Song of the chapter - Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve

The weekend had been a roller coaster of emotions. Seeing Garrett after his release at the police station was an enormous relief. After April's story, telling me how Brett had stalked and killed Lisa, and knowing that Garrett and his mom had been in hiding from Brett for the last four years, I was worried about his emotional state.

How could someone ever deal with that?

No wonder he was so withdrawn from life. Who wouldn't be after something like that? I knew there was more to the story than April told me, probably not knowing herself, but I hadn't touched on it at all with Garrett. I had a feeling he would talk about it with me eventually. Especially after that hug.

I had reached up to comfort him, putting my arms around his neck to convey how much I cared about him. And to tell him how sorry I was, how terrible I knew it must have been, and still was, for him. Honestly, I didn't expect him to react much. What I expected was a quick pat on the back from him, if anything at all, and then for Garrett to pull away.

But he didn't.

He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. The warmth from his arms radiated right through my jacket. My heartbeat sped up and I wondered if he could tell. Then his head leaned down, slowly, and his cheek touched my shoulder. I pressed in closer to him, holding him in such a way to tell him I cared, that I needed him too. I closed my eyes, savoring each moment in his arms. There was a sense of safety that I never felt with Matt.

Sooner than I would have liked, he let go, although I had just been in Garrett's arms longer than I thought possible. He looked at me, right in my eyes. That look was new, it was full of possibilities. And I felt it, things between he and I would change.

He didn't hold my hand, or smile at me more. He didn't walk closer than he had before. But something had changed. It felt like he wasn't running from me anymore. Like he was finally ready to explore this energy between us.

And I was more than ready to let him.

***

Monday's lunch was different. Garrett was gone. He had taken the day off to attend a pre-trial hearing for Brett, requested by the lawyer. I was sad at the thought of not sitting with him. But I also realized that my sadness was nothing compared to what he was being subjected to.

Having to be in the same room as the monster that killed his sister must have been torture.

My plan was to join April again in the Lot. It felt strange to go back there after my experience on Friday night. That was shocking, to say the least; hedonism and debauchery gone wild.

Gotta love AP vocabulary.

I stopped at the quad restrooms before heading to our own grassy knoll of the Lot. And proceeded to get the shock of my life while in the stall. The Lot hadn't shaken me as badly as what I heard.

When I walked in, I was alone. I made my way to a stall, locking the door and hanging my bag on the hook. The clicking of heels and the stereotypical girl chatter alerted me to the entrance of some populars. I didn't recognize the voices, though I immediately knew they were talking about me.

"What did Matt ever see in her?" One girl said.

"No clue. She's a nerd! She's not even that hot! Courtney is a better fit for him than Amber ever was." The other girl replied.

Then a third voice chimed in, "Well, not according to Pete."

"What do you mean?" Asked the first voice.

"I was with Pete on Friday, after that stupid as fuck girl left. What the hell was she thinking walking away from the hottest guy in school..."

"Get to the point! We all know how hot Matt is!"

"Fine. You know how drunk he got, then puked all over Pete's car..."

I covered my mouth in shock. I couldn't believe he had thrown away all that hard work on staying sober. Suddenly guilt ate away at me, I had hurt him so much he drank. Even with that frightening last few minutes at the Lot when his eyes practically turned green with jealously, I still felt the brunt of the blame.

"Well, Pete was so mad that no amount of any...you know...would calm him down. And believe me, I tried. So finally, I just told him to spill everything...and he did!"

"Don't keep us waiting, honey! I want all the details!"

"Yeah, start talking!"

"Ok! Calm down, hoes. The thing is, Matt messed around on Amber the whole time they were together. And not just with Courtney..."

She paused for dramatic effect. And it worked. Her audience gasped in mock offense.

"I knew it!" One of them shouted, while my appetite vanished, now feeling sick to my stomach.

The whole time? Even during that first month when things were good? Why was I surprised?But I was. More than surprised, actually. My heart was being ripped right out of my chest, hearing those words.

"I know, right? I guess he had girls all over the place. It was only that last month that he was with Courtney. Until he got tired of her and dumped her too."

"I just don't get why he keeps trying with Amber. She's such a frigid bitch."

That was the match. The match that finally lit the fire in my gut. Sitting in that stall, listening to these awful girls insult me, glorify Matt's behavior, I was finally pissed. That was enough, I was done with keeping things quiet and worrying about Matt's reaction. Where the hell had this fire been for that last five months? Why had I let him get away with being such a bastard?

Without waiting to hear another word, I stood up, grabbed my bag off the hook, not bothering to do it quietly, and opened the stall door. The look on those popular girls' faces was priceless. Shock wasn't a strong enough word. All three had their mouths open, almost mortified. I knew these girls, of course based on their popularity, but I had never interacted with them. Deena, Farrah, and Kara, all complete bitches in every sense of the word. They continued to stare at me as I stepped into the bathroom from the stall.

Finally, Deena came out of her trance and narrowed her gaze at me, apparently remembering her role as resident school bitch. Seriously, Regina George had nothing on Deena.

"Hmmm, the toilet must be backed up. Look what just washed up." She said with a disgusted look on her face.

"Funny." I replied, no longer willing to let them intimidate me. "I guess you would know, huh." I raised one eyebrow. "Have fun in life with that attitude. See how far it gets you in the real world."

"Who do you think you are?" Kara said, not letting me end the conversation.

I would go ahead and end it for her, "Oh, I thought you'd heard. I'm the frigid bitch, remember?" Without giving them another look, thought or word, I kept walking right out of the restroom. My fire hadn't gone out yet and there was one more person who needed a taste of it. I could almost hear April saying Finally!

Pushing me forward was the small part of my soul that was just done, the part that had endured enough. I walked, or marched furiously more accurately, towards the part of the quad where he ate every day with his crew. I imagined their idiotic daily banter as they came into view, Matt's back to me, and gritted my teeth. I already knew what their reaction would be: ridicule.

I would be laughed at the minute I walked away, but that ceased to matter the instant the match was lit. No amount of taunting would put this inferno out.

My feet halted just behind Matt, and a few eyes made their way over to where I stood. Glaring. I could feel their harsh judgment already.

Just more fuel for this disaster.

"Matt!" I managed to say through my still gritted teeth.

He turned quickly at my voice, surprise plain on his face. Standing quickly, he turned to face me fully, almost smiling...

If he only knew what I was about to unleash.

"You cheated." I stated, cold anger lacing each syllable.

His mouth fell open. I could see surprise in his eyes, then regret, all in a split second. But almost as quickly, his mask returned to its usual position.

"You knew that." He replied, almost as coldly as I had.

He tried to use his old tactic, reaching out to grab my arm, likely wanting to drag me behind the cafeteria instead of enduring my wrath in front of the school, and then facing their judgement. I was having none of that, however, and swiftly sidestepped his reach, crossing my arms and leveling the hardest glare I could right at him.

"I knew about Courtney. Not the others. How could you? The whole time, Matt!" My voice cracked on his name, but I refused to let that stop me.

That's what broke his mask, my emotional reaction. His face changed yet again. Remorse was now written on his features. Who the hell was the real Matt? I don't think he even knew.

"I...I'm sorry, Amber. It was all a mistake. I'm trying now, really." He said quietly. I could tell he was attempting to keep his crew from hearing his apology.

I shook my head, "Is that supposed to make me feel better? My only boyfriend not only accused me of being a slut and cheating on him, but was actually cheating on me the entire time we dated. You never gave us a chance! What the hell does it matter if you're trying now?"

He was delusional.

"It matters because I want to make it up to you, I want you to see what it can be." His voice was practically a whisper, his eyes pleading with me to keep my voice down as well. "I want a second chance."

Standing there in the quad, most of the student body close enough to watch, some also to hear what was happening between their golden boy and the woman scorned, I knew this was the moment of truth. For them, for Matt and for myself.

"Matt," my anger had lessened but my purpose was the same, "that isn't going to happen."

His eyes dropped and he took a slight step back, away from the person about to destroy his perfect reputation. This wouldn't end unless I put the nail in the coffin, finally cutting off his attempts to win me back.

"We are never going to work. This is never going to happen. We can't be together again, ever."

A breath of time passed, hardly a single heartbeat, and I saw his mask return, an effort to appear unaffected by our conversation.

"Your loss, babe." His face and voice were stone cold, but his eyes told a different story. Pain.

Without letting what I had just declared publicly sink in, I turned to walk away. I wouldn't look back or think twice about what I had done. It needed to happen, should have happened a while ago. Logically I knew that to be true.

That didn't ease the heartache I felt, knowing that even the good month we shared had been a lie. It left a harsh taste in my mouth, but I figured bitterness was better than being broken. And I was finally being put back together.

Just as I reached our knoll, April's head whipped back to me, "What the hell happened back there?"

"What do you mean?" I honestly wasn't sure.

"You shredded Matt's reputation just now! It's already all over school. I just got a text from Nina!"

I had no idea who Nina was, but the thought of what had happened already spreading like wildfire made me sicker than I had been. And it must have shown.

"Hey, don't give me that wounded puppy dog look, Doll. You finally did it! That shit head had it coming."

"I know, you're right. He needed to hear it. That didn't make it fun, though." It looked like another lunch was getting tossed. I wasn't hungry.

"Of course not, confrontation never is. But, I've got something to cheer you up!" April had a huge grin, which somehow made me incredibly nervous.

"Oh no, what?" I dared to ask.

"Garrett's stopping by Nico's after school. He told Nico he'd be there by three." April had a knowing look on her face. But knowing what was the question.

"And?"

"And, he's all dressed up for court. I saw him this morning. You don't want to miss it, Doll." She laughed.

My mouth went dry just thinking about Garrett, dressed in something other than jeans and a hoodie...

"Haha! I knew that would get your attention!
And if you're wondering, he's wearing black pants, a tan button up shirt and a black skinny tie. He's hot. You know, not as hot as Nico, but hot."

Okay. Now I couldn't wait to get to Nico's house after school.

^^^^^

The truth hurts, to say and to hear. But as Amber realized, it needed to happen.

So now you can see that part 10 started with Amber. Next will be Matt, then Garrett. Part ten is mostly about what happens on this Monday after the Lot, but Garrett's part will also include a day later in the week.

Bittersweet Symphony gives me that sense of "I just burned you and now I'm walking away triumphantly." Which is Amber's moment with Matt at lunch. Were you excited by her burst of confidence? A bitchy interaction can do that sometimes...

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