Song of the chapter - I Want The One I Can't Have by The Smiths

Routines are comforting. Knowing what's coming keeps stress to a minimum. I like routines. I like similar, familiar. Adjusting to change, on the other hand, sucks.

I am a creature of habits. I like sitting in the same place everyday at lunch. I like my silent ride to school. I like hanging out every afternoon with Nico working on the junk cars we find. Well, I did.

Now it was uncomfortable, different. For the last month, every freaking afternoon, April would bring Amber with her to hang out in the garage. I figured she would be hanging with us for a while, but this was endless. Literally, there was no end in sight.

Amber was nice enough, maybe too nice. And she never got in our way. She made sure to sit on the couch Nico kept in the corner for those nights when he worked until the early morning to get a car running. Then he would pass out on the couch for a few hours, only to wake up and start working again.

I refused to sit on that couch. I knew that sometimes April stayed late while he was working and...yeah. I wasn't going near that couch.

The girls would work on homework, which I never thought I would see April doing willingly, while Nico and I rebuilt the guts of the Camaro. It wasn't that bad, I guess. Except that Amber was a distraction. One I didn't need. One that I had brought on myself.

I was constantly worried about her. Even when she was sitting right there in front of me and I could see she was just fine. I still worried that something would happen after she left. Or before she got there. I mean, April took care of her too. No one messed with April. But I couldn't help how my mind would wander.

I knew it was stupid, and crazy, and completely obsessive. But I just couldn't help it.

The other effing change I had to get used to was driving Amber home every afternoon. If I thought having her hanging around was awkward, the drive home was on a whole other level of uncomfortable. Epic. I was no good around females in a one on one situation.

Sure, if she was being assaulted or treated like shit, I was good. I could handle that. But small talk, getting to know you, yeah that was another story entirely. A fucking month and I still knew almost nothing about her. I didn't ask and she didn't volunteer. A perfect combination of awkward silence and just all around discomfort.

What a pair.

But today was a different day. Things had finally relaxed with the winter break and I didn't  have to worry about distractions. All I needed to think about was making this Camero as cherry as I could.

"Do you have the design planned out yet?" Nico grunted. He'd been under the car all morning.

"Almost. The basic plan is complete. Just working on the fine points" I reply. Never rush an artist. These things take time.

"I trust you, just curious."

"When are we leaving?"

Nico slides out from under the car. "At noon. April and Amber will be here soon, then we'll head out."

This was the first I was hearing about Amber going with us. "What? She's coming too? Since when?"

"Since the whole time. Where have you been, man? April and Amber are like sisters now. They spend every lunch in the lot and every afternoon here. Did you really think April would go to the car show without her?"

Yeah, I had noticed this new alliance. But I hadn't expected it to extend to our traditions. This car show was one of my routines. And now, it was just one more routine that had been altered by the presence of a little mouse.

"Fine but the girls can ride together. I'm riding with you." I still wanted my quiet ride.

"Nah, we're all riding together. One car." Nico said, with the tone that said end of discussion.

"Come on! This is our thing, the girls don't even need to come. This is messed up."

"No, you're messed up. Damn, man, ever since Amber started hanging with us, you've retreated further into your shell. It's time to come out, little turtle. The world isn't that bad a place. And neither is Amber."

Fucker. He always had to pull the dad shit with me. Always.

I said nothing. There was no point when Nico got into those moods. So I turned back to my work table to focus on the design for our current masterpiece.

"How much do you think we can get for this one?" I asked, somewhat absentmindedly after a while of silence.

"Depends. If they want it bad enough, they'll pay whatever we ask. We just have to make them really want the car."

"Right"

Nico had been at the whole car restoration thing for years. It was something he and his dad did for fun when he was growing up. Until his dad died, killed in the line of duty while trying to stop a robbery.

Nico was only ten.

Now it was his business, and he was good. One of the best, in my opinion. He got these junk cars running like high octane race cars. And he knew how to do it without spending all the profits. It was a true gift.

"I think I have the details of the design down. Now we need to get the upholstery restoration set for right after we paint."

"I'll call the guy tomorrow" Nico said, still under the car.

Sliding out, he got up and grabbed a rag to wipe the oil off of his hands. "Time to start cleaning up if we want to be ready by noon."

"Speak for yourself. I'm ready."

Nico looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Really? I think you've had the same shirt on for more than twenty-four hours, man. Time for a shower unless you want Amber to puke."

Like I said. Fucker.

*****

"So where is this car show?" Amber asked as we pulled out of the driveway.

I had called shotgun and April had given it up without much of a fight, which was a miracle itself. If we all had to ride together, at least I wasn't shoved in a back seat with Amber.

I had real conflicting feelings about that.

"It's in a warehouse at the end of the industrial section. The owners restored it to its original Art Deco aesthetic in order to hold classic car shows there monthly. Part of it has become a museum as well." Nico explained to her.

April leaned forward, resting her arms across the headrests of the front seat. "You know I've always thought that place would make a great place for a wedding."

Nico and I both started choking.

"What?" She just threw her hands up. "It's true. It's really beautiful."

I snuck a glance at Amber. She looked like she wanted to jump out of the car, while it was still running. I felt the same way.

"Damn, babe! Dial down on the hints, would ya! I'm nineteen!" Nico demanded.

He only had himself to blame. Those two were pretty sickening to be around.

"Whatever, bitch. You know we're it. It's just a matter of time." April sat back in her seat, smugness taking over her features. I don't know how Nico handles her.

"But honestly, that's not the point I was trying to make, at all. I was simply stating a fact. It's a beautiful building and would make a great place to have a-"

"So what kind of cars will be there?" Amber cut April off. I had a feeling hanging with April wasn't as easy for Amber as it looked. But I had to give her credit, she seemed to be handling herself pretty well.

"All kinds" I answered. Everyone's heads shot in my direction. I guess I've been pretty quiet lately.

"It's mostly American muscle cars, but you'll get the occasional European roadster, sometimes antique classics as well." I continued, ignoring their shock.

"What's your favorite?" She asked, directing the question to me.

"Chargers, like mine. But I like Challengers as well."

"Is that what this one is?" The little mouse was on a roll with these questions. I wasn't sure if she was finally comfortable enough to ask, or if  listening to April talk about marrying Nico was worse than her discomfort with talking to me.

Whatever. It was keeping those two quiet so I just went with it.

"Yeah, Nico's is a Challenger. One of the first cars he restored." As I said it, I saw his hands grip the steering wheel. It was kind of a tough topic for him. It was the last car he had worked on with his dad.

"What about you, Amber. What kind of cars do you like?" I tried to turn the conversation away from Nico.

"Honestly, I've always liked the little Volkswagens. Not the bugs, but that other one. My uncle used to drive one but I can never remember what they're called."

"Karmann ghia" Nico said.

"Yes! That's it! Oh man, I always loved that car." She said with a huge smile on her face.

At least she had a taste for the classics, even if it had no guts to it. I was impressed she didn't say BMW. Or Audi, like Matt drove. Asshole.

"Okay guys, the doll wants a car-man whatever you said. Start looking for one so you can cherry it out for her." April demanded.

"No! No don't do that. I...I was just answering his question, not...um, asking you to..." she was really in a panic.

"Don't freak" I told her, looking right at her, "sometimes we find good deals. If we see one, we'll let you know."

I kept eye contact with her for a few more seconds. That same feeling came over me, the one I got every time I looked into her eyes. What the hell was that?

I looked away, but I was highly aware of the fact that every other pair of eyes was focused on me. Even Nico, now that we had arrived at The Warehouse and were parked in the lot.

This was suffocating.

I opened the door and started to get out. "Come on, it already started and I want enough time to check out each car.

*****

The ride home was much quieter than the ride to the show. Thank God.

April was too tired to be her usual obnoxious self. Nico and I had fully inspected every car at the show, all 45 of them. So it had been a long day. After grabbing a late dinner at Angelo's dinner, we were headed back to Nico's

The girls had their eyes closed in the back seat. Nico and I looked straight ahead, not saying a word.

Perfect. The hum of the engine and the feel of the tires rolling over the pavement had always been soothing to me. I could only appreciate it when the rest of the car was silent. Like it was now.

"Okay. Wake up babe." Nico said as we pulled into his driveway.

"Ewww. Don't call me babe." April whined from the back seat, eyes still closed.

Nico got out and pulled April with him. "Time to put Cinderella to bed. G, take Amber home. See ya tomorrow."

Of course. Taxi duty again. But it didn't seem so bad this time, for some reason.

"You ready?"

"Um," she paused to look around, probably to check if she had everything, "yeah. Let's go."

We hopped into my Charger and started the ten minute drive to her place. Ten minutes that usually felt like a lot longer.

"So, did you see anything you liked today?"

Yeah, I asked her a question. But she didn't seem that surprised by it.

"Well, no Car-man-geeya's" she said drawing out each syllable, "but they were all in such good condition that it was hard to choose just one."

Impressive that she had paid that close attention. "I was sick over that Mach-five. It was so sweet, never in a million years could I get one like it."

"I thought you liked this car?" She questioned.

"I do. But this is reality. That car is the fantasy."

"Ahh." She seemed satisfied by my answer. "Are there a lot of these shows?"

"Once a month. Usually with a brand new set of cars, some that the owner just wants to show off, but a lot are for sale."

A few minutes of comfortable silence passed, probably the first comfortable silence we had ever shared. And then we were parked in front of her house.

"Okay. Well, thanks for the ride. And for letting me hang out with you guys today. It was...fun" she said, without meeting my gaze.

This time I was looking at her with a purpose, trying to figure out what that feeling was. But she wouldn't look back at me.

"Yeah. Maybe you could come along next month." What the hell? Had that just come out of my mouth? I had no idea what I was saying anymore.

"Sure. I'd like that." She smiled and this time looked me in the eyes.

Yup, there it was again. Almost a sick-to-my-stomach feeling, without the sick part. Shit.

"Bye" she said, finally, after silence had filled the space between us for longer than was comfortable. My palms were sweating now. Damn.

She got out of the car without looking back, walked up to her house and went inside. And for some reason, I sat in my car, staring at her front door for a humiliatingly long time afterwards.

A buzzing noise brought me out of my trance. Looking down, I saw the source: Amber's Phone. I reached over for it and picked it up just as it buzzed again.

Holy fuck!

Her lock screen lit up with text after text, obviously she had been getting them for a while, all unopened. All from Matt.

I scrolled through and felt my blood boiling.

I'm so sorry Amber

Please forgive me

Let me explain everything

Your my world, baby

I made a huge mistake

Please listen

Amber

Talk to me

Over and over, she must have been getting these all night. It looked like she had been ignoring him, which made me feel a little better, but she had never said a word about it. April would have made a big deal if Amber had told her.

I grabbed the phone and carried it up the walkway to her door. Knocking loudly, I waited until it opened up.

"Garrett, what are you doing here?" She asked, surprise covering her features.

"You forgot this." I said as I handed her the phone. Shock was now the look she held.

"Oh. Thanks" she was worried. Figuring I had seen the texts, she must have been thinking I would lay into her.

Matt was the reason for that worry.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked, more gently than normal. Something about her was making me soft, I guess.

Amber just looked down at the phone. "It's not a big deal. He's drunk. That's the only time he does it. It doesn't mean anything."

"So he's done it before?" This time I was a little more forceful with my tone. Amber had been keeping things from me. From us, I mean.

"No!" Her face turned red, even in the porch light I could tell. "Um, not really. Just one other time. That first weekend after we broke up."

"Amber, you have to tell me when he texts you like this, okay?" I lift her chin so she looks me in the eye. But that just gives me the strange feeling again.

"I know, but he's just so sad. I felt...bad for him."

"Don't. Please, just let me know if he texts you again. You know you can block his number, right?"

"Yeah. I will if...he keeps doing it."

"Good. Well, goodnight, I guess."

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?" Something in me made me ask, I had to be sure.

She finally looked up at me again, "yes, I'm fine."

"Okay. Bye"

I turned to walk away, without another word between us. Something was different after spending the day together. But I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

We'll see, I guess.

^^^^^

Meh? I think we get a little more of a glimpse into Garrett here. I still love April, I gotta say.

So if you liked it, tap the star!! It really helps so much!

Next up is Amber, and maybe we will learn more about her...and have more interaction with Garrett. By the way, this part was happening at the same time as Matt's part, same day. Just an FYI.

The Smiths song, I Want The One I Can't Have, is Garrett on so many levels. This is one of the songs that I had a hard time nailing down. Originally I had a 5 Seconds of Summer song picked, but G would NEVER listen to that so...I ended up with this one. Morrissey, that's what I'll leave you with...

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