"and here we are," kook announced. pushing open the door, we went inside and were immediately greeted by one of the waiters he knew.

it was days away before the new year kicks in, and kook decided to bring and introduce me to his circle of friends.

honestly, people not close to us would probably wonder as to why kook and i are almost always together. even i don't know the answer to that question. one thing for sure, i do enjoy his company.

"stay close to me," he said, as we approach a group of company seated at one of the best tables at the back of the room.

a familiar face immediately jumped up when he saw us being ushered toward him.

"oh, you're with lisa again?"

he smiled warmly at me, as he hugged kook. he then whispered something to him, which led to kook smacking the back of his head.

"lisa, you remember si hyun, right?"

i remember his face yet i can't pinpoint his name. only when he introduced himself as the guy in the arcade playroom did i recall who he was.

si hyun introduced me to the other guys, who probably are kook's friend too. they all looked relaxed and easy going.

"i'm having a bellini," si hyun said, "what would you like, lisa? kook?"

i said, "i'd love a bellini too, and why don't you have one, kook?"

"i will. that'd be great. thanks, si hyun," kook said.

once geoff had ordered the drinks, his other friends started questioning me.

"so, are you dating kook?" the guy asked, his tone was as astonished as his face.

i was startled by the question, and kook looked as if he was too.

he cleared his throat before claiming, "no, not a date. just ... company."

no, he said to them when asked if we're dating. i suddenly remembered how my unnies tease me, planting in my mind how kook likes me. guess they're wrong.

i already knew this somewhere deep inside, yet i don't know why hearing him say it hurt, especially the cold and confident way he said it, like it was a joke or something. he could have softened the blow, even just a little.

why would he even get really close and lead me into something, only to pull back at the last second? the whole flip-switch thing are starting to do horrible things to me.

do i like jungkook?

i honestly don't know, and my head is pounding thinking about it.

"then if you're not an item, can i start dating you now, lisa?"

the guy was about to hand out his phone, yet kook immediately blocked his attempt. he grabbed his phone and threw it back at him.

"yah jeon jungkook, it's not even your number i'm asking for!"

there he goes again with his protective act.

"what?" he asked, "it's in their company policy to not give out their numbers to random dudes."

the guy looked at me, to which i nodded in response. kook was speaking facts, but damn can he back out of it? i know what to do and what not.

"oh right, have you heard, kook?"

"heard what?" kook asked swiftly, staring intently at his friend.

"she's in town," he said, and paused when the drinks arrived.

who?

kook sat in silence as he continue to sip his cocktail.

"have you reconciled with her? she's still waiting for you, i think," si hyun claimed, leaning forward across the table.

"ani, i don't see any reason why we still have to."

kook glanced across at me, his dark eyes focused with great intent and also concern.

"well for starters," the guy paused, and they all seemed shocked seeing at what was behind us.

"kookie," a female voice called out.

we immediately turned our heads and saw a woman standing right there. she was smiling warmly at us, especially at him.

"sewon," he whispered in shock.

if it weren't for the loud club music, the room would have been filled with silence. i felt an awkward atmosphere arising from the situation.

judging from his reaction, i guess she's someone he knows well.

maybe it's his first love? or puppy love? whatever he calls it. i mean, it can't just be a childhood friend. just look at his friends' reactions!

probably she's here to reconcile? get back together?

huh, the hell i care.

"i was looking for you," she said. "do you have a minute?"

he looked at the glass he was holding and put it on top of the table. "sure, what's up?"

"alone, if you wouldn't mind,"

kook glanced at me for a moment while he furrowed his eyebrows for a short second, scanning my expression.

he pursed his lips. "alright," he said reluctantly.

he leaned closer to my face, saying, "it'll be for a little bit, stay here. "

"and whatever you're thinking of, the answer is no," he whispered as he stands up. shockingly, she jumped at him, wrapping his arms around his neck.

the people around the table started teasing them, but kook was quick to remove her grasp.

"oh i forgot, that's lisa," he mentioned pointing at me.

"friend?" she asked.

i stood up and cut off kook's response instantly. "friend," i confirmed. i don't need to hear him say it twice!

"excuse me, i'll go to the restroom," i said. i heard kook calling my name, but i quickly headed towards the bathroom.

i need to compose myself before facing them again. i can't let them see right through me — i can't let them notice how i was slowly hurting.

i walked into the bathroom, adjusting my make up in front of a mirror. i rolled my eyes and mumbled to myself, "what a mess."

he loves doing mind games with me, doesn't he? to the point that even my unnies start to give meanings to his actions towards me.

and he has the nerve to tell me that whatever i was thinking, the answer is no? no?! bitch. he clearly can't find the right words to say when he saw her.

yeah puppy love my ass, she's clearly her first love.

i gather my make up products and put it inside my pouch. as i walked outside, i saw them standing not far away from me.

jungkook's back was facing me. i couldn't see his reaction, yet judging from sewon's face, it looks like they're talking about something serious.

all of a sudden, she kissed him.

i immediately walked past them. my vision was starting to get blurry, but i didn't stop walking. i have to get out of this place before he catches up.

my mind was in a whole other place; seeing them together was not what i was hoping for. not so soon.

i held a hand over my heart and squeezed the material there.

embarrassment is liking a bastard like you.

i breathed through the pain in my chest. this is the first time i admitted my feelings to myself. i had known there was an attraction ever since i was taking care of him, but the past few days made it stronger.

now, i just realized that we both had tension because there really wasn't any attraction between us.

we were just two stubborn people making every argument a contest of patience. i was a fool for thinking he has feelings for me.

i played into his nice guy act every time he saves me from sadness, but i guess he was only pitying me. he said all those words just to comfort me, or maybe mess with my head because he enjoyed it.

he saw me as a weak, pathetic girl who couldn't control my emotions.

or perhaps what he felt was real, but he realized that i was simply a distraction. once his true love came back, i'm no longer needed.

jeon jungkook, why are you making me feel this way?

i never felt the need to fuss over this kind of stuff, but you ...

it's different. different with bambam. the thing i have with you, it's a whole different feeling.

yes, he doesn't feel anything for me. my feelings weren't going to matter no matter what i did.

as i exited the place, a hand suddenly grabbed me and took me elsewhere.

"let me go!" i demanded.

he lightly pushed my back onto the wall and trapped me in his arms.

"hey," he whispered, "what's wrong, lisa?"

i kept my head down. can't he take a hint?

"talk to me please," he pleaded. "wae geurae? huh? are you hurt somewhere?"

with a shaky hand, he brushed the hair away from my face. his eyes widened upon seeing how red my eyes are.

with my face still flushed from crying, i looked at him with my eyes squinted. i had to bite my lip to keep myself from tearing some more.

"nothing," i whispered, the tone of frustration evident in my voice.

"what do you mean nothing? you're a crying mess, lisa," his tone rising.

"is she, that girl ... is she —"

"she's my ex," he replied abruptly.

i took his hands off me and was about to leave him behind, when he suddenly flung my body back to the wall. i wrestled to break free, but his hands quickly trapped me to the spot.

i was overwhelmed by the situation that i wasn't able to move anymore. not to mention how his face is inches away from mine.

he brought his thumb to my face and started wiping the tears away. i instantly jerked his hand off, resulting to his face being in shock.

"what the hell are you doing, kook?!"

"pinning you down and wiping your tears away."

"not that, you jerk! you're just playing with me, aren't you? one minute you act like you want me and the next you step back away. i get it, you pity me as someone who has never experienced love because unfortunately the man i liked before never reciprocated my feelings. i know that and it sucks, but you don't have to —"

suddenly, his lips smashed into mine, cutting off all my thoughts completely. my eyes widened and my whole body tensed. i had no idea what to do.

his lips felt soft and warm. the feel of him sent shivers down my spine, and my toes curled in my sneakers. time froze, and i felt i was starting to melt under his touch. the burning ache in the pit of my stomach was foreign, and i couldn't fathom what was happening.

before i could respond to his lips, he lifted his head and gazed down on me. his eyes were shrouded with guilt and ... desire? his voice flowed like silk, "i don't."

i scrambled to gather my thoughts. "wh-what..." i breathed, not sure of where he was coming from. everything that happened beforehand seemed hazy.

"i don't want to be in a relationship, lisa," kook sighed.

my mind cleared in a blink of an eye. his arms were still pinning me to the wall, and i still decided not to move an inch despite being surprised at his response. i was thrown off guard.

"i never wanted the idea of dating someone, not until i met you. every minute i spent with you felt like heaven, and i never wanted it to end."

i glanced up and saw his eyes soft and glinting, with the firmness in his voice, he mumbles, "i like you, lisa. a lot. and i hate seeing you cry, so please? tell me what's wrong?"

and with that, i threw both my arms around his neck and kissed him.