Dick lead on the next hour or so, distracting conversation when it got too embarrassing, until he was finally able to take off like hunting dog and shuffle home at top speeds.

Bruce was at work, which delayed the inevitable 'Where were you between these one and three pm?' chat somewhat. He asked Alfred for a bracer and downed the chai like it was cyanide; get it down the guzzard fast and write your final words.

He let things rest for a few hours: reclining, clutching his cup, and not objecting as Alfred bustled about doffing the young master's outer wear and unshoe-ing him like a mule.

"Alfred?"

"Sir?"

"You're a saint among men."

"Yes, sir."

"Kaldur ought to be made of the same stuff as you."

Alfred took the empty cup from his grasp and said he best save room for dinner. Dick promised he wouldn't, as anything that wasn't cooked by the saint's hands turned to ashes in his mouth.

"Master Richard, would you like me to pack up an early dinner for you to take with you?"

"What? I'm not leaving, Alfred."

"I would recommend it, Master Dick." The butler said seriously. "We received a call shortly before your return from your friend Master Aqualad. He left a message"

"What does that have to do with eating my dinner early?"

"Apparently Batman has been looking for you to discuss some rumor between you and a young lady."

"Gah! Not Zatanna!" Dick exclaimed, leaping in his armchair.

"He did not share the individuals name with me, but I suspect you are right." Alfred offered the boy his sweater. "I took the liberty of assuming you didn't want to cross paths with Master Bruce, he will be home in twenty minutes."

"You're right! I'll take that dinner to go, Alfie!"

Dick admitted he might have been wrong about Kaldur if the older teen had bothered to call and warn him! Come to think of it, the team didn't know his identity, so how Kaldur managed to call Alfred was a mystery, but it was a mystery he could sit with if it saved his hide.

"Robin! are you staying for dinner?" M'gann asked. "Oh dear, we've only got enough instant ramen noodles for three..."

"Three?" Dick asked hoarsely. "Not Zatanna?"

"No, it's Kaldur." His green companion gestured at their leader.

"Oh he is here, is he?" Dick struck off across the room, hollering a "Hullo!" at the aquatic boy, like a stout hunter perusing the fox.

"I'm glad you made it out in time, Robin." Kaldur responded, barely looking away from his phone. That was odd, Kaldur was far from a screen addict. Dick craned his neck, trying to catch a glimpse at whatever was so fascinating it had tied the most phone-repulsed member of the band to his device. Kaldur quickly covered his screen. "Can I help you?"

Dick thought for a moment, he was still pretty miffed about that whole 'brotherly love' affair but, he considered, Alfred had called to warn him that Bats was on his trail. "I need you to make Zatanna fall out of love with me."

"Pardon?"

"You're bally well pardoned, just made her fall out of love with me!"

Kaldur was about to reply when he was interrupted by two short ding-dings from his from cell phone. "Excuse me."

"That's the same as Roy's phone!" Dick gaped, shaking an accusatory finger at the cellular. "That's the same as Roy's notifications! What's it for?"

Kaldur's face shifted an eighth of an inch, you wouldn't notice it if you didn't know him, but as Robin knew him, he could recognize the embarrassment he was concealing. "It's for a networking application."

"Oh, well, all the power to you." Dick remarked, reeling somewhat; he had a strange feeling like how he felt whenever his guardian started getting chummy with a woman. "But if you don't mind me asking Kaldur,"

"Go on."

"Is this networking app an integrated one, or is it, well, only intended for those who dance to Todrick Hall?"

"The latter, Robin. Now if you will excuse me..."

Robin stood in shock, repeating the information over and trying to make sense of it. "Roy Harper using a homosexual dating app..."

"I can confirm your suspicion, Robin." Kaldur said calmly, looking rather like an aging parent as he tried to wield his phone with both hands. "In fact, I was matched with him earlier this morning. Doubtless that's the notification he received while accosting you and Artemis."

Dick took several seconds to notice the grit on his lower lip and pick his chin off the floor. "Tell me you swiped left!"

"I greatly respect Red Arrow, but he is a bit too old for me. Perhaps when we're both of age I'll see him differently."

Dick let out a sigh of relief. "Kaldur, can you still find his profile on there? I'm calling Artemis."

Artemis thought it was a great idea, in fact when Dick explained it, she went dead over the phone for over a minute, and he almost called an ambulance.

"Well that's all settled!" Artemis cheered. "He wouldn't dare blackmail me for being queer when I could turn around and do the exact same thing! Ha! Tell Kaldur that he's my favorite grain of glitter."

"Hold on! What about me!?" Dick exclaimed indignantly.

"What about you?"

"We still haven't resolved out problem with Zatanna!"

"Oh." She said, and Dick could tell that she was no longer on the verge of skipping out to the meadows to do pastoral dances. "Didn't you explain the whole brotherly love thing to her? Don't tell me you chickened out..."

"NO—No, I explained it to her!"

"And what did she say?"

"Uh, good god! It's past dinnertime, Bats will have my head!"

"Robin..." But he hung up before she could reply. With Roy, The Uncle, and the Aunt, the rumor would get back to her soon enough, and Dick didn't plan to be here when it did.

"Kaldur, I'm going to die now."

"Indeed?"

"Yes. I'm going to lay down and die and I expect not to be disturbed."

"Very well."

Dick was a bit snuffed out over this. That app couldn't be that good. "Don't you care at all to ask why I'm going to die?"

"I wasn't aware you had one." Kaldur said sincerely. "Might I hazard a guess that it has to do with the situation involving Artemis, Zatanna and yourself?"

"Are you certain you aren't psychic, Kaldur?"

"No, thank you, but you were talking on the phone very near to me, I chanced to overhear it."

"Eavesdropping, eh?" Dick asked, sticking out his lips. "What do you think? You're last idea got me into this, so your next idea better get me out."

"It was you and Artemis' idea that started the whole affair..."

"It was Artemis' fault really. But we can't fix that now. So, can you fix the bad idea you made?"

Kaldur let out a soft cough, like Wolf when he's got something he isn't supposed to have—but with noticeably less heaving. "Well, I did have a thought. If you were to tell Zatanna that it was all a misunderstanding, and you're in love with somebody else, than she might leave you alone."

Dick was stunned at the teen, boldface telling him that he could only escape relationship drama by escalating it! "No, Kaldur. I'm sorry to spoil your fun, but that won't do. Who would I tell her, eh? I can't say it's Raquel, because they're a lesbian (at which point Zatanna murders me for breaking up with her and for disrespecting Raquel's identity), If I say it's Artemis, then Zatanna hates her (at which point Zatanna and Artemis both murder me); and if I say it's M'gann then Zatanna tells Conner I'm trying to seduce his queer-platonic-roommate (at which point Conner, Zatanna, and Artemis all murder me)."

"It is a tough situation to be in if you only consider those three options." Kaldur said, thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I think, if I may be allowed to make the suggestion, that if you were to tell Zatanna that you're in love with Kid Flash..."

Dick struck his forehead with exasperated disbelief. "Wally! Why, it's been right under my nose this whole time! I do love Wally!"

"I suspected as much." Kaldur said, and returned to his digital love life, swiping with high discernment, because he (as they all knew) deserved nothing short of the best.

"OLIVER!!" She huffed like a mountain sheep and gave it another go. "OLLIE!! I HAVE FRIENDS OVER!" With still no response, Artemis shucked her shoes. "He's fine."

"Thanks for letting me hide here for a bit while Bats is on my case."

"Of course. I love making Roy sleep on the couch."

"I deserve it, too." Dick added, somewhat spitefully.

"What do you deserve? Kaldur thought of everything!"

Dick gaped at her. "And what of me? I embarrassed myself to high hell and am being hunted by batman for hobbing and nobbing with the feminine race!"

"Well you had your own motives. and you were already rewarded by getting with Wally."

"One kiss."

"Still pretty achillian if you ask me." She snorted. "Oh, look, you've still got his lipgloss on your cheek..." Artemis stood over him, reaching to smudge away the marks.

"oh, thank you." Dick stook his cheek out, awaiting her fingers to brush it; but they didn't. When he finally turned his eyes back to her, she was staring out the door into the living room. Heart sunk to the inner mantle, Dick followed her gaze.

"Two boys in one day, you little playgirl." Roy said, swishing a bowl of cereal in one hand. "Wait until Oliver hears that you've followed in his footsteps!"