why you're so... paranoid today..." He said slowly, but I stared back at his expression keenly for any hint of lies.

"I'm being paranoid?" I scoffed, not wanting to believe he was partly right. "Who was on the phone?"

"Wow... And now you don't trust me anymore?" He said, taken aback by the tone of my voice.

"You don't even tell me anything..." I retorted, my voice sounding vulnerable instead. "Who was on the phone Edward?"

He remained silent for a while, observing my face for any clue or hint of a joke, but I remained serious. "It was nothing."

"Really?" I gasped, not knowing why he wasn't telling me anything anymore. "Are you... Are you cheating on me?"

Hayden's expression transformed from worry to shock, as he blinked unable to take in my words. "What is this all about?" He asked, a little harshly.

"Give me that phone." I took the phone from his hand but he pulled it away.

"I'm not cheating on you," He gasped in anger. "How could you make such a bold assumption about me just like that?"

My eyes glazed, not knowing how to react, what to believe and who to trust. I gulped the strong emotions trying their way out and looked away from him. "You don't tell me anything... There was a picture of us on Facebook and there were... comments about me in there... Bad comments. Who did that Edward?" I choked.

I heard him curse profanities under his breath, not surprised in the slightest by the revelation. He simply clutched the steering wheel tightly, taking deep breaths. "How did you know about that?"

"Seriously? There are people out there in my university, calling me names and you think I'm not supposed to know that?" I longingly stared at him, waiting for him to tell that me all this was some kind of sick joke. But it didn't happen. Apprehension and fear replaced every inch of my being, while I maintained my ragged breathing at a steady pace.

"You don't have to worry about it. I've it handled," He lowly answered.

"Who did that Edward?" I almost cried. My mind went all the way back to Hayden's words and part of my expectations started to target him for this whole commotion.

"Jason. The same guy who asked for your number and, who I assumed was someone else. I had to back him off for good. And now he is stalking both of us, spreading stupid rumours, thinking that it'll either scare you or scare me away. And now he's coming back at us just because the prude couldn't fight back when I was beating the shit out of him,"

"You literally hit him and nearly expelled him from university just because he asked for my number!" I panted breathlessly.

"I thought he was Hayden!" He frustratedly raked his fingers in his hair, tugging at them. "Either way, he got what he deserved."

"Edward, are you even hearing yourself? Do you know there's also a picture of me and Drake in there? Do you know what kind of impression that's giving off?" I motioned my hand towards his phone, in exasperation. I couldn't even think straight at this point, unable to align my thoughts. "Did you read the comments? Did you see what they said about me? A girl who smokes and hangs out with guys and whatnot?!"

"That guy is obsessed with you!" He seethed, looking manic all of a sudden.

"Why?" I slowly gasped, and Edward simply shook his head in a manner of giving up, looking away from me. "Why would any guy be obsessed with me, to begin with? I'm not even good looking for that matter! I didn't even do anything," I explained out of breath, expecting any coherent response or answers from him, but it only grew his agitation.

"Michelle don't be stupid," He retorted and I stared at him in surprise at his harsh tone, blinking back tears at this harsh tone. "I'm sorry-"

"I can't... I can't do this anymore," I stuttered, my vision and my thoughts fogging up with anxiousness. My hands went cold and trembled, and I tried to keep a steady state by clutching his bag in my hands.

"I got that post deleted already. I will do anything to protect you. I told you, you don't have to worry about anything," His instant shift from stress to reassurance was abrupt, surprising me but I exhaled an exaggerated breath, not knowing how to react anymore.

"I-I don't know. We should probably stop seeing each other," I mumbled without giving much thought.

"No... No... I won't let that happen." His frown deepened at my words. "You can't leave me. I told you everything will be alright. You need to trust me. Please."

I looked at him for a split second, his expression and gestures fluctuating from tenseness to sudden fear and disappointment. I blinked away from him. "I don't know,"

"I will never leave you, okay? Can you promise me to do the same? You will never leave me right?"

I sighed heavily, almost on the verge of tears as I harshly wiped my eyes with the back of my shivering hand. I was scared. I was scared of everything, and even the slightest things had started to tick me off. My fears had started to dictate every single action of mine and there was nothing I could do about it, nothing that could convince me otherwise. Except for Edward's pleading expression.

I felt his arms wrap around my frail body, whispering words of encouragement and assurance, and constantly kissing my hair, sniffing deeply into my scent. Letting out a shuddering breath, I shifted away a tad bit and nodded meekly. "I would never leave you too,"