So this was how it felt like to be infatuated, being so in love that you're either too scared of the free fall or wanting to embrace the dive. It all depended on where you're falling.

And it was the aftermath of the fall that I was scared of the most.

Thinking back to Edward's words where he said how we would figure it out together, I didn't even know how this was supposed to be possible. There was no figuring out my haunting past, I could only sit there and watch myself crumble so slowly, that I wouldn't even realise I'd been long dead and would finally become part of the haunting aka just a moment in past.

I refilled my glass of water, popping in the appetite suppressant pills I had gotten on my way to meet Dad. I should've brought something for my crippling anxiety now that I thought of it, I could have been better off instead of reeling and sulking in my room all alone with the creeping fear of all the wrong what-ifs.

As I skimmed through some Google suggestions on how to deal with threatening messages, neither of the affirmations and helplines helped me calm down nor I could get any insight on how to do anything about it.

I tossed my phone away again, trying to take deep breaths. And it was moments later that I drifted to sleep. And after the same repetitive moments of my anxiety-ridden Sunday, Monday finally appeared.

My heart warmed as I re-experienced the emotion in my head, as the rays of sunshine swept my room, while I checked any messages by Edward on my phone screen, with a newfound feeling.

But there was nothing.

I knew I couldn't rely on him for literally everything, so I just shook off the thought. I turned away from the bed, shakily getting up to get ready. I changed into my clothes -- simple high-waisted black jeans and a maroon blouse and finished the rest of the necessities, checking out myself in the toilet mirror.

I packed my bag with all my and Edward's assignments that I just did even when he didn't ask to. I know he had been so exhilarated yesterday because of my mess, I wanted to do something and that was the least I could've done. Fetching my bag, I hastily rushed out of the room, not wanting to miss the bus.

The bus abruptly stopped right in front of the campus gates, and everyone filed out, including me. I looked around, paranoid through the expansion of the campus ground to spot him but unfortunately, I did not.

I walked towards the classroom, finding Marilyn standing idly against the door frame, her bag hanging lazily on her one arm. She noticed me, passing me a small smile and I returned.

"Look who's finally here..." Her brown eyes politely addressed me.

"Yeah... How'd your weekend go?" I asked just to spark a small talk. I'd been distant with Marilyn, I had to admit, ever since I started seeing Edward. She didn't deserve my on-and-off behaviour, but I didn't know how I was supposed to keep up with both.

"Oh, you know just the typical, studying in my room all day long and trying to make ends meet with work," She scoffed sadly. "But that night when we were out at that whoever guy's party, that was so fun. I hadn't expected it to not go bad. And oh gosh, Drake likes you, can you believe that? I honestly saw it coming."

I looked at her confused for a minute there, but then remembered what she was talking about. "Oh yes, It came as a bit of a surprise to me though," The very thought made me uncomfortable, not knowing how I was going to deal with him.

"I would've shipped you two but you seemed more smitten by Edward." She smiled knowingly at me.

Before I could fend for myself, the green-eyed girl, Anna intervened as she spotted us. "I think for a girl as pretty as her, she deserves someone hot. And Edward is definitely it." Her wide-eyed stare looked welcoming.

"Well hello there to you too." Marilyn chuckled at her sudden intervention and I smiled at both of them.

"I do find Edward cute," I admitted, blurting out my feelings with flushed cheeks.

"I think he likes you too, but that Drake guy had to ruin that night." Anna sighed, dramatically putting her palm on her chest. "But girl look at all these guys having the hots for you. That is giving, main character energy," she praised, eyeing me up and down as if I was someone special, before checking her phone. "Oh, I need to go now, please try to sneak in my attendance if you can,"

From what I had learned about Anna, was that she was the girl who thrived, both academically, and socially and honestly it was a mystery how she balanced the two so perfectly. I was the exact opposite of her. Neither were my grades any good as I was almost certain I was going to fail my programming class, nor was I socially good. I almost had to re-evaluate there, what I was actually good at.

"Where are you going?"

"It's just my boyfriend." She waved at us goodbye before leaving.

We trailed back to the class as the teacher entered along.

All the students settled in, and I looked around, not finding any sign of Edward anywhere. The periods ticked to their ends, as I tried to manage Edward's attendance marked, not forgetting Anna's and submitting his homework and assignments on my behalf.

The bell rang yet again, signalling break time as I and Marilyn headed out of the class. My mood seemed to have worn down because Edward hadn't shown up. I didn't want to obsess over him, clinging onto him like the only hope of my happiness. He might have his own life to live. But I couldn't help but wonder where he could be instead.

Marilyn kept chattering about the upcoming speech contest she was planning on participating in as we made our way towards the lift. I kept answering through my instinctive emotions and expressions, my mind wandering off to only Edward and nothing else.

"So do you think I could make it? I've always wanted to be good at speeches but I don't know how this would turn out for me,"

"Of course, you'll make it. You're already very talented," I finally regained my focus, as she surveyed my face.

"Thank you! I just wish I could get it right,"

"I know you will," I numbly added.

"Michelle..." She trailed off, her eyes squeezing whilst scanning my features.

"What?" I breathed, pretending to be unnerved by anything.

"Is something bothering you? You don't look good..." She asked, my weary expression not escaping her notice.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just... need to get fresh air..." I forced a small smile, taking her helpless aura as a cue to slip away to regain myself in absolute solitude.

"Michelle..." I heard Marilyn's faint voice trail behind me, but I didn't pay much mind to it. I didn't know why I was being this emotional and moody. Even the slightest of things were setting me off and all I wanted to be was alone.

So I let loneliness embrace me as I took the deserted route of my university to walk, specifically where Edward would usually take me. I held onto my bag a little tighter as I crisped and crunched onto the gravel ground. My steps slowed and I halted towards a footpath and lowered my backpack, pushing it against the pillar perpendicular to the path. I hunched down, breathing slowly but steadily to stop any other memories to come crashing down on me. That had almost stopped around Edward as if he had some kind of magic. But I knew he couldn't be that something that would solve all my problems away. That'd make me quite dependent on him and that wasn't right, for him and me either.

"Hey there..." I heard a heavy voice interrupt my little closure process. Half expecting it to be Edward, I looked up from the ground to find a tall dark boy leaning across the pillar, arms folded, his raven hair flopped on his head and staring at me with a crooked smile. "Looks like you'd like some company."

I half scoffed and laughed, brushing him away. "No, I'm good."

Nonetheless, he sat beside me a little too closely for my liking. "You don't seem good."

"Do I happen to know you?" I looked across my shoulder at him, with a crossed expression. I observed his very familiar features for a little uncomfortably longer, resembling Hayden's. Deep mysterious black eyes, tanned skin, defined cheekbones and a set jaw.

"Well, you can if we try to get to know each other." He snapped between my thoughts, and without wasting the next second, I instantly got up from my place, kindly took my bag and began moving about. "Wait-"

"Look I am not interested in anything so please let me be," I said rigidly, staring at him to move away as he towered over me, blocking the space behind.

Before I could panic, he begins. "Just hear me out before you start making a scene."

"What-"

"I've seen you with that simp a lot of times and I just came to warn you. That guy is bad news," He uttered carelessly. I cringed at his choice of words and it only fumed my angriness.

"What exactly are you talking about?" I looked at him, offended.

"You know what I-"

"Thank you for your very polite company. I have places to be." I pushed against him, walking away abruptly.

"And what if those text messages you have been receiving, are from him?" he called from behind, making me stop in my tracks. I know Edward wouldn't do that, he couldn't. He wouldn't lie to me like that.

I turned to face him, my body shivering from the fear and the lack of nutrients in my system. "Who are you and how do you know about those texts?"

For a brief moment, he remained quiet, his serious expression turning into a faint smile. And for a split second, his aura reminded me of Hayden, making me backtrack from him. Before I knew it, I pushed myself further away and began running breathlessly out of his sight.

It took me quite some distance to compose myself and perch up against a wall to catch my breathing. I could still hear footsteps or maybe it was my mind, I couldn't quite distinguish. I shakily turned to look back but saw no one in the scenery. It was scary but relieving at the same time, leaving me merely confused.

The place was a tad bit crowded as I approached a less bleak area, looking around with a paranoid feeling. Unable to contain myself anymore, I hastily dialled Edward's number and he picked on the second ring.

"Hello?" I breathed, my voice still shaky.

"Uh, hey..." He trailed off, sounding breathless, as I heard him do stuff in the background. "I'm so sorry something came up at work today and I couldn't make it to university. How's your day going? I'll try to make it up to you, I promise, I'll be there in a few," He rambled, without pausing. I, on the other hand, was unable to answer with my ragged thoughts.

"It's alright."

"You don't sound good... Where are you?" He asked, worry lined in his voice.

"Hey no I'm good. You don't have to come over. I'm just tired that's all," I said dismissively, not knowing what else to say. My mood didn't elevate even after his reassurance for some reason. Probably I was just being dramatic over nothing. My eyes still wandered across the area I had just left in alertness, trying to catch up on the slightest movement that could aware me.

"Right," His one husky word pierced through my train of thoughts. With that, he hung up and I couldn't help but feel numb at this point. I should've reciprocated or felt relieved but didn't.

I took the more crowded route this time and planned on treading out of the university premises, just in case, as my senses still felt like I was being followed. I went to the canteen to get myself some food before I would pass out in dizziness. I ended up buying some crisps, and after a while of composing myself, I planned on ditching class and leaving for home. I shuddered and shakily walked and after a good amount of minutes, worked my way towards the queues of cars in the parking lot. Midway before I could still make it outside, I warily crashed into something and retracted quite swiftly, as my only defence without looking.

"Stay away from-" Before I could finish, my eyes fell on the familiar home-like blue eyes that radiated concern. "I... I'm sorry. I just got caught off guard."

"Why? Has something happened?" He rasped, observing me whilst.

"No, I'm fine," I rambled, trying to appear calm and less stressed. I couldn't let Edward know about my encounter with that guy, I was sure he'd be upset with me.

"Are we on the same old page where we can't be open to each other about anything?" He frowned in dismay but I just exhaled heavily in response.

"I'm feeling paranoid, that's all." I shook the feeling away, glancing back at him and waiting for him to shrug it off. That guy's words rang in my head, but I tried to shake off the unsettling feeling.

Edward looked at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, and locked my hand in his, leading us to his car parked right in the corner. He climbed at the bonnet of it, extending his hand for me to join him. I smiled a little, taking it and pulling myself up with him, with the metal grumbling under my weight.

"What are we doing?" I grinned confused.

He didn't answer, just digging his hand in his trousers pocket to retrieve a pack of cigarettes. Pulling one out, he clicked his lighter to burn the tip of it, as the stick hung lazily from his lips. Inhaling the blazing stick deeply, he looked at me with a stressed smile.

"Do you want one?" He offered as the smoke around him, swirled into beautiful patterns and faded past him.

"You seem stressed," I pointed out and he sighed.

"And so do you," He lightly spoke, his eyes meeting mine, as he perched against his arms against the bonnet.

"I'm always stressed." I chuckled humorlessly. "But what happened Edward? You don't tell anything to me at all."

"Now isn't the best time Michelle." He groaned, exhaling the cigarette sharply again. Quite annoyingly, I fetched one from the opened box littering the sticks out. I shuffled around trying to find his lighter but failed and only found an amused expression etched on Edward's face.

"Here." He pulled out the half-burnt cigarette from his lips and passed it to me. I smiled sheepishly at him and took the smoking stick from his appealing ring-cladded fingers. Without a second thought, I grasped it between my lips, inhaling the scent sharply.

Several breaths later, I was a coughing mess.

"What is that thing?" I choked, feeling my throat dry with the fumes of smoke.

"Anxiety reliever." Edward laughed lightly at my sight, shaking his head. "It's pretty simple really." He delicately took my fingers and placed the tip of the cigarette back at my lips. "Just suck but don't inhale."

My cheeks heated and smiled against the cigarette, doing exactly how Edward ordered. "Don't pull too much smoke in. And simply exhale from your lips. Very slowly," He instructed.

I did the same, feeling the smoke caress the tips of my lip as it exited out. Nonetheless, I still coughed a little at my smokey breath.

"That's more like it," His face lit up at me, smiling lopsidedly.

"That was... Really good." I blushed at him. "It smelled of you."

He laughed at the comment. "Why thank you. I guess I'm addictive as well,"

"Kind of... Maybe." I shrugged, as we exchanged some more cigarettes, intoxicating each other. For the first time, I felt at ease as the smoke faded away my draining thoughts.

Edward stood up from the car slowly and grabbed the third cigarette from my hand. Nearing me several feet, he pulled me towards him, til I was sitting at the edge of the hood and near him. The gesture itself melted my insides, as I panted out of breath.

Everything escalated fast and I awkwardly looked up through my eyelashes and noticed his eyes wandering nowhere but my lips.

"F*ck it," He bit on his lower lip in probably, desperation, his breath scented with stress-smoking.

"What-" I raggedly breathed.

He leaned over me, blinking the electricity of desire out from his eyes and back to mine for approval. "May I?"

I knew too well what he was asking about. "Yea-"

And another millisecond would've been a waste if he hadn't closed the distance between our lips, slowly but steadily sliding his fingers in my hair. I laid down on the car bonnet, my back pressed against it firmly, with Edward pushing and towering over me. I pressed my lips back at his, reciprocating his energy and feeling the fumes enter my mouth, filling me whole.

The nervous jitters inside my stomach seemed to have been replaced by jitters that were passionate and exciting. The way he lifted my legs towards him to get closer to him, felt like I was going to melt right there. The only difference was that I wasn't going to break us apart. This time his touch made sure of it.

I knotted my fingers in his rough hair, with his hair messing up cumulatively. Fluttering my eyes close, I locked my lips with his, deepening the kiss. He nibbled my lower lip softly before hanging from my lower lip lightly tugging at it, just to catch breath, but continued again, and harder this time.

Several minutes later, which seemed like a split second, he pulled away, out of breath, looking dishevelled but smiling nonetheless. "And that's another way to exchange cigarettes."