RILEY

I LIKE THIS SIDE OF ASHER.

I'm sucking on my fingers and he tastes like sugar with a hint of tanginess but it's fine. I like it.

Honestly? This is probably the craziest thing I've ever done. Although intimate, this is someone else's room and the person doesn't know. Should this be a secret to the grave? And should I feel bad? Cause I don't. No. I don't feel bad that I'm here inside this room— which belongs to the girl who stole my art work— getting freaky with my brother's teammate.

There's something thrilling about this. Trying to silence my orgasmic screams so the people that stayed back in their dorms for thanksgiving don't hear. The fact that I haven't screamed like that in so long feels super foreign. I really needed the release.

But also the risk of getting caught or someone hearing is hot. I mean, come on, if anyone heard, which they probably have if the walls are thin. The neighbors would be horny I can bet my money on it. Science proves it.

What we just did was earth shattering.

If I was hearing my neighbors moaning and grunting, I'd be jealous. Then of course, aroused. Not for my neighbors but just hearing the sounds makes anyone tingle. It's just the truth.

Being here with Asher and hearing him claim I'm his now makes my body warm. Is he wrong? This is the guy that gets my pussy throbbing and if I don't have that feeling then I don't like the person I'm around. And I like Asher. I said it. I like him. My friends know. He knows. I know.

When I pop my fingers out of my mouth, he doesn't let me say anything. He speaks instead. "Now taste us together."

Then he kisses me hard. His mouth warms against mine, soft lips part and our tongues dance together with what we've created. Asher steals the air out of my lungs and I can't seem to let go. It's like he has the power to give me air and take it away. I tug him closer to my body, mild skin touching. His calloused hands cup my cheeks and his head tilts in the opposite direction as the kiss deepens to another level.

My heart's pounding and every touch of his stubble on my skin sends tremors through me. I get where he's going with this. We taste good together. There's not a specific taste to describe or pinpoint what it's actually like. This is something only the two of us could understand. I heave my hand through his hair with his beanie gone and he groans into the kiss. I, on the other hand, moan when his teeth nibble my bottom lip as he pulls away. We're left panting, and I know I'll think about this all night.

"But I'm only going to push you away." I blurt out. It's too late when I've already said it. He knows what I mean.

I also can't deny that a guy who makes me scream and come will own my body even if I'm scared to admit it. I get butterflies when we kiss, I get tingles when we touch, my pussy clenches when he speaks. I'm not stupid. He's the only guy that makes me feel alive and it's scary.

"Is that what you meant when you said I couldn't handle you?" He asks, his thumb padding against my bottom lip. "Because I'm letting you know right now that I want you." He's straightforward and to the point with it. "And I'm going to have you."

My body shivers. He just showed me that he could in fact handle me in every single department. I should be thrown off by his statement because how does he know that he's going to have me?

Then my brain clicks.

Men aren't complicated. They know what they want. Who they want. He's serious that he wants me and I knew that deep down since he invited me for breakfast the day after I babysat his son. But he doesn't know that I run away when I catch feelings. Because I'm scared of getting hurt. That's one of my fears if it's not clear. I act all tough and icy but hey, I got a heart and I don't want it to be cracked down the middle.

In doing what I need to do making sure that doesn't happen. I'm labeled a cold hearted bitch by everyone I come into contact with. Which might be deserved because I'm no saint. I hurt people in the past I'm sure just like I did Julian. Remember him? Movie date guy.

So I'm thinking about learning to trust myself. Is letting someone else in such a bad thing?

Obviously some of my problems stem from my mommy issues. Like the fact that I can't trust anyone with my heart, how I must do everything on my own and how the thought of her or feeling like I'm anything like her makes me want to barf. Yet she pops up everyday in my conversations, my head, everywhere even when I don't want her there.

She acts like a bad rash.

Or a sticky note.

Latching onto every moment of my life.

I don't want my mother as the center of my decisions anymore. I've learned to set new boundaries and I've blocked her but even then she's still here. I'm learning to let go of my childhood trauma and the complicated relationship I have with her.

Maybe it's time to let the ice holding my heart melt away.

Even if it's little by little.

"We'll talk about it."

"Okay."Asher replies and pulls up his boxers and pants. "We'll talk about it when you're ready."

When you're ready. He's probably the sweetest guy I know. There's a switch, he can be sweet and he can be tough. He's the best of both worlds.

He helps me from the desk, and this guy pulls up my thong, his fingers on my thighs giving the area a gentle squeeze. He bends and my breath hitches in my throat as he presses a soft kiss to my inner thigh. My legs shake on impact and he proceeds to pull my pants and button it like he didn't just turn me on again.

We're both quiet, and I take in his appearance as he fixes my outfit. He's concentrating on my body. Every angle of me. I used to be conscious of my hip bone  but I've learned to love it. Normally when I get it on with a guy, I'm left to get my own clothes but that's not happening right now. He's making sure my clothes are on correctly and that I'm doing good. Asher must really be into after care which is nice.

Sutton was right. I'm going to fall for this guy.

We get my backpack, the flashlights and everything. Took time to make sure that the room  had no evidence of us being there and that included cracking the window to get air flowing and cleaning the desk with sanitizer, and yes we had sanitizer. I don't think it's weird when everyone has one, especially since COVID-19.

After a few moments we decided to leave.

What I didn't expect was one of the doors being opened in the hallway. Actually, it's the room right beside Jade's. Two dark skinned girls are there, one of them has a hand over her mouth holding back giggles when she sees us. The other one just stares like 'you're not Jade or her roommate or her roommate's boyfriend'.

Is Jade seeing someone? I don't know.

The looks on the girls' faces tells me that they probably heard something.

Did I scream that loud? I remember biting Asher's palm but I never thought I was that loud for girls to be staring at us like this.

Asher locks the door and he's saying something about grabbing study materials that Jade sent us for but they're not fully convinced so without saying a word, I sprint down the hallway, Asher jogging behind. I'm laughing like it's the funniest thing in the universe when we slide into the elevator which should take us downstairs.

"They're not gonna buy it, are they?" I peer over at him through my long lashes.

He shrugs, sweeping a hand through his hair. "Maybe, if Jade's a known thief like it seems then they'll probably buy it."

There's a tiny smile on his face, not over the Jade situation but because of what we did and we're laughing about it. My heart flutters knowing. I'm the reason. I'm on his lips.

He catches me staring and we both burst into laughter.

We're leaving Bennett Hall and we don't look the same way we did when we first entered. The crisp air blasts my cheeks the minute we walk through the door. Throughout the chaos, I feel happy, my skin tingling with joy. It's true what they say, orgasms really change your mood.

The minute we get to Sippers, we go straight to the restroom to wash our hands and get rid of the smell of sin. I meet Asher outside the female restroom door, wiping my hands with a paper towel. Asher's hair appears disheveled but he makes it work. I'm attracted to the silver rings on his fingers because he's rubbing his hands together and it catches my attention. Those hands are magic. Okay and now I get the hockey boy hype.

I try to focus on what's going on right now instead of drifting to what those hands have done. Not only did he wash his hands, he also sanitized Samantha's keys. Good call.

We're freaky but clean.

Samantha doesn't stay long. She collects what she gave us, and says the famous 'if this goes to shit, I'm not involved' which is understandable because her job is on the line. I thank her for her service and she says it's no problem, but the look she gives me and Asher makes me wonder if she can tell what we did. If she can, she doesn't say it. She's out the door after that and we wait for ten more minutes before we decide to leave.

The closer I am to my apartment, the more I think about the fact that I didn't ask Samantha who Penelope Woods is. She probably wouldn't have told me anyway because I asked before and she wouldn't give out information. I'll have to research. Not to mention, she was in a rush to leave. I'm not going to be ungrateful because the truth is, I'm very grateful.

I've made some amount of progress.

Asher clears his throat in the silence. "We should've had this conversation before, but I want you to know that I'm clean."

"So am I." I watch him pull the beanie over his head. It's so far down his forehead now that I can't see his eyebrows anymore.

"If you need peace of mind, I'm free to get tested with you after thanksgiving."

I know what he might be thinking. Or what many people think. Hockey players are whores and while that's true, take my brother for example. I trust him.  There's nothing wrong with getting tested and the fact that he's so open about doing so makes me believe we have nothing to worry about.

I'm down. "We should do that, yeah."

The street lights cast our silhouettes on the pavement. The closer we get to the light, our shadows elongate and stretch. Once we move further, the opposite happens. Our shadows shrink and disappear.

Walking side by side with Asher somehow feels intimate with just the two of us. The streetlight acts as a cocoon wrapping us to safety but I've never felt this secure on my own. He's thick as a bodyguard and I feel safe at this time of night. I don't think he'll ever understand what it feels like to carry pepper spray in his backpack because he doesn't know what can happen when he's walking outside.

We get to another pool of lights when Asher speaks again. "About thanksgiving, what are you doing tomorrow?" 

I watch the light reflect off his eyes. I'm seeing his expression more clearly as his face illuminates. "I noticed Cole left and you're here." he seems nervous, tucking a hand into his pocket. "No one should be alone on Thanksgiving. If you're not doing anything, you could spend it with me— and my family."

A smile tugs my mouth at the way he tripped over his words. He's off his game. It's cute.

Before I could answer, he asks, "Have you ever seen the Northern Lights?"

If I remember correctly, Asher's from here. "No. Wait. In Michigan?" I ask, curiosity beaming within me.

"Yeah. Marquette. My aunt lives there. It's unlike anything you've ever seen before."

"You could see the northern lights in Michigan and I didn't know?" I sound dumb but I don't care. I really didn't know.

"Alaska too." He adds, eyes twinkling under the lights.

"Insane. I don't know much about the northern lights but I'm sure it's pretty cool."

"Yeah. If you want. Come along." A shade of pink flashes across his cheeks like he's embarrassed or shy. "I mean, declining is fine too. I just figured since you're gonna be alone—

"I'm in." I cut a little too quickly. It's either I stay home alone and lonely and I've gotten a glimpse of the ghost town which isn't as awesome as I thought or my next option is to spend thanksgiving as a last minute guest with Asher's family. "How does your family feel about wine?"

"They love it." He answers, stopping in the parking lot. "I'll pick you at 9AM then, not PM. Text you the details in a bit."

"Cool. Good night." I say, pulling out my keys and shrugging my backpack off. I'm almost to my door when I turn on my heel and he's still standing there watching to make sure I'm getting inside safely.

I still remember he did the same thing in his driveway when I was leaving after babysitting his son.

"Asher?" My voice doesn't sound like mine.

"Yes, pretty girl?"

A stupid smile tugs my lips. "Thank you. For helping."

"You're welcome." He smiles, like he means it. "See you tomorrow."

——-