"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." 

-  Aldous Huxley,

Asher POV

One week ago

I can't fucking believe this shit.

The whole day was supposed to be simple, yet it was anything but. Somehow the news got out that I was having a meeting today regarding my 'unknown lovechild'. The meet was so secretive that only a small amount of people knew, meaning that either that woman made it public, or someone on my end did- which is unlikely.

This just makes me not want to meet her even more.

I've had a background check on her and since her modeling career went sideways after she got pregnant four years ago, she was in and out of rehab, forced by her snobby rich parents- and not only is she an ex-addict, but she's supposedly married.

The guy isn't anything exciting, they met on a dating app, no doubt to hook up.

The woman, a Brazilian model who was once famous, it makes me wonder how the fuck she stooped so low to ruin my fucking life.

But that's what this meeting is for, even if I had to push past a mountain of reporters, they aren't stopping me from this meeting, after all, she had tried so hard to get my attention.

So that's where the fuck I am right now.

Waiting with my lawyer in a room, waiting for them to arrive.

"Where the fuck is she?" I ask my Lawyer, Tim.

Tim looks at his watch and frowns. Just as he was about to open his mouth to say something, the door opens, making both Tim and my head turn towards the door.

In strolls the woman I recognize from the photo, but other than that, I don't ever remember meeting her before. She walks in with her lawyer and both of their eyes are on mine.

I can see the fucking money signs in her eyes when she looks at me, it makes me sick.

"Mr. Reed, I apologize for the wait, we had some trouble getting inside the building." The bald-headed lawyer of the woman says.

I just grunt and stare down at the woman she wears a smile on her face. I don't like her.

"Let's just get this done with, I'm a busy man." I tell him straight, keeping my eyes on the woman who now sits in front of me.

"Yes, lets." The woman says, her accent thick.

Her lawyer clears his throat and puts some papers on the table. "Mrs. Braga and I have here proof that you are indeed the father of the girl Maria Braga, Marcia Braga's daughter, these are the papers from the doctors, as requested by your lawyer."

I feel sick, the way her fucking eyes light up as she watches me, checking me out with a smug look on her face.

"Just tell me what you want." I snap out, running my hand through my hair annoyed.

My lawyer clears his throat and I just shrug at him.

"I want you to start paying for your child!" Marcia snorts out. "Playing dumb like you didn't know about her is really rich of you Asher, I bet you don't even remember me." She says harshly, flicking her hair to the side.

I stand up abruptly and clench my fists. "You fucking raped me you sick woman, or did you forget that? I'm not paying you shit!" I snap out glaring down at her. "By the end of this meeting, you will be arrested, with proof of you stealing and assaulting me four years ago." I say with a grin as I sit back down.

Her face falls, no longer smiling. "You wanted to fuck me that night! I just took what you owed me!" She shouts out in my face.

I laugh, throwing my head back. "I don't owe you anything!" 

"You are under investigation and child services are outside the door, with the police ready to take your statement. 'Our' Daughter will be released into my custody by the end of the day, you came here for what, money?" I laugh out again.

"Was using me and stealing from me really worth it?" I ask seriously, watching as her face starts to turn red.

"You- Fuck you!" She growls out, standing up. "I was paid to go into that bus and seduce you, did you think I wanted some snotty-nosed brat?" She scoffs. "I fed her, clothed her, put her in school, I did the best I could, but your- your fucking assistant stopped paying me!" She says, glaring at me.

What the fuck is she talking about. 

Lucy?

I sigh out and lean back in my chair. "Lucy has a warrant out for her arrest, not only has she used you love, but she's stolen, bribed, and is wanted for multiple accounts of money laundering."

I watch as her face sinks and as tears start to form in her eyes. "You coming here meant you care about Maria and you somewhat have a conscious about how this affects her."

She sobs silently and I take a deep breath. "You took advantage of me, drugged me, and got pregnant while I was unconscious because Lucy told you to, the court will keep that in mind when the time comes to it."

"In the meantime, get your shit together, stop talking to the press if you want to ever see your daughter again." I say standing up, followed by my Lawyer.

I watch as Marcia nods her head as she silently cries into her hands. 

Shame, she was somewhat a good mother but a shitty fucking person.

I leave the room with my Lawyer and the documents they brought, I was telling the truth when I said the police and child services were outside the door, Maria and her stepdad were in another room being briefed about Marcia being taken into custody awaiting trial.

I had thought about this every day since, on how I would handle it. After talking to my mom and Shaun, they made me see it from another perspective about how to handle this, and what will happen to the girl- my daughter.

I couldn't watch and let her go into care, so I arranged for her to be here today- with her stuff and with my mom waiting by the car downstairs to meet us both.

Not even have met her yet, I can't deny she isn't mine, I won't let her go into foster care, so she's coming home with me.

*****

Present time.

She's a miniature me.

I have never been nervous to meet a little person before until I met her, Maria is in her own way, like her mother, Marcia, but- she's also got me in there.

Her fucking eyes, they're mine, her hair? Mine. Even the way she smiles, all I can see is me in her face, a younger me, it scares the shit out of me.

My mother gets get over the fact she has a grandchild, despite the chaos in the media, she's kept it together and decided to stay and help me during this shitstorm.

"Maria, strawberry or Cookie dough?" I ask the small pigtail girl.

Her big eyes look up to me and shyly point to the strawberry ice cream. I scoop a few spoonfuls into a bowl and place them on the table in front of her.

I sit beside her and eat a bowl of strawberry ice cream alongside her.

This past week has been... fun, I thought it would be hard but she's a great child, which baffles me considering who her mother is.

Since then, Maria has gotten close to me and I to her in the past week, it's unreal to say it, but I can tell she was never really looked after living with Marcia.

Marcia is still in jail awaiting her trial, which could take days, weeks or months before she stands before a judge. We are having a closed court, because of who I am nobody wants this to be a media circus, especially not the judge who agreed with keeping it small.

I haven't had a drink or touched a single drug since that day, I've been going to meetings dealing with my issues and I've been speaking to a therapist for the past few days.

Luckily, that hasn't been made public, and it should never be public.

Only my mom knows I have a therapist that comes to the house in secret twice a week.

"Daddy?" Maria says, tugging on my shirt beside me.

I blink and look at her with a smile. "What's up?"

"All gone." She says innocently, holding her bowl up to me.

Heh.

I didn't think I'd ever hear someone call me Daddy again, especially not a child- my child.

As much as it should creep me out, it doesn't, this shit feels so right, this kid is changing how I see things, when she's around it's like I get to breathe, with only knowing her for a week she's got me wrapped around her small hands.

"Good girl, what do you say?" I ask her.

She gives me a toothy grin. "T-Thank you!" 

I see my mom come into the kitchen with the mail. "Anything for me?" I ask her and she nods her head warily.

"What?" 

She holds onto a colorful piece of paper and I stand up and go towards her to see what it is.

Oh.

Shit.

Just like that, my chest is clenching painfully and it feels like I can't breathe, just the thought of her has me missing her, I can't even think straight as I read the words on the piece of paper.

Hailey is graduating tomorrow, this must've been sent to me here by mistake because she used to live here.

It's an invite to her graduation ceremony, at 11:00 AM tomorrow.

"Is that?.." 

I nod my head. "Yeah." 

There is no way I can show my face there without being noticed, but, I feel dread at the thought of not being there, it meant so much for her to study again. Paying for her education was one of the best things I've ever done with my wealth, that and buying my mom anything she wants.

Maybe I can go, sit in the back and just watch? 

But what is someone sees me?

"What's that?" Maria asks, pointing to the letter in my hands.

I swallow hard. "Nothing."

Maria climbs down from the chair and runs into the living room to play with the toys I bought her, my mom comes to sit beside me with a knowing look on her face. "You should go, I can look after Maria."

I don't even know what to say, my thoughts are all messed up. "We're not together anymore." I say, the words breaking my heart all over again at how painful it still feels saying it out loud.

My mom frowns and shakes her head. "You both." She grumbles. 

"Look Asher, you two need to talk, that child in there should not be the reason anyone breaks up, you need to talk to Hailey and explain the situation." She sighs out. "You love her Asher and I can't bear to see you pained from this any longer." She huffs out.

"Ma-"

"Maria loves her granny." She says standing up from the seat with a smile on her face. "Go get a cut and shave, and get your bloody girl back, for peat's sake." She huffs out, walking into the living room to Maria, leaving me sat there with a frown on my face.

I rub my beard and sigh. Fucking hell. 

Guess I need to go buy a suit, and get a fresh cut.