*** here is a very confused Ethan!***

A smile was super glued to my face for the next few weeks. Ethan and I were official! I mean nobody but us and Sophie knew, but that's irrelevant. I had told my parents a few days ago, and they seemed pretty happy for me as well. Ethan had taken me to many dates, okay like 2, but still. They were so cute, taking a walk through the city, a picnic at a park, he was the ultimate romantic.  Ah, he was sooo amazing I guess. I cannot get over it

But no matter what I felt, I had this little thought nagging my brain.
What did he mean by risk?
Why is being with me a risk?
Is he worried about his reputation?

Okay maybe there were multiple thoughts oops.
I guess he would tell me in due time. Right?
I continued walking to class, my brain busy coming up with possibilities of this 'risk'. After managing in class, without the teacher noticing my mental absence, I trudged over to the library for my free period. Suddenly, I was grabbed from the middle of the hallway into an empty classroom.

"Hey Ame" a voice drawled. Ugh, I do not have time for this.
Turning, I replied with, "What?" I started walking out of the classroom already sick of her presence.
"Do you know why Ethan took forever to ask you out?" She said in a snide voice.
I froze. How the hell does she know that? Did Ethan say something? I know I shouldn't fall for this again... but I really want to know. Maybe she knows what the 'risk' meant?

Facing her, I asked in a nonchalant voice, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I thought you would like to know about her, considering we were friends" she replied, showing me a picture of Ethan with some girl. I couldn't exactly tell but it seemed like he was kissing her. That must be Ethan's previous girlfriend right? But then why is Katelyn showing me this?

"That's Ethan's previous girlfriend" I said confidently, I need to make sure she isn't messing with my head.
"I'm not sure she's 'previous' as you think, they're together on the field now, see?" She continued. She pointed to the window and there right before my eyes I saw Ethan with her.
Talking.
Smiling.
Laughing.
"Whatever" I said. I left the room, confident, undeterred. In reality I was shaking, I felt like my entire body was going to crumble. This is not true. Katelyn is lying to me. Ethan is not cheating on me. This is not the risk. This is not true. THIS IS NOT TRUE. I was having a meltdown. I ran to the bathroom and tried to compose myself. Katelyn hates me right? So this could all be a ploy? But then where did the picture come from? Why was Ethan standing with her outside?
Ughhhhhhhh
Is this why he wanted to take it 'slow'? So that he could see who liked more? Or maybe he's already made the choice seeing as he kissed her. Why is everything falling apart? I thought I finally was happy, truly happy instead of simply surviving. Apparently the world enjoys watching me suffer.

I need to believe him. I need to trust him. But right now, I just wanna go home. After a few more classes which felt like an eternity and half, it was home time. I usually wait for Ethan but today I'm just not in the mood.
I fell on my bed and just hugged my pillow. Why is this happening? To escape the cruel reality of life I picked up a random novel and started reading. Then the bell rang. Who would it be, I didn't order anything and my parents have a night shift so? Even Soph had cousins over. I went down and cautiously opened the door, please don't be a kidnapper. It was Ethan. Figures.

"Hey" I said, not in the right state of mind to have a sensible talk.
"Hey, I waited for till I realised you had already left. Is anything wrong? Did I do something wrong?" He questions looking confused. Ugh. He seemed so sweet, like he cared. I could feel myself falling for the innocent look and worried face. Yet, I needed clarity. I will not be somebody's second choice.
"Okay, I'm not gonna pretend. Who is that girl that you were talking to during PE?"
"Are you jealous?" He asked
"No. I just don't want to be your second choice."
"What do you mean, she's my... uhh.. how do I say this.." he stammered.

"Your girlfriend? That's why you want to go 'slow' because I'm 'special'? This is why it was so 'risky'? I wanted you give me a straight explanation. Instead you became a stuttering stammering mess when I wanted to know who she was. You just never wanted me to know I guess." I finished spitefully. I don't know what's gotten into me. I guess I'm really bitter. It hurts to see something you cherished with your heart to fall to pieces. It really hurts.

I shut the door in his face and ran to my room.
I am done.
So done.
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Heyyyy TinyTacos!!
Early update!! I feel like this is the first time I've managed to be early yayyy!! We're sooo close to finishing maybe about 5 chapter left!
zbohom TinyTacos!!!
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