Hello! This is Lexi here. If you're a part of our discord then you may know that me and my friends do a podcast/talk show for a few local spots back home. I figured I'd give you guys a glimpse at it.

Here you go!
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Tommy: Alright, we're good to go. This is the episode. It's begunning.

Alex: It's starting?

Tommy: It's the middle. And it's done.

Lexi: Pfft.

Tommy: And that's it! The whole thing is over.

Alex: It's like Merlin. The episode happens backwards.

Lexi: Yeah!

Tommy: Okay, let's start with a segment from Alex.

Alex: Alright, Karate styles.

Tommy: What are we doing?

Alex: Alright, you have to do a karate style. Kay? Um, I'll begin.

Ethan: Are we actually doing this?

Alex: Yeah, we're going backwards.

Lexi: Backwards!

Alex: A backwards episode today, okay? So, what's your karate style? It's like dancing dragon or kissing dragon or hard as nails...

Alex/Russ: Dragon.

Alex: So whatever your own personal one is, alright? Mine is, um, uh, Angry Nelly. So you're like a rapper, right, kinda over the hill, hasn't done much, but had a thing with vitamin water, right, so you throw vitamin water at your opponent, right, hurt them in various ways with vitamin water. And then when they're about to pin you, you get to claim bankruptcy to get out of it.

Ethan: That is Nelly.

Tommy: Alright, very good.

Russ: The Angry Nelly.

Alex: The Angry Nelly.

Ethan: Alright, then I guess mine will be Chorero Luger. And it's uh, you would assume it would include a gun or something like that, but it's really just break dancing.

Russ: Okay.

Ethan: It's just break dancing until you bond together and become friends, and you share, like, a kinship with the moves cause it, breakdancing helps the youth in the hood stay out of trouble.

Tommy: I agree. What's the segment?

Russ: Your own ninja style.

Lexi: No, your own karate style.

Russ/Tommy: Karate!

Russ: Your karate style.

Alex: What will you use to get out of a fight with a ninja? What's the drunken one?

Russ: The Drunk Crane master or...

Tommy: They're all drunk there. Um, I would like to do something called, oh I don't know.

Alex: I know you don't know, Thomas, and that's what always happens.

Tommy: Yes, I know.

Alex: What is it? Just name an animal and a movement and you're good to go.

Tommy: Ah. I would do the Armadillo Lepard.

Alex: Okay, what the hell is that? Okay, I got my gi on, we're in a dojo. You come in late, probably, problems intoxicated.

Tommy: I'm always here early.

Alex: But then, okay, so what do you do, what do you do with that move?

Tommy: Go to the vending machine, get a bunch of Fredos, put them on the floor, you're a fucking fat bitch so you eat them.

Alex: Okay, can't argue with that.

Lexi: Oh, that's a good one.

Alex: Can't argue with that. Lexi?

Lexi: Uh, uh, mine will be called Hell's Bells. Basically I'm gonna use AC/DC as a way to come in because they don't fucking get it, Japanese don't understand what AC/DC is or what hair bands are, so they just come out like "random Japanese gibberish" then they go "Oh no, it hurts my ears" and you just keep throwing that hard-core classic "Back in black" and they just get so disoriented that they leave you alone.

Tommy/Alex: Alright.

Alex: Not bad. Russ?

Russ: I think I'm gonna have to go with Amarillo Lepard.

Alex: What?!

Lexi: Of course! It's a good one.

Tommy: If we do the segment up top every time, I'll win!

Alex: Unbelievable.

Ethan: It was honestly a great one. Great name, great style.

Lexi: I'm not drunk enough to do the segment at this point.

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Alex: Then he would go "Oh, he's mentally molesting me". No he didn't.

Tommy: Yeah, I'm going to say, the defendant in this case, he was just standing there, the guy is just measuring his cock. Just shut the fuck up and leave the bathroom and-and tell the story to your friends.

Alex: Or make small talk about rulers or your penis size.

Tommy: Yeah, or just openly mock it like "Not that long, bro". Kind of just make fun of it.

Alex: I would pull out a tiny scale and I would weigh my penis.

Lexi: Ooo, that's a good one.

Alex: Just be like, "welcome to the party, like..."

Russ: How much does your penis weigh?

Alex: I have to check when I get home. I got a scale.

Lexi: Uh, for the food? You're gonna put your dick on the food scale?

Alex: No, the one that you stand on.

Lexi: So you're going to...how are you gonna...

Alex: Yes! So I'm gonna put my penis on that. Lexi, what's wrong? What's going on?

Tommy: You'll have to put it on a dresser or something.

Alex: Is it just the penis or the full penis and balls that we're talking about?

Russ: Yeah, that's the thing. It would actually be very hard to weigh like it would be easy to...

Alex: And what if you jacked off? Cause you'll have all that extra goo to weigh down the scale.

Russ: Yeah. It's gonna be easy to weigh like a limp penis, cause it'll just sort of rest on there, but an erect penis, that's gonna be a lot more difficult. How are you gonna rest that on anything?

Alex: Bang it on it.

Ethan: Totally different weight man, that's tough.

Russ: Totally different weight and it'll be hard to actually put it on there and weigh it.

Alex: See, but that's blood weight. I'm not here to talk about blood weight. I'm here to talk about penis and balls weight.

Lexi: Meat weight.

Alex: Yeah. Blood is mud to me.

Lexi: But there's blood in the dick.

Alex: Muddy penis.

Ethan: Drain it.

Alex: Got to find a horny vampire.
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Russ: A woman is fighting to keep her 6ft long pet alligator in her home.

Jacob: True!

Russ: The 125 Lbs reptile named Rambo wears clothes, rides on the back of a motorcycle, and has a bathroom in the home.

Kaite: Let her have it.

Tommy: Yeah.

Russ: She had a license for the alligator for 11 years, but it recently grew to 6 ft and wildlife officials say that the an alligator of that size has to have...

Russ/Keith: 2 and a half acres of land.

Russ: Thank you Keith.

Keith: You are most welcome.
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Tim: I like biting the heads off of the gummy bears because I think I'm showing the early signs of being a very ineffective serial killer.

Russ: Oh, when I was a kid, I used to bit the heads off of the gummy bears, and that makes them a little sticky, and I would put a bunch of them on my forehead.

Tim: And that is the most Russ thing I have ever heard! I've known you for so long!

Tommy: Very powerful. Kinda like a candy Pinhead.

Corey: It doesn't matter how anyone else eats gummy bears.

Tim: Parents, buy your kids a video game console because this is what happens when they get bored.

Tommy: Nah. Just get them some gummies.

Alex: Put them in the microwave!
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Alex: Now I have a question. Do you think if Hitler was a really really really really really good dancer....

Tommy: Dear God.

Russ: Like the best dancer?

Alex: Like, fucking, the best dancer you have ever heard, writes his own hits..

Russ: You ever heard?

Lexi: You just hear "tap tap tap tap".

Alex: But that's part of it. Back then they would listen to it. That was the weird thing back then. They would listen to it and imagine it in their minds.

Tommy: Right.

Alex: If he was that good, would people like him more?

Russ: Mmm.

Ethan: Yeah, definitely.

Tommy: He wasn't known to be a good dancer. He was actually known to be actually be stogie.

Corey: If he was a good dancer, he would have a Jewish manager.

Ethan: Good point. Great point.

Alex: Do we have to edit that?

Tommy: Nah, he's Jewish.

Corey: I love the idea of the Nazis dancing into Poland just like a big production like at the end of Blazing Saddles or something.

Tommy: A fucking flash mob.

Russ: Don't you have a good Poland joke, about the Nazis?

Corey: About the Nazis?

Russ: Something like walling backwards?

Corey: I don't think I do. I do have a Polish joke about Jesus, you wanna hear that one?

Lexi: Let's hear it.

Corey: What did Jesus say to the Polish when he was on the cross?

Tommy: What did he say, Corey?

Corey: "Play dumb until I get back".

Lexi: Pfft.

Ethan: Ah!

Russ: So how good of a dancer does Hitler have to be, to like, say, forgive, let's not even say...

Tommy: Justin Bieber.

Lexi: Is that the only dancer you know?

Tommy: No. I know, uh, fucking, Oscar?

Corey: Usher.

Tommy: That guy.

Lexi: Oscar? Seriously?

Tommy: Leave me alone.

Corey: What a timeline it would be if we were studying Hitler because he was an amazing dancer.

Russ: "Hitler invented the moonwalk."

Ethan: Hitler would be MJ before MJ.

Tommy: Fuck. Now I'm thinking about Hitler moonwalking and....I can see it.
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Keegan: Did you shoot the potato gun, though?

Russ: Oh! Yeah! Yeah yeah yeah.

Keegan: How fast does that potato go?

Russ: Oh that potato will fucking zoom.

Corey: We used to make it in our, uh, science class.

Lexi: What?

Corey: Yeah. We would make potato guns in our science class.

Tommy: You'll never know when you have to make a potato gun.

Russ: Just so we're on the same page, you're talking about that, like, PBC pipe.

Corey: And you put a potato in and it would go a couple meters away.

Ethan: Yeah, but we didn't use potatoes. We had to do something else cause we was trying to be different.

Corey: What, like oranges?

Ethan: We were supposed to shoot it a specific amount and you had to hit like a target and it was supposed to go a certain distance. My shot all the way to the other neighborhood and almost shot through the window. I was happy, but I failed.

Russ: Did you do that thing where you unscrewed the back and spray the hairspray with the match?

Ethan: Yeah.

Lexi: What the fuck are you guys even talking about?

Alex: This is from school?

Russ: Mine was a fun summer project.

Corey: Mine was for, like, physics or something.

Keegan: Yeah.

Tommy: Yep. I couldn't dissect the frog.

Corey: Why not? Because your hands were too big?

Alex: Hahaha! Nailed him! Nailed him.

Ethan: You were supposed to dissect it but you would just smash it into mush.

Lexi: "Oh, I ripped it apart!"

Tommy: That's good. That's good.

Keegan: I got you. Not cool, guys.

Tommy: Thanks, mate. Very good. You did very good and you're hitting me again.

Ethan: T got kicked out of every science class.

Tommy: For mushing the frog.

Ethan: Mushing the frog. Grabbing the beakers and just breaking them with your big stupid hands.

Tommy: Alright. Having an exciting time. Very good.

Russ: You fucking giant.
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Emily: See, this is what I love about America. You can get mad at stupid shit. This man pulled a gun because some bitch ate his sandwich. Where I'm from, you don't get mad at that. It's more like "oh, you killed my brother".

Tommy: And where did you come from, Em?

Emily: Columbia.

Alex: And where did you go?

<Silence>

Alex: Cotton Eyed Joe.

Tommy: You stupid son of a bitch.

Russ: I think we finally have our lamest joke. And that also wins joke of the day.

Lexi: How did we get this far without making that joke?

Emily: I am ashamed to be on this episode. I, uh, I need to leave.

Tommy: You fucker. Are we seriously giving him joke of the day?

Corey: That's has good as it's gonna get today, mate.

Tommy: This is the last episode. Stop laughing at your fucking joke, you dumb cunt.

Emily: Should someone slap him?

Lexi: He fell off his chair.

Tommy: God damnit, Alex.

Alex: Take that, you fuckers.
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And that's all you're getting. T is still taking over for a while longer while I rest some more, but I felt like I needed to post something, so here you go.

Peace out, you fuckers.

-lexi<3