"What exactly do you understand?"

☆

"Hey, I made that saag from scratch. Why aren't you eating it?" Gia stares at Bay from across the table. His other siblings had long since finished their meal and had left the table, leaving the two of them. 

He ploughs his fork into the dish, making a point of filling his mouth to the point of bursting. He looks at his sister. "Apee?'' he sputters through the mouthful and causes Gia to wrinkle up her nose in disgust. 

"You are an ungrateful pig." She stands up, pushing the kitchen chair back along with the action and causing a scrape on the tiled floor. She turns her back on him as she takes her plate to the sink to be washed.

Bay forces down the food in his mouth, not feeling hungry in the slightest. Any other given day of the week, he would have cleared the plate like his siblings, but his mind seemed to weigh too heavy. His life used to be a simple one without much going on, but in the space of a few weeks, everything had changed in his world. He had lost a friend but had gained a boyfriend. He didn't know whether to feel happy or sad. In the end, he just felt confused and exhausted. 

"Gia, I'm sorry. I'm not hungry." He gets up from the table, scraping the remainder of the dinner into the bin. She turns and watches him go, her eyes staring at the space where he once was for a brief moment, wondering if she should have said something. He wasn't his usual self. 

The sound of the door opening pulls her eyes away as she sees her mother appear. "Thank you, Gia. I am so sorry." She hurriedly hangs her coat up and rushes to her daughter, kissing her on the cheek. "That man won't let me leave until the job's done. I told him, the job will never be done. It's a rolling thing." She waves her hand in the air as if to dismiss the words. "Where is everyone?" 

Gia shakes the soap suds from her hands as she tunes to face her mother. "They're all in the living room apart from Bay, who I think has gone to his room. He hasn't eaten, oh, and your dinner is still in the pot."

"Bay didn't eat? Had he eaten already?" Their mother questions, forgetting her own need for food at that moment. 

"I don't know." She shrugs. "He seems a bit off." 

"I'll go talk to him." She half smiles at her daughter as she sits at the table. "But first, I am going to enjoy my food in peace before everyone realises I'm home." 

***

His thumb continued to flick up the screen as the social media reels played. He wasn't too sure what he was seeking. Possibly a laugh. Maybe something that resonated with his mood. A meme which understood in that moment what he was feeling, but nothing was really hitting the mark. 

"Knock knock…."

Bay looks up to see his mother enter the bedroom, her footsteps airing on the side of caution as she quietly pushes the door closed behind her so as to not disturb the younger members of the household. 

"What is it?" Bay glances up from his phone. Trying to distract from the truth that he missed his mother more often than not these days. 

"Gia says you haven't eaten. Are you ill?" She reaches out a hand to place on his forehead, with Bay pulling his head to one side to avoid the contact. 

"I'm fine, mum. I'm just not hungry."

"Did you and Archie hit Bang Bang chicken after school? I told you to tell your sister if you had eaten…"

"I didn't. I'm just not hungry. Why is it such a big deal?" Bay frowns, looking down at his phone once again. "Archie and I aren't joined at the hip." 

"Well, something must be up." She sits down at the end of the bed. "What's this I hear about Gia saying you have other friends?"

"So am I only allowed one friend now?"

"No… but Archie is a nice boy."

"He is busy these days…. He has a girlfriend."

"Oh…." His mother nods slowly. "I understand." 

Bay looks at his mum with scepticism. "What exactly do you understand?" He felt the adrenaline in his body begin to rise. Did she really have that sixth sense that some parents had about their children, where they knew things about them before the child had figured it out? 

She shuffles a little up the bed, cupping his cheek with the palm of her hand. "You will get a girlfriend too one day, my love. You are gorgeous and smart, and any girl would be lucky to have you." She smiles at him, and it makes Bay's heart sink. The notion that he may not even like girls had not even entered her thoughts. "Don't let a girl come between the two of you." 

"Are you done?" Bay glares at his mother as she retracts her hand. "I want to be alone." 

She exhales as she looks at him. Her heart felt heavy that he wouldn't open up to her. They had been so close. "I'm sorry I'm never home. I'm sorry I'm not the mother you want me to be."

"And I'm sorry I'm not the son you want." Bay bites back. 

"Bay, I've never said that…"

He leans across to his mother, getting right into her face as he confesses, "But you will…. I'm gay mum, happy now? You got it out of me. I am gay and I have a boyfriend…. They're a boy, not a girl…."  Bay suddenly recoils as he sees the hand of his mother strike a blow across his face.

She instantly covers her mouth in shock. All too aware that she had overstepped the mark. "Bayley, I'm sorry….Bay." she reaches out, instantly wanting to right her wrong, but he pulls away. 

"Just leave me alone." He says, trying his best to hold in the tears. He rolls onto his side, turning his back to her, only to let a single tear fall out of sight. 

She nods, knowing all too well that she was in the wrong. As her heart is filled with guilt, she gets up from the bed and heads out of the room, leaving Bay to cry silently into his pillow. Right in that moment, he thought of that one person. He wanted Archie more than anything. His smile, his friendly face telling him that it was all going to be ok, but it seemed all Bay could do was to push the people away who cared about him. Now all he had left was a guy he had just met, who was now his boyfriend. All he had was Mark.