Shawn believed the worst day of his decade was when Emily announced her engagement.

When she'd video called him, claiming she had more important news, he'd figured she was pregnant with her fiancé's kid and wished for anything but that.

Shawn got his selfish wish.

She had brain cancer.

"I'm flying home," he said without a second thought.

As Emily shook her head, her blonde pixie-cut swayed, and his heart ached. She'd lose that beautiful hair after chemo. "The doctors say we caught it early enough, that my odds are good. Not that I don't want to see you." She grinned. "But you've got your important job in Bangkok."

"No job is more important than you, Em." Staff left during the school year for more trivial reasons. If his best friend needed him, he would drop everything for her. He'd let her down too often in the past.

"Shawn Walker, you're such a drama king. Come visit in March when you're done teaching like we planned. It's only a couple of months away. My parents and Brian are worrying enough for an army right now. Just keep living your awesome life, so I can live vicariously through your pictures, and bring me something cool when you return."

Every muscle in his body argued with him to book a plane ticket and leave, but he listened to her because he didn't wish to add stress to her life if she didn't want him there. After all, she had her family and fiancé. Shawn was just a childhood friend who'd broken her heart in college, and he couldn't get over it. He hadn't earned the right to be at her side again. She'd made that clear when she picked Nebraska and Brian over Shawn and her dream country.

As January melted into February, her calls grew more infrequent. Her snarky personality turned complacent and distant. Her mother confirmed her progress wasn't as steady as they'd hoped, though the doctors were still optimistic. At that point, he'd finished the distance courses for his education degree, so he told his Thai administration there was a medical emergency at home and flew to Nebraska. If there was a chance things weren't going well, he needed to support her, regardless of what she said.

When he visited the Foster's home, Emily looked paler and frailer than she had during their chats. He took her small hand in his, her milky skin tone contrasting with his brown hands. Scars of track marks still ran up her forearms. He tensed. If he hadn't been such a careless idiot four years ago and had told her he loved her the second she doubted him, he could have saved her from some of that fate.

She crossed her arms. "You weren't supposed to come this early."

He pressed his lips together. "You know I can't stop worrying about you."

She shifted the bright blue wig on her head. At least the colour was obnoxiously Emily. "That's my fiancé's job."

"And your best friend's. You deserve more than one important person in your life."

Footsteps padded into her bedroom. "She certainly does. You must be Shawn. I have to admit, you are less intimidating over video." Brian looked up at Shawn, held out his hand, and Shawn stepped back to shake it.

"Thanks for taking good care of her, Brian."

"It's my pleasure."

Brian swept in and kissed Emily on the cheek. She leaned into the action and beamed, which she'd never done with her sketchy, abusive exes. Shawn squashed the uneasiness in his stomach. Why did she get this diagnosis when she was finally happy and sober? Why couldn't he be the man always at her side? Because he'd moved away and failed her again.

"Is Mitch coming?" Shawn asked. The past eight months were the longest period they'd ever been apart.

"Soon. He and Lisa are wrapping up projects at school first. He visited a few weeks ago."

Mitch had been reassuring Shawn that Emily was doing okay, and that she had plenty of support. It was odd because he'd always been the overbearing older brother, even if 'older' was only by fifteen minutes as Em loved to remind him. Was Mitch in denial as her condition worsened? As she smiled at Shawn, he saved the question for later.

"I brought you something." He dug in his backpack until he found a handcrafted clay jar he'd bought her. She had a fondness and talent for art, so it was the perfect gift. "It's Mon pottery. It comes from this chill island in Bangkok."

As she accepted the jar, Emily's eyes brightened, and she traced the carved lines with her fingers. "It's beautiful, Shawn. Great choice, thank you."

She set the pottery on her dresser and pulled him into a hug he never wanted to escape.

Within five days of Shawn's arrival, Em was hospitalized. A more thorough scan revealed the cancer was more advanced than they'd thought, and in the best-case scenario she'd have a year. It hit him, Brian, and Em's parents like a semi-truck with faulty brakes speeding toward a busy intersection.

Darla couldn't stop crying, and Martin questioned every medical staff member who entered Em's room like they held the magic key to her recovery. Brian was a rock who wouldn't show an ounce of fear or uncertainty in front of her, though Shawn had caught him breaking down when he was alone. Despite his jealousy, Shawn was grateful. Em deserved that and more.

Shawn stood on the edge, looking in like an outsider. It was how Emily expressed she had felt since he and Mitch had left for Northwestern four and a half years ago. Somehow that had been the straw that broke their inseparable trio. Could Shawn have prevented this by bringing her with them years ago? Why hadn't he tried harder to keep them together?

Everyone took turns staying overnight with her. Shawn volunteered for the second shift, knowing how threadbare her parents' mental states seemed and how he longed for precious time with Em.

Emily grinned at him from the bed and readjusted her wig. "I can't believe you left Thailand to sit in this depressing hospital."

"You're the reason I moved to Thailand. It's not half as much fun alone."

"I've seen your pictures. You have tons of friends."

Shawn took her hand in his. "None like you."

Emily squeezed his hand and sighed. "If things were different, I would have joined you."

He'd thought he'd had all the answers when he'd proposed it to her last winter: a life far from her addictions and abusive exes with a job for her teaching preschool in a country she'd dreamed of visiting. It was supposed to make up for how he hurt her his freshman year and maybe lead to the start of their life together. No woman had come close to his feelings for Em, and he doubted anyone else would.

"When you showed me the pictures, I knew I'd lose control around the drinking and drugs. I didn't want to be that insecure girl who ran from what she wanted but was afraid she'd never have. If I screwed up in Thailand, who knew what consequences I'd drag you into. I needed rehab to build myself up first."

She had told him to go without her, and she'd visit when she felt strong enough.

"Then you met Brian," Shawn said softly.

Emily chewed her lip and looked down at the tube attached to the back of her hand. "I couldn't believe a man like him would notice me, let alone want to date me. He and I had a clean slate. With you, I knew I'd mess it up again."

Shawn ran his thumb along her soft skin. "I was the one who messed things up. You came to me for support, and I made it about me and my feelings for you. When you got scared because I was an idiot, I shouldn't have waited a second before reassuring you no one has or will make me feel the way I do about you. You're the love of my life, Em. I need you to hear that, no matter what happens next."

She punched him in the arm and laughed half-heartedly. "Damn you, Walker, you have the worst timing." Tears spilled out of her eyes. She pulled him closer until their foreheads were touching, and her breath tickled his lips. "You will always be the love of my life too."

Her chapped mouth pressed against his, slow yet certain. He wanted to close the gap between their bodies, to pull her into his arms, to cover her fear with love, but he didn't as he knew this was the last kiss they'd ever share. She'd loved him longer, but she'd chosen Brian. As she pulled away, the saltiness of her tears lingered on his mouth.

She trembled. "P-p-promise me, if it happens," she sniffled, "you'll move on."

"Em, don't think like that. You'll get through this."

"Shawn." Even without the thick mascara and eyeliner she usually wore, her blue eyes were striking.

"The doctors were wrong before. Who's to say they won't be wrong again?"

"Please, Shawn."

He held her hand as tears slipped down his cheeks. "I promise."

Emily smiled and settled into her pillow. "Now tell me everything about Thailand."

His soul ached recounting stories of the places she'd dreamed about since she was a teen, places they should have explored together. But it brought a much-needed smile to her lips, so he didn't stop. He dropped her name in the stories as if she were there, despite her protests. Once her eyes fluttered shut and little snores escaped her, he set her blue wig on the bedside table, tucked her in, and kissed her on the forehead.

"I love you, Em," he whispered. He swore she smiled.

The following night when her parents were with her, they called everyone back to the hospital except for Mitch and Lisa, who'd been delayed on their way from Illinois. The news today that Emily had far less than a year was devastating. As Shawn ran into the room, the doctor had cleared people from her as she convulsed on her flattened bed. The air smelled like vomit. He wanted to rush in and hold her until it stopped, despite knowing it would worsen the seizure's effects.

"It's the third one tonight," Darla mumbled to Shawn.

Martin squeezed her tight, his gaze not leaving his sick daughter. Once Emily had calmed and settled, and the doctor checked her over, they approached the bed. Brian held Emily, who was only semi-conscious while Darla clutched her hand. Martin hugged his wife, and Shawn stood alone, staring at her to urge her to fight for another day or month.

"Did you call Mitch?" Martin asked Darla.

"They're six hours away, and Lisa said Mitch is in no state to drive."

Martin sighed. "He should be here."

The nurses let all four of them stay overnight, which they should have taken as a sign. At two-a.m., the beeping of her weak heart grew erratic. Her body went limp and her eyelids would hardly open. The doctors confirmed there wasn't anything they could do but make her final moments comfortable. Shawn wanted to throttle them to work harder to find a solution. What about those miraculous moments on TV shows where they discovered new cures for inoperable tumours? She was twenty-three years old. This couldn't be the end.

But it was.

He drove through the darkness to his mom's house alone and in silence.

Everything he'd shared with Emily this week would never happen again.

No more laughs.

Nor smiles.

Nor kisses.

He'd never have a second more of conversation with his best friend and that killed him the most.

The world had never felt emptier.