40. Like I meant nothing
Simone
I don’t know who I am without Zack.
The thought clings to me, refusing to leave. Days pass, but I barely notice them anymore. The sun rises, sets, and all I do is lie in my bed, between my sheets, feeling empty. My phone remains untouched on the nightstand, the screen dark. No calls, no messages—nothing from Zack.
Or anyone else. I avoided touching it, I don't want to tell Mom about this. Not yet at least until Zack and I have gotten a chance to speak. Until after we resolve things.
I can't blame Zack for going MIA on me. I messed up. I cheated. But I thoughts come back to hear me out. To hear my side of the story and say I’m sorry. But it’s been three days now, and the silence still grows deeper with each passing day.
Beth comes around without saying much. She’s always been like that, knowing when to talk and when not to. She sweeps around the house, picking up the pieces of my life that I’ve left scattered—dishes, clothes, the empty wine bottles I didn’t realize had piled up. She cooks, brings coffee, and watches over me without asking questions.
I don't know what I would do without Beth by my side but all her kindness is doing little to ease my pain. I can just ask her to leave and never come back but she is stubborn so I don't even try.
“Abby’s going back to Washington,” Beth says one afternoon, her voice casual, like it’s no big deal.
My heart drops to my tummy. I blink up at the ceiling, trying to keep it together. “She is?”
Beth nods, folding fresh towels next to me. “Yeah, leaving by the end of the week, I think.”
Of course she is. Why wouldn’t she? Now that I've had time to think about it, Abby's perspective on things was only because she cared about me. She was trying to save me, but this is my life. Zack is my life.
Abby’s probably disgusted with me. I can’t even blame her. Part of me wants to reach out, to talk to her, to try and fix things, but I don’t think she wants that. I honestly don't have the energy for it anyway.
The silence in the house is suffocating each time Beth leaves. Every corner reminds me of Zack. The kitchen where we used to cook together. The couch where we’d curl up, pretending we were still happy. But it was all pretend, wasn’t it?
I keep expecting him to walk through the door, but he doesn’t. It’s been five days now. Five days without a word from Zack. Not a text, not a phone call—nothing. His absence weighs down on me and I wonder if this is my punishment.
I cheated, and now I’m paying the price.
I was confused and I ruined everything.
The house is dark when I hear the front door open. My breath catches, as I sit up in bed, heart racing.
Zack.
He’s finally here. I should be relieved, but fear wraps around my neck instead. What do I say? How do I even start?
His footsteps echo down the hall, slowly. I don’t know what to expect when he walks into the room, but the moment I see the expression on his face—calm, detached—I know.
He’s not here to work things out.
He stands in the doorway, holding a manila envelope in his hand. My heart sinks to my stomach at the sight of him. “Zack…”
He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he walks over to the bed and places the envelope on the nightstand. I don’t need to open it to know what it is.
Divorce papers. One hundred percent, divorce papers.
“I need you to sign these,” he says, his voice low but steady.
His words take a second to register, I stare blankly at the envelope.
“Zack, wait, can we talk about this? Please—”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Simone,” he cuts me off, his tone so final, leaving no room for argument.
I swallow, desperation choking me. “But we’ve been through so much together. I just… I need you to understand why—”
“Why you cheated?” He meets my eyes for the first time, and I see it—the anger, the disappointment… indifference. “I don’t care why, Simone.”
His words feel like a slap across my face. My hands tremble as I try to find the right words.
“I was confused. I made a mistake, but I still love you. We can fix this, Zack. Please, just give me a chance to make this right.”
He sighs, running a hand through his hair. It looks different ---more tousled. “I lost feelings for you a long time ago.”
The room turns around me, and I grip the sheets tighter. “I don't understand.”
“I stayed because… I felt pity. We’ve been through a lot. But that’s not enough anymore.” His voice is so calm like he’s talking about someone else’s life, not ours.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. The pain in my chest is unbearable.
“Honestly?” Zack continues, his eyes hardening. “I’ve been having an affair.”
The world stops. I blink, not sure why that surprises me. Hearing him say it out loud like that opens up d wounds. And there are so many wounds.
“With my secretary,” he says so matter-of-factly. “You were right the whole time. When I found you and Abby, I realized… it was my way out.”
I feel like I’m going to be sick. The room spins, my heart's pounding hard and I forget how to breathe. “You… you’re leaving me?”
Zack shrugs. “It’s over, Simone. It’s been over for a long time.”
The anger comes out of nowhere, boiling up from the pit of my stomach and flooding my veins. How dare he stand there, so calm, so detached, while my world is crumbling? I made a mistake, but this? This is so much worse.
All this time, he was pretending. While I was sulking over my betrayal, he was doing the same thing. And now he has the audacity to stand there like he’s the victim?
“You coward,” I hiss, my hands shaking as I reach for the divorce papers. “You’re only doing this now because you found an easy way out.”
He doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even blink. “Call it whatever you want.”
I grab the pen from the nightstand and scribble my name across the papers, my hand shaking. When I’m done, I slam the papers against his chest. “Here. You got what you wanted.”
He takes them without a word, his face still as calm as ever.
My sweet Zack. It's so dramatic how people lose feelings.
“I’ll be by to pick up my things later.”
“Don’t bother,” I snap. “I’ll have them packed and sent to you.”
Zack nods once and turns to leave. Just like that. Like we meant nothing. Like I meant nothing.
As the door closes behind him, the dam breaks. The tears I’ve been holding back for days come rushing out, and I collapse onto the bed, sobbing. I thought I could fix this. I thought we could work through it. But now I see how naïve I was.
Zack never wanted to fix anything. He was already gone long before this.
And now, I’m left here alone, broken.
Like every other damn time.
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Ugh.
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