Before lunch, when all the primary four to six teachers were in the staff room, Maria and Emma gathered them closer. Mitch tried not to stare at the way Maria's navy skirt hugged her curves or to stand close enough to inhale her coconut shampoo, but his failure led to memories he repressed. Luckily, she didn't seem to notice as she whispered with Emma.

Maria cleared her throat. "We wanted to host a fun party at our apartment building this weekend with Prae and a bunch of us. Her New Year's was not fantastic, so we want to make it up to her. Any suggestions?"

"Pool party," Mitch suggested. Even if Maria was with Tom, she'd still be visible. It wasn't moving on, but it might keep him soberer than an alternative.

Emma frowned and turned to the rest of the group. "Any other ideas, anyone?"

"What about a potluck?" Shawn said.

"Yeah!" Maria's chestnut eyes brightened, and a smile adorned her beautiful face. "We could all cook different dishes, even put a table up outside the pool to make it a pool party potluck."

Mitch hoped her smile was for him as he missed making her happy. It was sweet of her to incorporate his terrible, selfish idea. Yet another sign she was better suited to Tom than himself.

"If you know any guys, Thai or ones who plan on sticking around Bangkok a while and who aren't douches, please invite them," Emma added.

Perhaps it was his imagination, but it seemed her cold blue eyes landed on him when she said douches. The air conditioning's chill passed over his face and down his neck. She wasn't wrong.

Shawn folded his arms. "Why exactly?"

"We want to cheer her up, and a little romance never hurts," Maria said.

Emma nudged Maria's shoulder with her own and grinned. After Maria's giddy smile, Mitch's chest constricted.

If she's happy, you should feel the same for her.

"So we're throwing this to help set her up with someone?" Peter asked. "Isn't that awkward and inappropriate?"

"Not officially. It's encouraging, like 'look you have options' or, if nothing else, a fun distraction," Emma said. "Since when do we need a decent excuse to party?"

"She makes a fine point. This term was long and stressful," Shannon said. "I'm in."

"Awesome. Maria, do you want to organize what everybody's bringing, and I'll handle the drinks?" Mitch asked.

She grinned and nodded, and his stomach flipped.

It provided them with a reason to hang out together, best-case scenario without Tom. Not that Mitch was trying to sabotage their relationship, but he just missed hanging out and making her laugh and smile. Shawn also wouldn't admit it, but in the time Mitch had spent with Maria, Shawn had grown closer to Emma. Although they weren't dating, Mitch felt like a third wheel stealing Shawn's attention from her.

Tom flew through the staff room doors and glanced in Maria's direction before approaching. The two greeted each other as if their bodies were fighting their minds, both reaching out before Tom grabbed her hand and squeezed it. Mitch wished that awkwardness resembled the one that had lingered weeks ago before the first date, but judging from the PDA he'd seen at the apartments, they restrained their affection because they were at work. It was one of Tom's few traits that Mitch respected. Sunshine used to get on his case when Mitch would give her or Dan advice. She'd said that while Mitch could get away with that crap, the rules were different for them.

Maria smiled up at Tom. "You just missed our party planning session."

"We're planning parties now? Is it Mitch's birthday?" Tom eyed Mitch wearily.

Mitch bristled and inhaled a sharp breath. That day had passed like a wolf hunting a ewe's newborn lambs. But Tom didn't know, only Shawn did.

Before he replied, Maria interjected. "It's for Prae. After everything that happened in Chiang Mai."

"What went down in Chiang Mai?" Mitch asked.

Maria and Tom looked at each other before he nodded. "A childhood friend she thought cared about her turned into a real asshole," Maria whispered.

So some jerk broke Prae's heart. The photo gazing weeks ago made sense now. Maria had been trying to fix her up with someone, not considering options other than Tom. Was that why Maria was dating Tom? Was she fixing or distracting herself from what Mitch had done?

Don't be that conceited. She's been all over him since they started dating, and she likes him. Let her enjoy her relationship.

"I'll buy the expensive liquor. Does anyone know her drink of choice?"

"Mixed drinks with juice or soda and whiskey, I think," Tom answered.

When Maria cringed in the slightest, Mitch chuckled. "Don't worry. I'll pick up rum for you."

"Thanks." She turned to Tom. "You ready for lunch?"

"I bit off more than I can chew on a project I'm organizing for my classes. Becca's bringing food from the soi. If you want anything I'll text her."

"Thanks, but I'm good. I'm meeting Prae at the cafeteria once she's finished with the student clubs. You still free for supper tonight?"

Tom grinned. "Wouldn't miss it for the world, and I found the perfect place."

He seemed like he was about to lean in and kiss her as the Thai director, Ms. Pim, walked in. Mitch cleared his throat and tilted his head toward her.

"I'll see you tonight," Tom said to Maria with a grin and ran off.

Maria looked up into Mitch's eyes. "Didn't think you had a leg to stand on for workplace PDA."

"I don't. But I care about your job."

She glanced at the director and tucked her hands in her skirt pockets. He tried to ignore the way the material hugged her hips perfectly and how much he longed to pull her into his arms.

"Thanks. Did you want to grab lunch?"

"Seafood day?"

"Yeah, I smelled it cooking when I brought the kids to the library this morning."

"Better not waste any more time then," he teased and nudged her in the side. "I trust your culinary judgement."

They left the staff room, and the temperature rose by ten degrees. "Only my culinary one?"

"If you weren't dating Tom, I'd say—"

"Tom is a great guy."

"I know. I'm bugging you. How are things going with him?"

The way her smile grew was like razor-legged beetles crawling across his face. He focused on the greenery in the Buddha garden they were passing instead.

You deserve that pain and you asked.

"Wonderful. It might sound vain, but I missed having someone who wants to be with me with no mind games while respecting what I want."

Had he contributed to those mind games, or was she lumping him into the category of not interested in her? It was a fair assumption because it had been the instinctual lie that slipped past his lips. Either way didn't matter, as long as she was happy with Tom.

"It's not vain. Many people crave it, and wanting to be respected isn't unreasonable."

His stomach kept dropping and soon it would reach the floor. Why hadn't he treated her that way? Why couldn't he have been a decent person and admitted he was scared instead of lashing out? If he'd done that, he could be the reason she was smiling. But now she was into Tom. Mitch was ready to bang his head against a wall. Why couldn't he just support her and let it go?

"How have you been doing lately?" Maria asked.

He couldn't tell her each day was heavier than the last, or some nights the memories he'd repressed for three years returned so vividly he scarcely slept thirty minutes all night. In the hours he wasn't dealing with that, he found every excuse to leave the apartment, so he wouldn't run into Tom and Maria, which hardly worked. He had the world's worst luck. Most days, he kept his head above water long enough to take in oxygen but spent the rest of the time fighting the undertow.

"Good enough."

"Better than Christmas?"

In some ways, yes. He was trying to limit his drinking so he wouldn't be such as ass or make a fool of himself in front of Maria. He'd succeeded. But it had been much easier to escape into a numbing, boozy blur. He contemplated taking another ecstasy pill while alone in his room. If he stayed at home and hid his phone and laptop from himself, no one would get hurt or know. But he'd promised Shawn he'd abstain, and with the anniversary of Em's death approaching, he might need those if Maria backed out of their plans.

"You tell me."

Maria shook her head and laughed. "Didn't I say I was sick of mind games?"

"Sorry. Yeah, better than Christmas."

She eyed him like she was sure whether to believe him. But they'd reached the cafeteria, which had no lines yet as they'd arrived between the first and second lunch periods, so the topic was dropped. The servers were replacing the last empty trays with steaming ones full of food.

Maria and Mitch scanned their school ID cards and approached the front counter. She had the cafeteria workers fill her plate with a squid stir fry, fish cakes, fried rice, and placed a bowl of Tom Yum and a dessert serving of pineapple on the side of the tray. Mitch ordered the same, minus the Tom Yum. It would just remind him how happy she'd looked on her date with Tom she posted about on her cooking page. She might have liked the first hot pot place Mitch had recommended, but Tom's recommendation had surpassed it by a mile.

"How's your cooking channel going?" Mitch asked although he knew the answer. As much as he stayed away from social media, he watched her videos on repeat since she'd started dating Tom. It felt stalkerish, but some nights he needed something to soothe him, and it would confuse her less than knocking on her door.

They walked toward the staff section of the long cafeteria tables."My follower count is growing slower than my sponsors would like, but I'm still happy with it. Tom puts up with me filming some of our dates."

He seemed thrilled, judging by the one Mitch had seen. Mitch smiled and greeted the Thai teachers as they passed. The kindergarten ones waved at Maria too, and she returned the gesture.

"He doesn't seem like someone who would mind starring in your videos."

"Not to the degree that you did. People still ask about you."

Mitch laughed. "Why?"

"I think it's a mix of you being eye candy and a bit of a dork."

Mitch set his tray on the table and sat down opposite Maria. "I'm not a dork." He enjoyed the implication that she found him attractive, though.

"Have you forgotten about that time you pretended we were in a documentary and you described my cooking like I was some sort of exotic animal?"

He hadn't. It was one of his favourite videos to watch.

"If it'll help with your platform, I'll come back. Could do a naked chef segment that would go viral. Just me, an apron, and a frying pan," Mitch said. He almost swore that her cheeks flushed.

"My sponsors aren't looking for that kind of content."

He laughed hard and attracted the glances of a few staff members, so he reined it in. At least they were far enough to not overhear his words.

"What?" she asked.

"The only problem you see with that idea is with your sponsors?"

"And it's unfair to Tom. He's been understanding about our friendship, but that's asking too much of him."

"Not 'understanding' like you ex, I hope."

Tom had jealous tendencies before they were dating. If he pulled what her ex did, Mitch would make sure the guy would never come near her again.

Maria shook her head. "No, I told him how controlling my ex was and that if he wanted a relationship with me, he'd have to accept that you and I are friends."

Mitch blinked a few times before his brain caught up with his heartbeat. Why would she risk Tom's affection for their friendship? "Really? How did he take that?"

Maria shrugged. "He accepted it, but it was our first date so he might have done it to make a good impression."

"On the first date? You've got guts. I respect the hell out of that."

Respect wasn't the feeling bubbling in his chest. She had valued their friendship over dating Tom. That showed, on some level, Mitch meant more to her than her date. Although she had just mentioned offering Tom a relationship, so her platonic feelings for Mitch couldn't compare to that. He had a serving of the spicy stirfry to overpower his body's energy.

Maria stirred her Tom Yum soup. "I'm not going through that nightmare again. After my ex, I learned my lesson."

"I love this new Maria." He grinned until his words caught up with his brain.

She stared at him with wide eyes. Sweat formed on his palms, and a lump grew in his throat.

No, no, no, no! He couldn't have blurted out 'love'. There had to be a way to fix this. People used that word all the time when they didn't mean it.

But you do... you long for every scrap of attention you scavenge from her lately.

No, his head was such a mess he could decipher his true emotions. One second he wanted to support her and Tom, and the next he was as jealous as a teenager with his first crush. He couldn't ruin what she had with Tom. She was getting the relationship she deserved without Mitch's impulsive interference.

"She's a total badass," he said in a low voice. "You're going to be fine in this relationship."

Maria laughed and looked away. "I'm hoping to be more than just fine."

Before he could determine what she meant, Prae arrived and sat beside Maria. "Sorry to interrupt, I can come back if—"

"Sit, eat, if anything, I'm the gatecrasher," Mitch said.

"Gatecrasher?"

"I stole Maria and intruded on your plans."

"I don't think she minds, do you?"

"Me?" Maria raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Nah, I'm a philanthropist with a high tolerance for him. I'm doing the world a favour."

He let out a dry laugh, but the reality of her words stuck. While he got along well enough with the co-workers he hadn't emotionally scarred, Maria and Shawn were the only people in Bangkok he could spend long periods of time with. Tom would endure the friendship in the beginning, but Mitch would lose Maria in the future. Shawn would find someone soon enough too, possibly Emma, then Mitch would truly be alone. The thought made his heart ache.

She'll be happy. Let it go.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," he ribbed.

Maria chuckled and turned to Prae. "Are you free on Saturday? We're throwing a potluck party at the apartment."

"What's a potluck?"

Maria's brown eyes sparkled. "It's what you call a party when you want everyone to know they have to bring food."

The girls shared and laugh Mitch didn't quite understand.

"It sounds wonderful. What should I bring?

"Anything you like, but stick to one dish or else we'll have too much," Maria said. "Also a bathing suit since we'll be hosting it at the pool."

"I'm taking care of drinks. Tom said whiskey is your drink of choice with soda or juice. Is he on the money?"

"On the money?"

"Is he right?"

Prae nodded and smiled. "I need a notebook for all these phrases you all use. I've learned as much in the past months as I did in school."

"Immersion is a great teacher." Mitch turned to Maria. "And three bottles of rum for you, right, spiced?"

Maria's eyebrows shot up. "Three?"

"I assume your alcohol tolerance has increased from the booze it takes to make it through dates with Tom."

Maria crossed her arms and pouted, which was equal parts adorable and hot. "Why are you so mean to Tom?"

"Oh c'mon, you know I'm teasing. Tom's a great guy for you."

Her gaze only met his for a second, but he swore her eyes held the same pain they did after he'd screwed up and told her he didn't want her. Did she still want him? He concentrated on the remainder of his fried rice. He had to stop projecting what he wanted into her actions. She was perfectly capable of breaking up with Tom if she had feelings for Mitch. He had to respect her space and choices.

"He's a wonderful man," Prae chimed in with a smile that seemed to re-energize Maria.

See, you only imagined it. She's happy.