Rialoves2cook: As I anxiously await my contest results, let me share a few photos of the gorgeous Phuttha Monthon Park that Prae took me to visit this evening. Not only does she cook the best food, she knows just what my stressed-out soul needed today. I don't know what I'd do without her! Good luck to my fellow contestants as the judges prepare to break many hearts. Even though only ten will move on, I'm honoured to have shared this experience with all of you. 

#Thaibeauty #FeelslikeParadise #amazingfriends #pleasetellusalready #fingerscrossed

November 1st, 7:00 PM

***

The day after Proud Market, Maria's mood was similar to her miserable Monday. Last night's video chat made her miss Adrian and wish she could hold him for real. Tragic, romantic songs spilled out of him like lava. While not all were his best work, they'd narrowed down a couple he could release under an anonymous name. If they did well, he hinted at a plane ticket, but she had to be realistic about the odds. He hadn't broken up with Kelsey.

While tapping a pen on her desk, she sighed. She'd been staring at the same poorly constructed paragraph for ten minutes and was no closer to discovering why her assignment was so hard for the children. Only fifteen students of twenty-six had finished it, and those assignments were far from the quality of Emma's class' work. The honeymoon period was over, and Maria was terrible at this job.

A pair of heels clicked on the linoleum floors. "Are you staying much longer?" Prae asked.

Only she and Maria remained in the staff room on Friday evening. The rest had flown off like a flock of seagulls chased by a young child.

"It's best if I don't."

"You're working very hard. The students are lucky to have such a dedicated teacher."

Maria gathered up workbooks to mark on the weekend. "Thanks, my head is such a mess. It's a wonder I accomplish anything."

"The contest or your Canadian friend?" Prae asked.

"Both," Maria said with a pang in her heart. 'Friend' fit now that they were in this awkward limbo.

Prae smoothed down her skirt. "Do you know the results yet?" 

Maria shook her head. "Not until after at least 8:00 pm our time."

"I know a relaxing place where you can clear your mind," Prae said.

Rubber squeaked on the floor, causing Maria to jump. She and Prae exchanged a look as Tom's red head of hair poked around the corner.

"I don't mean to intrude, but I overheard something about a tranquil place."

Prae stood taller and smiled. "Phuttha Monthon Park. It's a beautiful area with lakes, many statues of Buddha, and places to meditate." Her face relaxed as she spoke, free of the anxiety she'd shown Maria when interacting with Mitch.

After meeting Maria's gaze, Tom's lips curled into a grin. "That sounds perfect."

The veins on her neck were throbbing too much to imagine perfect, but it beat Mitch and Shawn's suggestion to go clubbing.

Prae turned to Tom. "Would you like to join us?"

"I wouldn't want to intrude."

"We would be grateful for the company, right Maria?" Prae raised her thin eyebrow.

Maria massaged her neck. "Of course."

After running to his desk, Tom met them at the entranceway. As she, Prae and Tom walked toward the main road, he pressed a plastic container into her palm: Extra Strength Advil. Her earlier thought had been off. This was perfection, someone caring enough to notice and help, even in the simplest way.

Her eyes watered, and she mouthed 'thank you' to the man who seemed to expect little in return. Would Adrian have noticed her pain and reacted that way? Although he reassured her about work, he never acted on the fact that his being with Kelsey tore her apart. He only had to leave Kelsey, yet he kept saying it wasn't the right time. Maria might be hanging onto a ghost.

After they hopped in a cab and it left the city limits, growing palm trees lined the highway. Soon, they turned into a big green space with open grass and people walking the interior paths. Maria relaxed. It contrasted the suffocating nature of their concrete jungle neighbourhood.

The cab approached a white temple with gold trim and stripes along the gables, which overpowered the roof's bold red shingles. A gold Buddha and two other statues guarded the columned entrance from above. The colours glistened brighter and more regal than a church. Past joggers and a long rectangular pond lay a circular garden with mini-temple-like rest areas and a larger-than-life walking Buddha statue on a raised platform. Families picnicked on the rest houses where the cab parked, making Maria's heart ache for hers in Edmonton.

After Prae, Tom, and Maria split the fare, they approached the Buddha statue. He extended one palm and raised his foot mid-step as if they'd interrupted him.

As they strolled, Tom leaned closer to Maria. "Impressive, eh?"

She nodded.

Tom turned to Prae. "I've seen sitting Buddha poses for protection and meditation, and reclining Buddhas, but what's the significance of him walking? Forgive my ignorant questions. I visit these places with other tourists or on my own."

"I am happy to share." Prae smiled politely. "It's Phra LeeLaa, signifying grace and inner beauty. It also shows when Buddha descended from the heavens after sharing Buddhist teachings with his mother."

"And his teachings are like Christianity, right?" Tom said. "Do not lie, steal, kill, no adultery, be kind to others."

The word 'adultery' caused Maria to freeze like the Buddha image, but she recovered before anyone noticed. She and Adrian weren't cheating, though few would approve of their actions. Still, it would devastate Kelsey, especially the songs Adrian wrote about Maria and sang to her when she was feeling down. Even if they hadn't been physically intimate, they crossed the lines of friendship often. Maria tried to release some tension within her muscles with a deep breath.

"Yes, but we believe suffering is a normal part of life." Prae glanced at Maria.

While Maria understood the concept, this week drowned her in misery. The agony of waiting for contest results wasn't helping either. Would this be the end or could she continue to do the one thing that made her feel successful?

"We would not have joy without suffering, but it cannot be our permanent state. If we let go of the attachments which cause us jealousy, anger, and irritation, then our minds will be free."

Letting go of Adrian would leave her free-falling into despair, and she feared what would happen to him if she did so. He could spiral considering how many romantic songs he'd written her and how little she did to discourage them. If he didn't love Kelsey, then it wouldn't matter if she was there to help him. He'd need support from the woman he loved, Maria.

"Is it too forward to ask if you can do this?" Tom asked as they followed others up the steps toward the Buddha statue.

Prae laughed. "It takes many years and dedication. I'm far away, too busy."

"You're closer than me." Tom smiled. "But I like to think I've made progress."

With bright eyes, Prae said, "You are more at peace than when we met in the spring."

Maria relaxed a bit. She wasn't the only one who arrived a mess.

"I needed space to find my center. When you're alone, you have the freedom to explore every corner of a place instead of rushing to the next destination. I learned to savour quality moments longer." Tom gazed up at the Buddha's tall form with a sober expression.

Maria tried not to view each statement as a personal attack. At work, she ran from place to place, and in Edmonton, she'd filled every minute working, cooking, or keeping up with family or—if she was fortunate enough—a social life.

"Speaking of temples, I see these mini ones around the apartments and the school," Tom said.

Prae nodded and smiled at him again. "They're spirit houses. When we build something new, we risk disturbing and destroying the spirits' homes, so we place them to avoid bad luck and disasters from angry spirits."

It reminded Maria of a home blessing. When she'd moved in with Adrian, Maria had refused the ceremony, more eager to please his atheist ways than respect her roots. It had deeply offended her parents, widening the rift between them and her and Adrian. She had thought he would bring her peace like religion always had in tough times. When her mother was sick before Tina was born, they'd prayed, and the church had supported their family through the recovery. More prayers had led to Tina's birth and the jobs that moved them back into their own home. But without practicing her faith, Maria had suffered heartbreak, financial strain, and work struggles. Perhaps the spirit house was a sign from God to welcome the church back in her life. God would embrace with open arms. An apartment blessing could offer her comfort, although she would need to find a priest in Buddhist Bangkok.

When Tom finished speaking about visiting Nepali temples and the stupas' haunting eyes, she gave him a guilty smile for missing most of his story. At least Prae was making eye contact, grinning and nodding.

They strolled past trees in the courtyard with sparse but thick waxy leaves. The plants resembled a cross between a cactus and a bonsai. Maria's father would know their type and comment on the leaves' natural defences for water retention. Manicured greenery, including bonsais, lined the sides of the white platform leading to the statue. The temple they'd driven by, now across the pond, stood out like the last spring snow pile, refusing to melt.

While exploring, they discovered more streams, lakes, and a wheel of Dharma on an island. Prae explained the park was divided into four parts which symbolized Lord Buddha's Birth, The Enlightenment, The First Sermon, and Nirvana.

Their pace slowed as their thoughts and the greenery occupied their attention. The groups of trees grew denser and wilder, and the water turned greener. Half a dozen people stood and sat in various yoga poses in the distance. Some were seated in lotus, others standing tall, and a few folded in bridges or downward-dog.

In the past few years, Adrian had practiced meditation. Though it did little to chase away his anxiety, he insisted it would chill Maria out and keep her from running 100 miles an hour. However, fitting it in between making meals and work shifts elevated her stress levels. He had chastised her, saying she'd missed the point.

"When a negative thought crosses your mind, don't pay it any attention," Prae whispered. Maria raised an eyebrow, causing Prae to smile gently. "You carry the tension in your face and your walk." They passed another bridge over standing water. "If your thoughts wander, pull them to the present moment and your surroundings."

Maria tried concentrating on the calm people practicing yoga, but her mind kept travelling to Edmonton, to Adrian.

"Your unhappiness is impermanent. Nearly everything is. Sometimes we use chants or focus on our breathing or environment to help clear our minds."

Inhaling the cool evening air, Maria focused on her surroundings. A light breeze carried children's excited cries and rustled the leaves. The human noise increased as they approached a dining area. When they reached a vendor with bananas and whole green coconuts, Prae spoke to the woman cutting coconuts with a machete. The vendor pulled up the top and slipped a straw inside for a waiting university student.

Soon Prae, Tom and Maria entered a structure with metal roofs juxtaposed against brilliant golden stupas. The meandering building had marble floors, cool on Maria's bare feet, columns, and headstones covered in Thai script. Prae explained they were Buddhist teachings. Buddha images and vivid colours brought the dome ceilings to life.

A Thai couple stood reading one in a low tone. Maria smiled, also thinking of the people earlier leaving offerings and prostrating themselves to the statues. Someone bigger than herself, her problems, and all these people was up there, witnessing their sacrifice and suffering, guiding them on the right path. 

"It takes time, iha," her father had told her when she kept asking why her mother wasn't getting better sooner. Why she couldn't take care of her or hug her. Maria had to remember that now, too.

At the pavilion's edge, where the walls opened to nature and a pond, long, willow-like branches swayed in the chilly breeze. Maria wrapped her arms around her torso. The rippling water had her so focused that Tom's voice startled her.

"He's an idiot."

Maria bit her lip, not wanting to jump to a defensive response. If her intuition was correct, she did not understand why he'd broach this topic. "Who is?"

His footsteps approached. "The guy who let you walk out of his life."

Maria stepped closer to the end of the pavilion. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Maybe one day you'll tell me," Tom said in a gentle tone.

Her chest tightened, and she searched for Prae, who must have been exploring elsewhere. "I'm not here to reflect on my past."

But as she spoke, her words felt dishonest. Had she come to erase the thoughts of Adrian, to forget the contest stress or get clarity? Tom's continued stare convinced her he was not the right confidant as he had an agenda beyond being nice.

"There you are," Prae's voice echoed from further in the temple. "We should return to see the sunset at the Buddha statue."

Maria matched Prae's smile, and they doubled their earlier pace. After they arrived at the statue, Tom joined them with a green coconut, sipping its water through a straw. As the increasing wind swept Prae and Maria's hair into whirling messes, Prae gripped Maria's shoulder for balance until the gust passed.

Wispy clouds rolled in behind walking Buddha as the horizon brightened into a thin orange stripe which soon faded to peach. The sun slipped away to light up the Western hemisphere. As the sky darkened into a darker blue, people climbed the steps around the illuminated statue, posing for selfies and bowing their hands in prayer.

Out of instinct, Maria closed her eyes and spoke to the God she'd only briefly acknowledged lately.

Thank you for guiding me to Thailand, for giving me Prae, Emma, Shaw, Tom, and sometimes Mitch. Thank you for the health of my family, for my success in the cooking contest so far and the confidence it has given me, and for keeping Adrian safe through his dark times. Please let me repent for living without faith, without your guidance. I am finding my way back. Amen.

If she could find one, Maria would visit a church this Sunday and would have her apartment blessed regardless of what happened with Adrian or the contest. Then she'd be patient, do her best for her students, and settle into her Bangkok life.