Photo credit: Nafinia Putra on Unsplash

***

Rialoves2cook: I know I promised falafels, the ones my ex raved about, but the more I try, the more my heart isn't in it. That dish needs more soul than I can offer today, so we're switching to a Moroccan stew my girl veggieeats recommended to use up these chickpeas. After tasting the final product, it's clear I need to explore more Moroccan cuisine because this blend of sweetness and savoury spices is rocking my taste buds and even impressing my hard-to-please mother. My sister filmed the process, so be ready for some snarky commentary. #Morocco #delicious #friendsrecommend #chickpea #vegan #momsnodofapproval

posted: September 13th, 9:07 PM

***

Maria smoothed her palms over her dress and scanned her reflection in the rear-view mirror. A woman who disappeared months ago stared back. Her dark hair grew shinier and healthier each week, a drastic change from her previous unkempt scarecrow style. With her near-permanent bags fading, her eyes sparkled, and instead of passing as an upturned grimace, her smile brightened up her entire face. She looked cute and low-key sexy like the woman she once was.

The jitters set in as she glanced at the local coffee shop Adrian had chosen with hand-drawn, colourful leaves on the windows. She was positive Kelsey had taken her here last year, but she dismissed the thought as she stepped out of her family car. This was her best chance to show him how much she valued him and redeem her hurtful, trivializing actions.

The aroma of roasted coffee captured her as she walked through the doors. An angsty local band Adrian loved played between the grinding of beans and soft conversation. After scanning many trimmed beards, toques, and plaid shirts, she found him with sunglasses resting in his long dark hair. He hadn't bothered to shave, but it suited him.

She grinned and steadied her pace not to appear too eager even though she longed for his embrace. "Adrian, it's nice to see you."

As he smiled, she leaned in for a hug. His arms tentatively reached around her, almost afraid to hold her too close. Her shoulders sagged. How could something they'd done countless times feel so different now?

"You look nice," he said.

As she smiled, he averted his eyes to his spicy-scented chai latte. Coffee was too mainstream for him. Not Maria, it was her fuel for early and late shifts.

"Thanks, you too."

He stared at his mug, unusually unresponsive to her compliment. "I wasn't sure what you wanted."

Silence fell over the table. Was she that difficult or had he not wanted to buy her anything? Tracing the rim with his index finger, Adrian shifted his gaze to a picture of a red bicycle opposite them as if they were strangers in a lobby finding common ground.

"I'll grab something."

She left her coat on the chair and ordered an overpriced caramel latte at the counter. When she peered back, he texted away with a grin on his lips. It could be Will, but he rarely made Adrian that happy.

As she paid for the coffee, her wallet slipped from her hands, sending silver coins clattering into obscure corners and drawing dirty looks from the disturbed patrons. After grabbing the last coin off the floor, she placed her money on the counter.

"Sorry," she muttered in response to the barista's forced smile. He counted the pile of change quickly and called the next customer forward.

Shuffling to the side, she noted Adrian hadn't glanced up from his phone. She chewed her lip. It seemed less likely he wanted to be here.

After the barista slid her a tall mug, Maria inhaled the soothing sweet caramel and coffee aroma. She returned to the table and sat on one of the vintage mismatched chairs. The decor echoed a bookstore cafe minus the literature.

"How have you been?" she asked.

Adrian offered her a half-smile. "Great, I'm working on new music, and Will lined up more shows for the fall."

"Nice." As she picked at her painted fingernails, she stopped herself from contemplating the songs' subject. "It's awesome things are taking off for you guys."

"We're opening for Glass Lungs in a few weeks." He drummed his fingers against the table.

Her jaw dropped. They were one of his idols. "Congratulations, that's huge!"

Grinning, Adrian leaned forward. "Yeah, it's a sweet gig. It's open to anyone if you wanted to go..."

Maria scooted to the edge of her chair as her heart raced. He still wanted her in his life. "I'd love to come."

"Cool." Adrian attempted to hide his smile by sipping his tea.

Was he excited she'd be there? That had to mean he still cared!

Setting down his mug, he chewed on his bottom lip. "You're killing the cooking contest. I tried making the crispy tofu adobo you posted a few days ago, but I butchered it."

Maria laughed, despite an odd sensation in her stomach, like when she couldn't discern hunger from sickness. "That's strange, you were so sick of it when I brought it home from the restaurant."

Tucking his hair behind his ears, he shrugged. "The mood struck me, and I missed it."

She sipped her delicious drink. Was the adobo code for them? "You can ask me for help anytime."

"After tasting mine, I might next time."

Warmth spread through her chest. Next time was promising. He hadn't given up on them either.

His eyes drifted to the flashing light on his phone, and he had the text open in seconds. A grin lit up his face, brighter than any he'd spared on her today, and he maintained it when he looked at Maria. "Kelsey's wondering how you've been doing."

Maria's heart climbed up her throat, and her voice shook, "Kelsey?"

"Yeah, she hasn't heard from you, and it's upsetting her." Adrian's tone was almost scolding.

The indestructible mug took another beating as Maria's eyes grew hot and teary. She had spent an hour getting ready, twelve days creating witty vegetarian-friendly posts, and at least a week crying over her lost future with Adrian, but Kelsey couldn't handle not receiving a response from the girl whose life she'd ruined. What a spoiled drama-queen.

"I'm upsetting her?" As Maria's voice rose, few patrons glanced in her direction. "She seems upset in those photos of you two together."

"She's excited, Ria. You used to be too."

"I didn't steal you from anyone! Those pictures are cruel!"

"I don't know what you want me to say." Adrian leaned closer, opened his mouth then sat back against the chair.

An apology would be a damned good start. But she couldn't ask for one without her voice cracking and her tears falling. Instead, she dug through her purse with a trembling hand for a bulky basketball key-chain. Now that she didn't have to pay rent, there was little reason to keep a key to a place marred by hurtful memories, especially with Kelsey claiming her territory by posting photos of her and Adrian like she lived there. Slipping the apartment keys off the ring, Maria paused then slid them across the table.

"I shouldn't need these anymore. I've moved out all my stuff."

His fingers brushed hers as he grabbed the keys, and Maria jerked her hand away. She should have left them at the apartment. He was as interested in Kelsey as he was that night. Those keys would likely be hers by the end of the weekend, and Maria would have her sad recipes and online cheering squad for company.

***

A light knock on her bedroom door made Maria look up from the replies on the video of Moroccan stew she'd posted for the contest a few hours ago. "Come in," she said, her chest too heavy to move from her bed.

Her mother stepped into the room and sat beside her. "How are you doing, Ria?"

Warm tears formed and her throat closed up for a moment. With Camilla's eyes still on her, she shook her head. Her mom rubbed her back in big, gentle circles like when she was a child.

"It'll get easier, iha. Whatever ideas that music boy put in your head, send them off. You shouldn't have met him today."

"He cares about her, more than me."

"He's a fool. I've said that for years."

"Please, not tonight."

When Maria sat up and pulled away, Camilla took Maria's hand. "You are talented, Ria, beautiful, and kinder than anyone I know. Any person who can't see that affection for what it is doesn't deserve you."

Maria's phone buzzed in her palm.

"See, more fans and friends," her mother teased.

As Adrian's name appeared on the screen, Maria tensed. Was it some other reprimand about how she treated his darling, Kelsey?

Adrian: Can we talk? I didn't mean to upset you earlier.

She grimaced. What did he expect mentioning the woman he'd left her for would do?

"Who is it?" Camilla asked.

"Him."

Her mother tutted.

"He feels bad about what happened."

"Pay attention to when he messages you, iha. After you try to leave him. That's not healthy."

It meant he still cared on a deeper level and was scared of losing her. She'd abandoned him before when he needed her. Who knew how dark things were for him before he went to Kelsey. Maria wanted to hear him out.

"It's more complicated than that, Mom."

Camilla's lips stretched into a thin line. "We're making halo-halo if you're interested."

The dessert was tempting, but not as much as hearing Adrian's explanation. "I'll be there soon, Ma."

Her mother squeezed her shoulder and left. Maria sent Adrian a message and his call came a few minutes later.

"Hey, Ria," his voice was low and scratchy like he'd been hurt today.

"Hey."

"I feel bad about how we left things at the coffee shop. I shouldn't have brought her up."

Maria sighed. Like it or not, Kelsey was in his life and Maria would have to accept it or move on. Her burning heart wasn't ready for the latter.

"Until I messed things up, I was having a good time." An awkward pause hung between them. "It's hard not having you around."

She bit on her lip until it stung. He found it hard with Kelsey at his side? It was absolute torture for Maria.

"You have her," her voice cracked.

"She's not you."

Then why are you with her and not me? she wanted to ask but feared the answer.

"It was insensitive of me to think her needs were more important than yours. It's not like you've been flaunting Felipe in my face."

Maria's forehead creased. "Felipe? He's like my brother."

"Really? I thought that would change if things between us ever... you know how overactive my anxiety gets."

She closed her eyes, chest heavy. He still couldn't trust her, although she had missed his show to support her boss. "I never lied about my feelings for you or him."

"I know that now and should have trusted you. It's hard when all I see in the mirror is a struggling musician everyone believes isn't good enough for you."

"I told you that was bullshit."

"You did, but I worried you were just saying that so I wouldn't spiral. When you didn't come to our show, it felt true."

She could almost picture him perched on the edge of the bed, knees to his chest, picking at the threads of his distressed jeans like a scolded child. Her voice softened, "I would never lie about that."

"Do you think we'll pull off the show with Glass Lung?"

"You'll impress them if you get out of your head for the performance. You've always been your biggest obstacle."

Adrian chuckled, and her heart warmed. "Thanks, Ria. Want a do-over for today, lunch at our little bakery?"

Her breath got trapped in her throat and choked her until her body relaxed. The bakery, run by a French and Filipino couple, had been where he'd brought her on their first date. That he still thought of it as theirs had to mean something.

"I'd really like that."